


The City Is Ours

by LeaderOfTheLads



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Agender Character, Agender!Jack, Alcohol, Angst, Drug Use, Explicit Language, F/M, Fake AH Crew, Fluff, GTA V AU, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Illness, Multi, Multiple Personalities, Past Abuse, Polyamory, Smut, Triggers, Violence, derogatory mental illness terms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2018-11-20 18:30:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 112,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11340963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeaderOfTheLads/pseuds/LeaderOfTheLads
Summary: How Geoff and Jack met was never talked about.  They had been together from the start and that’s all anyone ever knew.  The boys would ask, poke, prod, and tease but the two would brush it off, it was none of their business.  Despite The Fake AH Crew being together for years now, Geoff and Jack’s relationship was special to them and it was nothing to be touched.  How the rest of the boys came to be… well, that’s another story.





	1. Introduction

Hey to everyone that for some reason decided to click on this story. I think that having a solid introduction is important so you are going in with the same mindset as I was while writing it. I haven't published a fic in years because I haven't been happy with any that I have written but this one I am fairly proud of. It is currently not finished, not even close, but I have lots of ideas so I'm hoping that some feedback will get me motivated! 

Some Important Things:

-This story goes back and forth from first to third person, depending on the chapter. Even chapters will most likely be third while odd is first person (not including this obviously).  
-Pay attention to the beginning of the chapter because it will let you know what time period this chapter is in. It will either be present or be telling the past.  
-Jack is agender in this fanfic so if you are not comfortable with reading that then this is not for you. In the story, the pronouns are they/them. Sometimes in the past chapters, Jack will go by Val which is their birth name so don't let that confuse you! -Ryan has multiple personalities, him and Vagabond. I don't have firsthand experience with this type of disorder so don't take offense to the way I write it, it's for the story.


	2. We Celebrate The Way The Night Hides Scars

How Geoff and Jack met was never talked about. They had been together from the start and that’s all anyone ever knew. The boys would ask, poke, prod, and tease but the two would brush it off, it was none of their business. Despite The Fake AH Crew being together for years now, Geoff and Jack’s relationship was special to them and it was nothing to be touched. How the rest of the boys came to be… well, that’s another story. 

The next addition to the pair had been Gavin. They were only planning on keeping him for one job, as three was a crowd, but somehow the weasely teenager climbed his way into their hearts. Jack wanted to keep him first, claiming that the 17 year old British computer genius didn’t have any place to go. Geoff said he could stay one week to appease his partner in crime. It turned out that the idiot was a lot smarter with computers and more helpful than Geoff ever expected. So then a week turned into a month. Then one month turned into a few. Soon Gavin was the newest member of their group, not having the official name yet. 

Michael and Ryan came around the same time. The Ramsey group was growing in power in the city of Los Santos and needed more fire power. Jack preferred not to be on the front line and Gavin was like a kid hyped up on too much Halloween candy when they were out on a job so it had begun to get frustrating. Technically, they met Ryan first. To be even more technical, they met Vagabond first. You see, Ryan has split personalities. One when he’s “normal.” Just like every other guy on the street. He looks like he could be picking up his child from preschool right next to you and you wouldn’t blink an eye. But Vagabond was who comes out when it was job time. Killing time. Vagabond was a ruthless killer that murdered for the enjoyment, not just for the assignment. Geoff met him when he was slicing up someone that had wronged him. The precision with a knife and the way he seemed to dance in the blood was intriguing to Geoff. He liked the psychotic side of Ryan. Vagabond preferred to use knives over guns despite how much more damage he took. He always said that if he wasn’t splattered in blood that it wasn’t a successful day. Geoff had offered Vagabond to join them on a job, giving him his card as he walked by the lifeless body, being sure not to get any blood on his pristine suit. He didn’t call for a long time it seemed but the Fake AH Crew continued to hear about him on the news and online. 

During that break period, Gavin had met Michael. The scrawny Brit tried to pickpocket him and got caught. Michael took it upon himself to beat the shit out of Gavin or attempt to. They got into it, Michael getting more hits in than the other. That was until Gavin was able to grab out his pocket knife and press it to Michael’s throat. The fear in his eyes was something that Gavin will never be able to forget. Michael was living on the street, hustling pool and card games. Sometimes he would have to go home with a man for a few bucks. He didn’t mind his life but when he saw it flash before his eyes, the overly aggressive front fell. Gavin came strutting into the penthouse with Michael walking behind him, trying to make himself as small as possible. Geoff, of course, said one night, but once he saw the true rage that erupted from the 19 year old boy while playing video games, he thought he could be useful. The next day he took him down to the shooting range and the boy didn’t miss a head shot. He was incredible with a gun and got even more excited with explosives. Gavin and Michael clicked instantly, being the closest in age. Michael and Geoff butted heads for a while, as Michael had a strong personality, but one day they melted together. Jack instantly welcomed Michael with their typical loving charm. It took sometimes for Michael to actually stick around as well. He was known to sneak off in the middle of the night and not come back until morning. One time Gavin was so worried that he stayed up all those hours, waiting for his best friend. Once he came home at around 4 am, before anyone else would be awake, Gavin locked him in his bedroom. He demanded to know where he was and what he was doing, why did he leave? Michael felt bad for worrying the Brit but he was embarrassed to admit what he was doing. He had been at a bar getting free drinks from older men who would gladly exchange it for a blowjob from the smart-mouthed boy. On some occasions, the other men would want to ravish Michael and if he was in the mood, he would let them. He liked the rush of it all. That morning while the sun was rising they grew closer than they ever thought they would. Michael finally said out loud that he was gay and didn’t get hit for it. Gavin looked at him strangely, wondering why he would be scared to tell him that. Gavin accepted him without question, even admitting that he was fairly sexually ambiguous himself. Michael stuck around a lot more after that.

Ryan eventually called, saying that he wanted to meet up and talk things over. The Fake AH Crew met Ryan at a fairly secluded bar. The only ones that were old enough to drink were Geoff, Jack, and Ryan but being a high power gang, you can get into anywhere. Michael and Gavin were still in their teens while Geoff was 31, Jack was 25, and Ryan was somewhere in between. He would never fully say. Jack was instantly hit on while walking into the bar, being the only one with the female anatomy. They instantly scowled at any man that even gave them the wrong look. Geoff got a range of different looks. Some lust, jealousy, anger, or fear. Mostly lust or fear, people knowing not to fuck with a Ramsey. Gavin and Michael were barely given a second look except for when the idiotic blonde boy nearly knocked an entire tray of drinks over. Michael rolled his eyes at his best friend, leaving him to attempt to hit on the waitress. Michael disappeared up to the actual bar, slipping in a seat next to a man that instantly look a liking to him. Ryan got the weirdest of the looks. Walking in with glasses, pushed back hair, and a wrinkled shirt. When Ryan sat down in front of Geoff he nearly drew a gun on him, not knowing who the man was. Ryan could recollect most of what happens when Vagabond takes over. He quickly explained no no, that was him. He just prefers to wear masks or face paint while he’s Vagabond so he can walk down the street without being recognized. Jack was uncertain at first which was odd for them which put Geoff on edge. The three discussed things over drinks for a while, Gavin popping in and out every so often. They agreed on having him coming along on the next job, a pretty big one where they would need someone like him. They were robbing the most expensive jewelry store in the city. There would be a lot of security and they needed back up. Vagabond had skipped (literally) into the jewelry store wielding a machete. Geoff had come in behind to watch the man and clear out the others. He was amazed how the other relished in the blood. He was truly insane. Ryan knew what Vagabond did and he didn’t mind. He liked it otherwise he would have stopped it a long time ago. But the reason why Ryan decided to stay was the moment when they got back to the penthouse, dropped all the gems and jewels onto the table. It had been incredibly successful. They all looked up at each other in amazement. They stayed in their messy and torn clothes, sipping rum and coke. Jack instantly took the role of patching everyone up but Ryan insisted that they sit down and enjoy at least one drink without worries. After that Jack accepted Ryan and Vaga a bit more. It took a while for everyone to get used to the switch that happened. One moment it would be soft, teddy bear Ryan then next it was a stone cold sociopath that wouldn't be seen without a cigarette in between his lips. Everyone was a bit afraid of Ryan for a while, not knowing when he could snap. Well, not everyone. Gavin liked to poke at Ryan until Vagabond took over and pin him against the couch with a razor blade against his flesh. Gavin would just giggle and push him off, handing him his carton of cigs before Geoff could yell at him about no smoking in the house. The boys would make fun of Gavin, saying that he had a thing for knives and being pinned down. He never really denied anything.

That was the current group. They had been trickling together for 3 years now and have been powerhousing their way to the top of the food chain in Los Santos. They had some amazing times together and some other times where each would storm off to their own barely used apartments and not speak for a few days. The 5 of them somehow always managed to survive. They managed to see another day with their best friends. With the only people that they loved and cared about but would never admit. They understood each other and the trust that was created in that building was incredible. They trusted the time bomb, the fool, the psycho, the mysterious, and the vulnerable person on the other side of the wall and most of the time they didn’t know which person it was that fit under those titles. It was something different this crew had that the rest of them different. All of them had always been different, maybe that’s why they are all here. There was an unbreakable bond that was created with their blood, sweat, and tears and they wouldn’t change it. They wouldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of background on the current crew! Let me know what you think so far even though it's just the first chapter. Also, the chapter titled is from Props & Mayhem by Pierce The Veil because I'm trash.


	3. Don't You Dare Look At Him In The Eye

Jack's POV-- Present

Taking on the “Mom” role of the penthouse wasn’t always the most fun or the easiest. Nonetheless, I liked it. I rolled out of bed before anyone else, as usual, and took a shower. The warm water felt nice running over my tense muscles and scrapes from the heist a couple of days ago. As much as I enjoy living in a lavish home with an amazing shower, I eventually have to get out. A simple pair of dark skinny jeans and a random tee will do fine for today as I don’t think we have much planned. Geoff has been great regarding this whole gender thing, offering to get me specially made clothes for my preference. I tell him every time that I just don’t have a gender, not that I’m not deformed. I can find clothing perfectly fine. Is it a bit more difficult? Yes. Impossible? No. But he’s just looking out for me and I appreciate it. 

Next is breakfast. The rest of the idiots should be getting up within 30 minutes to an hour so I better start. Pancakes and bacon it is this morning. I actually enjoy cooking despite all the complaining I do. Geoff always says that we can get a private chef, us having more money than we'll ever need, but I like doing it. I guess it fills the void of never having a family of my own. Geoff was the next one awake, instantly grabbing a cup of coffee once he entered the kitchen.  
“Good morning, smells delicious,” Geoff’s groggy gruff morning voice says as he walks by, kissing me on the back of my head. We would never let the rest of the boys see us this sentimental but it did always make a warm feeling erupt in my chest.  
“Good morning,” I say, handing him a plate piled high with food.  
“God bless you, Jack,” I roll my eyes with a chuckle, finishing up the pancakes, adding chocolate chips to the ones for Gavin.  
“What’s on the agenda for today?” I ask, making myself a plate before setting everything in the warmer until the rest got up. I also bring the pot of coffee down to the table, knowing that Geoff would be out already. I was right.  
“Gotta talk to all the assholes once they are all coherent and then we’ll see how that non-official meeting goes. After that nothing really,” He shrugs, drinking more of his coffee. I think the man drank more coffee than he did whiskey. And that way saying something  
“What’s the meeting about?”  
“Well-”  
“What did you cook us up for breakfast ol’ Jackie Chan?” Gavin’s familiar voice fills the room, Michael trailing in behind him.  
“Pancakes. Gavin your’s are to the right,” I say with a mouth full of food, jerking my fork towards the warmer.  
“You’re the best Jack,” The British boy says before getting his food. Michael follows in suit, taking only one of Gavin’s chocolate chip pancakes. “Hey! Jack made those for me!”  
“Yeah? And?” Michael already had half of the pancake in his mouth.  
“You’re mean,” The younger boy pouts, sitting down to the right of me.  
“And you act like a child,” states Michael and Gavin huffs, eating his breakfast. After a few more minutes Ryan ventures into the room, looking ready for the day. He was usually awake before the younger two but he preferred to take a shower and get dressed before eating.  
“Good morning,” mumbles everyone from the dining table.  
“Morning,” Ryan replies, grabbing out the rest of the food. He joins us and we talk for a little bit before Geoff gets down to business.  
“Okay assholes, I know we’ve been chilling at this level for a while now so I think we need to expand a little bit,” Geoff says, setting down his third or fourth cup of coffee now. I furrow my eyebrows. Expand?  
“What do you mean expand?” Ryan asks, setting down his fork, clearly intrigued.  
“I am thinking of getting into the drug business a bit. I know a few guys that would love to help us out.” Geoff and drugs? I never thought he’d really be interested unless he was the one doing the drugs.  
“What kind of drugs?” Michael asks, leaning forward in his chair.  
“He’s only interested so he can finally stop hiding the bong in his room,” Gavin says and Michael instantly hits him like it’s a reflex.  
“Gavin what the fuck?! I told you not to tell anyone!” Michael yells.  
“Michael, who are you getting your shit from?” Geoff asks.  
“Hold on. Gavin! WHAT THE FUCK?!” Michael yells again.  
“What? Geoff doesn’t even care,” Gavin shrugs.  
“I never said that,” Geoff points out.  
“I swear to god I am never allowing you to smoke with me ever again Gavin. You’re lucky there are all these witnesses otherwise I would stab you to death with this fork,” Michael grumbles in anger. Ryan’s eyes darken a bit but not enough to be Vaga’s eyes. You could always see the shift happen in Ryan’s eyes, or at least I could see it. It always happened when there was talk of violence or murder or some other trigger that intrigued the other man in him.  
“But Micoooooooool” Gavin whines yet again and I roll my eyes. Sometimes I’m convinced that I’m still raising teenagers.  
“Fuck off I don’t want to talk to you right now.”  
“But-”  
“Do you want to see the fucking Glock in my pants Gavin? Do you?” Michael grabs a fist full of Gavin’s shirt and bringing their faces closer together. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the shift start on Ryan’s face.  
“Would you two quit it before I knock both of you out? God, I don’t know how you guys stand each other,” I say and Michael releases Gavin, Ryan’s eyes turning back to the soft blue we all know and love.  
“This isn’t a goddamn frat house so cut the shit. Both of you. Now Michael, where do you get your shit?” Geoff asks again but this time there was an angry edge to his voice. I rest my hand on his knee under the table, knowing that he shouldn’t get worked up over these two fighting.  
Michael takes a deep breath before talking again, “From an old friend that I knew on the street but he isn’t on the street anymore. He’s in big with the drug part of town.”  
“Tell him to come over at 4 if he’s looking for a job,” Geoff says, pushing his seat out and taking his dishes to the sink. “And clean up this goddamn kitchen. Don’t make Jack do it.”  
“Yes, sir.” Both Michael and Gavin reply. Great, now Geoff was in a bad mood and of course, it’s my job to fix it.  
“Ryan, what are your plans for the day?” I ask, taking a drink of my coffee.  
“Cleaning weapons and other stationary. And if Geoff needs help with any of that I’m always down. Maybe go for a walk later,” He says, drinking his own coffee.  
“Go for a walk as in…”  
“Yes, you saw, Vagabond is itching to get out,” He whispers to me and I nod with a sigh.  
“Even after the heist?”  
“Yeah, he’s just a bit on edge. You know?”  
“Yeah. Just please be safe, okay?”  
“How can I be safe when I’m the most dangerous thing out there?” He smirks and I stand up. I could help but smirk a bit too.  
“You know what I mean,” I say before exiting the kitchen myself, leaving the dishes with the two boys. I walk down the hall to Geoff’s room, lightly knocking on the door.  
“Not now,” He grumbles but I still open the door, shutting it behind me.  
“You know those two will be fine. You know how Michael gets,” I say, sitting down on his lap where he was at his desk.  
“The one time I’m trying to be mildly serious and they can’t even do that. And don’t think I didn’t notice Ryan either,” Geoff sighs, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on me.  
“Ryan will be okay. He just said that Vagabond was bothering him a bit and needed to take a walk tonight.”  
“Sometimes I think we’re falling apart,” The tired man below me admits and I freeze.  
“Don’t you fucking dare say that Geoff. We are just fine. We’re all just a bit fucked up,” I run my fingers through his already messy hair.  
“Just a bit?” He laughs into my chest and I smile a little.  
“I promise we will survive. We always do.”  
“Seriously, how are we all still alive?” The words ‘we’re not’ echoed in my head but I decided against saying anything like that.  
“I don’t know but there must be a reason we all are. I’ll leave you alone now to get back to your work,” I go to get up but Geoff tightens his grip on me.  
“No, please stay. Just for a little bit.”  
“Okay, I will. I will. I’ll never leave you, Geoff.”

Michael’s friend’s name was Jeremy and decided that he was interested in seeing what we had to offer. Michael and Gavin made up not even an hour later. I knew that Michael wouldn’t actually stay mad at him for very long, they were too close of that. I admired their relationship for that. Michael has literally shot Gavin (not deadly) before because he was being an asshole (I'm not gonna admit that he deserved it) and they made up like two days later. I've known Geoff for over 15 years and when we fight it's usually at least a week before we start even talking to each other. And I wouldn't even call it talking, it's still yelling at each other. Anyways, Geoff got back into his usual mood by the time Jeremy was gonna come over. We all sat around the table in the meeting room a few floors down; Geoff owned the whole building.  
“He's a bit different but I think you guys will like him,” Michael says, sipping on his Red Bull.  
“What do you mean by different?” Geoff asks, folding his hands on the table, trying to look professional with his new suit and bow tie. I couldn't help but admit that he looked very nice in it.  
“Well he’s-” Michael was cut off by a knock at the door. Who walked in was not who I was expecting. It was a short man, probably 5’ 4”, that had bright purple hair on top of his head. He was built, biceps tugging at the short sleeves of his t-shirt. He definitely didn't dress up for this event. He also had on these asshole sunglasses that he pulled off when he walked in the room, tucking them into the collar of his shirt. “Lil’ J!” Michael exclaims, standing up and pulling the shorter man into a handshake hug.  
“Michael, what's up my man?” Jeremy replies a smile on his face.  
“Same ol’ same ol’. Come sit down and meet the crew. This is Geoff Ramsey, the leader of us imbeciles.” Geoff shook his hand firmly. “That's Jack, pronouns they and them. Don't fuck it up otherwise I will fuck you up,” my face heats up from the attention. Of course, Michael was going to mention it but I also appreciated it.  
“Nice to meet you,” I shake his hand.  
“You as well. I've heard a lot about you. Could fly a chopper through a rainstorm of bullets and an actual rainstorm,” he says with a kind smile on his face.  
“So I guess you have heard about me,” I reply, sitting back down.  
“This is Ryan right now, later might be Vagabond,” Michael introduces and Jeremy freezes.  
“Wait, thee Vagabond?”  
“I'm just Ryan right now but if you stick around I'm sure you'll have the grooling privilege of meeting him,” Ryan explains a tiny bit, shaking his hand.  
“Oh-uh-okay,” Jeremy says unsurely and Ryan smirks to himself.  
“Then the dumbass himself: Gavin.”  
“Wassup Lil’ J!” Gavin says, shaking his hand.  
“You're right Michael, he is good looking,” Jeremy flirts, winking at Gavin who was blushing furiously.  
“Michael, you forgot to mention that Jeremy was more attractive than your average drug dealer,” Gavin flirts back and I roll my eyes, Ryan chuckling to himself.  
“Okay, you guys can have a threesome later, we need to get down to business now,” Geoff says and the 3 men sit down. Geoff starts asking questions about how he got into the community and what he does now. He asked questions about what his goals were and all shit like that then he opened it up from questions from us. I asked questions about how he works with a team and Ryan asked some mildly uncomfortable murderous question. Jeremy answered smooth as warm butter, yes he had killed people before. Then Jeremy was allowed to ask a few questions and he just asked the basics: pay, safety, secretivity, and stuff like that. They arrive at some agreements and arrangements which we were all happy about. We all stand up to leave, shaking Jeremy’s hand.  
“I look forward to working with you,” he says to us with what seems like a genuine smile.  
“You know you are welcome to stay for dinner. It's Tuesday so it's Taco and Mario party night,” I offer and Jeremy laughs.  
“Seriously?”  
“Uh, fuck yeah. I'm going to kick your ass in Mario Kart,” Michael says, pointing at him.  
“I'm not overstepping my boundaries?” He asks uncertainly.  
“Of course not, we need to see if we can trust you. Come up to the penthouse,” Geoff says with the smile that I had been missing the whole time. I glance at him and smile myself. I knew his hard shell would crack easily. We all take the glass elevator up to the penthouse and I instantly go to the kitchen to get dinner started while the others gave Jeremy the tour. I like Jeremy. He seemed really happy and charismatic. He seemed to thrive off of life and didn't mind how fucked up we were. Soon the sun started to set and Ryan disappeared into his room, no doubt getting ready for some sort of adventure. The other four sat on the couch in front of the enormous tv and started playing video games. Gavin, Michael, and Jeremy had basically ganged up on Geoff and was destroying him. It was good to hear Geoff’s ridiculous laugh and screams. Ryan came out about a half an hour later, face covered in paint, and gave everyone a wave.  
“When will you be back?” I ask and he shrugs, eyes still a soft baby blue.  
“In a few hours. Don't worry about me Jack, I'll be back,” he says with a wicked smile.  
“Better be. We still haven't had our rematch yet on rainbow road,” I say, pointing the knife I was holding at him.  
“I wouldn't miss it for the world.” And with that, he was off. I finish up dinner and call them from the living room.  
“Yo! Dinner is done!” I yell, grabbing my own plate and a beer and they come racing in like teenagers coming home after school. They each grab their own plate and beers, running back to the living room. I laugh and follow them, squeezing in a seat on the leather couch. We play different games for about 2 and a half hours until Vagabond came home. He entered the front doors, humming some toon I couldn’t quite pick out.  
“Ryan?” Michael calls over his shoulder, not looking away from the screen.  
“Nope,” he calls back, popping the p.  
“Vagabond then?” Gavin asks.  
“Yes sirie,” he walks up to the couch, cleaning off his knife on a white towel that was embroidered with his name. His white tee was spattered with blood and his face paint had started to smear and drip from sweat. He looked incredibly hot.  
“Vagabond this is Jeremy. Jeremy, Vagabond,” Michael says.  
“Nice to meet you, Ryan spoke about you a bit,” the deadly smirk still playing on his pouty lips.  
“I-uh- nice to meet you Mr. Vagabond,” Jeremy stutters and Vaga let's out a dark chuckle.  
“Oh please, Vaga-bitch over here won't do anything to you,” Michael says and the rest of us laugh a little, Vagabond snorts and rolls his eyes.  
“I'm going outside for a cigarette,” he says, hitting Michael on the back of the head while passing him.  
“I'll join you,” slips out of my mouth before I could stop myself. He turns his head around, his smirk more menacing than before.  
“Well come on then,” he says after a few seconds of staring and I get up off the couch, following the man outside to the balcony. He lights a cigarette after placing it to his red lips. He grabs my right hand and helps me up to sit on the railing even though it was dozens of stories up. He hands me a cigarette, lighting it once I place it to my own mouth. He leans on the railing next to me, puffing out smoke.  
“What would you do if I pushed you?” He asks, answering the question of whether or not Ryan was back yet.  
“I don't think you would,” I reply smoothly.  
“I went out and murdered three people tonight, what makes you think I wouldn't do it again?” He questions, quirking an eyebrow up at me.  
“From what little I know about you Vagabond, I still don't think you would kill me.” He was quiet for a while before finally speaking.  
“You're right, I couldn't kill you.” The glow from the burning out cigarettes illuminated the dark pools in Vagabonds eyes, begging me to jump in. I hated to admit that I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama Jack because that's my favorite. I'm working on adding more to chapters. Like details and just shit that makes it more tolerable to read.   
> Chapter title from Dance with the Devil by breaking benjamin


	4. Maybe I Could Swim Into Your Thoughts Like Your Drugs Do

The Beginning of Jack and Geoff-- Past

Ryan/Vagabond and Jack were the first ones to fuck in the crew. Okay, not including Jack and Geoff but that was a long time ago. Long before the crew had even been thought of. Jack and Vaga had fucked that night, messy with paint and dried blood. Jack didn't admit it for a few days, Ryan didn't speak of it either. They just figured that it was a fluke, caught up in the moment. But then it happened again, this time it was Ryan and not Vaga. Jack enjoyed it just as much. The more the two screwed around the more that Vagabond kept quiet and didn't bother Ryan. Geoff eventually found out after about the 4th time. He couldn't help this overwhelming jealousy that overtook him when the two walked out of Ryan’s room with messy sex hair and Jack buttoning up their shirt. The pair thought that the rest of the crew were going to be gone for at least another hour but Geoff had come back early. Geoff just froze, as did the other two but none of them knew what to say so Geoff went to his room. That's when the anger set in. Jack was sleeping with Ryan? Ryan out of everyone in the crew? In this city? And the other way around. Why would Ryan be sleeping with Jack?

Geoff thought about this for the rest of the night, not needing to leave his room as he had a perfect bottle of whiskey in there. Maybe it was because he wanted it to stay strictly professional in his crew. Right? That would make since. But the jealousy was something he hadn't felt in a long time. The last time it hit him in the face like that was when he was probably 25 and a pretty little Jack hanging off of his side. Jack was only 19 and went by their birth name Val. They were at some club, sitting in a booth in the corner. They were drinking whiskey until their heads were fuzzy. That was until some guy tried to hit on Jack. Geoff had been meeting with a guy about a new deal and had taken it upon himself to hit on Jack. Geoff and Jack weren't technically together then. Yes, they spent nearly every waking moment together and occasionally fooled around. They would cuddle and whisper ‘I love you’s but they were never boyfriend and girlfriend. That was until Jack started flirting back with the other man, leaning forward to accentuate their boobs that they didn't mind showing back then, twisting their long red-brown hair and batting their eyelashes. Geoff wanted to say something but Jack (or Val) wasn't technically his and he couldn't screw up this deal. He was building his career and this weapon deal would greatly help him. He gripped Jack’s hip tighter with tattooed covered fingers, surely leaving fingerprint sized bruises on their hip. After closing the deal Geoff took Jack back to their apartment, throwing them down on the bed. Geoff teased and punished Jack nearly the whole night, making them beg and beg to be able to come. They didn't talk about what happened that night.

Or maybe it was because Geoff had been there when Jack came out. Geoff was the only one that knew the whole story. It was only a year later from the last incident, Jack now at the prime age of 20. The sexual relationship had decreased tremendously throughout the past year as they became rapidly busier. More people to see, more money to steal, more weapons to collect. The two were getting their name know in Los Santos. They didn't discuss the decline in their relationship. They did what they usually do: ignore it and hope it goes away. They slept around with other people if they wanted to, it not being that hard as they were definitely one of the most attractive pairs. But it was any other day in their three bedroom apartment, setting up smaller jobs until it was time for the bigger one. Geoff eventually got bored of replying to emails so he made his way to his best friends room. He hadn't bothered to knock as ‘what the hell would Val be doing at 2 in the afternoon?’ But he found them sitting on the ground in front of their full-length mirror completely naked with silent tears running for their face. “ _Why am I like this?_ ” Was all that come out of ‘her’ mouth and Geoff was instantly at their side. _“What Val? What's wrong?”_ He ran his hands over his best friend to check for marks or bullet holes but there were none. _“Please, please don't call me Val,”_ they said, falling into Geoff’s arms and sobbing. The two sat there for a long time, Jack in Geoff’s embrace, rocking back and forth on the floor. Finally, Jack pushed off his shoulder and looked at the man in front of him. _“What would you like me to call you then?”_ Geoff asked, tucking a piece of Jack’s hair behind their ear. _“I don't know I just don't want to be Val. I don't want to be a girl. I'm not a girl,”_ they had unsurely stated, looking at their friend to see if they were upset. _“That's okay. Whatever you want to change I'll be here, okay? I promise.”_ The next day they went and got Jack’s hair cut shorter, a little past their chin. They still hadn't decided on a name so Geoff just went around calling Jack ‘baby’ and they didn't care. They enjoyed actually, reminded them of old times. A few days later Jack went up to Geoff and promptly said, _“Geoff, my name is Jack and I'm_ agender _. My pronouns are they and them and I would appreciate if you went along with those but I understand if it's going to be difficult to switch it over an-”_ Instead of Geoff saying something in response, he simply pulled **Jack** into his arms, hugging him the tightest he ever has. _“Anything you need Jack, I'll do the best that I can. I love you, okay?” “I love you, too.”_

But that hadn’t been the only time Geoff was there for Jack. The first time they meet was Geoff saving Val’s ass. Val was literally only 10 years only at the time, Geoffrey 15 or 16. She was getting ganged up on at the park by a whole bunch of boys and a few girls. Val had taken already taken two down with her fists which were pretty impressive as the other kids were older than her, maybe 12 years old. Geoff swooped in, backing up the small girl that already swore like a sailor. Geoff didn’t actually hit any other the other kids, his already growing tattoo collection and dark eyes scared them off. Then the two went out for ice cream after that, Geoff’s treat. He was instantly impressed at the young girl’s ability to fight and hold her ground. The fight at the park had been about Val’s mother. She had just died of an overdose of heroin and the kids were going her shit for it. Little did the kids know that Val watched her mother die right before her and wasn’t able to do anything about it. After that, Val and Geoff hung out after school nearly every day. The older would help Val with homework and talk about stuff at home as Val was now living with her elderly Grandma. Geoff eventually dropped out of high school, getting into crime and tattooing. He was an incredible artist, hiding it behind his bad boy vibe. Val’s Grandmother died and she refused to tell anyone so she went to Geoff about it. They buried her and Val went off living with Geoff. He always did his best to keep them off the streets, making sure she had a warm dinner and clean clothes. It was more than her mother had ever given her. He made pretty good money tattooing and helped out some guys on the side with some illegal actions that he tried to keep Val out of. No matter how much she begged, Geoff forced her to finish high school. Val was a mechanical and scientific genius, every teacher told her so. She could figure out physics problems in her head in under 30 seconds, making that aspect of high school very easy. Math came along with that as well. But the other bullshit was difficult but Geoff always did his best to do whatever he could to help. The day after Val graduated the pair took off to Los Santos where they began what they do best: kicking ass and taking names. They started out and became the fearsome Ramseys. A pair that you didn’t want to get on the bad side of because no matter how prepared you thought you were, they could get in and release brute force. Geoff and Val’s intimate relationship started when Val was around 16 or 17. She was the one that actually initiated it. Geoff was hesitant at first, not wanting to take advantage of the younger girl. He had, of course, noticed how she was developing and growing in all the right places. With deeps curves, voluptuous breasts, and a thick ass, but he ignored any of those thoughts. Val was still a teenager and didn’t know what she wanted, Geoff would force into his mind. Back then, Val acted like how she _thought_ she was supposed to. Dressing up, putting on makeup, showing off her body while on the inside it didn’t feel like her. It didn’t feel like **them**. But Val finally made a big move on Geoff one night while they were cuddling watching movies, their usual Friday night. She slid her hand up Geoff’s thigh, ghosting lips over his collar. They casually flirted but she had been cranking it up the past week, trying to get Geoff’s attention in that way. Geoff shuddered and asked what she was doing, her replying with that smartass _“what do you think?”_ Geoff took Val’s virginity that night on their dingy couch in their one bedroom apartment that was a month late on rent.

That night was special to the both of them. They had never felt closer to another human before in their entire lives and they made a promise. A promise to never leave each other’s sides. So Geoff didn’t know why he felt so betrayed by Jack. They technically didn’t do anything wrong. They had slept with plenty of other people over the years yet the thought of Jack and Ryan fucking ignited something in him. It was jealous and possibly… desire? Was he jealous that they were screwing each other or screwing each other without him? So Geoff did what Geoff did best. Geoff got drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some comments telling me what you think!! I wish I could add more detail but I am a writer that just wants to get the point, leaving my writing choppy and I hate it. Any tips? Anyways, more background of Jack and Geoff! It might be a bit hard to follow because I switch from calling Jack to Val but I started writing it and went with it. Oh well. More of my shitty writing to come!  
> Title from The Divine Zero by Pierce the Veil.


	5. No matter how fucked you get, sorrow is there when you come back down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH THIS CHAPTER HAS SMUT IN IT AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER COMPLETELY WRITTEN SMUT SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR HOW SHITTY IT IS.  
> Okay, besides that, please let me know what you are thinking of the story so far! I'm going to try to update twice a week, maybe like Tuesday and Thursday BUT DON'T QUOTE ME ON THAT lol.  
> Title is from Hospital For Souls by Bring Me The Horizon because of my emo ass.

Geoff's POV-- Current

 

The bouncer gives me a nod and allows me to enter the bar.  It wasn’t the best one in town but I wasn’t looking for some boujee girl with fake tits or a guy with too much fake tan and hair gel.  I just wanted a buzz and a quick fuck to get my mind off of the whole Jack and Ryan thing.  It had been two days since I, well I guess you could say caught then fooling around and none of us have looked at each other in the eye.  I quickly find a spot at the bar, getting a whiskey from the bartender who was fairly cute but a bit young for me.  Who cares at this point.  Maybe I can see when he gets off but I doubt he would go for an old guy like me.  Not that I was horribly old but I felt like I was getting there.  After my second drink, someone sits down to my right, sitting fairly close.   
“Maybe if you help me out right now with a drink I can help you out with whatever you want later,” The male flirts fairly smoothly.  I’ve definitely heard worse pick up lines.

“Depends on what’s on the tabl-” I cut myself off as soon as I turn my head to see who it was.  It was Michael fucking Jones who looked like a deer caught in headlights.  “Wow Michael, this is how you pick up men?”

“Fuck Geoff, I had no idea it was you,” He groans, putting his head in his hands and I chuckle.   
“I am never going to let you live this one down,” I reply, taking a sip of my drink.

“Oh Geoff,” He groans again.   
“So do you regularly go out to bars looking for men who suspiciously look like your boss or?”   
“Shut the fuck up, I didn’t know it was you otherwise I wouldn’t of hit on you,” He says, readjusting his glasses with a sigh.

“Why not?”  I ask, waving the bartender down and signaling for two.   
“What are you doing?”  Michael asks, furrowing his brows.

“Taking you up on that offer.  You said I had to buy you a drink, right?”  I smirk and the bartender sets down our drinks.   
“Um, I guess so,” Michael says unsurely, taking a sip of his drink.

“What?  You backing out of your offer now?”

“No, I just didn't think you'd go for a guy like me.  Let alone a guy in your crew,” he points out.

“Let's just say that I might have a soft spot for curly haired kids with anger issues,” I wink, turning back towards the bar.

“I do not have anger issues!” He tries to defend but I just chuckle at him.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that,” I smirk and he rolls his eyes.

“You're never getting laid with that attitude.”

“Oh please Michael, I think you've been pinning me since the first day we met.”

“Not true.”

“The only men you go after are older, bigger and usually tattooed so I think that you have a thing for me,” I smirk at the younger boy who was blushing wildly.

“So what if I have a type?  Doesn't mean I like you.”

“Yet you're still here.”  The younger man was quiet for a second before speaking again.

“Guess you got me there,” He mumbles in defeat.  We drink in silence for a moment and I take that time to shamelessly admire the pretty blush that had spread across his freckled cheeks.  Did I seriously just say pretty?  Goddamn whiskey already getting to me.   
“What are you doing here anyways?  Don’t you have a heist to be planning?”  Michael questions.   
“I could ask you the same thing.  Don’t you have the assignment I gave you?”

“Finished it today boss and it was very successful.  I came out to celebrate.  Now your turn,” He pushes.

“Jack and Ryan are fucking,” I simply state and Michael starts choking on his drink.   
“Jesus fuck man, you need to warn a dude before you drop a bomb like that,” He sputters and I laugh at his reaction.  “But why are you drinking over that?”   
“Jack never told me about it.  I caught them a few days ago.”

“So what?  They didn’t tell this one small thing.”

“You nearly spit out top shelf whiskey when I told you, it’s a pretty big thing.  Jack and I have known each other for what?  Going on 15 years and they don’t tell that they are screwing someone else in the crew?  I think I have the right to be pissed,” I point out, finishing my drink.   
“I don’t know, you don’t sound pissed.  You sound jealous.”   
“I am not jealous!”  I fire back a bit too fast.   
“Ahhhh, Geoffy’s got a thing for Jack,” Michael teases and I roll my eyes.   
“I do not,” I state.   
“Like you guys have never boned before,” Michael pokes even more.   
“You guys probably know about a swimming pool worth of stories from a oceans size of experiences, Michael.”

“So you’re not denying it?”   
“There’s a lot of shit about us that you don’t know and that you’ll never know.  Yes, Jack and I used to screw but that was years ago.  And it wasn’t ever anything more than that.  I’m not jealous that Jack is sleeping with someone.  They can with whoever they want.  We both have all these years.  I just…  I don’t know.”   
“Is it Ryan?  I mean I see why Jack would fuck Ryan.  He’s got this whole mysterious Vagabond type shit.  I mean he’s also hot as just Ryan,” Michael rambles and I snort, ordering another drink for him.

“Do you have this whole older guy, daddy thing?”  I ask and he turns pink all over again.

“Pf, no.  I just have good taste.  Most of them tend to be older but that’s not the point.  Do you have a crush on Ryan?”

“No,” I roll my eyes yet again.  He was acting like a teenager in high school.

“Vagabond?”   
“They are the same person, idiot,” I huff.

“They are completely different people!”   
“They communicate with each other and- that’s not the point!  I do not have a crush on Ryan or Jack.”

“Just talk to Jack about it, I’m sure you both will feel better.  Or maybe just ask them to fulfill your threesome fantasies.”

“I do not- you know what, I’m not talking about this anymore you asshole.”  I roll my eyes, sliding Michael his new drink.   
“Oh come on, would you not have a threesome with Ryan and Jack?”

“ _ Would you? _ ”  I ask back and he stops, contemplating it got a minute.     
“Y0u know, I probably would even though I don’t really dabble into pussy, but I don’t see Jack like that,” He admits and I laugh lightly.   
“Of course you would.”   
“Hey!  You never said that you wouldn’t!”  He defends.   
“Fine, I would.”   
“So what do you think of Jeremy?”   
“What, you mean like would I fuck him or?”   
“No, no,” he laughs, “I’m talking about him in general.”   
“Oh!  No, Jeremy so far has been great.  He has been a good asset and was what I was looking for to get into the drug realm.”

“Yeah, he is great.  You know he does already spend a lot of time with the crew, you should maybe consider asking him to join,”  Michael proposes.

“I’ve thought about it.  I would have to see how he is on the frontline and have a crew vote but I like him.  He has a good personality.  A bit different but he fits in with the guys,”  I say.   
“Yes, he does.  Would you fuck Jeremy though?”  he goes back to the conversation before and I laugh.

“ **Have** you?”

“No, I haven’t actually.  Jeremy’s got a thing for Gavin anyways,” He mumbles the last part bitterly but I still hear him.   
“Sounds like someone's jealous,” I say back.   
“I’m not jealous, just don’t know how someone can miss someone that’s been flirting with them for like 2 years,” He says, pretty damn salty.

“Goddamn, why don’t you just ask Gavin out?”   
“How did you know I was talking about Gavin?”   
“Lucky guess,” I smirk.  It was obvious how much Michael at least wanted to bone Gavin.  I could see them being together but that also felt weird in my stomach.  That same feeling of Jack and Ryan.  All that was going through my mind was  _ mine mine mine mine.   _ I think I’ve had a bit too much to drink.

“He’s just an idiot.  He can go do whatever he wants.  I don’t care.  But yeah, ask Jeremy to come on the next big job.  I’m sure he would be more than happy to.”  But I wasn’t really getting anything that he red haired boy was saying.  I was just staring at his pouty lips, thinking about kissing them and other things.   
“How did you get here?”  I ask out of the blue.   
“I dropped my car off at the house and walked,” He says and I raise my eyebrow at him, “What? I planned on going home with someone and I didn’t want to leave that beauty anywhere.”  He says and I chuckle.

“You wanna get out of here?”  I ask and he stops for a second before a small smirk creeps on his face.

“Hell yeah,” He says, standing up and I slide a 100 dollar bill to the bartender to pay for the tab and his tip.

“Come on then,” I say, swinging my jacket over my shoulder and we walk out of the bar.  I unlock my car, opening the door for Michael and he slides in.  I get into the driver’s seat and start the car.  The air had shifted around us.  Instead of playful, it was full of sexual tension.  I start driving towards the penthouse but the traffic was horrendous as it was a Saturday night.  We sat at a red light and I feel Michael set his hand on my knee.  I instantly bite my lip.  I start driving again, not very fast, but at the same time, he started running his hand further up my leg.  He scooches over in his seat, getting closer to me.  He pressed his lips to my jaw, moving his hand further and further up until it was right on my crotch.  I gasp as he bites down on my neck, surely sucking a hickey on top of my tattoos.     
“Fuck,” I breathe as he starts to palm me through my jeans.  He bends down as we come to another stop light, undoing my belt.  “Michael, you don’t have t-”   
“Shut up,” He simply states, pulling my jeans and boxers down enough to have access.  He gives a few quick strokes before licking my cock base to tip.  He wraps his lips around the head, slowly sinking down.  I tangle my right hand in his curly hair and bite my lip again, trying to focus on the road.  He sunk down deeper, swirling his tongue around my cock.  I groan, tugging on his hair, making Michael moan.

“Into hair pulling?”  I question but he doesn’t reply, he just continues to work his mouth.  He comes back up with an obscene pop but is quickly back at it, licking the precome leaking from the tip.  He gives little licks all around, going even so far to kissing my hips and I groan again, tightening my hand in his hair again.  Michael sinks down on my cock again and I find it difficult to keep my eyes open.  Luckily traffic was still slow and I could get away will enjoying this.

“Fuck, we should put your pretty little mouth to work more often,” I breathe, attempting to focus on the cars around me.  I could feel him relax and take me deeper and deeper into his mouth, moaning at the praise.  The vibration radiated through me, making me grip the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles turned white.  He lets go with his right hand which was stroking the parts that he couldn’t reach, before deep throating me.  I moan loudly, my hips buckling up without warning but Michael doesn’t even falter.  He bobs his head up and down, twisting and sucking, honestly giving me one of the best blow jobs I have ever received in my life.

“M-Michael, you have to stop.  I’m not gonna last much longer and-  _ fuck- _ I’m not done with you,” I huff, tugging on his hair to pull him off.  After a bit a persuasion he pops off with a whorish noise.  “We’re just about back at the hou-” I get cut off by the curly haired devil sinking his mouth back down quickly, making my cock hit the back of his throat.  I moan and slam on the breaks, making Michael’s head hit the steering wheel.  I couldn’t help but chuckle at the karma.

“You’re an asshole,” He says, sitting back up and wiping his mouth.   
“Oops,” I smirk, getting into the turning lane to pull into the nearest parking spot.  I quickly find a place to park, it was a fairly full parking lot but I found a darker spot in the corner that was open.  “Get in the back,” I command and he raises an eyebrow.

“We’re doing this here?” He asks and I roll my eyes.

“Like you've never had a car fantasy about me,” I smirk as I could even see the blush on his cheeks in the dim light.  He climbs into the back and I follow, grabbing the back of his neck so I could finally kiss his lips.  He lays down on the leather seats, pulling me down with him.  He tugs at my shirt while I nip at his lips, so soft and scarred.

“Off,” he states, pulling the black material over my head.  He runs his hands down my chest, tracing over tattoos and scars.  His eyes wandered over them, scanning the intricate details that really needed to be retouched.

“Like what you see?” I break his trance and he turns pink again.

“Oh shut the fuck up,” he says, kissing me again.  I tug up his shirt as we continued to make out in the backseat, hips rocking together.  He pulls away for a second, sitting up a bit to allow me to peal off his maroon shirt.  I loved how that color contrasted with the flaming color of his hair and the warmth in his eyes.  Michael had such perfect smooth skin.  I wanted to leave marks all over it, letting everyone know who was here.  I suck harshly down his neck and chest, nipping and abusing the milky skin.  Underneath me, Michael was a moaning mess.  He was rutting hit hips against my thigh, begging for some sort of friction.  It was adorable actually how whiney and needy he was.  “Come on Geoff, I need something,” He breathes hot in my ear and I chuckle against his pale skin.

“Michael, always so bossy.”

“Bossy bottom, what can I say,” He offers and I laugh again.  I bite at his nipple quickly, earning a harsh breath, before unbuckling his belt.  He somehow gets out of his jeans and shoes in one go while still underneath me.

“Clearly practiced I see,” I mumble to myself and I shoots me a look.   
“Hey, you can’t talk.  You’re just as big of a whore as me.”   
“Oh, you liked being called a whore?” I test, raising an eyebrow at the man below me.  His cheeks turn pink, the blush spreading from the tips of his ears to his chest.  “I’ll take that as a yes,” I smirk, biting my lip at just how good he looked.  

“Shut up,” He blushes, grabbing at my belt again.  Michael undoes my pants and tugs them down, “Get these off.”

“Working on it,” I say, shuffling around to get the damn contraption off.

“Wow aren’t you graceful,” Michael sarcastically remarks and I shoot him a glare, making him chuckle to himself.

“I don’t know if I would be saying that if I was trying to get fucked,” I smirk evilly, getting back into my position of being in between the redhead’s legs.

“Pf, like I could turn you away now,” He hooks his feet behind me and grabbing the front of my boxers, making me bite my lip to suppress a groan.  I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.  He quirks an eyebrow at me, a smirk still planted firmly on his smug little face.

“Do you want to wipe that look off your face or should I do it for you?”  I cock my head at him, grabbing his hips and pulling him closer.  His face briefly falters, grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me into a rough kiss.  It was sloppy, I bit his lower lip and pulled.  Michael arched his back, begging for some sort of friction in his lower region.  I move my hands from his hips to one supporting me on the leather seat and my other running over his smooth thighs.  It was some place that he didn’t have many battle scars.  The boy under me whines loudly, pulling away from my mouth.

“Geoff come on,” He pleas, wiggling in my grip.

“Taking back those smartass statements now Michael?”  I tease, gently grazing the bulge in his navy blue boxer briefs.

“Just- I’ve been hard for like an hour, please,” He begs, closing his eyes and grinding his hips up into my hand.

“Mmmm, fine.  Only because you look so pretty begging for me,” I smirk, nipping his collarbone quick before pulling down his boxers.  I knew his cocky personality wouldn’t hold up for very long, that he would break.  He was eager to get them off, tossing them up into the front seat.  I give his cock a few hard strokes, Michael sighing contently under me.

“You got lube?”  He asks, eyes barely opening to look at me.

“Under the front seat,” I say and he cracks a smile, rolling over so he could reach for it.  He tosses it to me and I grab it.  “Condom or not?”   
“Not, if you don’t mind,” His face still having a pretty blush that intensifies when he says it.   
“No, I don’t mind.  Just thought I’d check before just going in,” I shrug and he rolls his eyes.   
“What a gentleman,” Michael sarcastically says and I chuckle.  I pop open the lid but he grabs my hand.

“Wait,” He insists, tugging at my underwear.  I sigh, giving into the younger man and pulling off my boxers.  He licks his lips and grinds our hips together.  I moan, rolling my hips back against him.  I continue my actions from before, opening up the lube and warming some up on my fingers.  “Come on,” he whines yet again, shifting his legs up higher so it would be easier.

“God, you are so damn needy.”

“Like you don’t love it,” He snarks back but instead of replying I slide a slick finger inside of him.  He screws his eyes shut, making a noise that I could only describe as a scream.  Not a scream of pain but pleasure.

“You’re a fucking screamer, aren’t you,” The smirk only grows on my face.  This boy keeps on surprising me and I loved it.   
“Y-yes,” He stammers out, pushing his slim hips down onto my finger.   
“Hot,” I mumble, adding another finger that he was happy to have.  He moans, enjoying the stretch and feeling.  I pump and scissor my fingers, angling them angling them around to see if I could find his prostate.  I knew I had found it when he lets out one of those delicious screams again.  

He digs his nails into my shoulder blades, “Right there.”  He’s voice was all breathy and raspy, somehow making me harder.  Being the asshole that I am, I purposefully avoid the spot that Michael wanted me at.  He started to whimper, cute little whimpers that I captured with my lips.  He tries to angle his hips so my fingers would hit the bundle of nerves but I grab his hip hard enough to leave bruises, not allowing him to move.  I slip in the third and final finger, more panting and groaning from the man below me.  “Geoff, you're such an asshole,” He says but the venom wasn't there.

“Oh really?” I taunt, I move fingers right to his prostate.  

“Hurry Geoff just fuck me.  I'm not going to last much longer like this,” He says and I slip my fingers out.

“God, I could tease you for hours,” I mumble against his ear, nipping at his earlobe before pulling away and grabbing the lube.

“I don't think you could handle me for hours,” he sasses back.  I smile and coat myself with lube, wiping the extra on the inside of Michael's thigh.  “Gross,” He mumbles and I roll my eyes.

“Yeah,  **that’s** gross,” I grab his legs, getting them up and over my shoulders to give me the perfect angle.  “Ready?” I ask, lining myself up with the pretty redhead under me.

“Have been for the past 20 minutes,” He continues to remark.  I huff and am tempted to roll my eyes again but instead I focus on the task at hand and begin to trust into the tight, warm heat of Michael.  We both moan a little bit, me pushing in slowly so I wouldn’t hurt him.  I knew that I had stretched him properly but I still didn’t know how much he could take.  After I was halfway in, the boy under me whines.  “Jesus, Geoff, I’m not going to break,” And that was enough pouting for me to snap my hips, bottoming out in him.  He bites his fist to conceal a beautiful scream and I groan quietly.

“No,” I grab his hand from his mouth, “I want to hear everything,” I forcefully say and tuck that hand underneath his body.  He nods, eyes still shut and mouth open.  I began to relentlessly thrust into Michael, him making the most beautiful noises that I wished that I was recording this.  I figured that he would be loud in bed but not like that and I love it.  I grip his right hip tighter, putting my left hand up on the foggy window to get more leverage.  His body felt amazing with mine, moving perfectly together.

“Oh fuck, right there,” Michael mumbles as I hit his prostate.  “Harder, harder, harder,” He chants and I do as I’m told, pounding into him with all that I have.

“So fucking perfect,” I nearly whispered, talking about how he looked right now.  

“Mmm, I’m close,” He moans and takes his hands out from under him to touch himself but I bat his hands away,

“No, let me,” I insist.  I would have made him come untouched but after all that teasing I was feeling generous.  Also, I was close myself and didn’t know how long I would wait.  I wrap a firm hand around his cock and it only took a few strokes before he was coming with a scream.

“Geoff, Geoff,” He whimpers as a still thrust into him, oversensitive now.  His voice only made me closer.

“I’m close,” I huff, losing my rhythm and tumbling over the edge.  I come deep inside of him, moaning his name into his shoulder.  My vision goes white for a second, seeing stars and pure bliss all over my body.  I go limp on top of the other man, us breathing heavily and trying to calm down.  Fuck.  I haven’t came that hard in years.  After about a minute I realize the sticky mess between us and the fact that I was still inside of him.  “Fuck,” I mumble, lifting myself up and slipping out of him.  He winces and attempts to curl up within himself.  “Can’t cuddle yet, you’re covered in jizz,” I say and he gives a soft smile, eyes hazy and body limp.  I wish I had a camera now.  I grab my shirt as it was the closest article of clothing and clean both of us off.  Before I could get dressed again, Michael grabbed my arm and pulled me down next to him.

“Lay with me for a while,” He whispers, putting his face in the crook of my neck.

“Okay, I will,” I whisper back, rubbing my hand up and down along his spine.  I wouldn’t have pinned him as a cuddler after sex either but I couldn’t complain.  I’m used to people leaving right after we finish.  It was nice to have someone close to me, sharing the small space of the backseat.  I wasn’t sure when we were going to go home but right now, I didn’t really care.

 

I woke up the next morning with a slight hangover, but I think I’ve had one for the past 20 years of my life.  I could already smell Jack cooking and then reality hit me.  The thing I was running away from, that I needed to talk to them.  I climbed out of bad and into the shower, trying not to think about what happened between Michael and me despite how every fiber of my being tempted me to.  My little experience with Michael had been the best I’ve had in a  _ long  _ fucking time.  I hate how much I admit that I enjoyed his smartass mouth and quirks.  No.  Stop.  Talk to Jack.  I get out and get dressed in black jeans that were fairly tight but I refused to call them skinny jeans because I’m fucking 30 years old.  A faded t-shirt comes next.  It did have some sort of band logo on it at one point (Nirvana? Metallica?) and I put on a red flannel.  Most of the time I looked like a bum.  

 

Jack was making each of our favorite type of eggs in the order we wake up in the morning.  Fuck, they do they have to make this harder?

“Your’s are on the square plate,” Jack stays, pointing to the counter without looking at me.  It was made perfect.  Eggs over medium with toast that was lightly buttered.

“Jack, you’re getting so good at this it’s scary,” I try to joke but they don’t even stifle a laugh.  I sit at the table and wait for them to sit down and when they do, they only focus on their plate like their life depended on it.

“Fuck Jack, we’re going to have to talk about this,” I say, setting down my fork.   
“Do we have to?”  They look at me, finally meeting my eye.   
“I think we should.”

“Are you mad?” The hurt in their voice physically pained me.  Their face was filled with nervousness, I would see it in the way their eye we creased a bit more at the corners and how their mouth sat in an unsure frown.  After knowing Jack all these years, I know their expressions and exactly what they’re feeling.     
“No Jack, I’m not mad at all.  I just- I wish you would have told me,” I admit, leaning forward a bit more on the table with my arm.   
“I didn’t know how to, Geoff.  I wanted to, I mean you’re my best friend but I don’t even know what  **this** is,” They try to explain.

“Is it Ryan or Vagabond?”   
“Both, I guess.  The first time it was Vaga then it has switched around since then.  I don’t know, I help keep Vaga from freaking out, Ryan says and I can tell too.  We’re not dating but we’re not just friends or crew members.  I’m sorry Geoff.”  They look down at their lap, biting their pink lip.  Jack looked different now than they usually do.  Their auburn hair was pulled up into a messy bun, bangs askew across their forehead.  Deep blue and purple bags sat under their usually happy eyes.  Jack just looked utterly distraught.  It hurt so damn deep in me that I nearly had to clutch my chest and look away.  

“Don’t be sorry, I just got worked up over nothing.”

“Worked up?”   
“Nevermind,” I mumble and luckily Michael comes in.   
“Mornin’” He mumbles, grabbing his breakfast.   
“Morning sunshine,” I say and he sits down.   
“Thanks for breakfast Jack,” He says still in a sleepy state.  There were hickeys riddling his neck, splotches of purple, black and blue.  It was a good contrast to his pale skin.

“Of course Michaellll… Holy shit, you weren’t kidding when you said you were going to get laid,” Jack says and we all laugh.   
“Have you ever seen me come home without my mission accomplished?” Michael asks back, more awake now.

“No but usually not this many hickeys,” Jack takes a closer look, “Those actually look familiar.  Holy fuck those are  _ Geoff _ hickeys.  Geoff!”  Jack turns to me, wide eyed and I freeze.  Shit.

“I- um-” I stutter, not know knowing what to say.   
“Wow,” was all they say before getting up and putting their plate in the sink, food barely touched.   
“Jack, wait,” I say, standing up but they were already off to their room with a sad look on their face.  “Fuck.”

“Geoff, I-”

“No, Michael, it’s not your fault.  I just- I have no idea what’s wrong,” I said before walking up the stairs to Jack’s room.  I knock on the door but don’t get a reply.  “Jack, I’m coming in,” I state, pushing the door open.  Jack sat on their white plush bed, silent tears gently tumbling down their face.  They were looking down at their hands, not even recognizing I came in.  “Please talk to me Jack,” I get to my knees in front of them, taking their small hands in mind, “Please, it hurts to see you cry.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.  It just- Michael?  Not that there’s anything wrong with him but fuck Geoff, don’t hate me but I hate the thought of you having someone else without me,” Jack admits, a sob racked to their body.  I let go of Jack’s hands and cup their cheek, forcing them to look at me.  The different emotions running through their eyes was enough to give me whiplash so I did the one thing I knew how to do.  I kissed them.  At first, Jack didn’t respond and I got worried, was this the wrong choice?  But then they tangled their fingers in my dark messy hair, pulling me closer.  I wrap my other hand around their hip, gripping them tightly.  The kiss was hard but sweet.  Longing.  I haven’t kissed Jack in so long, I missed it.  I go to deepen the kiss but Jack pulls away.   
“Geoff, I need to know how you feel,” They say, voice barely above a whisper, our foreheads pressed together.

“I don’t know how I feel Jack.  All I know is I don’t want to just be friends with you but I- I don’t think it needs to be exclusive.  I don’t know, Jack.  My mind is going a million miles an hour.  I mean, fuck, I slept with Michael last night.  I have a lot to think about,” I openly admit and they giggle.   
“I would imagine so.  I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“No, it’s okay,” I say, kissing them again.   
“So what do we do?”   
“Anything you want.  I mean, we’re not really dating as you also have a thing for Ryan.”   
“And you have a thing for Michael,” Jack teases.   
“I do not,” I say back, blushing.   
“Yeah, sure.  I know you only give hickeys like that when you like the person,” They push, poking my cheek.   
“He’s surprisingly not that bad, you know?”   
“Oh, I know,” They wink and I roll my eyes.   
“What?  You got a thing for Michael too?”   
“I mean I wouldn’t say no if the time came,” Jack says and I laugh.   
“I’ve missed you like this,” I whisper.   
“You want to know a secret?  I’ve been thinking about this for years now.”   
“Why haven’t you told me?”   
“Why haven’t  **you** told  **me** ?”  They question back and I sigh in defeat.

“Okay,” I peck their lips quick, “we better get out there.  I’m sure all the idiots are up,” I stand up with a groan, my knees popping as well.   
“Okay old man,” Jack continues to tease.   
“I might be older now but I can still fuck you like I’m 23,” I said before leaving a gaping Jack.  I chuckle to myself and head back into the kitchen to get coffee.  The other three were at the dining table talking and I join them.  Michael gives me a quizzical look and I give him a small smile and a nod.  He smiles back.

“... so I go to shoot him but then I realize I left my gun at the McDonald’s down the street so I kick him in the nuts and he goes right down.  But the bastard swiped out my legs out from under me and I fall right on shards of bloody glass.  Remember how long you guys had to take to get all the glass out of my ass Geoff?”  Gave draws me in and we all laugh.   
“God, I’ve never been so close to can ass for that long.  It was like 5 hours,” I reply and the room cracks up.   
“I still have a scar on my right buttcheek!”  Gavin exclaims.  The room felt a lot lighter now.  Jack eventually joined after cleaning themselves up.  Ryan actually looked me in the eye and things felt good.  Better than normal.  

 

It was exactly 3 days later around 3:16 am when a knock at my door awoke me.

“What?” I groan, turning over in my pile of blankets.  The door creaks open and in popped a sleepy looking Michael.  He yawned and rubbed his eyes.  He looked so small and cute in his oversized long sleeve.  

“I woke up and Gavin still isn’t home.  Should we be worried?”  He asks in a hushed tone.

“Gavin is a grown a- well, child but we both know that he can take care of himself.  I’m sure he’ll be home soon,” I say, burying my face back into my pillow to go back to sleep.  But Michael doesn’t leave.  “Are you sure this isn’t about Gavin being with Jeremy tonight?” I ask, peaking open one eye to look at the younger boy.

“I don’t know,” He mumbles.  I close my eyes again but he speaks up, “Hey Geoff?”

“What?”   
“Would it be possible if- um- well if I slept in here tonight?” He asks, voice filled with anxiety.  That was a new tone for him.  Usually, Michael’s voice was filled with overwhelming confidence.  I sigh and scoot over, lifting up the blanket so he could climb in.  “Thank you,” he basically clings to my side.  I wrap my arms around him and rub his back soothingly.  “Do you think he’s okay?”   
“Yes, Michael, I’m sure he’s okay.  I trust Jeremy so far.  Not that that helps much.”  He’s quiet for a while, tracing patterns on my chest with his finger.   
“How are things with Jack?  I never got to ask you about it.”

“Good, actually.  I don’t know what we are but I guess we’re just open now.  Like, I don’t know,” I sigh.   
“Do you like Jack?”   
“Of course I like Jack.”   
“No, not just like.  I mean, do you  _ like like _ Jack?”   
I sigh again, “That’s where things get complicated.  I just, I like more than just Jack.”   
“So you’re poly?”   
“What?” I look at him confused, scrunching my eyebrows.

“Polyamorous.  Have you never heard of it?”  I shake my head, “It’s being in a relationship with more than one person but equally.  So it would be like Jack dating you.  Jack dating Ryan.  Then Ryan dating you.  It’s all equal and not cheating.  Plus some awesome threesomes,” He explains.   
“I’ve heard of that before but I guess I’ve never known the label.  I’m not much for labels really,” I say, running my fingers through his curly, tangled hair.   
“If you say you like more than Jack, who is it that you like?” He asks, looking up at me with big glossy eyes.  I couldn’t help but get lost in those beautiful hazel pools.  He looked so innocent and sweet in this moment.  Then his lips captured mine.  It was hesitant at first, nothing like the other night, so I pulled him close.  It wasn’t heated, it was filled with… emotion.  I don’t know if it was for each other or because of everything we were going through but it was there.  I suck a bit on his bottom lip, tugging at it.  We press our lips back together again, Michael letting out a content sigh.  He pulls away and I give him a small smile.  He pecks my lips before cuddling up in the crook of my neck.  I wouldn’t stop the blush that crept up on my cheeks.  I hadn’t done this is years.  Stupid feelings and shit.  I sigh to myself, not feeling this content in a long time as well.  I rub his back until his breathing evens out and soft snores filled the close space.  I haven’t slept that well sober in years.


	6. Smoking is bad but the reason why I smoke is worse

Thirsd Person-- Present

 

It took Michael more 2 days to finally get the guts to talk to Gavin.  Gavin had come home that next morning saying that he stayed at Lil’ J’s house because he was so drunk that neither of them felt safe driving.

Michael nervously knocked on Gavin’s banged up door.  There were dents from people and objects running into it, a bullet hole or two, and a giant gold ‘G’ spray painted on it.  You could definitely tell who’s room this was.

“Hey, what’s up boi?” Gavin greets the older boy.

“You wanna go for a little roadie?”  Michael asks, holding up a perfectly rolled joint. “Hell yeah!  Let me grab my shoes,” He exclaims, running back into his messy room.  He grabs some high top Converse shoes that he has beat to death and had for years but refused to get rid off.  He follows Michael to his garage and they take one of his older cars that he doesn’t mind smoking in. “Where are we heading to?” Gavin asks, lighting the joint with his gold lighter.  ‘ _ That damn boy and his gold _ ,’ Michael thought.

“Up to the hills, I was thinking.  To our spot,” Michael shrugs, taking the joint from him.

“Sounds good to me,” The Brit says as Michael releases the smoke from his lungs.  They pass it back and forth until they reach their spot.  It was a cliff that overlooked the city, a perfect view with the sun setting behind them.  They were both quite buzzed when they got out of the car, Gavin in a fit of giggles of course.  They lay down and light a new one, passing it again.

“What’s on your mind?” Gavin asks suddenly, resting his hands behind his head.

“What do you mean?”  Michael asks, scrunching his eyebrows and looking at the blonde.  He looked to beautiful in this light: red hazy eyes glistening, pink plush lips wrapped around the white paper.   
“You said we were never going to smoke together again because I ratted you out.  Look at us now,” Gavin points out, giggles rolling off of his tongue.  They look at each other for a while, the lightness taking over them both.  Nervousness still settled in Michael’s stomach though, should he finally say something?

“How did your date go with Jeremy?” Michael asks, laying back down.   
“Good.  He’s really nice, funny as ever.  I understand why you’ve been friends with for him for so long,” Gavin says, a smile playing upon his lips.   
“Did you guys… you know…”

“No!” The Brit giggles with a blush, “I was way too drunk, he was as well.  I mean we made out but you know how I get when I’m bevved up, I can’t keep my bloody mouth shut.  So then we played video games until we both passed out.  I was a really good date,” He says and Michael chuckles sadly.   
“You think you’ll go out with him again?” He asks, looking at the Los Santos Golden Boy.   
“Maybe,” He shrugs, finishing off the joint.  “You seem troubled Micool.  You’re not supposed to be when you’re highhhhhh,” Gavin sings.   
“I know, I know,” They sit quietly for a while, gazing at the sky.  It was changing from the smoggy blue to beautiful oranges and reds, pretty pinks and purples.  “Gavin?”

“Yeah?”   
“Can I kiss you?” And the world seems to stop spinning.  The younger man giggles at first, a smile stretching from ear to ear.

“Bloody hell, I thought you were never going to ask,” He says, grabbing Michael’s face and smashing his lips to the others.  The world around them was still frozen.

 

As soon as Jack heard Michael and Gavin leave, they made their way towards Ryan’s room.  Earlier they had heard a few angry whispers and they were hoping they could help out.  Jack knocked on the door, hoping not to disrupt whatever Ryan was doing.   
“Ryan?” Jack calls.   
“Sorry, Ryan can’t come to the phone right now.  Please leave a message after the beep,” Vagabond says from the other side of the frosted glass door.

“Well, Hey Ryan, it’s Jack.  I was quite lonely and horny and was hoping you could help out.  Vaga was also welcome to answer the phone.  Call me back soon before I have to take care of it myself,” Jack teases and it wasn’t even 2 seconds before the door was pulled open to reveal a dark blue eyed Vagabond.  “Didn’t think you’d call me back so soon,” Jack smirks.   
“Well, I liked what you had to offer,” He says, pulling the other into the room.

 

Ryan’s room was a lot different than the rest of the boy’s.  The floor was spotless, bed perfectly made with black bedding.  One wall had a big window that looked out to the city and a desk below it.  The desk had a computer, 2 books that were destroyed but somehow looked orderly.  On the rest of the wall, it was plastered were newspaper articles about the greatly feared Vagabond and Fake AH Crew.  The wall across from his bed hung a tv.  Below was his personal Xbox and movies tucked away in in drawers.  There was also the complete boxset of  _ New Girl _ but he would never let anyone see.  There was a cupboard to the left of that; it was filled with his favorite weapons and cleaning wear.  In there housed his favorite machete, a skull encrusted into the handle.  His rainbow reflective throwing knives, ‘V’ carved into those.  His matte black pistol with a silencer.  More lethal weapons that all had once been covered in blood sat perfectly organized and clean.  There was a door to the right of the tv, his closet.  In there was a perfectly organized array of black, white, and navy colored clothing.  A few forest greens and maroons littered the aesthetic.  He had very few pairs of pants; jeans and dress.  He only owned two pairs of shoes.  One for Ryan and one for Vagabond.  The guys would give him shit but he didn’t mind.  It was how he lived before.  The last wall had 2 doors, one frosted glass that led to the hallways and one to his private bathroom.  The one, or few, thing(s) that stuck out was that giant poster in between the 2 doors.  It was a giant map of Los Santos, blueprints really, and it was riddled with red x’s.  No one asked or knew why.  They thought that maybe it kept track of where he’s robbed or killed.  The other thing that stood out was the plants on the bedside table and desk.  There were numerous succulents and cacti.  They were all beautifully colored, each in white or black pots.  Nobody asked about those either.  His nightstand was a particular drawer.  Black, matching the bed, but inside was… colorful.  His favorite book lived in there, just as torn as the others.  A few pictures and polaroids of people that the rest of the crew didn’t recognize.  It could be family, victims, or friends.  They didn’t know.  There was also a box of condoms and a bottle of lube for certain occasions.  There was also a journal.  Leather with ‘Haywood’ stamped into it.  It was bound tightly despite the worn pages.  There were different things that were tucked into it; pictures, a necklace, and what seemed to be tickets to different events.  Memories.  There were also pages that were logged with blood.  Maybe from Ryan himself or others.  Pages splattered with water or other colors.  The first time Jack saw it in the drawer they were tempted to open it up and absorb the mysterious man.  But Jack would never invade his privacy like that.  Ryan and Vaga’s history was a fill-in-the-blank for the rest of the crew.  He would drop a few bits or stories but nothing ever too detailed.  All of their backgrounds were spotty to each other, except for Jack and Geoff of course.

 

“Where’s Ryan?” Jack asks, allowing Vagabond to toss them down onto the bed.

“We had a bit of an argument earlier, I won so I decided to hang out.  Why?  Do you prefer him?”  he asks darkly, crawling on top of the smaller person.

“No, I like you equally.  I was just curious,” They smile and a wicked one spreads across Vaga’s face.  He pressed a hot open mouth kiss on Jack’s lips.  He ran his hands over the other's neck, shoulders, and arms.  Eventually, he grazed their thighs, making them shutter.  Jack tangles their fingers in Vaga’s dirty blonde hair, pulling them closer.

“Did you wear these shorts for me?” Vagabond’s gravelly voice asks, pushing Jack’s narrow hips down into the bed.

“Maybe,” they smirk.  Jack usually didn’t wear shorts even living in Los Santos.  They had on black high waisted jean shorts that were a bit faded.  It showed off how small Jack’s body really was but also how powerful their legs were.  Jack knew both Ryan and Vaga had a thing for thick thighs.  It’s not that Jack was ashamed of their body, just not 100% comfortable.  Of course, there were things that they would want to change.  Jack also had on a loose navy t-shirt that was tucked in.  Jack preferred to cover up their boobs rather than anything else.  It’s what usually defined them as ‘female.’  But Jack accepted their body for what it was.   
“Hmmm,” He hums, “Spread ‘em,” he commands and Jack props their legs open with their knees bent.  Vagabond moved in closer, tucking himself between Jack’s legs.  They smash their lips together, messy and hungry.

 

Back in the hills, the same thing was going on.  Well except that Michael and Gavin’s makeout was more fill of giggles and smiles rather than hot and heavy.

“Why did you never make a move on me?” Gavin asks, pulling away from the red head’s lips.   
“Have you seriously not noticed?  I’ve been flirting with you for over a year Gavin!”   
“Wot?!  There’s no way!”

“You’re an idiot,” Michael smiles, “Why didn’t  _ you _ make a move?”

“I have!  I literally did like two weeks ago!  When we were watching that scary movie you wanted to see!”  He attempts to defend.   
“We always cuddle during horror movies though!”

“Sorry, I’m not smooth like you!” Gavin says, laughing again and Michael joins him.  The laughter eventually dies down and they stare out to the city with dazed eyes.   
“Do you think it’s possible to like more than one person at once?”  Gavin asks suddenly, heat rising to his cheeks.  The question had been floating around his head for a while now.  He pondered on it every so often, was feeling this way normal?

“Yes, why?  Do you feel like that?”  The freckled boy looks over at his best friend.   
“Yeah,” he sighs, “I think I do.”

“Me too.”   
“You do?” Gavin asks, baffled that anyone else felt the same way he did.   
“Yeah, I think I have for a while but didn’t realize it until recently,” Michael shrugs.   
“What made you realize this?”   
“I slept with Geoff.”

“WOT?!” The Brit screams, sitting up and looking at Michael in bewilderment.   
“I’m not supposed to tell anyone but yeah, it was like a week or so ago.  I accidentally hit on him at a bar and we fucked in his car,” Michael was blushing like there was no tomorrow in the warm light.

“Bloody hell Michael!  That’s awesome!”  Gavin yells excitedly.   
“Really?”   
“Yeah!  Geoff is hot!”  Gavin says, a smile stretching from ear to ear.

“You are so gay.”   
“So are you!”

“Can’t deny it I guess,” Michael shrugs and they both laugh.

“Is Geoff who you like?”  The blonde asks innocently.

“I don’t know dude.  My mind is all over the place with ideas and stuff Geoff was talking about.”

“What was Geoff saying?”

“Did you know that Ryan and Jack have been fucking?”  The shorter asks and Gavin squawks again.   
“For real?!”   
“Yes, Geoff told me.  You can’t say anything though.”

“I won’t.  When did this start?”   
“I don’t know, not too long ago.  All I know is Geoff was feeling left out so was trying to get laid at a bar,” Michael briefly explains resting on his elbows.   
“Left out?”   
“Yeah, Geoff kinda has a thing for Jack but won’t admit it.  Well, not just Jack actually.  We were talking about poly relationships and stuff.”   
“Geoff is poly?”   
“You know how de doesn’t label himself.”   
“Would you ever be in a polyamorous relationship?”  Gavin asks.   
“Maybe.  If it was with people I really loved, yeah,”  Michael admits, trying not to think about it too much.  He was afraid that it would lead to thinking about being in a relationship with Gavin and Geoff, the three of them happy together.  But being in a life of crime, there were no happy relationships.  “Do you like more than one person?”   
“Yeah,” Gavin lays back down next to the other, “I think I do.”

“Who?”   
“I’ve liked you for along time Michael,” He looks over at him with big, dopey eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah.  I’ve thought you were cute from the first time I met you.”   
“You mean from the first time I punched you in the face?”  Michael chuckles, looking softly at the Brit.   
“Yeah.  That.”   
“If you like me, then who else?”  Michael asks, touching Gavin’s shoulder lightly, running his hand up and down.

“Lil’ J is a really great guy.  I don’t know if I really really like him but… stupid feelings,” Gavin mumbles.  The other smiles softly, understanding the youngers frustration.

“It’s okay to not know Gav.  Just go with it like we always do,” Michael says, pecking his forehead.

“So people aren’t supposed to get jealous?”  He asks, looking up at the ginger.

“I mean people might but it’s not cheating, you know?”  Michael asks but they both burst into laughter.

“Yeah, I guess I get that.”   
“You are so baked right now,” He pushes some messy blonde hair out of Gavin’s face.

“So are you,” He smiles.

“I like it when you smoke with me.”   
“Me too.  You look so pretty when you’re like this,” Gavin says, gently touching the freckles on Michael’s cheeks.   
“Pretty?”  He giggles.

“Yeah.  Bloody hell you’re gorgeous,” The British boy says before pressing his lips to Michael’s.  They kiss for a little while, nothing more than brief touching.  They were both too high to get each other's clothes off or perform up to standard.

“What are we going to do?”  Gavin asks with a lazy smile and glossy eyes.   
“Anything you want.”  The stars started to come out but the sun was still setting.   
“Just want to be open?  See how this goes?  I don’t want things to be weird for us if they don’t go well,” the scrawny boy admits, playing with Michael’s white shirt.

“I don’t think it will be if we don’t allow it to be.”   
“So we see each other and can see other people if we want?”   
“Yeah, if that’s what you want,” Michael replies, toying with Gavin’s dirty blonde hair.

“Yes, I think I do,” He pecks the others pink lips, “do we have a label?”   
“I don’t think we should yet, okay?”   
“Yeah, I agree.  I also think we should wait to say anything at home.  I don’t know how we would even begin to explain it or how they would all take it,” Gav says and Michael nods.   
“Just imagine it:  Hey Geoff, Jack, and Ryan!  Gavin and I are screwing and are somewhat together but feel free to join because we are open!”  Michael exclaims and they bust into laughter.

“Would you fuck Jack and Ryan?”

“Uh, fuck yeah.  Ryan has a hot dad vibe and Vagabond has a hot serial killer vibe,” Michael proclaims, laughing at his own response.   
“What about Jack?  You say that you’re gay.”   
“I don’t see Jack as a ‘girl’ or a ‘boy.’  Jack is Jack and I would still fuck,” Both fall into a fit of giggles.   
“Me too,” Gavin says.   
“Did you lose your virginity to a boy or a girl?” The curly haired man asks.  Gavin thinks about it for a minute, trying to pick through his fogged brain.   
“It was a girl in junior high.  It was a pretty blonde in my maths class,” He smiles at the memory, “we boinked in her parent’s bed at her birthday party!”   
“Gavin!”  Michael has a turn for astonishment, sitting up to look down at the other.

“Wot?!  Someone else was in her room!”  He defends and they both fall over laughing yet again.  The thing about pot between these two, laughter never stopped.

“How old were you?”   
“Like 16.  When did you lose your virginity?!”

“It was in high school too.  I was 15 though.  The star quarterback and I fucked in the bed of his truck after they won a football game!”  Gavin screeches, doubling over with inhuman sounds leaving his mouth.  “He even had a girlfriend too!”

“Michael!  You crazy bastard!” The Brit pushes the other, making him fall over onto the blanket.

“He was totally gay too!  He would never admit it though!  He always came running back every weekend begging for some action.”

“Did you give it to him?”

“Yeah!  He was hot and I was the blowjob master!”   
“Blo-blowjob mas-master!”  Gavin chokes, rolling around on the ground.   
“It’s true!  I had so many guys coming for me!”  They were laughing so hard that tears poured down their cheeks.

“I’m glad we came up here,” Gavin eventually whispers, gazing up at the settling sky.

“I’m glad too.”

 

“Mmm, fuck, that’s right  _ babygirl _ ,” and Jack instantly froze.  Vagabond tended to let a few feminine slangs slip and Jack usually let it slide.  Baby was okay.  Princess was pushing it.  Babygirl was  **not** okay.  Jack had warned Vaga about this before, to not use female pet names.  This time of fooling around Vaga had been particularly sloppy with the names and the way ‘girl’ spilled off his lips made Jack sick to their stomach.

“No,” Jack mumbles, climbing off the top of Vaga who was confused in himself.  Tears started to burn Jack’s eyes.   
“Wait, Jack, I didn’t mean it,” he grabs the other’s elbow before they could leave.   
“Don’t you fucking touch me!  I warned you, Vaga,” Jack snaps, the tears starting to spill.  That pissed them off even more.  They hated feeling this vulnerable over a stupid word.

“I didn’t mean it!  It just slipped out,” Vagabond’s face was a mix of Ryan and him.  Concern with slight anger.  His eyes flickered from light to dark.  It was all so perplexing, the way he body was mixing.  He goes to grab Jack’s shoulder but they smack his hand away.   
“I don’t care that you’re The Vagabond.  I will slit your goddamn throat if you touch me,” Jack nearly screams, emotion pumping through their veins.  They run out of the room and to the closest bedroom which happened to be Geoff’s.  Ryan was calling them but the tears masked the noise as they slammed and locked the door, falling onto Geoff’s bed.  The adjoining bathroom door opened and a very wet and concerned Geoff stepped out, struggling to put his gray joggers on.

“Jack, what happened?”  He ran over to the other who was sobbing into the sheets.  “Please talk.  Why are you naked?”  Jack didn’t reply, just flung themselves into the man’s comforting arms.  “Shh, Jack, you gotta breathe, okay?  Please tell me what happened so I can make it better, okay?”  he attempted to sooth his shaking best friend.  They sat back and wiped a few tears.  Then the memory of being called babygirl echoed in their head and they started to scratch at their body.  Breasts too big.  Hips too wide.  Legs too curvy.

“I hate it, I hate it, I hate it,” Jack mumbles as Geoff attempts to grab their arms.

“Stop Jack, stop!”  He pinned the others hands down but not before big, angry, red scratches appeared across their tummy and thighs.  Geoff pulled them back into an embrace, petting their messy hair until Jack calmed down some.

“Vagabond and I- we- he called me babygirl and I just lost it!  I warned him to not call me those types of names and I just..” Jack sobs again.  Geoff rocked them back and forth, whispering positive things into their ear.  How Jack was beautiful just the way they are.  How their body is perfect.  How Vagabond didn’t mean it.  This reminded him so much of that day when he found Jack in front of the mirror.  Eventually, Jack fell asleep in Geoff’s arms, baby naked and limp.  Geoff gently laid them down on his luxurious bed and got out a t-shirt and a loose pair of boxers, slipping them on the others sleeping form.  To see Jack like that physically hurt.  He hadn’t seen them that bad in years.  They would occasionally break down, dysphoria clawing brutally in Jack’s mind.  Geoff would always be there for them or they would lock themselves away for awhile.

 

Geoff slipped a shirt on himself before grabbing his pink reflective knife and going to Ryan’s room.  He angrily pushed the door open, grabbing Ryan’s collar and slamming him up against the wall.   
“Why the  **FUCK** would you go that to Jack?!” Geoff growls, pressing the blade up against Ryan’s throat.   
“Vagabond didn’t mean it, it just slipped out,” He says, surprisingly calm.   
“They even said something to you.  Ryan, why didn’t you stop it?”  Geoff pushed the blade harder, almost enough to break the skin.   
“We had been fighting, Vaga won and took over.  Geoff, I would never hurt Jack.  You know this,” Ryan claims, barely above a whisper.

“You’re lucky I don’t chop off your dick and balls right now,” anger dripped from his voice, “You don’t know shit about what Jack has been through regarding their gender.  I don’t care if it was a slip-up, there should be no slip-ups after this many years!”

Anger starts to form on Ryan’s face, “I know what Jack has been through!” he yells, pushing Geoff off of him.   
“Apparently you don’t!”   
“I feel like shit for saying that!  You have no idea what I know or feel!” Ryan yells.

“Stop!” A voice comes from the door.  Both inraged boys look to find Jack, looking tiny, drowning in Geoff’s clothes, “Please Geoff.  I don’t want to be alone right now,” Jack please, eyes soft and tired.   
“You say you feel horrible, how does Vagabond feel?” Geoff asks but Ryan doesn’t reply, only looks down at his feet.  “Exactly,” With that he left, wrapping his arm around Jack.  

 

When Gavin and Michael got home, they didn’t notice the stiffness in the air or the fact that Ryan was gone.  They both passed out in Michael unmade bed of tangled blue comforters and sheets.  They were cuddled up to each other, Gavin was tucked into a ball under Michael’s arm and he held Gavin protectively.  It wasn’t until morning that Michael noticed the shift in the penthouse.  And the fact that Ryan still wasn’t home around noon the next day and the fact that the blonde lady on Channel 26 was talking about how an entire block was brutally slaughtered sometime in the early morning.  Geoff told him not to worry about it, that Ryan will be back eventually.  Geoff wouldn’t talk about what happened last night, he said that it wasn’t his story to tell.  That it was Jack’s.  Jack stayed in their room all day, the remaining boys bringing them food and other things even though they refused it.  Ryan didn’t return for 3 days.  He was covered in blood and they were surprised he hadn’t gotten picked up by some police officer.  Or someone hadn’t called to police because of the strange man covered in dried blood walking around.  Ryan instantly went to his room and into the shower where he stood there without moving.  He lost track of time, it was around 2 hours of him twitching in the lukewarm water that was still slightly pink at the end.  Once he came to, he scrubbed and scrubbed his body and hair until his fingers were raw.  The rest of the guys left him alone, afraid that something was going to set him off.  He then sat at his desk, writing in his journal until the sky turn black and the stars shown.  Then he slept for a few hours.  Even insomnia couldn’t stop the overwhelming exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept thinking today was Monday for some reason. I barely read over this as well but I'm trying, I promise I'm trying. Leave me some comments or something, make my shitty days a bit better lol.


	7. And who I am today is worse than other times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: WHEN RYAN "TALKS" TO VAGABOND IT'S ITALICISED THEN WHEN VAGABOND IS TALKING IT'S ITALICISED AND BOLDED. IN THIS CHAPTER IT SWITCHES TO VAGA POV SO THAT IS ALL BOLDED AND ITALICISED.   
> Title is from Message Man by twenty one pilots.   
> Leave me some comments of what you think! Also feel free to follow my Tumblr, I reblog AH and hope to post updates about my stories and stuff there. It's leader-of-the-lads, feel free to message me on there too because I am very lonely.

Ryan's POV-- Present

 

I awoke with a pounding headache and limited mobility in my left shoulder.  What the fuck happened?  I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes trying to recollect some sort of memory.  What day was it?  I grab my phone: dead.  I climb out of my soft escape and fix my blanket before going to my closet.  Why am I naked?  Why are there a bloody set of clothes sitting on the floor?  I throw on a pair of boxers, black joggers, and a white t-shirt on before leaving my room.  Why do I feel like such shit?  I make my way to the kitchen where Jack was making what smelt like french toast.  Geoff, Gavin, and Michael sat at the bar drinking coffee or Red Bull.  As soon as I walk in the room there was a clatter of a coffee cup smashing on the ground.

“Ryan?”  Gavin whispers and I look at him confused.  I also look at Geoff who was the one that dropped the coffee cup.  He hadn’t even attempted to grab it or clean it up.

“Yeah?”  I ask, my eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“Where have you been?”  Michael asks as all four of them sat there staring at me.

“In bed?”  I reply, unsure of what they wanted as an answer, “What day is it?”

“It’s Thursday.  You haven’t been home in three days,” Michael states and my eyes go wide.   
“What?”   
“You don’t remember?”  Gavin asks.   
“I remember the fight with Geoff then it’s all blank...” my voice trails off as I dig through my brain trying to find something.  I take a step forward, all of them reacting instantly with a step back.  The three boys even got out of their chairs, Geoff pulling out a gun.  “What the fuck is going on?”   
“Ryan, you killed over 30 people these past few days,” Geoff claims, voice steady and cold.   
“There’s no way.  I would remember that.”  Then my mind goes back to the bloody clothes in my room.

“It’s all over the news.  You weren’t even discrete about it.  You left all the bodies and blood in the homes.  There are videos of you being chased by cops swinging around a damn fire ax.  People know it was the Vagabond because you had your mask on.  Do you not remember any of this?”  Geoff explains and I shake my head in disbelief.   
“Three days, really?”  They all nod.  “I- I’m sorry if I worried you.”   
“You didn’t worry me but do you know how many phone calls I had to make?  I don’t know how the fuck you didn’t get caught.”  The tattooed man grumbles.   
“Geoff, I’m sorr-”   
“Don’t.”  He snaps and I was a bit taken back by that.  Geoff and I usually didn’t seriously fight.  I hated the way all of them were looking at me like I was some monster.  I am though.  I am a goddamn monster.  I turn around and leave the kitchen, each pair of eyes burning a hole into my back as I left.  I go to my room and shut the door, trying to keep my breathing under control.  

 

_ Vagabond, what the fuck happened?   _ **_Don’t you remember?  We had a lovely weekend together._ ** _ No, I don’t remember.  You killed all of those people.   _ **_Killed, murdered, massacred, slaughtered, erased, whatever you want to call it._ ** _ We agreed on communication when we decided to kill.  We never agreed on anything like this, let alone to this degree!   _ **_Whaaaat?  You're the one that initiated it to begin with.  You were so filled with rage that you grabbed that mask without even asking me.  I just did the rest._ ** _ Why can't I remember?   _ **_Maybe you don't want to remember.  We did some pretty sick things, Ryan._ ** _ We?  This was you, Vaga.   _ **_Hahaha, are you kidding me?  You were egging me on the whole time._ ** _ I don't remember any of this.   _ **_Go back then.  Remember._ **

That sick, sadistic bastard.  I didn't do this.  Vagabond was the killer.  I mean, I was a killer too but he was the one that thrived on it.  How the fuck did I get to this point?

 

I learned at a young age about having a split personality.  I was about 8 when it really came out.  Something had triggered Vagabond, at the time he didn't have a name, and I freaked out in school.  It was ignored for a while but I knew he was there.  He would sometimes come out but people would just figure it was me being moody or an asshole when really it was a whole other person in my body.  That was until I was 12 and my dad really pissed Vaga and me off and Vaga went after him with a knife.  I was put into a mental hospital after that.  They did a lot of testing and treatments on me, none really ever worked.  Medication would keep Vagabond inside my head with caused me, Ryan, to freak out.  I would go into states when I would just stand in the corner and stare at a wall for 6 hours straight then start clawing at everything I could see.  I would get chunks of the concrete out of the wall, making my fingers bleed.  I would write on the walls everything Vaga was screaming at me.  Yeah, I didn't get out of their easily.  My parents would visit me every so often, barely making eye contact.  They preferred to send me gifts and other things.  When I was 15 I broke out.  Vaga and I planned for a long time, perfecting it.  And I did get out.  Vagabond and I ran for 10 miles that night without stopping.  Luckily, being in the middle of Georgia I had a lot of places to hide.  The institute I was staying at had a gym that I worked out at every day.  The doctors encouraged it, thinking that it helped my rage.  A few days after I broke out I found an abandoned factory that I made my base at.  It turned out to actually be in South Carolina and that’s where we started the life of crime and murder.  I was more so crime while Vagabond was murder.  I enjoyed the rush of robbing places and running from the cops.  I dealt with having two personalities by allowing Vagabond to come out when he needed to.  To get his blood fix basically.  It progressively got worse as I got older, Vaga wanting more and more.  It would be like one person every three weeks, then it was two people.  Then it was more and more.  Having heists and set jobs helped out a lot but fuck, always having another person in your head is difficult.

 

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day until nightfall.  I looked on news websites and they were all talking about the massacre.  They all knew that it was The Vagabond that did it.  That killed all of those people.  It actually made me sick, reading all of those names.  Usually, it didn’t bother me but that fact that I don’t remember doing it made it worse.  Vaga and I also go for the shitty people to kill when we need to, these people were innocent.  Well, from the outside they looked innocent.

“Fuck,” I mumble to myself, going into my closet and getting the bloody clothes out.  I take them into my shower and poured an obscene amount of lighter fluid on them, throwing a match to erase the evidence.  I get dressed while the fire is burning: black jeans and a navy blue hoodie.  It was something I wouldn’t usually wear so maybe it would be less suspicious.  I slip my pistol in the back of my pants after checking the safety.  I hide a few knives on my person before sneaking out.  I didn’t want any questions.  Living in the penthouse for a few years now has allowed me to find different ways to leave without ever being noticed.  I decide on walking to the place of the crime, most of our cars being conspicuous.  It was about three miles away but it was nice to be out of my room and have time to think.   _ Remember Ryan.  Remember what happened _ .   **_Are you sure you want to remember?_ ** _ I want to know what happened so I can fucking fix it.   _ **_I’m not sure how you are going to fix murdering 30 or so people but we can damn sure try!_ **  Sometimes I can’t stand that sarcastic asshole.  I arrive at that street within an hour, trying to avoid busy streets and people.  There were two cop cars patrolling the area, easy enough to get around.  Flashbacks of the other night started to melt into my vision.

 

I was angry.  Incredibly pissed off.  But it wasn’t at anybody else, it was at myself.  After saying that to Jack, even though it wasn’t even me, the guilt was eating at my insides.  Jack didn’t deserve to be called anything that had gender specifics.  Jack was such a pure and gentle person that didn’t deserve anything like that.  I only knew bits and pieces of Jack’s gender struggle and calling them ‘girl’ I’m sure only made things worse.  Jack was so beautiful to me.  After seeing how much I had hurt them made me realize how much I cared about Jack and that scared me.  It scared  _ the fuck  _ out of me.  I shouldn’t be getting attached to someone, especially in this line of work.  Either of us could die at any moment and it would be all over.  So I murdered.  It took my anger out by killing people.  While walking, more images of us slicing up people and screams filled my senses.  I winced but carried on.  I went into one of the house, ducking under the police tape.  The carpet was soaked with blood, outlines of where the bodies laid and cigarette butts on the floor.  On the wall, there was writing in blood.  ‘ **One, two, the Vagabond is coming for you** ’ and ‘ **three, four, I’ll slit your throat, you whore** .’  It was all difficult to look at but I forced myself to.  I did this.   _ We did this. _  More memories flooded my mind, nearly making me fall over.  So many screams, it was making my ears ring.  I crouch down, covering my ears with my hands.

“Shut up, shut up!”  I yell, wanting the shrieks and hollows to stop.  “ **_You wanted to remember,_ ** ” Vagabond’s voice came from my mouth.  “How could we have done this Vaga?!”  I yell back.  “ **_We were angry.  We wanted revenge.  We wanted to feel real and alive!_ ** ”  He screams back, my hands shaking profusely.  “I’m crazy, I’m crazy, I’m crazy.  We are so fucking crazy,” I mumble, falling into a fetal position and rocking back and forth.  “ **_It took you that long to figure this out?!_ ** _ ”   _ He lets out a menacing laugh and I shake my head.  “I’ve known for a long time but God, we need to fix this Vaga.  We need to fix this,” My voice breaks, tears starting to spill.  I shake violently, finding it hard to breathe until I pass out.  I haven’t had a panic attack like that in a long time.  God, it has been years.

“Sir!  Sir!  I need you to stand up with your hands behind your head!”  Yelling woke up from the blackness in my mind.

“What?”  I mumble, opening my eyes to see a cop aiming a flashlight and a gun at me.

“Stand up with your hands being your head.  You are trespassing in a serious crime scene, sir.”

“I’m sorry, this was my family,”  I lie, standing up and obeying what he said.

“You said this was your family?”  He asks again, moving in closer.

“Yes, my parents.  I-I just had to see it to make sure it was real,” I do my best to sound broken, the years of lying coming in handy.

“I’m sorry to hear that.  They are saying that it was The Vagabond.  The LSPD are doing their best to track him down,”  He pats me down gently, missing over all the weapons I had.

“Good.  That bastard needs to pay.”   
“You can put your hands down.  Thank you for cooperating.  Yes, he does need to pay.  He and his crew have brought too much destruction to this city but yet we can’t seem to get any closer and it’s bullshit.  They have too many connections,” The police officer rambles on and I can’t help but smirk to myself.  Luckily he had his flashlight facing the ground now.  “Anyways, get out of here before anyone else catches you.  Again, I’m sorry about your family,” He says and I nod.

“Yes, thank you,” I say before leaving.  I usually would have killed him but I decided that I needed a murder break.  The guy didn’t do anything wrong and he barely saw my face.  I get out of the neighborhood as soon as I could and back to the penthouse.  I made sure that all the clothes were burnt up in the shower before getting in myself.  I wanted to drown out my thoughts.  I wanted to drown out Vagabond.  As much as I couldn’t live without this guy, sometimes I just wanted him  **out** .  But he’s never gone.  He is always fucking there in the back of my mind no matter how hard I push him out.  The more I push the louder he screams.  Vagabond didn’t like to be ignored.  Can’t live with him, can’t live without him.  

 

**_The next day I blocked Ryan out before he could fully wake up.  He was still in my head but not in control.  This was my body for now.  I ended up waking up at 6 pm at night, us being up till 4 am.  I get dressed in my jeans, the tight black ones, and a forest green shirt.  I made sure I looked decent before exiting my room.  I had to do this.  I had to do this for Ryan.  As much as I hated that guy, I loved him.  We were separate but one.  I cared about Jack too, even though I hate to admit it.  I wasn’t supposed to care, that’s why I went on such a big rampage.  I wasn’t supposed to feel like this about another person.  I was supposed to be the selfish maniac who only lived for himself.  I mean, that was me but not now.  Fuck.  Fuck feelings.  Fuck it all.  I find all of the guys sitting in the living room, dinner just being eaten and now they were watching a movie.  They stiffen as they see me, especially when they noticed the darker eyes.  Geoff’s face was hard, arm protectively around Jack.  Jack looked sad, eyes watering a bit.  Michael looked angry, I could understand why.  Jeremy and Gavin both looked more interested in what I was going to say._ **

**_“Okay, I know that none of you want to hear from my right now but just let me talk then you can punch me, okay?”  I offer up, standing in front of them._ **

**_“You have 5 minutes,” Geoff says, eye narrowing even sharper._ **

**_“Jack, I know that no excuses will make up for what I said to you.  Calling you ‘girl’ was uncalled for and was a complete dick move from me.  You're right, I don’t know everything that Jack has been through regarding gender and I should watch my mouth.  There should be no slip ups.  I’m just used to calling someone with the female anatomy those things and it came out without me even thinking about it.  Again, that’s an excuse but it’s the truth.  I would never intentionally call you something that I know would hurt your feelings because I… I… I care too much about you.  I’m sorry for saying that and I’m sorry for snapping at you Geoff,”  I admit, the words spilling from my mouth before I could wimp out on it._ **

**_“Is Ryan putting you up to this?”  Michael asks, leaning forward on his elbows._ **

**_“No.  Ryan doesn’t even know I was planning on doing this.  I am also sorry for putting this crew at risk.  Going off on a rampage like that is childish and unfair.  Ryan could have gotten killed or you guys could have gotten hurt or arrested.  It was stupid and Ryan and I are going to clean it up, don’t worry about it.  I am sorry for putting this crew in danger and overall being an asshole.  You guys don’t deserve it.  Well, sometimes,” I shrug and a few of them chuckle._ **

**_“It’s okay Vaga, we forgive you,” Jack says, a smile reaching their face.  They stand up and wrap their arms around me suddenly, I was a bit taken back._ **

**_“Really?”_ **

**_“Yes, right guys?”  Jack asks, and there were mumbles of agreement._ **

**_“We all make mistakes and we have to learn from them.  Yours happened to have been a psychotic riot but we forgive you,” Geoff says and I sigh in relief._ **

**_“Okay, good.  Thank you so much.  Ryan is going to be so happy,” I claim, finally wrapping my arms tight around Jack and resting my head on theirs, allowing Ryan to come back through._ **

 

“Guys, I had no idea Vagabond was going to do that.  I am so sorry.  I didn’t even mean to hurt any of you,” I, Ryan, say and hold Jack a little bit tighter.

“It’s okay Ryan.  We can’t imagine how difficult it is for you to deal with having two personalities and both of them being insane.  But it’s okay.  We still like you,” Michael jokes, punching my shoulder lightly.

“I know what we should do to celebrate us getting back together!  Let’s get bevved the fuck up!”  Gavin says and everyone cheers.

“I can get behind that,” Geoff says, going to the bar and getting out a bottle of Jack, pouring everyone a jack and coke with a bit more alcohol than normal.  “Drink up bitches!”  Everyone grabs their own drink and finds a seat in the living room again.  Michael and Gavin sat on the loveseat, Gavin dramatically laying across the redhead.  Geoff, Jack and I were sitting on the main couch while Jeremy occupied the chair.

“What have you been doing the past two days?” Jeremy asks, leaning back casual as we all drank.

“Well, yesterday I went back to the crime scene so I could remember what actually happened.  A few things happened there and I came back at some point in the morning and slept the whole day.”

“So you really don’t remember it?”  Geoff asks, looking over at me as Jack sat in between us.

“I do now.  Well, a majority of it.  Some of it is still blurry,” I say, tossing back some of my drink.

“Well, the best thing to do is drink,” Geoff shrug, finishing off his drink.   
“I’m not sure if drinking is the best thing to do but I’m not opposed,” I shrug as well and finishing my drink.

“Okay, I think that we need to do another round,” Gavin says, grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniel’s and pouring it straight into everyone’s glasses.

“You know what would make this even better,” Michael smirks at Lil’ J who smirks back, their silent conversation flowing through the room.   
“Never underestimate me, Michael, I’ve always got some on me,” Jeremy says, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a pipe and a bag of weed.  “Geoff, is it alright if we smoke in here?”   
“Yeah just open the door to the balcony so most of the smell doesn’t stay around.  I try to keep this place decent you guys,” Geoff replies, taking another drink and Jeremy smiles.

“On it boss!” Gavin suddenly yells, standing up again and sliding open the glass door, allowing the cool night air in.  Jeremy lights up with a purple and orange lighter, taking a big hit before passing it to Michael who happily accepted it.  The three younger men smoke while the three of us on the couch opt out of it.  We stick to drinking more rather than smoking but were getting a pretty decent contact high.

“Sometimes it seems like... I can feel the stars,” Gavin attempts to whisper but fails and everyone else laughings.  “No, no, for real guys.  Like when you look outside, don’t you feel it?”   
“Yes Gav, I think we feel it,” Michael says, rubbing the Brits leg that was still draped over his lap.

“You always get me, Michael,” Gavin blushes, leaning forward and kissing Michael’s freckled cheek.

“Well, well, well, Michael and Gavin,” Jack teases and both of them blush madly.

“No, well, not really,” Michael goes to defend right away.   
“You guys know you can always tell us anything.  I think we are all close enough to tell each other things,” Jack kicks their feet up on the coffee table.

“Yeah, like you told us about you and Ryan,” Michael shoots back and Gavin and Jeremy ‘oooo.’

“Okay, I think that’s a bit different,” Jack claims and the redhead raises an eyebrow.

“How so?”   
“Well, I- Ryan and I- we-” Jack stutters, trying to come up with some sort of excuse.

“Exactly.  I mean we all know now so it doesn't matter,” Michael shrugs and I feel Jack sink a bit deeper into the couch.

“We didn’t know what it really was so we didn’t want to tell anyone yet.  And, I mean, it’s kinda a difficult conversation starter,” I joke and everyone gives a light chuckle, Jack smiling at me.  The boys go back to messing around with each other, debating if they would hang Gavin from the chandelier and Jack being the genius that they are, they were giving actual scientific answers to the dumbasses.  I nearly jumped out of my skin when I feel a hand on top of mine, it resting on the back of the couch behind Jack.  I look over at Geoff who was listening to the younger three debate with their drug clouded brains but it was his tattooed hand on top of mine, rubbing my knuckles gently.  I look away from our hands, luckily they were behind Jack’s head because I don’t think I could handle the teasing from the other boys.

 

Something blossomed inside my chest, sitting uncomfortably with Vagabond.  It was warm, spreading throughout my body like when alcohol takes effect.  I don’t know if I liked it or not.  It was something that I’ve never felt before.  I knew that these people cared for me but I didn’t know that it was this much.  I rubbed my thumb over his and out of the corner of my eye I could see him physically relax.  This added a whole other layer of confusion inside myself.  What did Geoff feel towards me?  I mean, Geoff was a very attractive man and I definitely wouldn’t mind fooling around with him.  But this weird feeling in my chest?  What the fuck did that mean?  Vagabond was pacing inside my head, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down and not freak out.  It was strange when it was my turn to be the person in control.  He was in my head like his own little apartment.   _ It’s going to be okay.  We will figure this out. _ **_It’s_ ** _ feelings _ **_, Ryan.  We don’t do feelings._ ** _  Just calm down and we’ll see where it takes us, okay?  Nothing that we’re not both comfortable with.   _ **_Okay.  Okay._ **  I finished my drink and set it down on the end table next to me.  I sigh quietly, intertwining my fingers with Geoff’s and giving a light squeeze.  He squeezes my hand back and I smile to myself, hoping that no one else notices.  Do what feels right.   _ Do what feels right. _


	8. And dear, I fear that this ship is sinking tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some triggering topics in this chapter so warning for that. This chapter is shorter than the others but I feel as if it's supposed to be brief. There will be more stories and adventures of Michael in the future.  
> Title is from The Sadness Will Never End by Bring Me The Horizon.

Michael's Runaway-- Past

 

Despite it being years ago, Michael still got nightmares.  Nightmares of living on the street, particularly on the first night he spent alone.  It was something that he will never forget.  Michael got kicked out or ran away when he was 16 years old.  He was sick and tired of the beatings and emotional abuse from his parents.  It was all because he was gay.  That was it.  Coming out to his mother and father was the one thing he regretted in his life.  He was sick of coming home from school every day to get beat until he was on the ground shaking, covered in blood.  His grades dropped and he stopped caring about, well, everything.  Nothing matter anymore because to Michael, his life was worthless.  Suicide was prevalent in his mind.  That was also another scary thought for him.  Scary because he  _ wasn’t scared _ .  He wasn’t scared of the suicidal thoughts anymore, he welcomed them.  So one Monday morning he packed his backpack full of clothes and anything he needed to survive and instead of walking to school, he kept on walking.  He walked out of his picture perfect house, out of the picture perfect town and into the big cities of New Jersey.  It was scary at first, seeing all the other homeless people sitting on the streets and now knowing that he was one of them.  But he wasn’t as scared as he thought he was going to be and he didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing.  He knew how to fight, how to win a fight, and how to use a knife.  He had a switchblade that he kept on his person, always at reach.  He knew that the streets weren’t pretty but he thought that he was well prepared.  He had to be now.  This was his life.  Michael found a nearly empty apartment building, they were renting out the lower levels while renovating the middle then eventually the top.  He figured that others hadn't gotten into those apartments yet because they were a lot older than Michael and less limber.  He was able to climb up the side of the building and in through a broken window.

 

The apartment wasn’t nice, to say the least.  There weren't walls for the bathroom.  There wasn’t running water.  Half of it had carpet while the other was torn up.  The ceiling leaked when it rained and there was no furniture.  But Michael felt safe there and was able to sleep for 3 to 4 hours a night.  The first night he was there he lied on the floor with the one blanket he had.  Luckily he had on a sweatshirt and his coat because the broken window let in the cold air of the changing seasons.  He can still feel the chill that hit his bones and he can still remember the silence.  Even though the city noise continued, the emptiness settled around the young boy.  The reality of the situation came full force.  This was Michael’s life now and he had to survive.  He cried into his arms, he missed his room and the people he hung around with.  He wouldn't call them friends but he still talked to them. Well, before the beatings started.  He missed his old life.  His white picket fence life that was so goddamn perfect that it was too good to be true.

 

That wasn’t the only thing that caused present day Michael to have nightmares.  After a few months, Michael met another boy that was about his age.  The redhead had been sitting a few allies over from his usual apartment as he had begun to hear people in the building coming up to the higher floors and start working.  Michael started to worry that he was going to have to find another place to stay.  The other boy stumbled upon this alley and Michael instantly narrows his eyes, getting territorial.  After living on the streets for this long, he knows how to stay alive.  He’s been in enough fights to know not to fuck around.  The poor other boy looked terrified.  He was tall and scrawny, black hair and green blue eyes.  He was gorgeous.   
_ “Fuck do you want?”   _ Michael put on his most threatening voice, standing up off the ground.

_ “I-um-I- I’m looking for a place to stay but I-I don’t know where to go or,” _  The other teenager had stuttered out.

_ “Why are you out here?  Don’t you have a pretty little home to be at?” _  Michael stalked toward the boy who looked nearly in tears.   
_ “No, not anymore.  I was kicked out.” _

_ “Why?” _ _   
_ _ “I’m gay.”   _ And that made the freckled faced teenager stop.  He looked over the other boy again.  He looked broken.  Torn down even though his clothes were clean and so was his hair.  He was nothing like Michael but yet the same.

_ “Maybe we have a bit more in common than I originally thought.  Come on, you’ll get eaten alive out here.  What’s your name?” _  Michael said, turning around and starting back down the alleyway.

_ “I’m Calan, you?” _

_ “Michael.  How long have you been out here?” _

_ “Just today.  I got kicked out this morning.  Why are you out here?”   _ Calan barely manages to keep up with Michael even though he had a height advantage.

_ “Runaway.  Sick of the abuse after I came out.  I’ve been out here for 3?  4 months?  I don’t know.  The days melt together after a while,”  _ Michael shrugged, started to head back towards the apartment.

_ “Oh.  I’m sorry.” _ _   
_ _ “Don’t be.  You can’t be weak like that out here.  You’ll never make it.” _

It turned out that they had even more in common than they thought.  Michael had only planned on helping the kid out for a few days but those days turned into weeks and soon they weren’t to be separated.  They slowly fell in love.  Or what they thought was love.  They cared about each other and would even kill for the other.  They somehow managed to survive in that beat up apartment for another month.  Michael even lost his virginity on that dingy floor to Calan.  Somehow managing to save enough money for food and lube for that week so Michael wouldn’t hurt the younger twink.  They moved together once the renovations started on that top floor that they resided in.  They moved to another building quite a bit a way.  It was a bit rougher on these streets but they managed for a few more months.  That was until they got mixed up with the wrong people.  Usually, they can hold their own in a fight.  Michael taught Calan how to fight and they spent a lot of hours wrestling around together.  But it was four against two.  Four large men against two smaller teenagers.  It was about them being on their turf.  Michael did his best to be intimidating, hoping that these men would know who he was as Michael had created quite a reputation for himself.  He knew that Calan was afraid and hell, Michael was afraid too.  Then they started to attack.  The rage filled boy could hold his own better than Calan could.  He was skinnier and had less muscle.  Michael will never forget the sound of Calan’s voice screaming his name.  This time it wasn’t out of pleasure but pure fear and terror.  He needed help and Michael couldn’t help him.  He was trying to get the burly man off of him to help his best friend.  His everything.  The only fucking reason he was still alive.  And he  **couldn’t save him.** Luckily Michael had his knife on him and was able to pull it out, stabbing the man in the gut repeatedly.  Then he pushed the man off of him, running over to the two guys that were on Calan.  He climbs on one of their backs, slitting their throat before going after the other man.  At some point, the fourth man had run off.  Michael punched him aggressively in the face until he was knocked out.  Michael would take care of him later, right now he needed to be with Calan.  The bloodied man got down on the ground next to the battered boy.  He gently picked up his head and set it in his lap.  Calan’s eyes were glossy and he was barely breathing.

_ “Michael…” _  He managed to croak out, reaching up for Michael’s hand.

_ “Calan, I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.  We should have run.  I-” _

_ “Stop.  I love you, Michael.” _  That was the first and only time that Calan had ever said that to the other even though they knew it before this moment.

_ “I-I-I love you too.  You’re going to be okay, baby.  Just hold on a bit longer,”   _ Michael pressed his free hand to a wound on the side of his lovers head.  Calan didn’t say anything after that, just held Michael’s hand tightly and his breathing slowed.   _ “Calan, please.  I need you to keep your eyes open.  Please.  I need you to stay with me,”   _ More tears started pouring down his cheeks.

_ “I-I cannn….” _  Calan took his last breath and his eyes gently closed.  Michael screamed out in agony.  The only good thing he had left in the world was taken away from him.

_ “No, no, no, no, no!”  _  He yelled, gently setting down Calan’s body even in the fit of rage and going to the knocked out man.  Michael pulled out his knife again and stabbed the man repeatedly.  Over and over again even after he was dead.   _ “You fucking bastard!  Taking away Calan!” _  Then Michael fell to the ground, covered in blood next to the lifeless body of the boy he loved. _  “I love you, I love you, I love you,” _  He kept whispering to his dead boyfriend.  After the redheaded boy thought he couldn’t cry anymore he picked up the body and carried him back to the apartment they shared.  He sat and stared at the once joyful teenager for a few hours, willing him to open his eyes and take another breath.  But it never happened.  The sun had come up now and he had to do something.  So Michael gently wrapped Calan in the blanket they shared and kissed his cold forehead.  His whispered those three words again and then goodbye before leaving the place they shared for so long.  When he got down to the alley, Michael changed into his “nice clothes” and washed off the blood and dirt that smeared his face with the bottles of water they were collecting.  This was the emergency he was waiting for.  He had to leave now.  Michael couldn’t stay in the same place that Calan was killed.  Murdered in cold blood for no good reason.  Michael tried to make himself look as presentable as possible in the gas station bathroom as he could.  He didn’t even recognize the face that stared back the mirror.  His usually warm brown eyes were cold and dead.  Dark bags hung under his eyes and there was a cut along his cheekbone.  He had thinned out drastically from the lake of food and wanting Calan to eat first.  He had bruises littering his body, well, everywhere.  His hair has grown out a lot since he ran away, now a curly mess on top of his head.  But he had his nice button up on and skinny khakis on that he only used for things like this.  They were the cleanest pair of clothes he owned.  He bought a coffee and some gum from the gas station, not giving a fuck about money anymore before leaving.  He walked down the busy streets until he found a bank name that he recognized.  Luckily it was actually the same on his parents used so this will be easier.  He waited in line, the card in hand felt like it was on fire.  Once Michael made his way up to the lady, he was ready to get this over with even if that meant his parents knew that he was alive.

_ “How can I help you, sweetie?”   _ The older lady asked politely.  Michael handed over the card hesitantly.

_ “I want to withdraw everything in the account please,” _  He put on his fakest, brightest smile.

_ “Can do.  I just need a proof of ID Mr. Jones,” _ She replies, smiling warmly.  It actually felt good to have someone be nice to him.

_ “Here you are,” _  He hands over his old drivers license that he hasn’t used in months.  

_ “Where will you be going to college?” _  She asks as she types stuff into the computer.  This was a college savings account that could only be accessed when it was time for college.

_ “Princeton,”  _  Michael lies.  There was no way he would even come close to that school.

_ “Wow!  Well, best of luck young man,” _  She hands over an envelope with nearly $20,000 inside.  He assumed his parents stopped putting in money once he left otherwise there would be a lot more.

_ “Thank you very much,”   _ With that Michael got the fuck out of that bank and hid the money right away in his backpack.  He knew how easy it was to get pickpocketed.  Michael walked to the bus station and looked for the farthest place they were going.  Los Santos.  That’s where Michael wanted to go.  He paid for his ticket and purchased some snacks and drinks from the vending machine.  He was going to leave all of this behind.  It took days for him to get there but finally, he was on the streets of Los Santos and he’d have to admit, there was a lot more violence here than in Jersey.  But he was okay with it.  He was okay with dying now.

 

When Michael moved to the unfamiliar territory, he met Jeremy.  With the money he had, Michael would sometimes stay in a hotel room when a night was particularly bad and the rooms were only $20 per night.  He spent his money wisely as he knew it wasn’t going to last long.  Michael tried to get a job at places but it was difficult in this ruthless town to get honest work.  He met Lil’ J when he was graffiti-ing a building just for the hell of it.  The words ‘Escape Reality’ in scratchy yet beautiful writing on the brick wall.

_ “Quite the artist, aren’t you,”  _  Jeremy startled the older teenager.  Michael was 17 now, surprised when he finally saw the calendar and realized it passed his birthday.  The short, stocky boy was 15 and a half, don’t forget the half.  But never underestimate Jeremy, he was fucking jacked.

_ “I wouldn’t say artist.  I would say… motivational speaker,”  _ Michael said sarcastically and Jeremy chuckled.

_ “I already like you kid.” _

_ “Who the fuck are you calling kid?” _  Michael shoots back, eyeing up the shorter man.

_ “Hey, I was just saying,” _  He backs off,  _ “but I can tell you have some spunk to ya.  Are you in the market for a job?” _

_ “Are you seriously offering me a job right now?  What are you, like thirteen years old?”   _ Michael raises an eyebrow.

_ “I’m fifteen and a half you asshole and yes.  Just run a few deliveries with me.  I have a feeling that you would be good at it.” _

_ “And what are we going to be dropping off?” _

_ “Something that I will be willing to share a hefty sample with you right now,”   _ Lil’ J smirks.   
_ “Fuck it, I have nothing left to live for,”  _ Michael shrugs, following Jeremy.  They ended up walking to Jeremy’s safehouse, a little abandon shack that he’s taken over.  They talked on the way there, getting to know the basics like each other's names, ages, and reasons that they were on the street.  Also where they came from.  Jeremy actually came from Boston, explaining the slight accent.  They got high and talked about life together, Michael spilling what happened with Calan.  That was the only person he’s ever told.  Michael did end up joining Lil’ J on trips and clean up.  He helped out on the side, not fully in the game yet.  They were good friends but kept enough distance to not to get too attached.  Jeremy was Michael’s drug dealer so there couldn’t have been more.  They got into underground fighting together as well.  Jeremy always being Michael’s number one fan.  That how he made most of his money and he was damn good at it.  Everyone underestimated the baby-faced 17 year old.  But he kicked ass.

 

It was a rough life for Michael.  It was shitty and brutal and it fucked up his head.  It caused him to do a lot of things he probably should regret but doesn’t.  It caused him to be able to kill in an instant.  It caused him to lose his family and friends.  He sold his body off a few times, consent was debatable from his side but he had to do it.  That was until Gavin saved him from the streets.  His knight in shining gold.  But that didn’t mean Michael didn’t wake up some nights, tears pouring down his face as he vividly remembered those nights.  The night he lost Calan.  The fights he got in.  The days he went without food or sleep.  The times where he had old men touching his body even after he had pushed them off but didn’t have enough strength to stop them once they got back on top.  Usually, Gavin would come running into his room as it was right across the hall, climbing into the gingers lap and wiping off the tears.  He would run his nimble fingers through Michael’s hair and rock him back and forth as he cried gently into his shoulder.  Gavin would whisper words of encouragement, trying to get Michael to calm down.  Gavin understood the nightmares and never asked Michael too much about them, he would wait until Michael was ready to talk.  Sometimes he would, sometimes he wouldn’t.  He wouldn't ever talk about Calan, dancing around that topic as it was still sensitive after all these years.  Gavin would get his best friend some water, climbing into bed with him and holding him close to his chest, whispering good things to him.  They would slowly fall back asleep with each other, a tangle of limbs.  They all had nightmares from their past.  Even shit that happened recently.  They were only human.


	9. They say go smash these groupie hoes ‘N Spend money on some newer clothes ‘N put poison up through your nose

Gavin's POV-- Present

I groan that trails into a whine, cuddling in deeper to the sheets.  Well, what I originally thought what my bed but it turned out to be a lot firmer and warmer.   
“Gavvy, you okay?”  A deep voice startles me more awake.  I pop an eye open to see bright purple hair and I instantly recognise it as Jeremy.  My foggy brain puts together the dots, I was naked and I assume that he was as well as he didn’t have a shirt on but the comforter was covering him up.

“Yeah, ‘js sore,” I whine, rubbing my tired eyes.  I go to shuffle my body closer but a shooting pain makes me groan again, clinging onto the man next to me.  Lil’ J wraps his arms tighter around me, rubbing my lower back.   
“Regretting going for a third round?”  Jeremy asks, sleep still heavy in his voice and he yawns.   
“Nah, I couldn’t regret  _ that _ ,” I admit and he chuckles, sending vibrations through my body.  He cards his fingers through my messy hair and I tuck head in the crook of his neck, attempting to fall back asleep.  Just as I was about to doze off an annoying beeping sound re-awakes me, ringing through my bedroom and seemingly the whole house.

“ _ Forgot I had a PA system motherfuckers?  Well I didn’t.  I want everyone in the meeting room in 30 minutes and no later otherwise I’ll have your dick on a silver platter.  That includes you Lil’ J, I know you’re here,”  _  Geoff’s voice echos off the walls and Jeremy laughs again, going to get out of bed but I hold him tighter.

“Noooo,” I whined, squeezing the shorter man.   
“You heard the boss, we have to be in the meeting room and I surely know that we both need a shower.  Come on Gavin,” He insists, climbing out and I flop down onto the mattress.  

“But my body is too tired,” My words come out muffled as my face was pressed into the black sheets.   
“I’ll carry you then,” Jeremy says, picking me up and slinging me over his shoulder.  I squawk and flail my arms and legs.   
“I’m naked J!”  I scream as he carried me to my ensuite bathroom.   
“You think  _ that  _ bothers me?”  He chuckles, kicking the door shut and setting me on the closet toilet seat.  

“You’re an asshole,” I pout, crossing my arms and sticking out my lip.   
“Yeah but you like my ass,” The purple haired man pecks my lips and squeezes my right thigh.

“Oh shut it,” The blush creeping up to my cheeks.  He flicks on the shower, turning it to a warm temperature.

“Come on Goldie, hop in,” Jeremy pushes back the gold shower curtain and I obey, too tired to fight it anymore.  Jeremy hops in after, helping out with washing off and humming a song that he’s always seeing.  After drying off I change into some joggers and plain white t-shirt while Jeremy runs around the penthouse in his boxers, digging up clothes that he constantly leaves here since it seems that he lives here more often than his own place now.   
“Jeremy!”  I yell from my place at the top of the stairs, exhaustion still running through my body.   
“Yeah, buddy?”  He asks, peeking around the corner at the bottom, now fully dressed in a tight fitting shirt and some jeans.

“Carry me?”  I ask, reaching my arms out and he laughs.

“Yeah, sure.  I guess I owe you that,”  He jogs up the stairs and pops me up on his back, me wrapping my long limbs around him.   
“Thanks Lil’ J,” I mumble, kissing his cheek.  We make our way to the elevator and down to the 23rd floor to the meeting room.  Everyone else from the main crew was already there.  Geoff took his usual seat at the front of the table, Jack to his left, then Ryan.  On the right side sat Michael, then me, and now Jeremy.  He me set me down in my chair as gently as he could but I still whimpered when my bottom hit the somewhat cushioned seat.  Michael laughed, Ryan smirked with a deep chuckle, Jack’s eyes widened, and Geoff shook his head with a smile.  Jeremy was blushing all the way to the tips of his ears but the smirk stayed firmly planted on his face.   
“Okay you horny idiots, I need you all to somewhat focus because this is serious.  It’s heist time,” Geoff says dramatically, drawing in all of our attention.  Heists were one of the best things about this job.  Despite the planning and the danger aspect, they were pretty fun.

“What’s on the menu for us boss?”  Ryan asks, leaning forward on the table with his hands folded. 

“Well we are going to need a bit more help for this one, that’s why I’m asking you, Jeremy, if you want to join us on this heist?”  The tattooed man asks, gesturing to the short man next to me.

“If you would have me, I would love to!” He says excitedly, making Geoff chuckle.

“Prefect.  So it’s not just going to be us on this mission, we are also going to be needing the B Team.”  Just then the door opened and in flooded the B Team.  “J, I’d like you to meet the people that basically make everything happen.  The tall, scrawny, black haired one is Trevor.  He is the second boss and a hell of a lot more responsible than I am.  You’ll probably see him a lot more than the rest of the crew,”  Geoff introduces.  Jeremy freezes for a second, eyes scanning over Trevor like he knew him.

“Uh, nice to meet you,” Jeremy awkwardly shakes his hand, Trevor acting strangely as well.  Looks like I’ll have to be talking to one of the two later.

“Then there is Lindsay.  She is the reason that we are able to get a hold of pretty much anything.  She can make a deal with anyone; you have to see her work, it’s even better than Gavin,”  I gasp and everyone laughs a bit.   
“I’ve heard so much about you, Jeremy!”  Lindsay says, wrapping Lil’ J in a tight hug.  At first, he was surprised but then wrapped his strong arms around her.  It was actually pretty sweet.  Both Jeremy and Lindsay were small and cute that they made a perfect pair.

“Then there is Meg.  She are the girl that you go to when you need to get shit done.  Shopping is a specialty but so is kicking ass when we are too busy to do it.  If you need something particular for a heist, you go to her.  Lindsay does the bigger stuff like cars and guns while Meg does ammo, bombs, and safehouse set up.  Matt is our electronic guy.  He looks like a bum, mostly because he is, but he does the coms and monitors police to see what they are saying about us.  He helps out when Gavin can’t or we need more than one person.  Then we have Andy and Kerry that are the loveable idiots, I guess you could say.  We’re not really sure why we have them here but they will pretty much do anything else that isn’t done.  It isn’t much, we mostly ask them to go on coffee runs, but they are mildly important,”  Geoff continues and Jeremy gives everyone a wave.  I smile at Meg, her and I having quite a bit of past to us.  Nothing romantic or anything, she was just a good friend.  She smiles back, finishing tying up her purple hair in the messy ponytail.  “Okay, now that we have our introductions out of the way, let’s get to the real shit.  We have a job that’s going to require more self control than we are used to,”  Geoff starts and Michael groans, falling back into his chair dramatically.  “Let me finish asshole.  Okay, so we will be attending The Garners’ Black Tie Event.  They are revealing their new art collection in their house.  There is a piece there that they do not have out for display but I happen to know someone that is willing to pay top dollar for this piece of artwork.”   
“How much are we talking?”  Ryan asks the question everyone was wondering.  Well except for Jack because Jack knew everything that Geoff knew.  They were literally each other’s other halves, communication always flowing.

“We’re looking at 20 million here if we can get it out in perfect condition,” Geoff says and everyone takes a breath of surprise.  Damn that would be a good take for this job.  The Garners’ had quite a name for themselves.  They were honest people though, well as honest as politicians get.  I mean they didn’t get their money from crime, they worked a ‘real’ job.  They were bloody loaded to say the least.  They had one of the biggest mansions in all of Los Santos.  I would know, I’ve been in it a few times…  Not to be too suggestive but let’s just say Mr. Garners isn’t a perfect husband like he makes himself out to be.  He paid me well though and I enjoyed my time when I was there, surrounded by marble and diamonds.  That hasn’t been for a long time though, years probably.  That was back when I was younger and Geoff didn’t keep such a good eye on me.  Now he wouldn’t want me doing those things as our faces and names were out there and I could easily be put into danger doing that.  Especially with such a big name like Garners.

“But that means we need everyone on board and ready to do their job.  Alright,” Geoff points to the picture of the mansion on the wall with the big red circle around it, “this is the mansion.  We have the blueprints and the room that the sculpture should be in.  This is that sculpture,” He pins the next image on the board.  It was some weird, old grey fixture that seemed important.  “Lindsay has already gotten us an invite.  Well, me an invite.  So here are the rolls.  Gavin,” My head pipes up, “you are going to be my arm candy.”

“Yes!”  I exclaim excitedly and everyone laughs.   
“So you are going to be my date, you are going to do you’re Golden Boy thing.  We are the distraction for everyone.  We wanna keep Mr. and Mrs. Garners attention while the others get the art.  Michael, you are going to play bodyguard.  I know that there will be people at the door that are checking for weapons and other shit, I mean this is Los Santos, but we need to have guns on us.  You are going to make sure we get in with all weapons intact and to make sure no one else does.  We want to make sure the place is secure as possible.  Since most of these people know our faces, Meg will be designing up some disguises for you.  Ryan and Jeremy, you are going to be the waiters and butlers that walk about and hand out the drinks and little snack things.  You are going to be the people that actually go upstairs and gets the art.  Jack, you will be playing the driver there and the getaway driver per usual.  Matt, we will have you watching the surveillance cameras.  Lindsay, I will need you to get us two cars.  Preferably an SUV that’s sleek and looks rich as fuck.  We need to be fitting in with everyone.  Meg, you will be getting disguises for Michael, Ryan, and Jeremy.  They all need to be matching the actual workers there so we’re going to have to do some research.  Andy, we’re going to need you to go on an ammo run before the heist.  Then you are going to be in the back of the car that Jack is driving where you will set up a safe place for the art to be while we make our run away.  You will also be there for medical help just incase.  I'm not thinking that we're going to need it.  Kerry, since you are surprisingly not a bad driver, you will be driving the second car that is exactly the same as the one we showed up in.  You are going to pick up Gavin and I.  Trevor, you make sure that everything actually happens this way.  Everyone get their role?”  Geoff asks, everyone nods in understanding.  He then goes over the plan and how we exactly were going to get it out of the house.  It had to be quickly and strategically done.  Once it was over, Matt would wipe the memory from the cameras.  “Okay, now one of the best parts of heisting: codenames.  I will go by Geoff because that’s what the name is on the invitation.  Gavin, what would you like to go by?”

“Umm, let’s keep it a classic and go with Goldie,”  I wink at Geoff who shakes his head with a smirk, writing my name on the board.

“Jack, what about you?”   
“What about… Little Red Ride My Hood?”  They ask, making everyone burst into laughter.   
“I don’t know if that’s a sex thing or just because you’re driving but I like it,”  Geoff says through giggles.  “Ryan?”   
“Is Vagabond  _ too _ obvious?”   
“Very.  Get more creative,”  The older man insists, leaning forward on the table.  

“How about… umm… Posh Asshole?  Gavin, is that too offensive to you?”  Ryan pokes and I gape at him.

“You are a mingy prick, Ryan!”  I throw the pencil that was on the table in front of me at the chuckling man.   
“Posh Asshole, I like it, Ryan.  Very fitting for this heist,” Geoff writes that one down next to Ryan’s name. “Michael?”

“Could I be Michelangelo?”

“Art puns.  I appreciate you,”  Geoff points a tattooed finger at the red haired boy.

“Always knew you did, Geoffy,” Michael winks at him, a bit more behind that statement than what most knew in the room.

“And Jeremy?”

“Can I be Monstertruck?”

“You can absolutely be Monstertruck.”

I was pretty excited about this heist actually.  I got to dress up all fancy which means I get to go shopping.  Lovely.  Our boss then hands us each a specific file for this heist, Heist Art Snatcher, then we were dismissed.  I yawn and stretch my arms, planning on going back and taking a nice long nap.  

“Gav, I assuming we are going to coordinate our outfits?”  Geoff asks, raising an eyebrow before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Already on it love,” I reply, rubbing my eyes.  Jesus, how late did we stay up last night?   
“Do you want a piggy back ride up to your room sleepy head?”  Jeremy asks, petting my messy hair.   
“Please,” I lift up my arms and he hauls me on top of his back, “I don’t know why they call you Lil’ J.  The only thing little about you is your height,” I mumble in my sleepy state and he laughs, a blush creeping up his neck.   
“Oh quit it, Gavin,” He rolls his eyes with a light hearted smile.  He carries me to the elevator, a few others climbing in with us.  I sigh contently, resting my head on his purple floof.  Jeremy was such a sweetheart despite his macho attitude. He takes me up to my room and gently sets me down on my bed.

“Thank you,”  I mumble, cuddling into the black covers.  I feel warm lips on my forehead and I smile, Jeremy did make me happy.

“Anytime,”  He says, heading towards the door.

“Jeremy”

“Hm?”   
“How do you know Trevor?”  I ask, peeking my right eye open at him.  His face flushes and his stance changes.   
“Uh, Trevor?  I-um-I don’t know him,” He quickly stutters before escaping my bedroom.  I didn’t have too much time to ponder on his strange behavior before I fell back asleep.

 

A few days later I had forgotten the weird acts of Jeremy.  I mean, he was a pretty unpredictable guy as I haven’t know him that long.  I was painting my nails while majority of the crew was out.  Michael was with Jeremy at the shooting range.  Ryan was out for a long walk as he was on a murder break and needed some alone time.  Then I’m pretty sure Geoff, Jack, and Trevor were going over details for the heist again.  Despite how unprofessional we acted, we were very meticulous about our heists.  I was painting my nails white with a chunky glittery gold coat on my ring fingers.  After years of painting my nails, I finally learned how to steady my shaky hands.  I was waiting for the top coat to dry when I received a text from Meg.  ‘Up for a little shopping?’ it read.  I smiled and texted her back of course that I was down for shopping, that I was just waiting for my nails to dry.  Luckily I was already dressed decently, light ripped skinny jeans and a forest green shirt that was tucked in on one side.  We agreed on Meg picking me up in 20 minutes as I didn’t have my license but that usually doesn’t stop me from driving.  I peeked my head in the office where Geoff, Jack, and Trevor were and told them that I was going out with Meg.  Jack gave me the usual speech: “Don’t get into too much trouble and have a weapon on you.  And don’t forget your wallet dumbass!”  I was excited to hang out with Turney, it had been a long time since it’s just been me and her together.  Speaking of that, she just arrived in her purple Grotti Turismo R.     
“Ello love!”  I say as soon as she steps out, wrapping my arms around her in a tight hug.   
“Wassup Free!”  She replies, hugging me just as tight.  “Come on!  We have so much to talk about!”” She says excitedly, getting into the car.  We go to one of the nicest malls in Los Santos, the one that we always shop at and do our best to avoid robbing.  Most of the time.  

“Okay, so what do you got to tell me?”  I ask as we enter the first clothing store.

“It's about Lindsay and me.”

“Omg spill!”  I excitedly tug on her shirt like a child.

“Well there has been some good progressions,” Meg briefly explains, looking through a clothing rack.

“Turney, I'm going to kick your bum if you don't get to the point.”

“We went out on a date last Saturday and it went really well!”  She finally explains and we both squeal, earning a few glares from people in the store.

“So are you dating, exclusive, girlfriends?”

“Well we've been hanging out nearly every night for the past week but our apartments are next to each other so it's easy but I think I'm gonna ask her to make it official.”

“I'm so happy for you!”  I reply, accepting the shirt that she put in my arms.

“So what about you Gav?  You and Jeremy got something going on?”  She grabs a pair of pants, slinging those over my arm.

“I mean, we got _it_ going on,” I say in a suggestive way and she raises an eyebrow.

“Wow, I’d never thought I’d see Gavin Free fucking before a first date,” She says, walking over to another part of the store.  I started to shop as well, looking around for anything that caught my eye.

“We went out on a date!”  I defend and she giggles, rolling her eyes.  Meg was my closest friend besides the crew.  She could be trusted with about everything I told her and I loved her for that.  

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”  She asks, baffled at why I hadn’t shared that information.

“You’ve been busy!”  I throw back and she rolls her eyes with a soft smile.  She wasn’t actually mad.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t text me and say you’re in love!”   
“I’m not in love!”  I nearly screech.  She stops what she’s doing for a moment and gives me a look.

“I know Gavin but I want you to get there.”

“You know what happened last time Meg…” My voice trails off, trying my best to not think about those memories.

“Gav, that was out of your control.  This time it is.  I understand why you are hesitant.”

“Is it really in my control?  I like Jeremy, I really do.  And Michael has just been utterly amazing.  But this life… any of us could-”

“Stop,” She cuts me off, “In this life we live fast and die young.  You have to seize every moment, even if that means you might end up getting hurt.  I know you had your heart broken Gavin, we all have.  But Jeremy, Michael, and all the others are  _ great  _ guys and you should consider yourself lucky.  I know that they love you even if you don’t see it.  I can.  I can see it in the way that they look at you and talk about you.  They really care about you.  Don’t let the past hinder your future with Jeremy or Michael or fuck, both of them.  I don’t want to see you like that ever again.  So willing to throw yourself into any dangerous situation without thinking about it first or calculating the risk.  I’ve calculated the risk for this situation Gavin, and this is one I want you to take.”  I look at Meg’s face for a while, processing what she had just spoken to me.  I look down at my tattered Versace high tops, awkwardly toeing at the studs on the other shoe.  These black shoes had seen hell and back, just like my white Converse.  I couldn’t bring myself to ever get rid of them despite how much money I had.  They all held memories.

“Thank you, Meg.  You don’t know how much it means to me for you to say that ” I say, dropping the stuff that was in my arms and wrapping her in another tight hug.

“Anytime.  Okay, enough sappy shit.  We need to get shopping.  And I definitely want to hear about Jeremy in bed,” She says and I giggle, rolling my eyes at my best friend.

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,”  I smile with a blush painting the top of my cheeks.  I pick up the clothes that I dropped and we carry on shopping.

“Okay, so who topped?”  She asks, picking up yet another shirt.

“Who do you think?”  I ask back and she laughs, basically dancing across the store to look at another section.

“Jeremy I would assume.”

“I’m not sure if I should take offense to that.”

“Gav, let’s be real.  I don’t think you could top anyone,”  She gives me a ‘really’ look.

“Bollocks!  I have topped before, I’ll have you know.  But yeah, Jeremy did this time,”  I giggle, the blush coming back to my cheeks.  I really shouldn’t be embarrassed about this, I was just talking to my best friend.

“How was it?  Was he any good?”  My purple haired friend grabbed two more shirts, adding them to the pile.

“Well I mean he was good enough that we went for three rounds,” I admit and she gasps, hitting my chest.

“Holy shit!  How did you manage to move after that?”  She asks, smile stretching from ear to ear.  This was my favorite type of Meg.  The happy, giddy, excited Meg.  That and the Doll type of Meg.  Her criminal side which was a force to reckon with.

“I didn’t.  I made him give me piggy back rides for the rest of the day,”  We both tumbled into laugher, disturbing the other people around us.

“Sooo, how big was he?” She asks, a mischievous look in her eye.

“Uhhh,” I say, moving my hands to do my best to accurately show her.  “But length wasn’t everything Meg, he was,” I use my fingers to show the girth and her eyes widen.

“Jesus Christ Gavin!  I might have to hit up Jeremy,”  She jokes and I shake my head with a giggle.

“Hell no, he’s mine.”  She sighs dramatically, tossing her arms down at her sides.

“Yeah yeah, but if things don’t work out between Linds and me and you and J, then I definitely know who I’m going to first,” She says and I laugh.

“You mong,” I push her shoulder and roll my eyes.

“Come on, you know I’m kidding… mostly.  Okay, let’s go try this stuff on,” She pushes me towards the dressing rooms.  One of the workers let us into a room, Meg insisting that we share one dressing room instead of getting our own.  I didn’t mind of course, I had seen Meg naked and scantily clothed multiple times.  She had also seen me the same way.

 

We ended up shopping for a few more hours until we came went into the last shop for the day.  It was the same as the place we had been going into for the whole day-- pristine shirts and pressed pants.  We carried quite a few bags, okay, a bit more than a few.  Everywhere seemed to have the cutest clothes today!  Meg and I were looking around, giggling and laughing together just like we had been doing in all the other stores.  That was until the worker lady came walking up to us with a snobby look on her face.

“Excuse me,” She interjects the silly conversation we were having.  Meg stops laughing, turning towards the older women.

“Yes?”

“Could you two please quiet down?  I am receiving noise complaints,” She says matter of factly.  Meg looks around, her purple hair brushing along her shoulders.

“We’re the only ones in the store,” Meg points out and the worker falters for a minute.

“Whatever, I don’t need to take this from you,” She looks us up and down with a disgusted look, “homosexuals.”  She turns to walk away and I instantly reach for the pistol tucked into the back of my pants but Meg grabs my arm.

“We didn’t want anything from here anyways, right G?”  She asks, going into protective mode.

“You know what, I actually did,” I say, pulling my gun out and shooting the security camera in the front then the one in the back.  The worker gasps, her not even having time to react before I lodge a bullet in her kneecap.  She screams and falls to the floor, clutching her wounded leg.  I roll my eyes, crouching down by her.  “Hm?  How does it feel to get shot by a gay now love?”  I taunt but she wasn’t paying any attention.  She was crying out for help and whatever.  I didn’t want to put up with her shit.  “Do you want anything now Doll?”  I look up at Meg who smiles wickedly.   
“Don’t mind if I do,” She says, skipping around the store, filling her arms with clothes and accessories.  I join her as well, grabbing whatever I pleased and putting it in bags.  I pick the lock for the cash register and take whatever money was in there before we decide on leaving.

“Thanks for the lovely service today!  Oh, and I called 911 for you dear, they should be here soon.  Also, if you say anything too detailed about us you'll have the Fake AH Crew on you,” I blow the worker a kiss before we exit the store.  Meg was in a fit of laugher as we jogged down the street towards her car.

“I can't believe you did that Gavin!  You are such a brat!”  She yells as we toss the bags in the back of her car.  I giggle, hopping in the passenger seat.

“No one can say that stuff to a Fake and get away with it,” I smirk and she pulls out of the parking lot, barely bothering to look for traffic.  What could I say?  I am a brat and I didn't care.  That was more the Golden Boy criminal persona but our personas are part of us.  It's different from Ryan as he actually had a different person inside of him while we can fall into a different mood when we need to.  It kind of hard to explain, it's just our personalities.  We arrive back at the penthouse in no time, Turney speeding through the streets like we were getting chased by cops but there were none this time.  She helps me carry my abundance of bags, not only containing clothing for my but the rest of the crew as well.  When I open the door I find Michael, Ryan, and Geoff playing some sort of video game on the couch.  I had no idea where Jack or Jeremy was.   
“I’m back,” I yell, pushing through the door with the overwhelming number of shopping bags

“Gav, why are you splattered in blood?”  Michael asks, peeking over the top of the couch.  I look down at my outfit and see that in fact there was blood on my shirt and jeans.

“The lady at the store we were at was homophobic so I shot her in the knee,” I state proudly, a smile on my face.

“Gavin…” Geoff sighs, putting his head in his hand.   
“Wot?  I shot out the cameras and called an ambulance for her!  I’m not that big of a dope,” I point out.

“Well, are you okay?”  Ryan asks, his eyes calm and welcoming.

“Yeah, we’re perfectly fine.  I also robbed the register,” I remember, tossing the thousands of dollars down onto the coffee table.  Geoff raises his eyebrow as he looks at the stack of cash, “See, I’m not that worthless.”   
“I never said you were worthless.  I just don’t want you to get yourself killed or into too big of trouble that you can’t get out of,” My boss says, grabbing the money.  My smile returns, knowing that I got away with my outburst.  

“I can handle myself Geoffrey.  Now come on Meg!  Let’s go try on clothes!”  I grab her hand as best I could and drug her up to my room.  Meg puts together outfits for me that I happily tried on.  I actually got a new pair of shoes… or 4 new pairs.  Versace shoes are just so cute!  That was until I came across the stuff that I had purchased for Geoff for the heist.  I skipped back down the stairs just wearing a new pair of skinny jeans that I had.  I had to admit, they were extremely tight but made my ass look phenomenal, even Meg commented on it.  “Geoff, Geoff!  You have to see what I got you!”  I sing, coming in front of him as now he was the only one sitting on the couch, sipping whiskey and flipping through channels on the telly.

“Uh oh,” He grumbles, standing up from his seat.

“I got you a new bowtie,” I pull out the white and floral bow that matches the shirt I bought for the heist.  I wrap it around his neck and quickly tie it.  After all these years, Jack and I were the only ones that could tie a tie or bowtie despite how little both of us wore them.

“Actually not that bad,”  His voice sounded a little strained and I would tell he was trying not to look too low.

“And I got one of those pocket cloth thingies that match,” I rest it over his shoulder, the pattern the same floral and vines.  “Also I got you a new pair of heist shoes since I ruined your last ones.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Geoff insists but I shake my head, walking over to the coffee table where the box was.  I bent down and grabbed the black pair of dress shoes out, maybe purposefully shaking my ass a bit.  I hear Geoff let out a quiet but painful groan and I smirk to myself.  Maybe I hadn’t gotten out bratty mood just yet.  They were truly beautiful shoes.  Shiny black with gold accents around the bottom and top.  Of course with real gold.   They also had gold laces.

“But look how beautiful these ones are,” I hand them over to him and Geoff eyes them up and down.

“They are quite gorgeous but a bit more your style,” He smirks and snorts.

“But they will match our outfits together!  You have to wear them!”  I basically beg, jumping up and down in front of the man.  He watches me with intent, a glint of something in his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, anything for you Goldie,” He says and I giggle.   
“You’re the best,” I smile, turning to pick up the now empty box.  I could feel Geoff’s blue eyes burning on my backside, raking up and down my body.  “You like my new jeans?  Meg says they make my arse look great,” I stand back up, quirking an eyebrow at him.  I expected him to stutter and mess up, not like he flirts professionally.

“Well she’s not wrong,” He says, grabbing the other shoe before exiting the living room, leaving me there stunned.  Who knew that Geoff had it in him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have written part of that while high like a week ago??? And I was really impressed with how well I did but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to spell shower curtain??? Lol, don't judge me. But a fuck yeah to flirty Geoff and the aftermath of a night with "Lil" J. Gotta love a good old bratty melt down too, even if it was for a good reason. Leave me some comments on what you thought! I read and reply to every single one!  
> Title- Don't Let Me Go by G-Eazy


	10. A diamond bullet and a gun made of gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Talk of self harm in this chapter.  
> My apologies for taking forever to get this chapter up. I've just been so busy with graduation party shit and personal shit that it's taken a toll on my writing. I'm still gonna do my best to update twice a week though. This chapter was supposed to be better and maybe one day I'll go back and add to it but I just wanted to finish this and post it and it's 1:20 am so yeah. Comment your thoughts.  
> Title from Besitos by Pierce The Veil. I'm sure y'all can tell I'm utter trash just from my music selection.

Heist Time-- Present

 

Heist time was one of the best parts of being a criminal, most of the Fake AH Crew thought.  They were antsy all day long, even the day or two before.  Most of them could barely sleep, too hyped up to rest.  But the night before Jack would make sure that everyone at least got a few hours so they would still be useful the next day.  In reality, Jack was having just as much of a hard time sleeping as they were.

 

Here they all were, twenty minutes before they were supposed to leave.  Ryan was locked in the bathroom, talking to himself in the mirror.  He was doing his best to keep Vagabond at bay.  They were still on a murder break, meaning that Vaga was going to have a hard time during this heist as he was _kill kill kill kill_.  Gavin was still in his room with Michael nagging at him outside of the door.  Gavin was sitting in front of his vanity, making sure his makeup was perfect.  For events like these the Golden Boy went all out.  A subtle brown eyeshadow look with gold glitter on the inner corner encompassed by perfectly winged eyeliner.  Mascara made his naturally long and thick lashes stand out even more.  He, of course, had highlighter on with a bit of blush and contour to offset it.  The blonde didn’t need concealer or fondation as for some reason he had perfect skin despite the horrible eating habits he had.  Gavin had shaved so just a little stubble was left, he thought it looked better for this outfit.  A pinky nude glossy lip finished off the look.  How he had gotten so good a makeup was beyond everyone.  He’d had to admit, he looked damn good.  Gavin’s hair had given him the most problems as it always did.  He had even just gotten it trimmed so it would be less of a hassle but low and behold, Gavin still had messy sex hair as always.  This time around at the hairdressers, he had his sides cut down shorter than he usually does but he was really digging it.  He had gold earrings in, in the shape of the Fake AH logo.  Gavin had them custom made a while ago and thought that now would be the perfect time to show them off.  Just regular diamonds were in the other two lobe piercings Gavin had.  Then, of course, the gold hoop in his cartilage on his left side.  It was rare when Gavin would change his tongue piercing, it always made him gag and on the verge of throwing up.  He not even sure how the piercer got it in in the first place so for now he left the plain gold ball in there.  Gavin had on his new white long sleeve shirt.  It had the flowers and vines coming up from the bottom of the shirt and the sleeves.  He had that tucked into tight white dress pants and the same shoes that he had gotten Geoff but they were white and gold instead of black and gold.  He had a few gold rings on and a watch with more diamonds encrusted in it than most jewelers had in their shops.  The Golden Boy was out tonight and he wasn’t afraid to show off.

 

“Gavin, I swear to god I’m going to take the damn mirror and smash it over your head!”  Michael yells yet another empty threat.  

“I’m coming, I’m coming!”  Gavin calls, closing the lid to his lipgloss.

“Jack is about to come up here and they are a lot more threatening than I am,” Michael taps his foot impatiently.  He was dressed up in maroon dress pants and a blazer with a white shirt underneath, matching ones with Jeremy and Ryan.  They were exactly the outfits that the rest of the staff was wearing.  Gavin pops the door open just as Michael finished his sentence.  “Well, well, well.”

“What do you think?”  The Golden Boy asks, posing in front of him.  Michael looks him up and down, a low whistle leaving his mouth.

“Hot damn Gav, you look amazing,” The ginger says, wrapping his arm around Gavin’s slim waist and bringing him into a hot kiss.

“You do as well love,” Gavin traces a finger down the front of Michael’s chest, tugging at the top of his pants.  Michael bites his lip, raising an eyebrow at the boy in his arms.   
“YOU TWO BETTER GET DOWN HERE NOW!”  Jack yells from the living room, making the pair fly nearly fly down the stairs.

“Blame Gavin!”  Michael says right away, making the other boy squawk.

“It takes time to look this good!”  Gavin defends but Jack only laughs.

“Is this how I’m supposed to look Gav?”  Geoff asks, walking over to the other group.

“You look amazing.  But why aren’t you wearing gold earrings?!”  The blonde gasps, grabbing onto Geoff’s pierced ear.  He also had triple holes like Gavin but he was wearing three black small hoops.

“You have all the gold in the house!  And we don’t have time to change!  Ryan!  We gotta go!”  The boss yells, adjusting his cuff.  Geoff had on his classic black tux but the jacket was more fitting than usual.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m coming,”  Ryan mumbles, walking out of the bathroom with his head down.  He rubbed his hands over his face with a sigh.  Jack walked to his side, resting a gentle hand on his upper arm.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”  Jack asks, stepping in front of the taller man.

“Yes Jack, I’m going to be okay. It’s just a lot in my head right now,” Ryan says, looking into Jack’s calming blue eyes before twitching.  “I’ll be okay.”

“It is okay if you sit this one out.  I know how much this murder break means to you,” Jack does their best to comfort the other.

“No.  This is an easy job and I should be able to do this,” Ryan attempts to say confidently.  Jack sighs, taking a step closer to him.  They press their soft lips against Ryan’s, holding him for a kiss.

“If you need to step out I will always be outside,” Jack whispers in the other’s ear before stepping away.  Ryan nods, giving them a small smile.

 

Vagabond was literally pacing inside of Ryan’s head, wearing down the flooring to nothing.  He was itching at his skin, needing to destroy and kill.  It had been 3 weeks since they had last killed someone and Vaga was going insane.  More than he already was.  But Ryan had to hold on for a few more days.  Just one month of no killing then they would go back to terrorizing the town with the black skull mask that everyone feared.  He could do it.  He had to do it.  For himself and to prove it to his crew that he could control it.  It was just difficult during heist time when that was Vagabond’s  _ favorite _ part of being with this crew.  The chaos and adrenaline, he thrived off of it.    Vagabond was mumbling to himself and to Ryan, all words of anger and discomfort.  He had been visiting the penthouse at more than usual, knocking on Jack’s door for a quick fix or out on the balcony smoking an entire carton of cigarettes with Michael.  Who knew that the fiery haired boy could smoke like a fucking chimney just like the Vagabond could.  Michael would sit there buzzing with nicotine while Vaga was relaxing in the chair, staring out at the city lights and wondering how the hell he got here. Ryan and Vaga haven't wanted to run like this… god it’s been years.  Since he was locked up in that godforsaken mental institution.  Luckily no one had seen the marks on his arms yet.  The long, smooth lacerations on his limbs that he used as some sort of release.  Ryan didn’t like to think that he was self harming, he was twenty something years old.  He should be able to control himself by now.  But sometimes his head got a little too much and he couldn’t hand it.  And Ryan hated himself for it.  He prayed that the rest of the crew wouldn’t notice or ask.  They were criminals, it was normal for them to have wounds and scars.  Ryan just had to keep Vagabond under control for just this one heist.

 

Jeremy was nervous to say the least.  This was his first real job with the Fakes and they were depending on him for real stuff.  He couldn’t fuck this up.  That was one of the main reasons Jeremy wasn’t in crews, he got so much anxiety about the idea of the possibility of losing one of his crew members.  And it being his fault made it worse.  Anxiety made his palm sweat and his stomach twist in knots.  Sometimes it got so bad that he would throw up or cry.  That was one of the main reasons why Jeremy started smoking.  It helped with his worries and calmed him down greatly.  But he knew he couldn’t go into this heist high!  Are you kidding me?!  He had to be professional and prove himself to Geoff and the rest of the crew.  He could lose his reputation or even his life if he fucked his up.  He breathed in deeply through his nose then out through his mouth.  He was currently in the extra bedroom in the Fakes penthouse, if you could call it an extra bedroom when you could nearly get lost in that place.  He was excited but filled with nerves.  He had to do this.  

 

Jack eventually got the group filled out of the house and down the elevator to see Matt.  He equipped them with coms which turned into them saying stupid shit for 5 minutes to make sure that they all worked.

“Ass fuck bitch titties, this is Michael on the coms,” Michael says once his is flipped on.

“Wet cunt!  This is Geoff!”  Geoff nearly blows out everyone's set but it was mostly ignored because of the laughter.

“I am MonsterTruck!”  Jeremy yells, flexing his muscles as he does so.

“Looking good Lil’ J.  This is the sexiest of them all, Gavino,” Gavin says, adjusting his com in his ear.

“I don’t know about you but I think I’m looking pretty good in these pants,” Jack twists their hips and shakes their ass a bit, “Oh and this is Jack.”  Gavin scans Jack’s body up and down.  He’d have to admit, they did look extremely hot in the tight leather leggings and black bomber jacket.

“Not wrong,” Gavin mumbles, making Jack laugh a little bit with a slight blush.

“One, two, three, this is Ryan,” He says in a fairly monotone voice.

“Come on Rye!  That was so boring!”  Michael claims, poking the other man’s side.

“Ugh fine.  Suck my nine-inch shlong you fucks,” He says with a slight smirk on his face.

“Nine inches?!”  Michael gasps, eyes wide.  Ryan winks at him, making the ginger blush.

“Okay, I’ve got my headset on and everything seems to be working.  Treyco?”  Matt asks, everyone looking over at the lanky boy popping the com in his ear.

“All good.  Can you hear me?”  Trevor asks.   
“Sounds perfect,” Matt says then walks over to Kerry.  “Okay, here’s the last one for you Kerry.  Please, don’t break it like last time.”

“I mean I can try,” The blonde shrugs, allowing Matt to put it in his ear.

“Okay, everyone’s is working then you guys should be ready to go.  If something stops working then look for a camera and give me the signal.”

“Gotcha.  Let’s get to this,” Geoff says and everyone excitedly runs to the elevator to go to the heist garage.  Kerry drives Michael, Ryan, and Jeremy while Jack drives the other two.  Andy was already situated in the back of Jack's car.  The Fake AH Crew was off to the Garners’ mansion.

 

“Geoff and Gavin, be safe in there.  And keep an eye on Ryan if you can.  He was having a hard time with Vagabond,”  Jack says as they roll up to the line to get into the building.

“I know Jack, I saw it too.  I will keep an eye on him,” Geoff says.  Luckily coms weren’t on yet so no one else was hearing this conversation.

“I know you guys can do this easily.  Just don’t get sloppy drunk in there,”  They look back, smiling at Plan G.

“We’ll see about that,” Gavin winks, making Jack roll their eyes.

“Hey, you stay safe too.  See you on the other side,”  Geoff unbuckles and slides forward, turning Jack’s chin and pressing a kiss to their lips.

“As always,”  They reply, a small smile playing upon their face.  Gavin was smiling fondly in his seat, watching the pair interact.  Finally it was their time to get out of the car and the coms flipped on.  There were paparazzi and bodyguards at the door, completely over extravagant for the event.  Gavin was loving the attention from the camera flash as soon as he stepped out of the car.  Geoff wrapped his arm around his slim waist, a bit low on his hip.  Gavin smiled bright, giggling and waving at the cameras.  They made their way to the door where they found Michael.  Well, what looked somewhat liked Michael as Meg had put them in disguises.  The freckled man smirked at Gavin, patting down his body.  The blonde squeals when Michael grabs his perky ass through his dress pants and blushes furiously.  He brushes right over the Brit’s weapons and ushers him through with a wink.  Geoff was next.  Michael was very thorough with his search, making sure to gently dance his fingers across the front of his pants.  Plan G got into the party with no problems and were right into talking with people.  Geoff had a firm hand planted on Gavin’s hip, showing everyone that Gavin was his despite his flirtatious acts.

“Ramsey!  You were able to make it!”  Burnie Burns says, shaking the tattooed man’s hand.

“Free drinks and art?  Why not?”  Geoff jokes, making the group of men laugh.

“So who is this fine piece of arm candy you’ve got going on?”  Burnie asks, checking out Gavin who giggles.   
“Goldie,”  Gavin reaches out his hand to shake.  Burnie takes it delicately, bring it up to his lips and placing a kiss on the ring he had on.

“Hmm, fitting.  So are you two together or..?”  The man asks, eyeing the couple up and down.

“I guess you could say that,”  Geoff says, pulling Gavin even closer to him.  Maybe he did have quite a jealous streak in him.

“How did you guys meet?”  Another guy that Gavin didn't recognize asks.  He was also checking out the couple without caring to cover it up.

“Mmm, Goldie was at a bar one night and I just couldn’t take my eyes off of him.”

“Geoff was lucky I had a thing for tattoos and blue eyes,” Gavin giggles, tracing over the rose tattoos traveling up Geoff’s neck.   
“Lucky?  I don’t know about that,” Geoff smirks, squeezing Gavin’s side.

“Oh please, everyone in that bar was ogling at me, love.  Guess I just liked your charm,” The Golden Boy looks up at him with big doe eyes. 

Geoff chuckles warmly, “You’re not wrong on that babe.”  They stick around with that group for a while, Geoff talking easily with the men and Gavin flirting.

“I’m gonna go get us something to drink, love,” Gavin say, kissing Geoff jaw before disappearing into the crowd.  

“How in the hell did you swipe that piece of ass up?”  One of the men asks Geoff, making him laugh.

“I ask myself the same question,” The tattooed man replies, smiling as soon as Gavin reappears.

“Whiskey for you,” He hands Geoff the cup from his dainty hands while he had champagne.

“Thanks, baby,” Geoff presses a kiss to the top of Gavin’s head.   
“Babe!  My hair!”  Gavin whines, making everyone else laugh.

“Geoff, we’re all in position if you want to start talking to Mr. Garners,” Ryan’s voice rings through their ears.

“We’re gonna go see if we can find the man of the hour now.  Have a goodnight guys,” Geoff waves to the group of men, tugging on Gavin who was chatting with some guy.  They made their way over to the couple that was draped in diamonds and dressed to the nine, similar to Geoff and Gavin.  

“Oh!  Mr. Ramsey!  I’m glad you could make it!”  Mr. Garners greets the pair, only really recognizing Geoff.

“We are glad as well.  You have such a beautiful place,”  Geoff shakes his hand firmly, a fake smile planted on his face.

“Thank you very much.  And who is this?”  Gerners asks, gesturing towards Gavin.

“Oh sweetheart, you don’t remember me?  I guess it has been a while,”  Gavin a winks, causing the man to madly blush, “Goldie you can call me.”

“Goldie, Geoff, this is my wife Nadia,” He tugs over some snotty looking lady with caked on makeup that if anything accentuated her age.

“Nice to meet you,” Geoff says, holding Gav a bit closer.

“Mike, have you spoken to the Miller’s yet?”  Nadia asks, taking a large drink from her glass of wine.

“Not yet honey.  They were looking at the gallery right now,”  Mr. Garners says, trying to control his emotions.

“Well you better get to them before the end of the night,” She says before walking off.

“Isn’t she a charmer,” Geoff says sarcastically, Mike sucking in a sharp breath.  

“I gotta love her,” Mike fakes a smile then slamming down the rest of his drink.

“You wanna tell me a bit about your art love?  It certainly is beautiful,” Gavin dances his fingers across Mike’s shoulder, turning him towards the paintings and other works of art.  Perfect distraction.

 

“Michael, are you in position?”  Ryan asks as he and Jeremy make their way up the stairs.

“Hell yeah,” Michael replies, peering down the hallway that he was watching.  He was at the exit where Jack was waiting with the getaway car.

“Geoff and Gav we're just about to the room,” Ryan says as they reach the top of the stairs.  Jeremy and Ryan straighten out and try to act naturally as they walked down the elegant hallway.  There was one guard standing in front of the room that they needed to get into to extract the statue.

“Matt, are we clear?”  Jeremy whispers, casually reaching back for his silenced gun.

“Yes.  You have at least 5 minutes to get in and out.  Ryan, you might have to cause a distraction or two if J can’t get it out in time,” Matt explains, flipping through the cameras with Trevor sitting nervously next to him.  He was slamming down coffee like there was no tomorrow and staring intently at the computer screen, more so at Jeremy.

“I’ll do what I can,” Ryan replies, really not wanting to have to kill anyone today.

“It’s MonsterTruck,” Jeremy mumbles, making Ryan and Jack stifle a laugh.  “We’re moving in now,” He whispers, listening to Gavin and Geoff talk to Mr. Garners.  Jeremy moves in slowly, trying to be stealthy but it wasn’t that hard as the guard was doing something on his phone.  Jeremy slid up behind him, covering his mouth and blowing a bullet in his brain.  There was minimal blood splatter and he drug off the body, Ryan replacing the guard's spot.  

“Good, you guys are clear for a while.  Both of you move in and I’ll let you know if anyone is coming,” Matt says, clicking through more cameras.  Jeremy and Ryan enter the room to find the art piece in a glass case.

“Should we be worried about an alarm?”  Ryan asks, stalking towards the statue.

“No, I’ve checked over everything in the house,” Matt replies, other things dancing across the second monitor in his office.  Trevor couldn’t keep up with anything he had on the screen.  Right now Trevor was listening to Gavin, Jack, and Geoff’s coms while Matt had the others.  When it was time to get out they would switch back to everyone together, but right now it was too many voices at once.

“Okay,” Ryan mumbles unsurely, pulling on gloves to pop off the glass box.  He gently grabs it with the tips of his fingers and plucks it off.  Ryan didn’t even realize he was holding his breath until he let it out when an alarm didn’t go off.  “Monster Truck, grab it,” Ryan commands and Jeremy does so.  He had gloves on as well, gently taking the statue from its place and holding it like it was a bomb.  Ryan set the glass back down and looks as Jeremy like  _ could it really be that easy? _

“Ryan!  Jeremy!  There’s someone coming,”  Matt suddenly says, a shrill in his voice that shook Jeremy up a bit.

“Take him out,” Geoff’s voice appears on their coms, startling both of the criminals.   
“Geoff I-”

“Jeremy has his arms full.  It’s okay Rye,  **you have this** ,”  The confidence in his boss’s voice makes Ryan slip the silenced pistol out of the back of Lil’ J’s pants and press his side against the door.

“Matt, give me a countdown for when he’s going to be in front of the door,” Ryan breathes out slowly, listening to the foot steps come closer and closer.

“Four, three, two,” Ryan pushes the door open and shoots a bullet perfectly through the side of his head, leaving him dead on the floor before he knew what hit him.  Ryan breathes out, looking down the hall back and forth to see if there was anyone else.  “Jer, where did you put the other body?”  The blonde asks while sliding the gun next to his in his pants.  He would have used his own but it wasn't silenced.

“In the closet down the hall to the right,” Jeremy replies, still holding onto the art.  Ryan follows what Jeremy had said and returns to the room.

“Matt, are we clear to make it to Michael?”  Ryan asks, eyes flickering around the room.  His fingers were twitching and his breaths were coming out in sharp paces.

“Yes, if you stick to the route.  I’m putting everyone back on the line,” Matt says, clicking a few things on the screen.

“Ryan, are you going to be okay to finish this?”  Was the first thing that Jack says once the coms are flipped.  

“Yes, I’m fine.  Let’s just keep on moving,”  Ryan insists as Jeremy and he make their way down the hall.  They follow the path that they had studied for hours, Ryan peaking around the corners first.  They don’t have to take anyone else out as they make their way to Michael.     
“Everything okay?”  Geoff whispers, still surrounded by rich people.

“We’re good, we’re about to meet up with Michael,” Jeremy says as they see the redhead near their exit.

“Okay, I’m going to try to find Gavin.  He ran off with some guy to dance with.  Fucker had too much champagne,” Geoff grumbles, making most of the crew chuckle.  

“Little Red, are you ready for the guys?  We don’t have much time,” Matt says.   
“Yes, come on, let’s go,” Jack says, tapping a beat to a song on their steering wheel.  Michael helps Jeremy and Ryan get out of the building and down two flights of stairs which were horribly nerve wracking.  Jeremy was basically holding it like a fucking baby while walking down those steps with Michael in front of him and Ryan behind him, constantly checking the doors.  

“You’re still in the clear.  Geoff, Gavin, how’s it looking?”  Matt asks.

“I fucking can’t find the little bastard,” Geoff says, a bit out of breath from running around the place.  Just then Gavin’s giggles filled their ears.  Matt and Trevor searched through the security cameras to find the idiotic Brit.   
“Geoffy!  I found you!”  Gavin suddenly says, wrapping his arms around Geoff and pressing a kiss to his cheek.  All Geoff could smell on him was expensive alcohol and Chanel.

“I think it’s time for us to get out of here,” The tattooed man says, putting a protective arm around Gav and helping him walk.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Gavin,” Michael rolls his eyes at his best friend even though he couldn’t see him, only hear him.

“I’m only a bit tipsy,” The Brit claims, still leaning on Geoff for support.

“Yeah, yeah.  You’re getting your ass reamed for this when you’re sober,” Geoff says quietly as he waved to a few people while leaving the building.

“Oh come on, you could ream my ass anytime love,” Gavin flirts, making Geoff’s face turn red.  They make their way out to the front where Kerry was waiting with their car.  He pushes Gavin into the backseat and slides in after.

“Everything going okay?”  Kerry asks, pealing away from the curb.

“Yes except for this one getting wasted,” Geoff mumbles, still kinda pissed about it.  Kerry laughs, driving towards the penthouse.  Gavin scoots onto Geoff’s lap, kissing at his jawline with lipgloss covered lips.  “Gav, the act if over.  You can stop now,” He tugs the younger away from him.

“What if I don’t wanna stop?”  Just then Gavin connects his lips to Geoff’s rosey pink ones.  Geoff scrunches his eyebrows, confusion running throughout his face.  The older man grabs Gavin’s hips and pulls him off.

“Gavvers, as much at I want to destroy you in that outfit, you are drunk.  No,”  Geoff sets the kid in the seat next to him and buckles him in.  Gavin pouts, crossing his arms with a whine.

“You’re no fun,” He kicks the seat in front of him.

“You guys do remember that we are all still here?”  Jeremy’s struggling voice makes Geoff jump.

“Shit I think I need to start taking flirting tips from Gavin,” Jack says, making everyone in the other car, also Kerry, laugh.  Geoff groans, rolling his eyes and rubbing his face.

“Do we have the fucking statue or not?”  Geoff asks, sick of his dumbass crew for tonight.  He just wanted to go home and drink something and rest in his overly large bed.  He wanted to beat Gavin over the head for getting drunk and making things harder for them.  You don’t get sloppy during a heist.  You fucking don’t.  Even though this wasn’t a high-risk job you still don’t.  

“Yes, it’s in the back with Andy right now,” Michael says and then there was a car door slam, “Oh fuck, I think there might be someone following us.”  That statement send fear into Geoff’s heart.  It wasn’t so much that he was afraid that a bunch of prissy politicians could really do damage or that his crew couldn’t handle themselves.  It was that Geoff wasn’t with them and couldn’t take control of the situation.  Or maybe that there are a few people in that SUV that had started to mean a bit more to him than just crewmates or friends.  Maybe it was a bit more than a few, going on majority but Geoff just ignored those feelings.

 

“Jack, that white car is most definitely following us,” Jeremy says, looking out the window with a worried look on his face.

“Don’t worry, I’m on it,” Suddenly Jack takes a sharp right turn.   
“Hey!  Important art back here!”  Andy screams from the back.

“Sorry, Andy!”  Jack calls, taking another sharp turn to the left.

“What is going on?!”  Geoff yells, pulling up his phone to find them on the tracker app.

“Fuck!  Was that a gunshot?!”  Michael gasps after seemingly a bullet hits the pavement next to them.

“I got it,” Ryan says, rolling down the window calmly.   
“Rye, I don’t think that’s-” Jack get’s cut off, taking another turn.   
“Jesus Christ, I’m fine,” Ryan aims and only has to fire one bullet to hit the driver’s side tire of the white car.  More and more chaos seems to arise.

“Geoff, we could just do this quick,” Gavin mumbles, tugging on Geoff’s sleeve.

“Gav, shut up.  Kerry, turn around now.  I want to meet up with them,”  Geoff commands and Kerry does so, quickly flipping their direction and Geoff sets up his phone so Kerry could see it.

“Oh my god Jack!”  Andy calls again, trying to make sure the art piece doesn’t fall over.

“Jeremy, get back there with him!”  Michael yells as he was in the front seat and it would be easier for Lil'  J to get into the back.   
“Fine, fine,” Jeremy climbs over the seat and sits down next to Andy, helping him to make sure that it wouldn’t break.  Oh god, please don’t let it break.   
“Shit, there’s another car,” Michael says, pulling out his own gun and firing a few un-aimed bullets.

“Come on Geoff, Jack said that you had your cock pierced and I really want to see,” Gavin grabs at Geoff’s belt this time.

“I’m gonna duct tape your hands to your face,” Geoff snaps and goes back to talking with Jack and Kerry.  The boys in the other car were yelling other things in the chase.  There were more cars now, certainly not just the people from the party.

“Pleeeaassseee,” Gav squeezes Geoff’s thigh and runs his fingers up his back.  Geoff was beyond annoyed at this point.   
“Gavin, if I promise to show you tomorrow, will you let me deal with this now?” Geoff looks back at the pouting drunk boy.

“Ugh, fine,” He compromises, falling back into his seat.   
“Thank you,” Geoff grumbles, knowing that the blonde would be passed out in three minutes tops.

“God guys, just don’t get the cops on us,” Jack says, glancing back at Michael and Ryan who were shooting out of the moving vehicle. 

“You’re clear from the cops right now, just stay away from the right side of town.  That’s where most of them seem to be right now,” Trevor says quickly, now on his own computer.

Jack hums a tune and stays focused on the road, still tapping their fingers as bullets fly past the car.  They’ve been in worse chases but this was a high stake one as a $20 million statue sat in the back.  “Right, left, left,” Jack whispers mostly to themselves and drones out what everyone else was screaming about.  They focused on the lights flashing by and any important words from Matt, Trevor, or Geoff.

“We are almost to you,”  Kerry says, seeing the matching SUV from down the street.

“Stay there and we’ll come to you.  I need you to be on the same beat as me Kerry.  We have to lose them.”

“Got it, boss,” Kerry replies, flipping the car back around and waiting impatiently for Jack’s car to catch up.  Once they do Geoff is instantly shooting out of the window, Gavin now passed out.

“We’re taking a right up here than a quick right again.  That will lead us to the underground garage that we should be able to hide out in,” Jack tells the other man.  Kerry nods even though they couldn’t see him and follows Jack’s orders.

“Take that you stupid cunt faces,” Michael says, launching a grenade at the last second before they turned on the first right.  It caused a large explosion, setting off car alarms and police sirens.

“I’ve unlocked the garage and the gate is open.  You have the cops attention now so get there fast,” Trevor says, watching them weave around the street through CCTV cameras.  The two SUVs are able to speed inside, sputtering to a stop.  Geoff breathes out a sigh of relief and Jack hums.  Ryan flops down into his seat, taking off the rest of his disguise.  Michael does the same, tossing his gun onto the floor.

“Jer, Andy are you okay back there?”  Jack was almost afraid to ask.

“Hap hap!”

“The dicks does that mean?”  Geoff asks over the coms, opening up the trunk to their car where he finds the two boys nearly cuddling around the object.

“We’re alive!”  Andy smiles, face bright as always.   
“What about the statue?”   
“She’s good,” Jeremy pulls away and checks it over.  It was heavily wrapped in bubble wrap so it was slightly hard to tell but nothing major.

“You guys are a bunch of fucking idiots,” Geoff says, sliding off his suit jacket and tossing it into the trunk.  Jack gets out of the car and is instantly at Geoff’s side.

“Hey, we made it out,” They whisper only to him which causes the older man to smile.

“Yeah, I guess we did.”  Jack presses a soft kiss to Geoff’s cheek before opening the left side door.  Ryan was sitting there curled up in a ball and shaking profusely.

“Rye,” Jack sighs, getting into the car and shutting the door.  Michael had already gotten out of the car and was now bother a sleepy drunk Gavin.

“I-I’m sorry Jack.”

“What are you sorry for?”  They hesitantly put their hand on his back.

“I couldn’t do it.  Geoff told me I had to.  I had to.  I’m sorry,”  He repeated, not daring to look up at the other.

“Hey, there’s no reason to be sorry.  This is your job, remember?  Sometimes we have to get our hands dirty and that’s okay.  But you were in control the whole time.  You were Ryan the whole time.  You got rid of who you needed to and that was that.  Nothing extra.  If anything, I am proud of you,”  Jack rubs his back gently, talking in the most soothing voice they could muster up.

“Really?”  He croaks, one crystal blue eye peaking out from behind his arms.  They were red rimmed and couldn’t seem to focus on anything.  It hurt Jack to see him like this.  A physical ache in their chest that made them want to protect Ryan from the world.

“Yes.  I am so proud.  You never give yourself enough credit for the things that you can do.  You were able to keep yourself in check the whole night after one order and you protected us.  You allowed us to get away,” Jack carded their fingers through Ryan’s blonde hair delicately.  Ryan didn’t say anything after that.  He just scooted over so he was on Jack’s lap and just allow himself to be held for a while.  Everyone else was outside in the garage waiting out the cops and followers so they had a moment to themselves.  “I am so proud of you.”


	11. Be my undercover lover, babe

Geoff's POV-- Present

 

A few days pass and things go over fairly smoothly with our buyer.  I mean, I brought along Lindsay and Michael for some fire power.  He was trying to talk us down some but Lindsay wasn’t afraid to get in his face and I have never seen a man so afraid of a woman in a cat shirt before.  Michael just stayed in the background just incase things went south and we needed more guns on hand.  Or some bombs.  Michael always had a sticky bomb or two.  Or 12.  I also attempted to talk to Gavin about him being a dumbass during the heist and getting drunk.  He insisted that it wasn’t his fault and that people just kept handing him more champagne and that it was too good to pass up.  I couldn’t stay mad at his puppy dog eyes for too long.  I just thumped him on the side of the head and told him not to do it again.  Luckily he forgot about the deal we made in the car.  I didn’t really want to have to whip out my dick and show him my piercing in the middle of the day or something.  Knowing Gavin that’s what he would make me do.  Yeah yeah, I have my dick pierced.  I got it when I was a teenager and have come to actually like it a bit so I’ve kept it.  Not to mention it makes blowjobs a hell of a lot better.  It was just simple small black bar underneath.  I think it’s called like a frenum?  I don’t fucking know just don’t go looking it up.  

 

Anyways, it was a casual day at the Penthouse.  Everyone had pretty much ridden out the post heist high and the money had been divided.  Well except for Jeremy, I hadn’t paid him yet.  That was the next order of business.  I send him a quick text I’m pretty sure he was around the place or at least in the building somewhere.

**To: small dude w purple hair**

**Meet me in the meeting room.  There’s shit we need to talk about.**

That should be enough to make him nervous.  There was nothing bad that I needed to talk to him about, I just liked fucking with the guy because he was the newbie.

**From: small dude w purple hair**

**Be there in 5**

I sighed and got off the couch where Jack and I had been watching a movie.  'Had' was the key word there.  About half way through they had fallen asleep cuddled up in a blanket and pillow, leaving me all alone.  I take a quick stop in my room to grab Jeremy’s hefty cut before hopping into the elevator.  I was in the room before Jeremy, taking my seat at the top of the table.  Just as I expected in came in looking like a nervous wreck.

“Jeremy, please sit down,” I gesture towards a chair and he hesitantly sits.

“Uh, whatcha need Geoff?” He asks, twiddling his thumbs.

“I wanted to talk about your work with the heist.”

“Oh, right, of course.”

“I think you did an exceptional job.  A hell of a lot better than Gavin but that wasn't that hard,” I say and he lets out a sigh of relief.  He then smiles and chuckles, eyes lighting up like usual.

“Oh thank you so much.  I was worried that you weren’t happy with me,” He says, hands still folded in a serious manor.

“I like you Jeremy and you work with our crew extremely well.  That’s when I wanted to ask you if you would consider filling the sixth spot?”  I ask and Lil’ J’s eyes go wide.

“Really?”   
“Yes really.  I’ve seen you perform multiple skills and have been very impressed.  You are basically already part of the crew but I want to make it official.  I know we are a bunch of idiots who barely know what they are doing but we really like you Lil’ J and really want you to be here,” Jeremy was looking at me like I had just told him the best news in the world.   
“Oh my gosh yes, Geoff, yes!  Are you serious?!  I feel like you’re really not serious and I really would love this spot and I really love this crew and I really want to make all of you happy-” He speaks so quickly that I could barely understand him.

“Yes, I am serious.  Here,” I toss the stacks of cash onto the table, “That’s your cut and a bit extra.  Maybe a bit of a bribe but I don’t want to lose you to another crew.”

“I-I-” Then his strong arms were wrapped around me and his face was pressed into my chest, “Thank you, Geoff.  This means a lot to me,” He says and I pat his back gently.  This kid.

“If you have to tie off some ends with other people I would appreciate that because you work for me now.  I don’t care if you continue to sell to others but you’re a Fake,”  I say, stepping back from his embrace.   
“Oh man, this is awesome,” Jeremy was smiling from ear to ear.  “I’m part of the Fake AH crew.”   
“I’m pretty sure Gavin and Michael have a bit of a present for you in your garage so we can go there.  I do ask that you have an apartment in this building but you do not have to live in the penthouse with us.  Those other fuckers just slowly started to move in so it’s up to you,” I direct the smaller man out of the room.  We get into the elevator with Jeremy still blabbering about being part of the crew.  It was actually pretty cute how excited he was about this.  Wait, cute?  What the fuck?  Ramsey, get your head on straight.  Literally and not.  Once we reach our desired level we could already near the rev of an engine.     
“You guys got me a car?!”  He asks, jumping up and down like a child on Christmas.

“It was their idea, I just went along with it,” I say as we enter the garage.  There sat an actual monster truck that was specially painted orange and purple.

“Lil’ J!”  Michael calls from the front seat of the truck.

“You like?”  Gavin yells, sitting in the open window and waving his arm frantically.

“THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL!” Jeremy screams, running over to it and runs circles around it, checking it out in all of its glory.

“Hop in!  Let’s go for a ride!” Michael says, opening up the door for J.  

“Yay!  Lad adventure!”  Gav gets all the way back into the car and they situate themselves as it was a two seater and there was three of them.  Jeremy was driving and Gavin was pretty much sitting on Michael’s lap.  I wave at the trio of idiots as they peel out of the garage.  I go back up to the penthouse to find Ryan.  I wasn’t mad or upset with Ryan for killing anyone during the heist.  Hell, I was the one that made him do it.  If anything I was happy that he was able to control Vagabond from not taking over during it because that’s not what we needed at the time.  It took him a few days to come out of his room and a lot of talking with Jack.  Jack was just the person that everyone went to when they needed to talk to someone without judgement and you will receive uncontrollable comfort and support.  Jack was like a mother that none of us really ever had and somehow knew how to deal with all of our problems when we needed them.  

 

Ryan was in the living room reading a book on the couch.  Jack had disappeared now, probably with Trevor to discuss the last heist.  I sit down next to Rye after slipping off my shoes.

“Hey, Rye, what you doing?”  I ask, resting my arm on the back of the couch, not close enough to touch him.

“Geoff, what does it look like I’m going?”  He sasses back and I snort, rolling my eyes.

“Okay smartass, I guess I’ll leave you alone,” I say, going to stand up but he grabs my arm.   
“Wait, you know I didn’t actually mean that.  What did you need?”  Ryan asks gently, his blue eyes looking genuinely interested.  I sit back down and give him a small smile.   
“Well, I was gonna ask you if, um, if you maybe want to, um,” I sputter, sounding like a total dumbass.  Come on, I shouldn't be this nervous.

“Are you nervous to ask me something?”  Ryan asks, a slight teasing tone in his voice.   
I sigh and decide to just fuck it, “Would you wanna go with me down to the pier?  It’s really nice outside today and we could ride rides or play games or just make fun of people or maybe it’s a dumb idea but-”   
“Hey,” He grabs my hand to get me to stop talking, “I want to go with you.  Just let me get ready and we can go, okay?”

“I… okay,” I smile, kind of astonished that he actually said yes.  Ryan got up from the couch and began to head to his room but stopped in the hallway, peeking over his shoulder for a second.

“You’re cute when you’re nervous.”  And he continues back down the hallway.  My mouth gapes just for a second, heat rising to my cheeks.  That-that-that-I don’t even know!  I was the one asking him on a date!  This isn’t fair!  Wait, if this was a date then I needed to look a hell of a lot better then I do now.  I was in my grungiest clothes and not in a good, fashionable way.  I run to my room and into my closet to find something a bit more presentable.  I change into my khaki colored skater slacks or whatever the fuck you call them.  Okay, now white or black shirt?  I never wear white and Ryan might and I do not want to match him.  Okay, black it is.   Some patterned vans so I don’t look that boring.  Jack had helped up my fashion game a lot.  Also Gavin has.  He got sick of me wearing the same 3 outfits over and over again.  I skid into the bathroom next, running my fingers through my hair and brushing my teeth again for good measure.  I trimed my facial hair the other day so I don’t look that scrappy yet.  Okay, I think I might be good.  I checked over my pockets for wallet, keys, phone and gun (maybe a knife or two) before exiting my room.  Just as I was, Ryan did as well.  I had to stop for a minute and look him over.  Fuck he was gorgeous.  He had on darker and tighter jeans than usual, showcasing his perfect ass.  He was also wearing a white shirt and a light jean long sleeve over the top of that.  Holy fuck did his arms look amazing tugging the thin material.

“Vaga con you into wearing those jeans?”  I ask and he smiles, looking down at his pants.   
“Eh, I guess he has a pretty okay fashion sense,” He shrugs, a hint of a blush on his cheeks.

“You ready to do?”  I ask.   
“Yeah, what car are we taking?”  He asks an important question.

“Something discreet, I don’t want something that says ‘Fake AH Crew’ on it.  I don’t want this to turn into a police chase for once,” I explain as we make our way down the hall.

“Well, this might be tough.  All you own are hot pink vehicles.”

“Okay, says Mr. Green-Adders-are-all-that-I-drive,” I shoot back.

“Ooo, burn bitch!”  We hear being called from Jack’s room, making us both laugh.

“Jack you’re not helping!”  Ryan yells back as I continue to laugh.

“Come on,” We get into the elevator and down to the garage.  I scan through the room, deciding what we are going to take.  “Ah, I’ve got it,” I say, popping the respective keys off of the hook.

“What-” I cut him off by grabbing his hand and pulling him down the isle of cars.  I stop in front of my all black Bravado with overly fancy chrome and reflective pink rims.  “We're taking this?”

“I mean, if we’re going to the beach, my as well look like an asshole while doing it?”  I shrug, unlocking the muscle car and he chuckles.  We get in and I rev up the engine.  “Ahhh, listen to her purr.”

“Shut up and drive Ramsey,” Ryan says and it’s my turn to laugh.  I pull out of the garage and out onto the busy streets of Los Santos, not caring to follow many traffic laws.  “I thought you didn’t want to draw attention to us?”

“I thought were you weren’t going to be such a smartass so I guess we were both wrong,” I fire back and he ‘ooos'.

“Wow Geoff, there is some spunk to ya.”   
“Yeah, it’s from the copious amounts of tequila I’ve consumed over the years,” I reply.  Ryan flips on the radio, switching stations till he finds something he knows and rolling down his window.  I copy, allowing the warm but pleasant air of LS fill the car.  He hums along to the song and stares out the window as the world flies by.  

“You’re actually a really good driver too,” He compliments after a few minutes, taking a quick glance at me.

“Well a crime boss has got to be good at many things,” I shrug, resting my arm on the opened window.

“There is a lot I don’t know about you,” He sighs, looking back out at the city as we near the beach.   
“And there is a hell of a lot I don’t know about you,” He nods in agreement, acknowledging that he’s a secretive person.  Not that there was anything wrong with that.

“How did everything go over with Lil J’?”  He asks, changing the conversation a bit.   
“The boy hugged me.” Was all I had to say and Ryan busted out laughing.  A beautiful, warm laughter filled the car and made my tummy feel warm too.  

“So I’m assuming that he’s part of the crew.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw the Lads driving around that ugly monster truck today,” I say, chuckling a bit myself.

“Yeah the orange and purple, I don’t get it,” Ryan makes a face and shakes his head.

“I don’t get it either.  Michael said it was something about  _ Rimmy Tim _ ?  Or something like that,” I shrug as I pull into the pier parking lot.

“Those damn kids,” He mumbles, making me crack a smile.  I whip into a parking spot next to a few other nice cars, mine clearly superior though.  I mean come on, of course the leader of the Fakes would have the nicest vehicles in town.

“What would you like to do first?”  I ask as we get out of the car and shut the doors.

He shrugs, “Up to you.”

“No, don’t be like that,” I say, bumping shoulders with him as we walk up the steps to the actual pier.  It was fairly busy today but not too bad where you couldn’t do anything.

“It was your idea,” He shoots back and I roll my eyes yet again.

“Okay, we can just walk around and anything that catches our eye we can do.  Sound like a plan?”   
“Perfect,” He smiles at me.  “So how do you think the heist went over altogether?”   
“Really, really well.  I mean, despite the minor shoot out, we handled everything we needed to and ended up getting full price for it.  I wish we had more easy, high paying ones like that but I did miss the elaborate planning and chaos, to be honest.”

“Me too.  Vagabond agrees,” He smiles, “But I thought everyone did well.  Even Andy.  He did a hell of a job with the bubble wrap.”

“Very true.  Hey, I bet you I can shoot more than you,” I claim, pointing at the shooting game.  You had a certain amount of time to see how many balloons you could pop with the bb gun.

“Oh you’re on,” Ryan says, slapping down $5 to the guy working the game.  He goes on explaining the rules and safety precautions because you are using a firearm yadda yadda yadda.  I didn’t care, I had a loaded pistol in the back of my pants right now.  But I was dead set on beating Ryan.  

“Ready!  Set!  Go!” The dude yells and starts the timer: 30 seconds.  Both Ryan and I instantly start shooting with precision and speed.  “Wow!  Clearly, our two contestants have some experience!”  The announcer guy says, catching some attention from passer-byers.  The clocked ticked down rapidly as we shot at the colorful balloons like children.  I was going as fast and as accurately as I could.  

“Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck,” I mumble to myself without even noticing.

“And that’s time!”  The sad twenty year old yells while the alarm goes off.  Ryan and I set down our guns, looking at each other then back at the damages we’ve done.  Hot damn, we nearly cleared the thing.  “It looks like you sir on the right won by 5!  Pick your prize,” The guy says, gesturing towards Ryan.

“What?!  This is bullshit!”  I stomp and Rye laughs at me.

“Sorry, can’t help that I’m the best.  What can I choose from?”

“Anything.  I’m pretty sure you’ve beaten the world record so you can have anything,” The guy says.

“I’ll take the giraffe,” Ryan points to a cute, soft, dopey looking giraffe hanging up.  

“Good choice.  People have been trying to win him all day but no one could hit more than 10,” The guy hands the plushy toy to Ryan who smiles.

“Come on pouty, we can find another game,” Ryan says and I follow, sulking in my own misery.

“I totally should have won that,” I mumble to myself, fumbling with my fingers behind my back.

“Here,” He stops, pushing the stuffed animal at me.

“What?”   
“I won it for you, ding dong,” Rye smiles softly.  I gently take it from his hands and look it over.   
“Really?”  I ask like an idiot again, looking at him.

“Yes really.  I knew I could easily beat you at that game.  You seem to forget that I was a freelance snipper at some point too.”   
“Oh yeahhhh,” I recollect, smiling at him finally, “Thanks, Rye, I love it.  I shall name him… Leo.”

“Leo the giraffe?”  He raises an eyebrow at me as we continue on walking.

“Well you didn’t win me a lion so,” He chuckles, shaking his head.  

“Tell me more about you Geoff.  Not just the criminal part.”

“What do you want to know?  There’s not much to know.”   
“Where did you grow up?”   
“In a small town not too far from here.  That’s where I met Jack when I was about 16 I think.  It was a shitty place filled with crime and druggies,” I explain and he nods.   
“How did you meet Jack?  You’ve briefly explained it before.  I get it if you don’t want to tell me bu-”   
“No, no, I’ll tell you.  Jack was only like 10 or 11 at the time and they were getting roughed up at the park by a bunch of assholes kids and I scared them off.  We got along really well which was weird because they were so young.  It was just kind of the two of us for years.  I dropped out of school and got into the business and tattooing to keep Jack in school and off of the streets,” I briefly tell Ryan the story.

“Wow, that’s really sweet actually.”

“What?  You thought we just were fucking as teenagers and stuck together?”

“Well, yeah,” He blatantly says and I laugh.   
“You’re an asshole.”

“I didn’t know though!  And now I do and I think it’s really sweet that you dropped school to keep Jack in school and protect them.  I didn’t know that you did tattooing either?”   
“Yeah, I had a nic for it for a while.  I was decent at it,” I brush it off.  My art was something that I didn’t really tell people about.  “What about you?  Where did you grow up?”   
“For the most part, I grew up in Georgia.  Then I ran away when I was around 12 and was on the run ever since.”   
“When did you figure out about, um, uh-”   
“That I’m insane part?  A couple years before that but my parents ignored it and pumped me full of medication.  Until I freaked on my father and I was locked up in a mental hospital for a few years.  Then I broke out and haven’t turned back,” He says like it was nothing as if he was reading me off a grocery list.

“Holy shit dude.  I’m sorry.”   
“What are you sorry for?  Yeah, part of my childhood was locked up in a cell but I’m over it.  I got my revenge,” He say the last part in a chilling way, making me raise an eyebrow at him.  He just chuckles at me and keeps on walking.  “Wanna go on the Ferris wheel?  It’s not the most exciting ride but the city looks pretty from up there.”

“Sure,” I reply and get into line to go on.  Soon we are inside one of the little cart things and are smile across from each other.  “You seem really happy,” I say and he seems taken back by my statement at first.  “No, it’s not anything bad.  It’s really nice to see you smile this much.”  Ryan looks down at his hands, a pretty blush rising to his cheeks.

“I just… I’m having fun with you,” He admits, looking back up at me.   
“I’m having a lot of fun with you too,” I reply and the blush on his cheeks on intensifies, “You’re cute.”

“Oh stop it.”   
“Do you get this blushy when you’re with Jack?”  I tease and he giggles.  THE FUCKING VAGABOND GIGGLES.

“No!  Usually, I’m the one that makes Jack blush.”   
“So you’re a top?”   
“Not exclusively,” He smirks, this time making me blush.

“Good to know,” I smirk back, leaning back in my seat.  The ride ends and we start back on walking around.  “Do you want to get some food?”

“Mmm, yes.  Fair food is the best food,” He says, making me laugh.   
“I would have to agree with you on that.  What would you like to get?”

“Could be salt, sweet, or bitter.  There are so many options,” He claims.

“Anything you want.”

“I want, umm, ice cream,” He points to the ice cream stand.

“I can agree with that,” I smile as we make our way there.  He orders some extravagant ice cream cone with chocolate drizzle and sprinkles and whipped cream.  I just get plain chocolate.  “You are going to die from a sugar overdose,” I say as he licks at his cone.   
“That’s how I want to go out Geoff,” He says in a serious tone.  I chuckle and eat my cone as well.  As we walked I could feel Ryan’s left hand brush my right one.  I wanted to grab his hand and hold it but I didn’t know if that was okay.  Did Ryan hold hands with people?  I mean we kinda did before?  Did him and Jack do those kinds of things?  Do I like Ryan?  I know that I like him but like him like I like Jack?  I don’t think I’ve use ‘like’ that many times in a sentence in my whole life.  Just then Ryan grabs my hand and I nearly jump out of my skin, too deep in my thoughts.

“Is this okay?”  He asks, looking at me with concern in his face.   
“Y-yes, sorry, you just scared me,” I say and he laughs at me.  He intertwines our fingers and a blush yet again.  Fuck blushing.  Stupid fucking blushing.  We walk down to the end of the pier where there weren’t many people and sat down, slipping our legs through the fencing.  Leo the Giraffe was sitting in my lap and our hands were still together, both of us had already finished our treat.  “What do you think of me?”  I suddenly ask.  Ryan looks at me for a while, calculating my face.

“I like you Geoff.  You have a protective part to you that I really admire.  You took Gavin and Michael in without question.  Then from what you’ve told me, you took in Jack as well.  You’re a good but bad guy.  I like that,” He was looking out at the waves splashing against each other, “You’ve created such an incredible empire that only continues to grow and I’m lucky enough to be apart of it.  What do I really think of you?  I think that you’re an amazing guy that deserved better than what he got even though I don’t know everything.  I think that you have a different personality and a great sense of humor.  I think that your tattoos are incredibly attractive and I love your messy hair.  Your eyes are something to get lost in.  You’re an intelligent guy and I don’t think you ever get credit for that.  So yeah, that’s what I think of you.”  We sat quiet for a while, watching the water and the birds fly by.

“Wow,” Was all I could say.   
“Sorry if that was too much.  I just got rambling and Vagabond kept going and I couldn’t help it,” He says with a light laugh.

“No, you’re okay.  It’s just, I don’t know, I don’t get told things like that a lot…  Thank you.”   
“You’re welcome.”   
“Does Vagabond think other things of me?”  I ask, slightly interested.   
“They are a bit more explicit.”

“Oh really?”  

“Definitely,” He states, a devious smirk on his face.

“You can’t just leave me hanging now.  Tell me something he said,” I say, leaning in a bit closer to the other man.

“He says,” He leans in to whisper into my ear, “that he wants to tie you up and fuck you so hard that you’re screaming our name so loud that the b-team apartments can hear you.”  He pulls away, leaving me sitting there just gaping at him.  He laughs at me as I sit there completely baffled.  I figured he would say something dirty but...fuck.  Fuck me.

“Goddamn, now I know why Jack is always in your room,” I say and he laughs even harder.

“Hey, you wanted to know,” He shrugs.

“I’m glad I asked,” I smirk, winking at the blonde.  Suddenly he grabs my jaw and smashes his lips to mine.  I hum in response, kissing him back.  His soft pink lips were so gentle yet skilled.  I leaned in closer to his hand and rest my own on his thigh.  It wasn’t too heated or anything, eager but soft.  Eventually, we both pull away, out of breath but our foreheads still resting against each other.

“Thant was…”

“Yeah.  I liked that,” I admit and he chuckles against my lips.  He pecks me one quick time before pulling away completely.

“As much as I would love to makeout with you here and maybe I have a slight thing for public stuff but we are still at the pier and there are plenty of more games that I can beat you at,” Ryan says and I snort.

“I can’t believe I’m still on this date with you.”   
“Oh, so this is a date?”  He raises an eyebrow.

“Well yeah,” I say matter of factly.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I would have known,” He teases, biting his lip.  Jesus fucking Christ that was hot.  

“Oh shut up, you still like me,” I smile at him.

“I guess I do,” He presses a quick kiss to my nose then stands up.  “Come on, I want to play the fishy game.”

“Did I just hear the scariest person in Los Santos use the word ‘fishy’?” I ask, standing up as well.

“Shut up,” He pushes me gently but I grab the front of his shirt and pressing my lips to his.  He smiles into the kiss and pinches my ass, making me yelp.  “Come on, let’s go play some games.

 

We end up staying until the evening, playing games and riding rides.  We ended up with a arm full of stuffed animals, Ryan favoriting the cow he named Edgar.  I actually really enjoyed my time and had fun.  It felt like we were a real couple for a few hours.  We kept holding hands and sneaking kisses and even taking a few pictures on my phone.  I know, gross coupley stuff but I’ve never done that with anyone before.  Not even with Jack.  Ryan seemed to enjoy himself too.  Well, I hope he really was.  He seemed sincere.  Okay, I’ll admit it.  I like Ryan.  I really really like Ryan and Vagabond even though he’s only around sometimes.  I really like Jack too.  I want to kiss them and hug them and take them on dates.  I’ve always liked Jack.  But I didn’t know if either of them would want to be in a relationship.  Even a regular relationship let alone a polyamorous relationship.  Relationships in this business wasn’t easy or safe.  I don’t want to hurt them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Summer Bummer by Lana Del Rey   
> sorry for taking so long to post a new chapter. i'm having a really hard time right now with my mental health and it takes a toll on my writing. i'm trying to do better.


	12. Now I wanna be the tattoo ink...

Every single person in The Fake AH Crew had ink.  It was basically a right of passage at this point.  Geoff got his first tattoo when he was only 14 years old.  It was done with him and his friends in his friend’s basement with a needle and some ink.  Was it a bad idea?  Absolutely.  But it started the addiction that continued to grow.  It was an ‘R’ on his upper left arm.  Geoff would eventually get it retouched and done correctly but that small little letter meant something to him.  It ignited the itch that the man would get every so often.  The itch to mark up his skin.  The second tattoo he got was when he was 15, this time it was with an actual tattoo gun.  Was the guy very good at it?  No.  It was his buddy’s cousin that happened to have a tattoo machine.  He got a diamond above his elbow on his right arm that Geoff would get retouched.  Then he found a guy that would tattoo him even though he was underage.  If Geoff had the money, the guy would do it.  And he was pretty damn good at it.  The third was a compass on the inner part of his forearm.  It just grew on from there.  Geoff didn’t just get his tattoos for no reason or because they looked cool.  He got them because each of them had a meaning and a purpose or a story of when he got it.  Ramsey didn’t cover his body in art just for the hell of it.  It was because he wouldn’t speak what he felt or was going through so he spelled it out on his skin.  If life got hard he could turn to that numbing hum of the machine.  Whether he was working on himself, or someone else, or someone working on him.  Geoff feared the day that he ran out of room.

 

Jack had tattoos as well.  Not even close to the amount of Geoff’s but still a few.  They had the blocks on their forearm on the right but that was only because they were lowkey a nerd.  Those were the first ones that Jack got, the day that they turned 18.  It was a present from Geoff.  The one on Jack’s back was debatably the one that meant the most to them.  It was on their right shoulder blade (if you’re looking from the back), black ink standing out amongst the light freckles.  It said ‘I’ll see you on the other side’ with a door that was slightly ajar.  It was something that Jack and Geoff had always said to each other whenever they were on a job together.  No matter how easy or how dangerous the job was going to be, they always said it.  Geoff had a matching tattoo on the top of his left thigh.  They had gotten them a little while after Jack came out and they knew that no matter what happened, they would have each other.  That one wasn’t one that the wavy haired gent liked to share with people.  Only very few have seen it and Jack prefers it like that.  It’s for Jack and Geoff, nobody else.  They also had another one on their side of their left thigh.  It was a crew symbol in a graffiti fashion, how they usually have it.  Everyone that was in the crew for a certain amount of time got a tattoo.  There were a few more small ones on their body.  Like the word ‘agender’ printed small on their ankle or the knife tattoo on their wrist.  Jack had ideas for more tattoos, wanting to be covered like Geoff but not wanting to go through that pain or commitment.

 

The most surprising person that had tattoos was Ryan.  He actually had quite a few a few tats that no one questioned.  Mostly because of their morbid themes but Ryan had problems and expressed them on his skin.  The crystal blue eyed man had a coffin etched into his inner left arm.  The words ‘Let's Stop’ in scratchy letters were below it. On the inner part of his upper left arm, he had a regular hand and a skull hand pinky promising.  To him, it symbolized him and Vagabond.  They were going to be together forever.  The living and the dead.  The somewhat sane and insane.  Ryan had two more tattoos, the word ‘fake’ printed below his right elbow horizontally as his crew symbol.  Then a guillotine that said ‘keep your chin up’ on the back of his left calf.  His tattoos meant something to him.  He got them all at a certain point in his life that he wouldn’t forget.  The coffin was the first one he had gotten when he turned 19 years old.  Vagabond had finally convinced him that a tattoo was a good idea but he wanted something totally different.  Ryan said fine, we’ll get a tattoo but I’m choosing what we get.  The words below came a couple months later after Vagabond had said let’s stop before slitting someone's throat after hours of torture.  For some reason, those words really resided with Ryan so he wanted to keep them.  The most recent tattoo was the simple fake tattoo.  Michael had been bothering him to get the tattoo as the freckled boy just got his crew ink and now it was technically Ryan’s turn.  He was hesitant at first, this was a big commitment.  He had only been with these idiots for a year and a half, things could still go south.  But there was something inside of him that screamed “Yes!  Do it!”  So he went to that tattoo parlor that the Fake’s trusted and got it permanently engraved into his skin.  Ryan Haywood and The Vagabond are a Fake and there was no denying it.  

 

Michael had always been fascinated with tattoos.  The intricate lines running through someone’s flesh.  Geoff, in fact, bought Michael his first tattoo.  He hadn’t been able to afford anything before and he wasn’t going to fuck up anything on his body.  It’s an outline of a hand holding a molotov cocktail with roses inside that are ablaze.  Over the top, it says ‘sweet child’ then below it says ‘of chaos’.  The tattoo is on Michael’s outer left forearm.  Geoff was very happy to pay for that tattoo.  That had to be one of Michael’s favorite tattoos that he had.  He was second in line for the most tattoos in the crew.  The next piece that he got were praying hands with a switchblade knife stabbed right through both of the hands.  That was on the inside of his upper left arm.  The one that probably meant the most to him was the two skeletons kissing.  You couldn’t tell if they were boys or girls, they were just there.  That’s what he liked most about it.  It was on his upper right arm.  Maybe he got it in spite of his parents or maybe because he was sick of hiding.  Michael also had the single rose on the back of his right hip.  It symbolized Calan.  Calan was so delicate and beautiful, Michael knew that he had to have something that remembered him.  The boys asked him what the rose was all about when he first got it but he wouldn’t share.  It was private and that was that.  He, of course, has the Fake AH symbol loud and proud on the inside of his right forearm.  This goddamn group basically saved his life while simultaneously put it in danger.  He wanted everyone to know that he was apart of the Fake AH Crew.  To know not to fuck with him.  Michael had other tattoos that littered his pale skin, each having a different meaning or a drunk night that sounded like a good idea.  He never regretted anything because it was apart of him.  

 

The Crew’s Golden Boy even decided one day to mark up his skin.  Not just because everyone else was doing it.  Okay, well maybe he wanted to prove Michael wrong and sit through a tattoo session.  But Gavin wanted the symbol too because the crew meant a lot him as well.  He got the simple black lines inked into his skin permanently on his left forearm right below his elbow.  There was a lot of squirming and squawking and yelling in the tattoo parlor but he finally got it done.  Once it was finished Gavin wanted another one.  He got the word ‘damaged’ above his right knee.  That was a tattoo that Gav didn’t share the meaning behind.  He got it and didn’t talk about it.  He also got the word ‘golden’ in cursive on the side of his right hand.  Gavin kept his simple and clean, not wanting to draw too much attention to his tattoos.  Gavin secretly loved tattoos and the symbolization that came along with it.  Sometimes he thought about getting more but for now, he was happy with what he had.

 

Jeremy had tattoos as well.  The first one he ever acquired was his family crest with ‘Dooley’ along the bottom on his right bicep.  He got that one when he was young, 16 or 17.  He couldn’t really remember at this point but he knew that he was still on the streets.  The second tattoo he got was the words, or rather lyrics, ‘I'm here to sell, I'm not here to buy’ and a drug baggie that had pills inside. It was on the inside of his right calf.  Jeremy has an unfinished piece on his back, beautiful outlines of roses and vines.  He had planned on getting a name inside but then stuff happened and he's glad that he never got it finished.  Jeremy hoped that one day he will find a name to put with in the rose garden but for now it sits empty.  He is yet to get a crew symbol as he is fresh to the group but lord knows that he is already planning on his.  One drunken night, Lil’ J got the outline of Los Santos on his left ribs and the words ‘no fear’ in 50s style cursive on the inside.  He had other lyrics littering his body from various artist, music meaning a lot to the boy.  Jeremy always had this constant need to express himself, share his thoughts and passions.  Tattoos helped when he couldn’t express those feelings.  He was another person that aspired to be like Geoff and be covered in ink.  Maybe one day he would be, not to that extreme, but definitely more than he had now. 

 

The ink that marked up each of their skin meant something different.  Each tattoo held a secret or a memory.  Something that they didn’t share with other people.  It was a thing that they kept to themselves, to hold close.  Someday those secrets might be leaked if they were close enough to the other person but that would take years, like Jack and Geoff.  Hell, Jack didn’t even know the meanings behind all of Geoff’s tattoos.  These markings meant so much to them because they were permanent in their lives.  Something that was constant and wouldn’t leave or change.  Something that wouldn’t be suddenly ripped away from their grasp.  It was something that they had control over and no one else could affect it.  That’s why these silly little designs were so meaningful.  Because nothing else in each of their lives was a promise to stay unbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, I'm sorry for the late update yet again! I rewrote this chapter three times until I found something that I liked. Once I started writing this I couldn't stop so I went with it. I love tattoos so I thought why not? I hope so update again soon but my grad party is this weekend so I'm busy and stressed out. Let me know what you think! Don't worry, this chapter connects with the next.  
> Cred: Ryan's coffin tattoo is from artwork by fahcjournals on tumblr. Jeremy's lyric tattoo is from Everybody Sell Cocaine by Motionless In White. Otherwise, I found pics of stuff on tumblr or I came up with it.  
> Title: Dive In by Pierce The Veil (I'm pretty sure I've used this song before but oh well)


	13. Cause I don't want enough, I want it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this whole damn chapter edited to the way I wanted it and then my computer stopped working?!?!? So fuck it! WE DIE LIKE MEN. Also! There will 100% be one chapter a week and then if I'm feeling spicey I'll do two. There's just no way that I can accomplish two chapters to how I want them in the time I have. Please leave me a comment of what you're thinking so far!!!!  
> WARNING: SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER YO  
> Title- Hollow by Breaking Benjamin

Michael's POV-- Present

 

“Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael!” Gavin comes screeching up to me, jumping and plopping down onto my lap.

“Jesus Gavin,” I groan, “What the fuck do you want?” I pause the game that I was playing in the livingroom.

“Now that Jeremy is part of the crew, we finally have an even number.  Team Lads and Team Gents!”  He says excitedly, bouncing up and down.

“Who gave you sugar this early in the morning?”  I ask, looking at my strange best friend.  He stops and gives me a pout.

“I’m allowed to eat whatever I want whenever I want,” He crosses his arms over his chest in a childish manor.   
“Yeah and I think that’s your problem.”

“We’re you even listening to me?  We can get Lads and Gents tattoos!”  His eyes light right back up to their sparkling green and he knew that I couldn’t ever say no to him.

“You have to talk to Geoff about that.  You know that I’m down but everyone has to be,” I smile at Gavin who nods vigorously.

“I will.  Geoff!!”  He gets off my laps and runs down the hallways, throwing Geoff’s door open without even bothering to knock.  This kid had a fucking deathwish.

“Gavin!  Some of us actually do work around here,” Geoff replies in an irritated voice.

“You were not working.  You were snogging with Jack!”  I stopped listening after that, grabbing my controller and going back to my game.  Roughly 10 minutes later, the British idiot comes back out of Geoff’s room with a smile on his face.  He flops down onto my lap again, interrupting my game.  “Geoff said we can do it as long as Lil’ J wants to!” He says excitedly.

“Really?  Sweet.  Want me to give him a call?”  I ask and he nods vigorously.  I grab my phone from my back pocket and dial Jeremy’s number.  He answers within a few rings.  “What’s up Lil’ J?”

“Hey man!  I was just packing up the rest of my apartment to move my shit over to your building.  What’s going on with you?”

“So Gavin-”

“Hey boy!”  Gavin yells into my phone that was pressed to my ear, nearly causing me to go deaf.

“Hey, Gav.”

“I thought I was your boi,” I look at Gavin with a slight pout on my face, only  _ slightly _ hurt.

“You are my boi!  But I said that with a ‘y’ not an ‘i’,” He reassures and I crack a smile.   
“Okay, better be.”

“Don’t worry, you’re my only boi,” He presses a kiss to my jaw then my lips.

“You too quit being lovey-dovey.  I wanna know why you called!”  Jeremy says impatiently and both Gavin and I laugh.

“Okay, so you know how we’re the Lads and the older fucks are the Gents.”

“Mhm”

“And we’ve always wanted to get Team Lads and Gents tattoos but we’ve never had an even number of people in the crew to get them.  But now that you’re in the crew we can so would you be down for a tattoo?”  I ask, Gavin bouncing up and down in my lap again like a child.   
“Oh fuck yeah!  When?”   
“Probably today if we can get our guy to do them.”   
“Sounds awesome dude.  I’ll be over in a bit actually; most of my shit is in my truck.  See you in about an hour and a half?”  He asks with the sound of movement in the background.

“Perfect.  See you then,” We both hang up and Gavin looks even more excited than before.

“This is going to be so cool,” Gavin bounces, wrapping his arms around me.

“Aren’t you going to tell Geoff?  And where’s Ryan?”  I raise my eyebrow at the younger boy.   
“Oh yeah.  I should probably do that,” He says, pecking my cheek before he’s back down the hallway again.  Who in the hell am I dating?

 

“Risinger!”  Geoff yells as soon as we enter the tattoo shop.  The long haired brunette was working on the back of some girl currently.

“Hey guys,” Jon smiles, “I’m just about done here and then I’ll be with you.”

“Sounds good,” Jack replies, give a small wave and we go to sit in the small waiting area.

“So who is this?”  Jeremy asks, taking in the scenery around him.

“Jon Risinger, easily the best tattoo artist in all of Los Santos,” Geoff states, relaxing back into the couch that was decorated with graffiti.

“He's done all of mine,” I say, showing Jeremy the ones that you could easily see on my arms.

“And all of mine,” Jack shrugs.

“And a few of mine,” Ryan also adds and J raises an eyebrow.

“You have tattoos?”

“Haven't you seen this one?” Rye flips over his arm to show the wood coffin.  

“I guess I've never really noticed,” Jeremy shrugs, making the rest of us laugh.

“He also did mine,” Gavin says with a proud smile.

“Now I’ve seen your tattoos.” Lil’ J winks at Gavin and everyone laughs again, Gavvy’s cheeks heating up.   
“Hey, boys,” Jon says, sitting down on the coffee table in front of us that was full of tattoo magazines and books with his work in them.

“Hey Jon,” Gavin beams, them of course having a flirty past.  I resist rolling my eyes.  I mean Jon was definitely a good looking guy and if a time came I would absolutely tap that but did Gavin have to flirt with everyone?  I know I should be jealous, this was our arrangement.  Ew, the word arrangement just made this weird but it’s true.  He would get with whom every he wanted.  I’m not jealous, not jealous at aaallllll.

“I’m assuming we’re here for some new ink,” Risinger leans his elbow on his knee, flashing his perfect white teeth.

“You remember when we discussed Lad and Gents tattoos before?”  Geoff asks and Jon nods, “Well we are finally ready for those and if anyone else wants anything we can do that if we have time.”

“I kept the rest of the day open for my favorite customers so anything is good as long as it’s not too big.  Do we have the placement picked out already?”  Jon stands up, brushing his perfect god-like hair off his shoulder and Gavin basically drools over him.  I tightened my grip around his waist, bringing him back to reality.

“Hm?”  He asks, cocking his head at me.

“Nothing,” I shrug, pulling him basically onto my lap.  Mine.   
“Yeah, sure,” The Brit says sarcastically as I squeeze him a bit harder, making him giggle as Geoff and Jon talk.  “What?  Don’t you think he’s cute?”   
“Yes, Jon is cute but we are not talking about this right now,” I whisper back and he just giggles again.   
“Okay, let’s get everyone prepped and ready.  This won’t take very long,” Jon says, gesturing for everyone to follow him.  His assistant Mica get’s everyone cleaned in the area we wanted it, our knuckles, while Jon draws the two tattoos up.  I was excited to get another tattoo.  It feels like forever since I had gotten my last one.

“Lil’ J, how many tattoos do you have?”  I ask as Jon lays the first ‘Gent’ tattoo onto Geoff’s hand.  I’m surprised that he actually had room.  He did have lower knuckles tattoos while his upper ones were blank.

“I think about 10 now?  I have an unfinished one so I don’t know if that counts,” He shrugs, a proud smile still on his face.

“Why unfinished?”  Jack asks, sitting next to Geoff who didn’t even flinch as the needle poked his skin for the first time.   
“There was supposed to be a name inside of it but some stuff happened with that person so I’m happy I never got it finished,” He admits, making everyone chuckle lightly.

“Ooo, who was it?”  Gavin asks, clearly interested now.   
“That’s highly confidential information and can only be unlocked at level 31 friendship,” Jeremy claims.   
“Well, what the hell level am I at?  We’ve been friends since you were like 15,” I defend.   
“You do know who it is but if you weren’t completely stoned every time we talked about it, maybe you would remember,” He roasts and everyone in the room ‘ooo’s.

“Okay like you weren’t high too.”

“Oh, I most definitely was but you can’t remember shit after you come down.”

“That also depends on what we were smoking,” I point out and he nods in agreement.

“Moral of the story, I’m not going to tell you who,” Jeremy states.

“Buggers,” Gavin sighs in disappointment.

“Maybe one day buddy,” Ryan pats his back gently.  I roll my eyes at him before turning to talk to Jack.

 

“These tattoos look sick as fuck,” Jack says, running their fingers gently across their tender knuckles.   
“They really do.  Thank you, Jon,” Geoff says, pulling out his wallet to pay.

“What do you think Jeremy?” Gavin asks, looking at his Lad tattoo.   
“These are cool as hell.  Jon, you are doing my tats from now on,” He smiles from ear to ear.

“Sounds good to me,” Risinger replies, finishing up the payment process with Geoff.  No doubt he left him a couple hundred dollar tip.  Eventually, we finish up in the tattoo parlor and were back out on the street.

“Ooo, Gav, there’s a new Forever 19 that just opened up on this block.  I love the men’s clothing section there.  You wanna go?”  Jack asks Gavin, already tugging on his arm.   
“Hell yeah!”  Gavin says excitedly, running off with Jack down the sidewalk like children.

“Rye, you wanna go to ammunation?  I heard that they were getting new silver plated grenades,”  Geoff shrugs at the other man.   
“Sure why not,” Ryan replies noncommittally, following Geoff down the street.   
“So I guess that leaves me and you Lil’ J,” I sling my arm over his shoulder.

“Wanna grab something to eat?”  He asks as we start down the fairly busy sidewalk.  It was a bit after 6 now.

“Heck yeah.  Then wanna hit up a bar?”

“You know me too well Michael,” Jeremy smiles up at me and I just laugh, pushing him a little bit.  We grab food at a burger place before heading to one of our favorite bars.

“What shall we start off with?”  I ask the younger once we find a spot at the crowded bar.

“Shots of course.  Gotta start off strong,” Jeremy says, waving down the bartender.  He orders us both two shots and a beer, also telling her to start us a tab.

“You wanna sit at a booth?  It’s pretty crowded up here?”  I ask him after with both down the shots.

“Yeah sure,” He agrees and we find a spot where it wasn’t so noisy.

“So what are you thinking about being in the crew so far?”  I ask the man across from me.   
“It has been amazing.  Seriously like a dream come true.  I never thought that I would like being in a crew so much,” He replies honestly and I smile.

“Yeah, I remember when you got asked to be in a crew but you refused.”   
“Hey, in my defense they kept calling me shorty and that was all they ever called me so I wasn’t fucking with them.  I sold them their drugs and carried on with my life.”

“That’s right!  I don’t know, we did so much crazy shit that half of it is a blur,” I say and take a slip of my drink.   
“Remember the first time you did shrooms and I had to babysit you?”  He asks, already laughing at the memory.   
“Oh god, don’t bring it up,” I start to laugh in embarrassment, my cheeks heating up.

“You laid on the floor and just screamed for a half an hour about nothing.  And it wasn’t even like a normal scream or anything.  It was like a Tina from Bob’s Burgers type of scream,” Jeremy says and both of us laugh harder.

“And your neighbors kept knocking on your door to see if everything was okay because you couldn’t get me to stop.”

“Then you kept trying to explain to me how nothing means anything and you were having this whole existential crisis in my apartment at two am,” Jeremy’s whole face was bright with a smile and I couldn’t help but admire the way he looked at this moment.  His brown eyes were shining so fucking bright and his smile beat any of the diamonds Gavin owned.

“Well, I wasn’t wrong!  And after that, I became a Los Santos renowned criminal.  It was my awakening,” I dramatically say.   
“Your awakening?  I’m not sure if you could call it that,” He replies with a smirk.

“After that, I was making some actual money and then I was pulled into the crew,” I finish off the rest of my first bottle of beer, setting it to the side.

“Come on, we made money together.”

“Yeah, beat the shit out of each other for entertainment,” He chuckles, shaking his head and finishing off his beer as well.

“Remember when we got so beat up that we duct taped ice packs to ourselves so we could still hit off the bong,” Jeremy tells, leaning across the table.   
“Oh my god, we were such idiots but yes, I do remember that,” I shake my head now, “I’m gonna go grab us some more.”  I stand up from the booth and try to shake the funny feelings from my system.  Jeremy was my long time friend, I shouldn’t be having any feelings towards him.  It would just make things weird and awkward.  I get us both another beer and take it back to the table, along with another shot.  “Here you go dude,” I set the alcohol down which he gladly takes.

“I have a few questions for you.”   
“Shoot.”

“You and Gavin.  What’s up with that?”  He asks as he slams down the shot.

“I don’t know man.  It’s weird.  We’re together but open?  I don’t know.  You smashed and I’m not mad,” I shrug and he chuckles.   
“I know but like… do you have feelings for him?  Do you like Gavin?”  There was curiosity in his eyes, gently resting his gaze on my face.

“Yeah, I like Gav!  I’ve liked him for a long time and we finally admitted it to each other but there are other elements that mix in with it that leave our relationship open,” I attempt to explain.

“What do you mean?”   
“I’ve got a major boner for Geoff,” I admit and he busts out laughing.   
“Don’t we all?” He replies, making he raise an eyebrow.

 

We progressively get more and more drunk over the course of the evening, talking about discussing stories from our past.  It made me realize just how much crazy shit we had been through.

“Oh my god, oh my god, remember when you were so high that you were arguing with yourself in the bathroom mirror!”  I was laughing so hard that I was nearly crying.

“And then I fucking punched the mirror because I got mad,” Jeremy yells, laughing even harder.

“You fucking fought yourself in the mirror!”  I double over in my side of the booth, giggle from our antics back in the day that hasn't really changed.

“Dude, dude, dude, I’m gonna go grab us more shots,” Jeremy stumbles out of the booth and up to the bar to grab us more poison that we definitely didn’t need.  We already were pretty drunk.  More than tipsy but not smashed.  I could still be in control of my actions.  Jeremy comes back with two shots for both of us, sliding into my side of the booth.  “To being long time friends,” He says, raising one glass.  I repeat his actions and down the fiery liquid.  We also down the next one with easy right after and push the four glasses away.

“Holy shit J, do you r-remember when we were both so drunk that we were doing kar-karaoke at that bar and people were recording it while we-we fucking did a duet of Toxic,” I start laughing all over again, leaning my head against his firm shoulder.

“That Britney Spears song!  Shit!” He was in hysterics as well, leaning against me as we both laughed.  We eventually sit back up and look at each other in the eye.  I had this stupid smile on my face and Jeremy was more so mirroring me.  Then suddenly his lips were on mine.  Kissing Jeremy was different than what I expected.  It was rough but gentle.  It felt like home.  Warm.  Like something I’ve known for years and years.  Which I guess it was.  He cups my cheek and I slip my hand around his waist, tugging him closer.  His body was so firm but soft at the same time.  I want to touch every part of him.  I run my tongue over his lips, asking for entrance which his allows.  Jeremy took the lead right away, licking into my mouth and exploring every inch.  He wrapped his other hand around the back of my neck and tugged on the back of my hair, making me whimper into his mouth.  How dare he already know my weakness?  I grabbed the front of his shirt and moved even closer so I was nearly on his lap as he ran his hands down my body.  I bite his lower lip, tugging playfully and he grabs my ass which only turns me on more.  We pull away both panting, resting our foreheads against each other.

“You wanna get out of here?”  I ask and Jeremy was off of me and out of the booth before I could even think.  He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the bar, quickly paying for our tab before we were back out onto the street.

“Where to?”  He asks, looking at me with lust filled eyes.   
“I have an extra apartment not too far from here that I keep just incase.  Come on,” This time I get to tug his hand.  His arm was instantly around my waist, pulling my body closer to his.  Were we really going to do this?  How was this going to affect our friendship?  At this point I didn’t really care.  I just want Jeremy naked and in a bed or a couch or some sort of surface.  “It’s not very nice and I haven’t been there in a few weeks so I don’t know-”

“Sh, it’s fine.  As long as I get to devour you I’m fine,” He reassures, squeezing my hip and pressing an open mouth kiss onto my neck.  I hum, all this attention going straight to my cock.  God we needed to get there soon.  Luckily it was only about a five minute walk.  As soon as we got into the elevator the shorter man had me pushed up against the wall, attacking my neck with hot kisses.  

“Fuck Jeremy,” I groan, running my fingers through his now silvery blue hair.  He bites down and sucks sharply, surely leaving a mark.  Before he could do anything else the doors opened and I pulled him out into the hallway.  My alcohol and hormone clouded brain attempted to control my hands to stick the key in the lock while Jeremy kept touching my hips and ass.  Finally I got the door open and we stumbled inside.  I tossed the keys somewhere onto the counter of my studio apartment and pulled him into another searing kiss.  Jeremy kicked the door shut and pushed me up against the counter, his hands pressing firmly on my sides.  Oh how I wanted them other places.  I take my hand from around his neck to down his chest then to the front of his jeans, giving him a squeeze.  Jeremy was definitely packing.  He groans against my lips, slipping his leg in between mine and I grind down, finally some sort of friction.   
“How are we going to do this?”  He asks, barely pulling away before he was kissing down my jaw and back onto my neck.   
“I-I can bottom,” I stutter at he bites back down on the mark he previously made. Jeremy sucks on a particular part when my neck and shoulder meet, making me basically melt into his hands.  I grab the end of his tight shirt and tug at it, wanting it off now now now.  He pulls away and takes his off, tossing it somewhere on the floor.  

“Like what you see?”  He asks with a cocky smirk on his face as I check out his abs.  Jeremy did have an incredible body.

“Mmhm,” I nod, tracing my fingers lightly over his prominent muscles, making goosebumps rise on his skin.  I press a kiss to his lips then his jaw and neck before grabbing his hand once again.  I pull him down to the bed that was in the corner of the small apartment, our lips reattaching once again.  He pulls at my shirt this time and I allow him to peal it off of my body.  Jeremy once again kisses my neck and down my chest, sucking and biting in the best way possible.  I run my fingers through his hair, tugging gently as he leaves a trail of hickies down my body.  “Come on Jeremy,” I whine right as he meets the top of my jeans but he backs away, being nothing but a tease.   
“What was that?”  He cocks an eyebrow with a smirk playing on his face.   
“Are you going to get to it or are you going to keep decorating me like a Christmas tree?”  I ask, sass dripping from my voice.

“Well I mean-” I cut him off by flipping up over so now I was on top.  If he got to do some marking up I wanted to do some as well.  I kiss his neck with the same force as he did to mine, biting and nipping enough to leave a pretty purple and red bruise.  I run my hand up the inside of his leg and squeeze the bulge of his jeans, making Jeremy gasp.  He grinds his hips into my hand as I kiss down his body.  I reach his left nipple and flick it quick with my tongue, making him whimper.  I gently graze my nails over his ribs and he shutters under my touch, letting out another whine.  Who knew that Jeremy could be so needy.  I pop the button of his jeans and he scrambles to get out of them.  I chuckle to myself as he tosses them onto the floor where the rest of the clothing was.  I lick my lips at the bulge in his colorful boxer briefs.  I mouth over the silky fabric and he threads his fingers through my hair.

“ _ Michael _ ,” He draws out, ever so slightly pulling my hair.

“Harder,” I say and I look up at the younger boy to see a bit of hesitation but he pulls harder this time and I moan, enjoying the pleasurable pain.  I grab the top of his boxers and pull, him kicking them off as soon as he can.  Gavin certainly wasn’t wrong about the way he described Jeremy dick.  It wasn’t overly huge or anything like that but it was thick and something I wanted in every way possible.  I lick up the side and around the head, wrapping my right hand around the base.  I stroke him firmly while sucking on his hips and down his thighs.

“Oh fuck,” Jeremy gasps, tugging on my hair again.  I wrap my lips around the tip, sucking down deeper and swirling my tongue around him.  Jeremy moans, buck his hips up.  I use my free hand to hold his hips down to the bed.  I relax my throat to take him deeper into my mouth, all the way until my nose was touching his hips.  I bob my head up and down, fluttering my tongue across the underside.  He pulls my hair even harder, making me moan around his cock, sending vibrations throughout his body.  “God Michael, please, fuck me,” Jeremy pants, writhing in pleasure.  I pop off and wipe my mouth from the spit and pre-come.  

“You sure?”  I ask, undoing my belt and jeans.   
“God yes,” He huffs, tugging at my jeans as I pulled them off.  I push them off the bed and reach over to the nightstand where I always kept a bottle of lube.  I mean you never know.  Jeremy palms the front of my boxers, making me groan as I pop the cop of the bottle.

“How long has it been since you’ve done this?”  I ask as I warm it up on my fingers.

“Quite a while but no need to go gentle,” He replies, propping his legs open without hesitation.  I move in between his legs and press a finger against him.

“Just tell me if I’m moving too fast,” I say and he nods.  I press a soft kiss to his neck while pushing my finger in up to the first knuckle.  

“ _ Mmmm _ ,” Jeremy moans, encouraging to push it all the way in.  I bite at his prominent collarbone and give him a second to adjust before moving my finger.  I kiss all the way up to his lips, thrusting my finger in and out.  “More,” He commands and I comply, slowly pushing in my middle finger.

“Jesus Michael, I’m not going to break,”  He huffs and I blush a little bit.   
“Sorry, I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” He insist, pushing his hips downwards.  I move my fingers in and out, scissoring my fingers.  I slip in a third finger and Jeremy moans again.  It was deep and warm and music to my ears.  It didn’t take me long to hit that wonderful spot inside of him, making gasp and grip onto my arms like there was no tomorrow.  “Oh fuck Michael if you keep doing that I’m going to- fuck- I’m going to,” Jeremy pants and I slip my fingers out, giving his cock a quick squeeze around the base to take the edge off of his orgasm.  “Holy shit you’re good at that,” He breathes, a bit of a laugh in his statement.

“Years of practice,” I smirk, grabbing the bottle of lube again.  “With or without a condom?”

“Without.  I’m clean,” Jeremy says, pulling my boxers down.

“Me too.”  I was about to apply some more lube but he grabs to bottle out of my hand, squirting it onto his hand.

“Allow me,” He winks, sitting up and grabbing my cock.  He strokes me slowly, slicking up every inch.

“ _ Oh Jeremy _ ,” I rock my hips up into his hand, savoring the feeling.  He pulls his hand away not too long after, wiping the excess on the sheets.  “How do you want this?”  I ask, sitting promptly on my heels.  He flips over on his knees and elbows, pretty ass right in the ass.

“Hard and fast,” He replies in a rough voice.  Fuck that was hot.

“Can do,” I say, dragging my hand lightly on the inside of his thigh and up to his ass.  I peck the dimples on his back and he shutters in anticipation.

“Come on Michael, fuck me,” He nearly begs.  Hm, maybe we could get him to do better than that.  

“I don’t know.  Should I make you beg for it?”  I tease, biting down on the fleshy part of his cheek.  Jeremy just whines and pushes his ass towards my face.  “I think you can do better than that,” I tease the tip of my cock against his hole, making him moan.   
“Please Michael, please.  I need your cock so badly.  Just fuck me hard, so hard I can’t walk-” I cut him off by pushing halfway in, both of our groans mixing together in the room.   
“See,” I huff, “that wasn’t that hard.”  I grab his hips tight and slowly push the rest of the way it, not wanting to cause any pain.  I hold there for a minute so he could adjust, taking in the way he looked right now.  All bent over for me.

“Okay, I’m good,” Jeremy says, rolling his hips a bit.  I nearly pull all the way out before slamming right back in.  I set a brutal pace, pounding into Jeremy relentlessly.  He was whining and making all sorts of gorgeous noises.

“You looks so beautiful like this.  Taking it any way I give you.  You need someone to take care of you every once and awhile, don’t you?”   
“Y-yes,” He moans, face pressed into the soft cotton sheets.  I lean over his body, pressing sloppy kisses to his neck.  At this new angle, I hit his prostate dead on and Jeremy cries out.  “Right there!”  He yells, legs trembling beneath him.  

“Fuck Jeremy, I’m close,” I huff, gripping his hips even tighter.  There would surely be marks.

“Me-me too,” He stutters, going to reach for his own dripping cock but I grab his hand and hold it down onto the bed.   
“No, you’re coming untouched,” I command and he moans again.  “Come Jeremy, come for me,” I whisper into his ear.  One more thrust and he was coming all over his chest and bed with a cry.  Jeremy nearly collapses under me but I hold him up, thrusting in a few more times before I was coming myself.  I bite down on his shoulder as I moan, surely leaving another mark.  We both fall onto the bed out of breath.

“That was amazing,” He barely manages to say, slinging his arm around my waist and pulling me close.  I didn’t even care about the stickiness all over his chest at that point.  I just wanted to cuddle and sleep.  Seconds later, that’s what we were both doing.

 

**_*BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ*_ **  An annoying vibrating sound wakes me up.  I groan and go to roll over but a tight arm pulls me back.   
“No,” Someone grumbles in my ear.  Who da fuck?  I barely crack open an eye to see the familiar blue hair.  Jeremy.  The bar.  Fucking.  Oh fuck.  OH FUCK.  My phone starts vibrating all over again and I push Jeremy off of me to grab it.  It takes me a bit but I find my pants on the floor and answer it.

“Where the fuck are you?”  Jack’s angry mom voice comes through the speaking.  Uh oh.

“At my apartment down town,” I reply, rubbing my tired eyes.  My head hurts, shit.

“Do you not remember the crew meeting we were having today?”  They ask and I squint at the clock.  It read 10:48 am.

“Oh shit right.  Sorry.  I’ll be there soon.”   
“Bring Jeremy with you,” Then they hang up without another word.

“Jeremy!”  I yell, pushing his shoulder gently.

“What?”  He mumbles, pushing his face into the pillow.

“We were supposed to be at 10:30,” I say, running my fingers through my tangled hair.

“Fuck.”  He pushed himself out of bed right away.  “Oh, jesus my ass hurts,” He stretches and I laugh.

“We didn’t even clean up last night.  Come on, let’s get into the shower and discuss things,” I say, getting up off of the bed and heading towards the bathroom.

“Discuss things?”  He asks, trailing behind me.

“Yes, discuss things,” I say and turn on the water.  

“What kind of things?”  He raises an eyebrow, looking me up and down.

“I don’t want this to affect things between us Jeremy,” I admit kind of awkwardly.  Come on Michael, you’re not a teenager anymore.

“Dude, don’t worry about it.  I had a good time.  A  _ really _ good time and I don’t want it to affect things either.  You’ve been my friend for a long time and I don’t want to change our relationship.  If you want to add this into the mix, I’m more than happy,” Jeremy smiles, take my hand and pulling me close.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind that,” I grab his hip and pull his body flush with mine.  

He presses a quick kiss to my lips, “Mmm, I like the sound of that.”  I pull him into another kiss, nipping at his bottom lip gently.  “As much as I would like to go back at it again, Jack is going to kick our asses for being even more late,” Jeremy points out and I sigh.

“I guess you’re right,” I peck him one more time before pulling him into the shower.  We clean up without much trouble and get dressed in yesterday's clothes.

“Dude, how are we going to get back to the penthouse?”  Jeremy asks once I toss out the ruined sheets, “It’s like 10 miles and I am in  _ no  _ shape to walk that far today.”

“I think that sometimes you forget that we are criminals,” I point out, smashing my elbow into the window of the nicest car near us.  Haha, fucker didn’t even have an alarm.

“Damn, you’re right,” Jeremy laughs opening the passenger door and dusts off the glass.  He pops the lock for the drivers door and I slide in, quickly hotwiring the vehicle.  We peal off down the street towards our apartment building.  It was only a bit after 11, Jack couldn’t be that mad.  “Hey Michael,” He says once were about half way there.

“Yeah?”   
“I kinda feel bad.”   
“About…?”   
“Gavin.”   
“What do you mean?”  I ask again, trying to understand what the fuck this boy was on about.   
“Like should we tell him?  I mean, I’ve been doing stuff with him and I kind of like him and you’ve been doing stuff with him and like him. Do you think he should know?”

“I mean, probably?  Wait, did you say you like Gavin?”  I ask and his cheek light up bright red.

“I- um- well yeah,” He admits, scratching the back of his neck.

“Dude, don’t be embarrassed!  I get it, don’t worry.  We can wait a little bit and see how this goes between me and you and then tell him.  No need to get ahead of ourselves,” I say and he nods in agreement.

 

That agreement lasts three days max.  After Jeremy pointed it out I couldn’t help but feel guilty too.  It wasn’t like I cheated on him, more like we left him out.  Like we didn’t let him in on a secret.  I could tell that Jeremy was antsy too.  That he was feeling unsure.

“J, come here,” I whisper, grabbing his hand and pull him into my room unexpectedly.

“What the fuck?  Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”  He asks, his hand resting on his chest.

“Sorry man, I just- I just feel bad.  I think we need to tell Gavin,”  I admit, trying to ready his face to see what he thought.

“I think so too.  It just feels weird.  He’s starting to think something up anyways,”  Jeremy says and I nod.

“Yeah, me too.  He keeps trying to fool around but I just feel bad.  Okay.  We are going to tell him.  Gavin!”  I yell, peaking my head out of my door.

“Yes, love?”  His blonde mop pops out from his banged up door.   
“Come here.  Lil’ J and I need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Gavin replies and comes into my room, “Why do you look so bothered?”

“Michael and I fucked!” Jeremy suddenly spits out.

“Jesus Jeremy I was trying to come up with an easier way of telling him,” I say sarcastically.

“I’m sorry I just couldn’t hold it in anymore,” Jeremy flops his arms down in defence.  Then Gavin just busts out laughing.  Laughing so hard he was clutching his stomach and his eyes were watering.   
“Y-you guys thought that I-I-I wa-s-s going to be bot-th-thered by that?!”  He spits out, still laughing like no tomorrow.   
“Well we didn’t know and we weren’t sure if it was going to be a one time thing or not so we didn’t tell you,”  I attempt to explain.

“I don’t bloody care!  We can have Lad threesomes!”  Gavin boasts excitedly and me and Jeremy both raise an eyebrow.  “Wot?  Would you not be down for that?”   
“No no no no, I would totally be down for that,” Jeremy interjects and I chuckle.   
“Don’t worry, I am too.”

“Bugger finally.  You two have left me dry for days now!”  Gavin whines, grabbing both of our hands and dragging us to my bed.  Oh boy.


	14. And when the day turns to night, I slip away and lose my mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: TALK OF CHILD ABUSE, RAPE/NON-CON, AND SELF-HARM  
> There is only talk of this but it's still there and if you are not comfortable with this, please do not read it!
> 
> I wish that this chapter turned out longer but I think that the brevity of it makes sense with how his character is. Let me know what you think in the comments!!! It really means a lot if you do! I'm pretty excited for the next chapter, I'm hoping to get it up for this week! If you're bored and looking for a friend hit me up on tumblr because I am very lonely. It's leader-of-the-lads. I'm down to talk Achievement Hunter and all those lame things lol. Thanks for sticking with me!
> 
> Title: Slip Away by Oh Wonder

Third Person-- Geoff's Childhood

 

Geoff.

The most mysterious one of them all.

He didn’t talk about his childhood much, if at all.  The only person out of the group that knew anything was Jack and even then they knew next to nothing.  He talked about it briefly when they were young, still in their teens, and that was it.  It was a painful past that still haunted him every day.  Some scars on his body reminded him of those torturous times.  Still, though, even Ryan mentioned his past more than Geoff.  What was so bad?

 

Birth:  Geoff’s mom was a teen mom, only 16 years old.  His father was nowhere to be seen.  Rumor has it that it was an older guy she met at a party.  That he had slicked black hair and tattoos, a couple of piercings here and there.  He was a bad boy, they said.  Cassandra was a beautiful girl.  Rumored the most wanted girl in school.  She had gorgeous, long coffee colored hair that had natural curls.  The most striking blue eyes and long lashes that captured anyone's attention.  Soft features with deep dimples in both of her cheeks.  She had the most desirable body of that time.  Cassandra was beautiful but was damaged.  Geoff’s mother did love him dearly and did her best with what she had to take care of him, which wasn’t much.  Geoff mom, Cassandra, grew up in a shitty household herself.  Her father was a drunk and abusive, taking out all of his anger on Cassy.  Her mom?  Rumor has it that he killed her when Cassy was a child.  He was incredibly pissed once he found out that she was pregnant despite how hard she tried to hide it.  Cassy couldn’t count on him to watch Geoff when she went to school so she was forced to drop out.  Even then she didn’t have money to pay for the things a baby needed it and pay for her father.  Cassy had to work along with school because her father was on disability but that didn’t pay for shit.  That money went towards his addictions.  But that couldn’t suffice once Geoff was born.  So Cassy put Geoff up for adoption when he was only one and a half, leaving him with little to no memories of her except for the beat up photograph he had.

 

Two years old:  Geoff was thrown into the foster care system.  For some it’s good, for some it’s bad, and for some it’s worse.  For Geoff, it was much worse.  Oh so much worse.  He got to stick around the initial family for a while.  They weren’t great to him.  He was forgotten and ignored.  He didn't receive the attention that a growing two year old needed which set him behind on the learning curve.  He wasn’t potty trained until the family got sick of changing diapers.  He couldn’t speak much, most the talking done to him was yelling at him.  But that family no longer wanted Geoff, saying that he was too much work even though the toddler barely spoke and sent him off to the next home.

 

Six years old:  The teachers ask about the bruises and why he barely eats at lunch or at snack time.  The foster parents would stay that Geoff was just a rambunctious kid!  He liked to get himself in trouble!  The teachers would slowly nod, not understanding why Geoff was such a shy kid in the classroom but not at home.  Geoff was often used as the punching bag, being an easy target.  The other kids at the home would like to beat on him and make fun of him for the way he looked.  At that age, he didn’t understand what all the hateful words meant but he knew that they weren’t nice.  He was having trouble staying focused in school or eating even though this was the only place that he got a real meal.  At home, he was forced to get food last.  He was the youngest so if there was none left, he went to bed hungry.  The teachers kept an eye on him but never got any real evidence to call CPS.  But oh how Geoff wished they had called and came to that house.  It was just a matter of time before he was moved to a different place to deal with different demons.

 

Nine years old:  Not only did the kids at the home but the kids at school bullied Geoff every day.  Picking at the way he looked or how he only liked English class.  He would run to the bathroom and cry during recess, hoping that a teacher wouldn’t come in and ask questions.  At this most recent house, they liked to beat on him.  Even for the most simple things, like taking too long to walk home from the bus.  Or for talking too loud even though it was rare when he actually spoke.  The would whip him with a belt, lock him in a closet, and refuse to feed him.  Once a teacher caught on to the handprint shaped bruise and called home, he was sent away to the next house.  He was still blamed for everything despite doing nothing.

 

Twelve years old:  He ran away.  He was sick of this disgusting house.  How they ever got the okay to foster children was beyond him.  They barely even fucking noticed that he was here, how hard could it be to run away?  He finally said that today was going to be the day.  Geoff came home from a rough day at school to get bombarded with the older boys at the house.  At school, he was called a pussy for not having his first kiss.  He was pushed into the lockers and called a faggot.  But once he got home, they pushed him around, called him names, sung a few fists.  Fuck, more than a few.  There was blood spewing from his nose and his lip.  Bruises were blooming so quickly on his skin that he no longer felt his limbs.  He was surprised that he was still conscious.  Both of his eyes were turning black and blue, no doubt swelling up.  Once the teens were done beating him, he grabbed the bag he kept packed under his makeshift bed.  The parents said that he didn’t deserve a real bed.  It had all of his clothes and possessions already packed.  He learned to never unpack.  That he would move in less than a year.  Both of the adults were gone so Geoff dug around in the cupboards until he found a substantial amount of cash.  He jammed a few snacks into his backpack and left the house, blood dripping onto his clothes.  Geoff stumbled down the highway, swaying back and forth.  He was incredibly light headed and thought he might faint at any moment.  That was until a car came to a screeching halt and a man and a women came running out.  Geoff tried to run from them but he fell to his knees, his legs no longer being able to hold him up.  Her husband called 911 while she held onto the young boy as he cried.  He finally had the chance to just let his emotions out for just one minute.  For just one minute it felt good to be held and comforted like a child deserved.  After a while a cop car came, saying that he had to take Geoff to the hospital then back to his house.  Geoff refused, cowering back into the young woman’s arms.  She wished that she could take him home but it just wasn’t possible with their circumstances.  The police officer understood, saying that he had a perfect family that would love to adopt him.  The word adoption made his ears perk up.  He never even thought it was possible that he was going to be adopted.

 

Fifteen years old:  He had to leave.  He had to get out.  This fucking family wasn’t a family.  They didn’t want him.  For the first month, he was the shiny new adopted toy!  After that he was nothing.  He was a bother.  Another mouth they had to feed and another body they had to clothe.  That was when the father started tucking Geoff into bed at night.  And touching him at night.  In a way that no child should ever be touched.  Three years he tolerated that.  Three years that he was horrible self-destructive, hiding in the bathroom with a razor pressed into his skin.  Of course, only in a place he could hide it.  His adoptive father wouldn’t like that if he saw it.  He felt as if it was the only way he could escape and express his pent up emotions.  He had no one that would listen or understand.  If he told a teacher or another adult, it would be around the school in a second.  Geoff also joined the “bad kids” in school.  That group was where he got into drugs to numb the pain.  He still got abused physically at home and at school.  Just because he was surrounded by the naughty kids didn’t mean that he wasn’t still an easy target for the assholes.  The jocks like to pick on him for being into English.  The popular girls joined it, starting a rumor that he was gay or into boys.  The boys wouldn’t allow him in the locker room anymore.  The teachers no longer paid attention.  His adoptive father came in one day for his fix but Geoff was sick of it.  Sick of the fucking torture he was constantly being put through.  Geoff hit him with all his might, bashing his face in.  He took out all his anger that he had.  He left that “father” bloody on his bedroom floor.  He was unconscious with a note taped to his forehead for his “mother” to read.  ‘ _ Fuck you for ever thinking you were “saving” me.  Ask your husband about how he liked to “visit” me every night.  All of you fuckers are going to hell.  All of you are just as bad as him and as the rest of the homes I have been in.  Don’t bother looking for me.  Thanks for being my “family.”  -Your loving son’   _ The sarcasm that dripped from the note wasn’t enough anger that Geoff could express.  He wanted to kill this man laying on the floor.  But he couldn’t.  Not yet.  He grabbed his backpack, dumping all of his school shit onto the floor and cramming in clothes.  He grabbed the money that he had been saving from selling drugs on the side and his knife.  He grabbed a bit of food and the keys to the guys nice car and left.  He drove all night, trying to find a place to stay.  Where was he really going to go?  He was just a fucking kid!  How was he going to survive when he was only 15 years old?  Geoff was lucky that he knew how to drive, hanging out with those naughty kids really helped.  Geoff was also lucky then he found a dingy motel on the side of the highway that didn’t give a fuck that he was only a teenager and paid in cash.  Despite how disgusting and scary this motel was, Geoff had never felt safer.

 

Geoff Ramsey, the Kingpin of Los Santos, doesn’t talk about how he was abused every single day of his childhood.  He doesn’t speak of the years he was molested by someone who was supposed to take care of him.  Geoff doesn’t tell anyone about the times that he sat in the bathroom with any sharp object he could find and press it into his thighs.  Jack only knows about his mom and how he was put up for adoption.  They only know about when he got revenge on that family.  When the two of them bombarded that house, kidnapped the two adults.  It’s easy to say that Geoff got some of his revenge.  It made him feel good in the moment, making them feel the pain that he felt.  But it only lasted for so long.  The pain came back.  It always came back.  Geoff would have happily kept it all a secret but Jack found the picture of his mom.  It was ripped and crumpled.  Of course, Jack was interested in why Geoff had an image of a beautiful brunette girl who couldn’t be more than 17 or 18 years old.  He quickly snatched the photo out of their hands, saying that it was none of their business.  But the hurt in Jack’s eyes made Geoff feel bad, so he said that it was his mother and that was that.  Jack looked at the image again, smiling and saying that she is beautiful.  Jack knew what it was like to have Mother problems so they didn’t press with questions.  Geoff has thought about seeing if Gavin could find her but all he had was a name and where they used to live.  Gavin has worked off less but they would ask too many questions and hell, he didn’t even know if she was alive.  He wouldn’t even know what to say if he did meet her.  “Hey mom, I’m a world renowned criminal.  Proud of me?”  Maybe going through that pain wouldn’t be worth it.  The ache in a chest from a missed out childhood was still there but that was usually there for criminals like him.  He’s seen and felt the real pain.  He uses that pain to make him stronger.


	15. I've got the best to get you high

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Smut in this chapter and like a little bit of knife play but nothing too much. Oh, and some bondage... I got carried away quickly lol.

Jeremy's POV-- Present

“Oh, and while we’re out, Trevor said that he needed to talk to you.”

“What?”  I freeze, stopping in my place in the living room and looking at Jack.

“His apartment is on the 20th floor, room 24D.  Here,” They hand me a little piece of paper with all the information written down.  “All he said was that he wanted to talk to you before 2 o’clock.  Don’t fuck with Treyco’s schedule, he gets pissy then.”

“I know,” I mumble, looking down at the small card in my hand.  Trevor?  Why does he want to talk to me?  I certainly didn’t want to talk to him.  It was hard enough having to work with him but now?  What did he want?

“Just don’t break anything while we’re going bud.  I trust you more than Michael or Gavin alone here,” Geoff says, walking by and ruffling my hair.  I force a laugh, smiling at my boss.  I couldn’t help the nervous bubbling up in my stomach.  Stop Jeremy, it’s just talking.  It’s probably nothing.  Hopefully nothing.  Oh please let it be nothing.

“Oi!  I only broke one vase!”  Gavin defends, crossing his arms like a child.   
“And the tv… and the xbox… and that really nice mirror in Jack’s room.  Oh!  And that time you fell off the railing on the staircase!”  Michael lists off, making everyone laugh.

“Oh toss off Michael,” Gav pushes Michael playfully but a pout still on his face.  They were cute together.  

“You two quit it.  You have a job to do, remember that,” Jack says sternly, pointing at the two childish adults.  The two walk off, still pushing each other.  “You’ll be fine Lil’ J.  We trust you here.  We won’t be gone too long,”  And with that, the four were gone.  Ryan had left about an hour and a half ago.  He was on some personal business, he said.  Jack and Geoff were having lunch with some important people while the other Lads were checking out some of our storage units and stuff.  There were rumors going around that one of our rival gangs were planning on breaking into it and stealing shit.  I was going to go with but then they need me at the building when Geoff’s good friend comes around.  We, well technically I, am going to be his new drug supplier since I am the drug guy.  I wasn’t all the nervous for that, he was coming around 4 and it was only 11 am now so I had plenty of time to get stuff done.  But fuck, I had to talk to Trevor.

 

First I went up to my room to get dressed.  I mean I had nothing to do this morning so I have been lounging around in sweats.  I get dressed in a tee and jeans before going into the bathroom.  I made sure that I looked decent.  I mean, I shouldn’t care.  I really shouldn’t but I couldn’t help but… I don’t know.  Still wanted to impress him?  Want to rub it in his face that I’m doing good in my life?  Well, as good as a criminal can do.  Okay, I look good.  Now time to face the person that I’ve been avoiding since I first saw him.  I grab my phone and the little card that Jack gave me before leaving the penthouse.  It really was a blessing to call this place my home now.  I make my way down to the 20th floor, it looked like there was only two apartments on this floor.  Holy shit this building was huge.  I mean I knew this place was big but goddamn.  There was a little plaque the said 24D, Trevor’s door.  The anxiety in my stomach only got worse.  I took a few deep breaths before knocking on the door.  It was now or never.

“It’s open.”  I hear him call from the inside and I internally debate just leaving.  I could, I really could just leave right now.  Fuck, I faced gunfire and cops and actual scary people.  Trevor wasn’t scary.  I open the door to a gorgeous, modern apartment and Trevor sitting on one of the sleek white couches.

“Jack said you wanted to talk,” I say, closing the door behind me.

“Yes, I do,” He stands up, handing me a glass of what looks like whiskey.   **Never drink something you didn’t see being poured.**  It’s one of the main rules of survival.  I eye the drink, looking for anything unusual.  “You seriously think I would do that?”  Trevor almost looks hurt that I would think that he would roofie me or poison me.  He’s right, I should still trust him.  I down the entire drink in one go, the alcohol burning the back of my throat.  I set the glass on a coaster before sitting down on the leather chair.  Shit, this place was nice.  Not that the penthouse wasn’t nice, it had the nicest stuff out there, but I don’t know.  It didn’t feel like Trevor to me.  Then again, I didn’t know him anymore.

“So what did you want to talk about?”  I ask, meeting his eye for only a second before he looks away.

“You know what we need to talk about,” He sighs, rubbing his tired face.

“I mean, we can talk about how you’re working for the Fake AH Crew.”

“And how you are,” He twirls the liquor in his glass before finishing it off.  “I should have known it was you once they said your name.  Who else is a short guy named Jeremy in Los Santos?’

“I was quite shocked to see you too.  I knew you were into crime but not the most wanted crew in LS,” I chuckle a little bit to myself.  Trevor was always an interesting person to me.

“Have you told anyone yet?”  The browned eyed man asks, looking at me finally.

“What?  That you cheated on me?  No, but Gavin asked about it,” I shrug, reaching for the bottle of whiskey that was sitting on the coffee table.

“I never cheated on you,” he says defensively, lying straight through his teeth.  

“Trevor, really, save it.  I know about you and that girl.”

“We never had anything going on!  You were the one that cheated on me,” he fires back, trying to gain some sort of ground.  I stand up with a sigh, drinking some more of the top shelf alcohol.  I was going to need it if we were finally going to have this argument.

“I got with that guy after I saw you sticking your tongue down that blonde girl’s throat.  I was angry and upset, pretty sure I had a right to be,” I defend and he stands up as well.  He opens and closes his mouth a few times, his mind no doubt racing.

“I'm not the only one to blame for this Jeremy.” He points an accusing finger at me and I raise an eyebrow.  Is he serious right now?

“Keep telling yourself that.  I did everything for you, Trevor.  I loved you and you had to throw away our time together.  I should have believed all the people that said not to get involved with a guy that said “ _ they don't usually do this _ .”” I couldn't help but get angry.  Our breakup was messy but quick and we never got a chance to talk or fight it out.

“I loved you too Jeremy.  And I screwed up!  And I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry for any hurt I caused you because I never meant it.  When I saw you again,” he turned to face me full on.  His face was soft now, taking on a different demeanor.  He looked like the Trevor I used to know and fuck, did it hurt.  “I miss you.  I miss you like crazy.”

“No.  If you really had missed me you would have tried to find me.  You would have done something instead of just breaking up with me,” I reply, my voice still sharp which almost seems like a surprise to the other.

“I didn't know what to do!  I felt guilty for what I did and didn't know how to explain it.  You know what I've been through regarding my sexuality.”

“Yes, I know what you've been through but that doesn't give you an excuse to cheat on me.  Trevor… if you're looking for my forgiveness, you already have it.  It was a while ago and I'm over it, I guess.”

“I'm not looking for your forgiveness, I'm looking for a second chance Jeremy,” He says and I stop, reading his face to see if he was being honest.

“At friendship yes but not at a relationship.  I'm sorry but… it didn't work out the first time and I can’t take that chance again.  You have no idea how much that hurt me.  Also, there's someone else now,” I do my best to explain.  

“But don’t you remember what it was like when we were together?  What it felt like?”  He takes a step closer, his voice raising a bit.

“Yes, I remember what it was like.  Being together was like paradise every day.  You gave me hope that we wouldn’t have to be criminals one day,” He gently cups my cheek and a million emotions running through my body.  Anger, sadness, and confusion.  His brown eyes were soft, bring back so many memories.  Memories of those nights we would stay up talking about how we were going to get out of here.  How we were going to get honest work and change something in this world.  But I also remember those brown eyes looking into hers the other nights.  “But you took that away from me,” I slap his hand away and take a few steps back.  My cheek was burning where he had touched me.

“Jer-”

“No.  You were the first person that I had ever loved and actually cared about.  Clearly, you never felt the same way about me.  It’s okay Trevor.”

“But I do love you.”

“No, you don’t.  That was over a year and a half ago.  If you really had you would have done something earlier.  Not now.  I-I have someone else.  There are others now.  I can’t.  We work together and that’s what it’s going to be.”  My mind was racing and I was trying to put together coherent sentences.  I couldn’t even tell you what I was feeling.

“Others?”   
“We have to be professional for this crew and not let this get in the way.  We work together.  We can be friends but no more.  I’m sorry but… I can’t.  I’ll-I’ll talk to you later,”  I mumble before leaving his apartment completely.  No.  No.  He couldn’t just do that.  Trevor couldn’t just leave my life for nearly two years then coincidentally we meet and now he wants me back?  Fuck that.  He isn’t allowed to play with my emotions like that.  He was the only person that I have had real feelings for. Trevor wasn’t just a quick fuck for me.  We were together for two years.  Around 24 months.  That is a huge deal for normal people let alone criminals.  He was the name that I was going to permanently mark onto my back.  Was it a dumb idea?  Yes, but when have I been one for good ideas?  

 

Trevor Collin’s wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend.  He was the glimmer of hope I had at the end of each day to come home to.  We had an apartment we shared where we could hide away from the world for a while.  Just us together.  We were both criminals but we never worked together.  We always made sure that whatever we were doing that it was separate and safe for one another.  Trevor was the light at the end of the tunnel for me.  I’ve been in this game since I was 14 years old.  It was nice to finally have hope.  But just like a bullet through a window, he shattered it within a second.  With one glance.  With that one look I had come to know.  I remember that night like it was yesterday.  In the drug community, everyone watches each other’s back.  We look out for each and are “friends” you could say.  So when I received a random text from my buddy Kyle, I was concerned.  It simply said ‘ **Hey, isn’t this yo boy?** ’ with a picture of Trevor and some blonde girl that I would come to know as Lex.  Their lips were locked in a booth at a bar.  The shock and hurt that poured through my veins made my hands tremble.  I replied with ‘ **Sure is.  Wanna fuck?** ’  Kyle was only a year or two older than me and very attractive.  If I wasn’t dating Trevor at the time I would have hit him up.  He agreed and I picked him up from the bar, making sure that Trevor saw.  The next day he broke up with me.  A simple text that said ‘ **We’re done.** ’  That was the last time that I ever heard from him.  I got my stuff from our shared apartment and left.  I got my own apartment within a day with a the last name like Dooley.  I loved Trevor with everything I had.  After I lost him, I lost my reason to get out of the game.  I dove in face first, not caring what trouble I get into.  I got reckless sometimes until I finally did pull it together.  It was just a breakup.  Just a heartbreak, everyone kept telling me.

 

I hadn’t even realized that I had reached the penthouse until I was on the couch with my head in my hands.  No, I wasn’t going to mope about this anymore.  Trevor couldn’t have this control over me any longer.  I jogged up to my room and grabbed my laptop before going back to the couch and kicking my feet up.  I just needed to get my mind off of it, right?  I violently scrolled through Tumblr.  Yes, a renowned criminal can have a Tumblr account.  Just one day I saw a post about me and I swan dived down the rabbit hole.  I scrolled through my dash, not thinking anything bad would come up, until of course, the inevitable gay porn showed up.  Okay, I’ll admit that I was looking at it a bit longer than just a glance.  It was aesthetically pleasing!  And the guys were good looking…

“ **_Not bad_ ** ,” A deep voice makes me nearly jump out of my skin.

“I-um-I” I stumble, trying my best to exit out of the tab, only to click on the blog which opened up to even more porn.  “I wasn’t-” I was panicking so much that I just slammed my laptop shut.  I look behind me to see Ryan, no Vagabond, behind me.  He chuckles deeply, sending chills down my spine.

“ **_Jeremy, no need to be ashamed_ ** ,” He was still laughing and my face was no doubt beat red.  

“Really Vagabond, I wasn’t looking at that.”  He sits down next to me, cleaning off a bloody holographic knife with a black cloth that had a lighter black ‘V’ stitched into it.  That certainly didn’t make me feel any better.

“ **_You’re adorable_ ** ,” He mutters, dark blue eyes glazing over me.  My cheeks heat up even more as I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“So personal work?”  I ask, trying to change to subject.

“ **_Yeah, someone I used to like wasn’t making me very happy anymore.  I had to take them out before they became a threat.  Nothing big_ ** ,” He shrugs, cleaning the last bit of blood off of his weapon.  

“Oh,” I nod with understanding.

“ **_Are you afraid of me Jeremy?_ ** ”  Suddenly the blade was pressed up against my throat and I breathing hitches, afraid that if I took to big of a breath it would cut right through my flesh.

“N-n-no,” I try to sound convincing but fail miserably.  I didn’t want him to know that I was slightly afraid of him!  

“ **_Are you sure about that?_ ** ”  He asks again, dragging the tip of the knife across my jawline.  I don’t dare move my head, worried that he would end it all right here.  

“M-Maybe a little,” This time I don’t lie.  Vagabond laughs, the deep gravelly sound making me shudder.

“ **_Good, you should be_ ** ,” He withdraws the knife from my face and I could breathe again.  “ **_You should be scared.  Knowing that I could snap and kill you at any second.  We wouldn’t want that now would we?_ ** ”  He smirks, twirling the blade against his finger.  “ **_But I couldn’t do that._ ** ”  Suddenly he swung his leg over mine, planting himself right in my lap facing me.  I gasp, not expecting anything like that to happen.  Then again, I couldn’t expect anything from him.  “ **_I like you too much Lil’ J_ ** ,” His grin turns into a wicked smile.

“Really?”  I ask, confused at this whole situation.

“ **_Yes really.  You’re… charismatic,_ ** ” Vagabond whips out his blade again, pressing it against my throat.  “ **_And charming.  I also happen to think you’re quite attractive._ ** ”  He leans his face closer to mine, brushing his lips against my cheek.  I couldn’t help the blush that rose back to my face.  “ **_It would really be a waste of a pretty face if I killed you_ ** ,” He hums, warm breath hitting my face.  He smelt like a foresty cologne and cigarettes up this close.  The scent made my head spin and swirl.  I expected him to pull away, to say this was all just a strange joke.  But he didn’t.  The smirk was still planted on his face and I didn’t dare move a muscle.  I willed everything inside of me to not get aroused by the words that he was saying or the fact that he was literally in my lap.  There was no doubt about it that I found both Ryan and Vagabond attractive but I would personally never act on it.  He was always too hidden away from me.  He never seemed interested so I thought that it was just one sided.  He scoots in closer, almost so that our hips were touching and chuckles to himself.  His lips brush the corner of mine and I suck in a sharp breath, was this okay?  It was almost like he was intoxicating.  Like the aura he gave off sent vibrations through my bones that made me feel as if I was built of jelly.  The look in his cobalt blue eyes made me feel trapped in this trance, as if everything else around us was just television static.  All I could see was that good damn smirk on his face that stirred something inside of me and all I could feel was his weight in my lap, seemingly pressing against just the right stops.  I don’t know what took over me.  I surged forward, pressing a kiss to his lips.  The blade that was against my throat pressed a little bit harder but I couldn’t help but like it.  His other hand trailed down my chest, raising goosebumps to my skin.  Vagabond was instant about taking control of the kiss, slipping his tongue into my mouth and exploring.  I was hesitant, allowing him to do whatever.  A few seconds later he pulls away with a pout on his face, “ **_Oh come on Jeremy, are you going to kiss me back or are you going to sit there like a dead body?_ ** ”  The tip of the knife presses right against my pulse, making it jump.  “ **_I’ve heard about you.  Come on, show me what Michael and Gavin are receiving,_ ** ”  He says, removing the knife and tossing it onto the couch next to us.

“What about Ryan?”  I ask, looking up at him.  He just smiles, fingers dancing across my chest.

“ **_I may be psychotic and always get what I want but I do it with consent.  Ryan and who ever I’m with.  What do you say?_ ** ” He gently drags the tip of his pointer finger across my collarbones, “ **_Do you consent?_ ** ” I nod without even having to think about it.  He looked incredible right now.  His eyes were swirling with evil and lust and holy fuck was it hot.  “ **_So why don’t you take your hands off of the couch,_ ** ” He grabs both of my hands and sets them on the sides of his thighs, “ **_and touch me._ ** ”  Vaga smashes his lips back against mine, this time allowing me to have more control.  I feel up his muscular yet soft thighs and hips.  He had an amazing body.  I was trying to pay attention to what I was doing but Vaga was running his hands through my hair and pulling on the front of my shirt.  Not to even mention that he was rocking his hips against mine, sending my mind in spirals.  I slip my right hand under his thin grey shirt, feeling his toned back.  Why doesn’t Ryan show off his muscles more?  I squeeze his left thigh before relaxing more into to the couch so it would be easier to move against him.  We pull away for only a second before Vaga was pressing hot kisses against my neck.  I bite my lip and grind my hips up into his.  He sucks what no doubt will be a hickey on my neck, making me hum in pleasure.  Vaga kisses his way back up to my lips, trailing his fingers across my throat.  He gently pushes down on my pulse, right where the knife had been.  I couldn’t help but moan lowly into our kiss.  He smirks against my lips before pulling away.  “ **_Come on_ ** ,” He grabs my hand, pulling me off of the couch.  I follow him towards Ryan’s room, nerves and excitement building inside of me.  As soon as we were in the room and he closed the door, I was pushed onto the bed.  “ **_So many things I want to do to you, sweet sweet Jeremy._ ** ”  That wicked smile was back on his face, reminding me that I was in bed with a killer.  Someone that murdered people for fun and enjoyment.  He crawls on top of me, straddling my waist.  Vagabond grabs the hem of his shirt, peeling off of his body.

“Damn,” I mumble to myself, shamelessly checking him out.  There were newer wounds there, possibly from today.  The scars and marks only made him hotter.  I trace over a few before grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him into another searing kiss.  Kissing him was something else.  It was like stealing a cookie from the jar as a child.  You knew that you were going to get into trouble but there was a sweet reward when you got to eat the treat.  His lips were like cocaine but he was dealer.  They were addicting and he was someone you’re not supposed to get involved with.  But I couldn’t stop.  I didn’t stop when he grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head.  The skin on skin contact felt like it was igniting a fire right between us.  With a sudden boost of confidence and a loss of inhibitions, I flip us over so now I was on top.  I wasn’t sure how he was going to react but luckily he allowed me to do it.  I wanted to mark up his pretty, smooth skin.  I kiss down his neck just as he had done to me, stopping at the place where his neck and shoulder meets.  I nip at his skin, sucking and biting enough to leave a bruise.  He moans below me, grinding against my thigh that was placed in between his legs.  I never thought I would see the day that I would have The Vagabond moaning below me.  I leave a trail of red marks down his chest to the top of his black jeans, taking a quick second to flick over his nipple.  I go to reach for the button of his jeans but was suddenly stopped, being flipped back over with Vagabond on top.  He grabs my wrists and pins them above my head, his grip surprisingly strong.  “ **_Ever participate in much BDSM?_ ** ” He asks darkly, eyes raking my body.

“Uh, only a little bit.  I would usually dom,” I sputter out.  It was nothing more than blindfolds and a few silk ties.  Maybe the occasional spanking.

“ **_Hmm, how do you feel about being tied up,_ ** ” It really wasn’t much of a question.  I had never been tied up but I wasn’t opposed to the thought.  He keeps one hand on my wrists while reaching under his bed, coming back up with a thin black rope.  He begins to expertly bind my wrist together and to the headboard without a second thought.  “ **_I use the green, yellow, red system.  Are you familiar with that?_ ** ”  He asks, calm as ever.

“Yes,” I reply, trying to act just as calm when really I was freaking out.  I wasn’t particularly nervous but… this was new.

“ **_Will you review it for me?_ ** ”

“Green means I’m okay, keep going.” He tightens the ropes, “Yellow means I need something or I need a break.  And red means immediate stop.”  He finishes off the tie just as I finish speaking.  It felt like electricity was running through my veins and ever touch there was a spark.

“ **_Very good._ ** ”  My anxiety was rising a bit.  This would be a perfect way for him to kill me.  Tie me up and finish me off.  This is it.  This is how I’m going to go.  Jeremy Dooley murdered by The Vagabond.  As he sits back his eyes meet mine with an overly Ryan look on his face.  Just for that moment in time, his look was a bit softer and his eyes were a bit lighter.  I felt relieved.  Ryan was here.  Not that he couldn’t kill me in cold blood but he would probably have a reason for it.  He sits all the way back and the smirk falls back onto his face.  “ **_Any other safewords?_ ** ”  He asks, tracing his finger right above my waistband of my boxers that were peeking out of the top of my jeans.

“I usually use Tallahassee,” I admit, tugging on my restraints a little bit to test it out.

“ **_Hmm, you’ll have to tell me_ ** **that** **_story later.  How do they feel?_ ** ”  He asks and I pull on the ropes a bit harder.  They weren’t loose enough that I could get out but they weren’t tight enough that they were cutting off blood flow.

“Good,” I reply, still a bit nervous about this.

“ **_Just relax Jeremy, you’re in my hands now_ ** ,” Vagabond presses a wet kiss to my chest.   
“I’m not sure if that’s reassuring,” I mumble and he laughs against my skin.

“ **_Let me take care of you.  Just relax and let all your worries go away._ ** ”  I close my eyes and let out a deep breath.  I could do this.  I hum and open my eyes.  He moves up and kisses my lips, grinding against my hips.  There was a familiar flip of a knife opening and I feel the cool metal against my chest.  I gasp, pulling away from him.  “ **_Let me take care of you,_ ** ” He repeats, this time more darkly.  Chills run down my spine and I can’t help but groan.  “ **_You’re in to, aren’t you?  The thrill of it?  Knowing that I could kill you?_ ** ” The involuntary shift of my hips was an answer enough.  I don’t know what had gotten into me.  I had never been one for kinky stuff like this before.  Not that I was a total vanilla guy but this was a lot more than I was used to.

I capture his lips for another kiss, the tip of the knife pressing into my abdomen.  It wasn’t enough to draw blood, I’m not sure I would be comfortable with that.  He bites my bottom lip, tugging at it before pulling away.

“ **_Color?_ ** ”

“Green,”  I reply within a second.  He drags the knife lightly across my collarbone again, right after attacking it with his mouth.  I moan, pulling at my wrist ties.  He sets the blade to the side of us again before unbuttoning my jeans.  He pulls them down, tossing them to the floor.  He also unbuttons his pants and making it quite a show to take them off.  I drink up the sight of him in those tight boxer briefs and mmm, he was delicious.  I pull on my ties again, begging to touch the man before me but being denied.  

“ **_I’m not quite sure what I want to do with you quite yet.  There are so many options…_ ** ” He runs his smooth hands up my inner thighs, “ **_I could fuck you or I could use you like this._ ** ”  He hums again.  It was a deep sound that radiated throughout my body.  Vaga palms the front of my boxers, making me gasp at the friction I was finally receiving.  “ **_I heard Gavin talking about you and I would definitely like to take advantage of that,_ ** ” He says, pulling my boxers off.  I couldn’t help that I was already completely hard, all of this new attention.  Vaga smirks, grabbing my cock in his hand.  “ **_Oh, I definitely have some ideas._ ** ”  He strokes me a few times, flicking his thumb over the head.  I moan, rocking my hips up into his hand.  After a few more seconds he lets go and crawls over to the nightstand, grabbing a bottle of lube from the drawer.  So many different things ran through my mind, all good.  At this point, I think I would allow him to do just about whatever he wanted.  He strips himself of his boxers, it collecting on the floor with the rest of the clothing.  His cock was already dripping in between his legs and oh my god did he look good.

“Vaga please,” I beg without even thinking.

“ **_I would have never of pegged you as a beggar,_ ** ” He chuckles, lubing up his fingers.  I just blush, turning my head to the side so he couldn’t see.  What surprised me is instead of doing anything to me with his slicked up fingers, he reached behind himself and slipped one in.  He groaned, blue eyes fluttering closed at the new sensation.  He rocks forward onto his knees more, arching his back and thrusting in another finger.  I had a perfect view of his body, every mark, and muscle.  Tattoo and scar.  He was utterly beautiful and I wish that I had a camera.  My thoughts were cut off then he grabbed my cock again, jerking me in time with the movement of his other hand.  He was incredibly skilled, able to flick his wrist and scissor himself open at the same time.  Vagabond slips in a third finger, throwing his head back and moaning.

“So beautiful,” I mumble, aching to touch him.  

“ **_I think that boys like you need to be used sometimes.  They get to thinking that they can control whoever they bring in the bedroom when that’s not true.  You like being used Jeremy, don’t you?  You’re nothing but a slut like Gavin.  Hell, you’re probably worse than him._ ** ”  His words made me moan and thrust my hips up into his hand even more, pulling at the ropes.  My wrists began to burn but I loved the way it felt.  “ **_Little J is a little whore,_ ** ” He enunciates strongly, sending the words straight to my cock.

“Yes, yes, use me.   _ Please _ ,”  I beg, falling deeper and deeper into the hole.

It seems like that was all that he needed, “ **_Gladly,_ ** ” he growls and removes both sources of pleasure.  I whine at the lost which only makes him laugh, knowing that he has that control over me.  He pins my hips down to the bed and moves on top of me.  “ **_You should always be like this.  Always tied up for me._ ** ”  He grabs the lube, applying a bit less than I usually would.   I raise an eyebrow at him quick in which he just keeps going, “ **_I like it a bit rough.  What can I say?_ ** ”  He lines himself up and begins to slowly sink down.  He felt amazing around me, tight and hot.  I pant, trying my best to not buck my hips up.  

“Fuck,” I say as he sinks all the way down until he was fully seated on my lap.

“ **_Mmm, Jer,_ ** ” He moans, eyes shut tight.  He takes a second to adjust but once he snaps his eyes open, they are full of a devious look.  He plants one hand on my chest and keeps one on my hip to gain some leverage.  Vagabond comes up and slams back down, both of our moans mixing together in the room.  He picks up a fast pace, pounding his hips up and down.  Every time he would come back down he would grinding his hips against mine, only building to the sensation.

“Oh my god Vaga,” I moan, allowing him to use my body in any way he wanted.  The wrists ached but it felt amazing and I almost wishes that he had tied my legs up somehow.

“ **_Such a good whore,_ ** ” He says, nails biting into my skin.  

“Kiss me,” I plea, wanting that blow high to come back.  He smashes his lips to mine, allowing a different angle to slam up into him.  I bend my knees and and fuck up into him, causing Vaga to moan into my mouth.  I pull away and kiss down his neck to leave another hickey.  He lets out a breathy moan that was enough to nearly make me come right then and there.  He grabs my hips to stop my movement, holding me in place again.  Vaga fucks down even harder than before, slamming into his prostate every single time.  I so badly wanted to touch him I pulled at the restraints harder, causing the bed groan.

“ **_So fucking good,_ ** ”  He pants, grabbing for his own cock.

“I’m close,” I manage to get out.  All my senses were so overwhelmed and I felt like I was losing control over my body.  Everything was just so much.  All it was is pure and utter bliss.  I was babbling incoherent sentences and I was getting closer and closer to the edge.  I could tell that he was too as he was starting to lose his rhythm.  Vaga felt so amazing in every way possible and finally, I cried out.  My vision turned white and I was coming deep inside of him.  I moaned so loudly that if anyone else was in the house they would have heard me.  A few more strokes and Vagabond was coming all over my chest and his hand.

“ **_Jeremy!_ ** ” He calls as he peeks, nearly out of breath.  Soon my vision comes back and I can feel my limbs.  I open my eyes just as he falls down next to me with a tired sigh.  Once he opens his eyes I notice that they are crystal blue and shining.

“That was… wow,” Was all I could say, making him laugh.  My voice was hoarse and raw from all the moaning.

“Glad to hear it,” He says, pecking my lips a few quick times.  I was almost taken back by the show of affection.  Maybe Ryan did like me a bit more than I thought.  He grabs his shirt from the floor and wipes off my body before tossing it to the hamper.  “I would put something one these otherwise they’ll bruise pretty bad.”  He begins to untie the ties.  I take a look at my wrists, they were a bit red and had started to bruise.  I liked the way that they looked, to be honest.

“Okay, I-” Before I could finish what I was gonna say I was cut off my the doorbell going off.  Wait, the doorbell?  I look over at the clock and see that it was 4:07 pm.  Oh fuck.  OH FUCK.  I have a meeting today!  I instantly fly off the bed and start grabbing my clothes off the floor.  “Uh, I’m sorry Ryan.  I don’t mean to fuck and run but I forgot about the meeting I have literally 7 minutes ago.  I had a really,  _ really _ great time and we should definitely do this again.  But Geoff is going to kick my ass,” I attempt to explain while getting my pants on.  He only laughs, nodding his head.

“Don’t worry about it,” His smile was calm as he lies naked on the bed.  I drink in the way he looked as he lit a cigarette, pressing it to his lips.  “I’ll talk to you later.  You owe me a story anyways.”  He winks, blowing smoke out of his mouth.  When did Ryan start smoking?  I smile back at him before running out of his room and to the penthouse front door while putting my shirt on at the same time.  I open the door just as I pull my shirt down to greet the man.  “Hey, I’m so sorry.  I lost track of time.  I’m usually much better about these things,” I say, allowing Gus to come inside.

“Ah, don’t worry about it.  It looks like you were having a bit of fun,” He gestures towards my neck where I assumed I had hickeys.  My face heats up as I laugh, rubbing over the marks.

“I guess you could say that.  I’m Jeremy, the newbie,” I reach out my hand for him to shake which he accepts.

“Gus, nice to meet you.  I really hope you washed that hand after whatever you were partaking in,” He jokes and I laugh along with him.   
“Oh don’t worry, my hands were fairly tied up you could say.”

 

The meeting ended up going extremely well.  I took him to my warehouse where I grow and produce my stuff that heavily protected by Geoff’s guys.  It was the gift Jack gave me when I joined the crew.  It was nice to finally have my own stuff that I could control.  I had my favorite guys that I used to work with now working there.  Gus seemed very pleased with everything and said that he would get in contact with Lindsay within the next few days to make a deal.  I was glad that he wasn’t upset with me being a bit late and also post sex.

“I can’t believe  _ that’s  _ the reason why you use Tallahassee as your safeword!”  Ryan says, laughing his ass off.

“Hey!  We all have our reasons!”  I defend, laughing along with him.  I mean, it was a pretty ridiculous story.

“I fucking remember when this happened!” Michael yells as all four of us were sitting in the living room.  We all stop when we hear yelling from the hallway and Jack and Geoff burst into the penthouse.

“You’re such a fucking asshole!”  Jack screams at Geoff, pure anger dripping from their voice.  I have never seen Jack mad before.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!”  Geoff screams back, following the other into his bedroom.  We all look at each other as we hear them continue to yell at each other.  It reaches the point where we couldn’t even understand what they were saying but they were screaming and clearly pissed off.  We all didn’t really know what to do and we definitely did not want to enter that room.  After 10 minutes of us awkwardly playing xbox in silence, Jack comes out of Geoff’s room and slams the door, going into their room and slamming theirs.  

“I’ve never seen Jack _that_ mad,” Gavin nearly whispers, biting his lip as his focuses on the game we were playing.  What could they have been fighting about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would list you all the excuses for why this chapter didn't get up but I'm sure that y'all don't want to hear my bitching and complaining. So here's the chapter! Hope you enjoy Jeremy and Vagabond getting together. I barely read over the ending of this chapter so oh well. Fuck it at this point tbh. Title- Everybody Sells Cocaine by Motionless in White


	16. America

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter certainly isn't about real events or about any real person.  
> WARNING: Hella drug use in this chapter. I know a lot about drugs and how to do them despite my lack of experience. ALSO, this chapter kinda bounces around with time but it makes sense???  
> My apologies for this chapter taking so long to get up. I just started college today and it has been very overwhelming these past couple of days so it has been difficult to write. But hopefully, I will get into some sort of rhythm soon. Let me know what you think!! I am also very lonely and have no friends so hit me up on tumblr. I would love to talk Achievement Hunter! https://leader-of-the-lads.tumblr.com  
> Title and most quotes- America by Motionless In White

Third Person-- Present

 

“This is bloody bullshit!”  Michael hears Gavin yell from the other room and then a smash of a glass.  The curly haired man sighs and goes to check on the other.  Gavin polishes off a line of coke just as Michael opens up his bedroom door, rubbing the extra powder from his nose.

“What’s going on boi?” Michael asks, taking in the state of his best friend.  He was clearing having some sort of fit.

“Look!  Look at what this damn smegging asshole prick did!”  Gavin yells, gesturing wildly at his flat screen tv.  On there was their president Ronald Rump announcing the ban of transgender people in the military, claiming that it was too expensive to have them there.

“What the fuck?” Michael mumbles, reading over the headlines.

“He can’t do this Michael!  It isn’t fair!  He-He- I want to- I’m going to k-”  
“Stop it, Gavin.” Michael grabs the boy that was shaking with anger, “We can’t do that.  As much as we all want to, we can’t take that risk.  How much of that have you had?” He points to the small bag of drugs.

“I don’t remember.”  
“And were you drinking?” Michael pinpoints the broken glass that had melting ice and liquor on the floor.  Gavin just nods.  “You know how you get when you drink and do blow.  Just try to calm down.”   
“But I’m angry!  We have to do something about this!”

“And we will.  Whatever you want baby, we can do it.” Michael runs his hands up and down Gavin’s sides.

“I’ll think of something.  The community can’t let him do this quietly Michael.  You have to care about this too.”  
“I do care.  I am just as pissed off as you.  Do you think they would let Jack into the military even though they are not trans?  Probably not.  I mean, Jack would probably be thrown in jail first but besides that,” Michael points out, Gavin nodding in agreement.

“That makes me even madder.”  
“Don’t worry.  We’ll do something.”

“Well you know that I always get my best ideas when I’m high,” Gavin says with a giggle, leaning his head on Michael’s strong shoulder.  
“That you do.  I’ll finish this last line off for you so you don’t OD and we can think together.” The redhead grabs the perfectly rolled $100 bill off Gavin’s vanity and snorts the last white line.

“Beautiful,” The Golden Boy mumbles, shamelessly checking out the other as he bends down.

“Where did you get this from?” Michael asks, standing back up and wiggling his nose a bit.

“Lil’ J, of course.  He has the best in all of Los Santos,” Gavin rolls his eyes like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.  
“You’re not wrong,” Michael smiles, pressing a quick kiss to Gav’s pretty pink lips.

“Have you talked Geoff or Jack?”  Gavin asks.

“Not for a few days.”  
“I don’t even think Jack has been out of their room…”

 

\--3 days prior--

 

“Geoff, you’ve definitely got a fine piece of ass there.  We really need to get together more often,” One of their most important alliances, Marcus, says with a joking yet flirty tone.  Jack forces a laugh, knowing that they had to keep this alliance as he was another important part of Los Santos.  Geoff chuckles a little too but finding it harder to fake it.

“I did get quite lucky,” Geoff says, glancing at his partner who sat to his right as they had lunch in Marcus’s private apartment.

“Oh stop it, Marcus, you are too much,” Jack rolls their eyes, wanting to just drop the subject.

“Eh, I’ll stop when I want to.  So you guys recently got a new member?”

“Yes, Jeremy Dooley,” Geoff replies smoothly.

“Ahh, yes I’ve heard of him.  Good kid.  Though sometimes I do wish it was still those days where it was just the two of you.”

“That was years ago and look how much stronger we are now.  You’ve got the Fake AH Crew on your side now,” Geoff points out with a bit of a proud smile.

“And with that I am grateful.  You know my offer to combine powers is still on the table.  I certainly wouldn’t mind working with you,” Marcus winks at Jack who laughs.

“Split apart we cover more ground.  You make your decisions and we make ours,” Jack says, hoping to not upset the other.

“Very true.  Jack, I certainly do miss when you wore tighter clothes.  You have such an incredible body, why do you want to cover it up?”  The blonde boy questions, leaning forward onto his elbows to get a good look at the other.  Jack laughs uncomfortably, not sure how to really explain them being agender to this, well, asshole.  They feared that coming out to him would put their contract at risk.

“I think it’s because of people like you,” Geoff jokes with much truth behind it.  Both Marcus and Jack laugh at the comment, Jack hoping that the topic was going to be dropped.

“Well, she’s a beautiful woman.  I’m sure you get hit on a lot.”  Geoff stiffens at the use of feminine pronouns, a frown settling on his face.  Jack didn’t react much to the use of 'she', they were used to it by now.  Yes, it stung but the pain of it had numbed over the years.

“I’m sure you have plenty of women trying to hop on you Marcus,” Jack brushes it off the best they could.

“What do you say, Geoff?  Give me one night with Jack?”  Marcus asks the tattooed man that sat across the table from him.  Geoff had been progressively getting more and more angry over this conversation but was now only showing it.  Within a second Geoff stood out of his chair and drew his gun, firing a bullet that landed dead between Marcus’s eyes.  Jack gasps, standing up and grabbing the gun from Geoff’s grasp.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Jack screams, hitting the other man’s shoulder with the gun.  Geoff was still staring intently at Marcus as if he could kill him over again and again.  “YOU FUCKING IDIOT!  Go, we need to get out of here.  GO!”  Jack pushes Geoff towards to do.  They ran towards the car, hoping to not get noticed by anyone else.  “How could you fucking do this Geoff?!  They are going to know this was us!”

“Did you not hear what he was saying about you?!”  Geoff finally yells back as Jack kicks it into gear, flying down the busy roads.

“Yes, I know what he was saying but you didn’t have to kill him!”

“He was calling you her!”  
“And that’s my battle to fight !” Jack yells back.  
“But you weren’t saying anything!  I had to do something!”

“Not kill him!  You’ve put all of our lives in danger now!  That crew is going to know that we were there today and that we had something to do with his death!  You think that they won’t come after us?!” Jack was fuming with anger.

“He was an asshole and was disrespecting you!  His whole crew are dicks!” Geoff screams back, slamming his hands down on the dash.

“We’re fucked, Geoff, we’re fucked!  They know where our base is!”

“We will be fine!  Would you just calm down?!”

“Fuck you!  You should be freaking out!  It’s just a matter of time!” Jack hits the corner a bit too hard, causing another car to slam on its brakes and honk.

“No, fuck you, Jack!  I was defending you!”

“I didn’t need defending!  It was fine!  He doesn’t know and I didn’t expect him too!”

“But he should have been hitting on you like that!  He was a fucking pig!”  
“A pig that we needed to stay good with!  He has an immense amount of power Geoff!  I wouldn’t be surprised if people weren’t coming after us already.” Jack was gripping the steering wheel so hard that their knuckles were turning white.  They both continued to spit insults and angry statements all the way up to the penthouse, anyone they passed giving them concerned looks.

“You’re such a fucking asshole!” Jack yells at the older man when they enter their home, capturing the attention of the four boys that were sitting on the couches.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!”  They went into Geoff’s room, still yelling at each other.  

It left an unsettling feeling when Gavin muttered, “I’ve never seen Jack that mad,” as the Brit had known the two for the longest amount of time.

The two locked in the bedroom soon reached that point where they were screaming sentences at each at the same time and neither of them could understand but they knew it was hurtful.

“Just because we’re fucking doesn’t mean you have to protect me!” Jack screams out of pure frustration, Geoff freezing at the statement.  Jack stops as well, aware of what they had just said.

“Get out.  GO!” Geoff points towards the door, those words still echoing in his head.  Jack stomps out of the room, slamming the door on their way out.

 

Geoff felt like he couldn’t breathe.  All he could see was Jack’s angry face.  The way their blue eyes looked the second before they said those words.  Jack didn’t feel anything more about him.  It was just sex to them.  Geoff’s breaths were coming out in short gasps as he sat down on his bed.  He grasps onto the comforter with tattooed fingers, his body beginning to tremble.  A panic attack.  He hasn’t had one since he was a teenager.  His chest ached and he wanted this burning pain to go away.  Drugs, he decided on.  He stood off his bed with shaky legs and made his way to his drug cabinet.  He nearly always had it stocked now with Jeremy’s merchandise.  He needed something that wouldn’t give him a bad high.  With his panicked state right now he didn’t need to have a bad trip especially without someone with him.  Geoff didn’t want something that was addicting.  He struggled with addiction and was already trying to get over one.  That’s why he wasn’t turning to alcohol.  Fuck it, dabs it was.  It was quicker than weed and he had to smoke less.  He forgot that he even had this in here.  He grabbed his elegant glass rig and blowtorch to heat it up.  Geoff’s hands were shaking as he set it up, grabbing a large amount of wax on his pick.  He wanted to get fucked up.  To get out of his mind.  All he could hear was Jack’s voice on replay.   _“Just because we’re fucking doesn’t mean you have to protect me!”_ It made him want to throw up and do more stupid stuff than he already did today.  He sets everything up on his bed and lets out a deep breath.  Geoff heats up the corner of the glass bowl until it was glowing hot.  He then pressed the wax into the corner and his mouth to the piece, it milked up beautifully.  The piece of wax that he picked was big enough that he had to go in twice to finish it all off.  By the end, he was a coughing mess but it didn’t matter because he could already feel the high effects.  He flopped down on his bed after setting the rig on the floor, his arms and legs already going tingly.  ‘Jack didn’t feel the same way’ was all that he could think about.  Geoff didn’t even feel the tears dripping slowly from his eyes.  When was the last time he actually cried?  Suddenly he was out of bed and stripping on his way to his bathroom.  He was in his shower with the taps turned all the way hot so he could feel something more than the ache in his chest and the numbness behind his eyes.  The tears were still pouring down his face but they were mixing with the scalding water do he couldn’t tell that he was still crying.  It was always a mistake to mix feelings in with work.  Especially in this line of work.  He fucked up and now his crew and reputation are in danger.  Jack is in danger.  The only people he cares about are in danger.  Fuck up.  Fuck up.  Fuck up.

 

“Micoooool!  I got my idea!”  Gavin yells, running into the kitchen full speed as he had at least 4 cups of coffee so far today and it was only 11:30.

“This ought to be good…” Michael mumbles, turning to face the other.

“This,” Gavin flips around his phone, showing Michael an image.

“Aren’t those the psycho girls from the Purge movie?”  Michael asks, looking over the grainy [ image ](https://indeboekenkast.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/purge.jpg?w=652&h=269) a few times before meeting Gavin’s excited green eyes.

“Yes, and I want to dress as them!  We are going to terrorize the town babe.  You used to graffiti, didn’t you?”

“Yes?” Michael replies unsurely, not knowing where Gavin was going with this.

“We are going to need that.”

“Jeremy used to do it too.  He’s a fucking art nerd,” Michael shrugs, going back to eating his Lucky Charms.

“LIL’ J!” Gavin screams, running up to his bedroom.  Soon the three Lads were on their way to the craft store and the lingerie store.  Gavin had elected himself as the second girl, the one with the white knee high socks and the black mask.  Michael wanted to be the main girl with the Kiss Me mask and the bedazzled AK-47.  Jeremy wanted to be the bloody pig, saying that he wouldn’t look good in heels and a bra.  Despite how Gavin disagreed, he still wanted that costume.  They sat in the living room and began to decorate their outfits.  For Michael and Gavin, they focused a lot on their masks.  For Jeremy, he got to play with fake blood.  It was all fun and games until Ryan came home to find the Lads in quite a mess.  
“What the fuck are you guys doing?”  Ryan asks, look at Michael who he was pretty sure had more hot glue on his hands than on the mask.

“You didn’t ask Ryan?” Jeremy asks, look baffled at Gavin who shrugs innocently.

“The craziest one out of us, no offense Ryan, didn’t get invited to dress up and fuck with the town?” Michael raises his eyebrows at the blond Brit.

“I just got too excited and forgot to ask him,” Gavin blushes, doing his best to look innocent in this situation.

“I repeat, what the fuck are you guys doing?” Ryan questions again.

“Did you see that transgender people are not allowed in the military anymore?” Gavin asks, looking up at the man that was standing.

“No but that is bullshit,” Ryan says, taking a seat on the ottoman.

“Well, Mr. President decided that that was a good idea and I’m not about it.  We are dressing up and are going to graffiti the town.  Also, there may be an explosive or two,” Gavin briefly explains.

“I’m in,” He instantly says, “What are we dressing as?”

“People from the third Purge movie.” Michael holds up his mask, the ‘KISS ME’ standing out against the white paint.  
“Oh hell yeah I’m in.  What about Geoff and Jack?”   
“They haven’t been out of their rooms in days,” Gavin shrugs, flaking some of the black paint off of his fingers.

“Maybe we should talk to them,” Jeremy offers.  
“I think when they want to talk, they will.  There’s no need to intrude on their fight,” Ryan points out.

“But shouldn’t we worry?  Neither of them has come out for food,” Gavin’s tone was oddly concerned for someone who usually didn’t seem concerned about the two.

“It has only been 4 days.  It’s not time to worry yet,” Ryan replies calmly.

“When should be the time to worry?” Now Michael asks, looking up at the older man with big brown eyes.

The dirty blond sighs, “I’ll let you know when.  But let me worry about that, focus on this for now.  I’m going to go to the store to get stuff for my outfit, do you guys need anything?”

“Lots and lots of spray paint,” Gavin requests.

“Also some more fake blood.” Jeremy smiles from his goopy mess.

“Great.  The least suspicious things to buy in Los Santos.”

 

Jack felt like they were suffocating.  As soon as they were in the privacy of their own room they fell to the ground at the foot of their bed.  Jack put their head in their hands and sobbed.   _I fucked up.  I fucked up.  I fucked up._  Their hands shook so hard as they were angry at themselves and at Geoff.  Jack did think more of Geoff.  Jack loved that big dumb idiot with their whole heart but they were sick him constantly trying to protect them.  Yes, they were supposed to have each other’s back but not like this.  This was too much though.  He killed someone that they needed to keep the “peace” with in LS.  And to Jack, it wasn’t even over something important.  Those words that Marcus spoke hurt but they could handle themselves.  It was fine and Jack was willing to deal with it in order to keep this partnership.  Jack grabbed objects around their room and threw them.  Whatever they could grab: vases, a glass, a beer bottle, anything.  There was so much glass on the floor that they couldn’t step anywhere without stepping on some sort of shards.  They didn’t care.  Jack was one for self-destruction, they all were.  Jack angrily fell to their bed, glass cutting their arm and cheek.  They didn't care.  They wanted Geoff to understand.

 

“We look incredible,” Gavin says, checking out all three boys in front of them.  Here they were, all decked out.  Michael was clad in a white corset, pulled tight giving him curves that they didn’t know he had before.  A white tutu and thigh high socks to match.  Black heels that Michael could surprisingly walk in with easy.  The Kiss Me mask sat on top of his head for now until it was time to get to work.  Then his whole outfit was topped off with fake blood.  Drips and splatters freckled his body, accompanying the real freckles.  Oh, and you can’t forget the bedazzled AK-47.  Michael’s fingers were going to be burned for weeks after all of that hot glue.  Gavin was incredibly happy with his costume as well.  A sexy little baby doll black lacy lingerie piece.  Solid black panties with garters that held up white thigh high socks.  The panties were plain but they showed off his ass in an amazing way.  White heels that were even taller than Michael’s really added to the sex appeal.  A black mask he wore.  It had a wicked wide smile and diamond gems over the eyes.  Of course, he was wielding his gold weapons.  Jeremy had on his pig costume, in its bloody glory.  The words ‘freedom’ precisely carved into the chest.  A ring hung in the nose and its eyes were a haunting color.  He chose to swing around a gold machete.  Ryan was dressed in an old time, George Washington type clothing.  Red splatter precisely placed for the murderous effect.  A black mask with the American flag on the top half and a piece of duct tape across the mouth that said ‘USA.’  A matte black machine gun and rounds of ammo hanging from his belt.  Completely psychotic, they looked.  But they were excited and ready for the night.  The sun was setting and it was nearly time to leave.

“I’d have to admit, we do,” Michael replies, admiring the way the loose black fabric danced around Gavin.

“Ooo!  Let’s take a picture and post it.” Gavin whips out his iPhone that he's had replaced too many times to count.

“Post it to where?” Ryan asks, collecting all of the cans of spray paint.

“Instagram of course!  I made one for the crew!  We already have 80K followers!” Gavin tosses his phone to Ryan who catches it mid air.  

“You posted a picture of all your weapons?” Ryan raises an eyebrow as he looks at the few pictures.

“Look how pretty it is though!”

“Gav, you realize that the cops could track us down like this,” Michael points out, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You know how often we change phones, I’m not worried.  Besides, I have it routed and blocked and everything.  You blokes forget that I’m good with computers.” Gavin rolls his eyes, swiping his phone back from Ryan.  
“You’re an idiot.” Michael slings an arm over Gavin’s shoulder, grabbing the phone now. “You posted a picture of me?”  He clicked on the image that was undoubtedly his chest covered in hickeys and the scar on his right collarbone and the bullet hole scar that was millimeters away from his heart.  The freckles and pale skin gave it away as well.

“Hell yeah.  You should see the comments.  Everyone was debating who they thought was in the picture,” Gavin giggles, scrolling through some of the comments.  “Everyone thought it was either you or Ryan.”

“Yeah since it couldn’t be you because you have a fucking pelt,” Michael jokes, flicking Gavin’s chest.

“Oi!”

“Okay, I’ll admit, the aesthetic of it looks pretty good,” Jeremy says, now with Gavin’s gold phone.

“Thank you Lil’ J.  At least someone appreciates the art.” Gavin pecks Jeremy’s cheek quickly before taking his phone back.  “So we are taking a picture,” He insists, tugging Michael’s hand so they were in front of the giant window that overlooked the city.  The sun was almost completely set and the stars were coming out.  Ryan sighs but complies and Jeremy happily jumps in.  After taking the photo Gavin posts it, captioning it ‘night out on the town #watchout.’  

“Are we ready to go then?” Ryan asks, grabbing the bag of paint.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Jeremy replies.  
“I’m going to go tell Geoff that we are leaving,” Gavin says, heels clicking down the hallway as he struts to his room.  Gavin gently knocks on the door, not really expecting to get an answer.

“Fuck off,” Geoff grumbles from the other side.  The blonde huffs and pushes the door open to find Geoff sitting at a table, putting together a puzzle.  A confused look runs through Gavin’s face before he decided to just ignore the fact that his badass crime boss was putting together a puzzle.

“The four of us are heading out.  We hope not to get too much police attention until we are done spray painting what we want but we’ll see what happens.  We don’t plan on too much murder but Ryan is coming so you know how that goes.  We won’t be back till late.  You’re welcome to still come,” Gavin leaves the sentence open for Geoff to reply but he doesn’t.  “Okay, see you later.”  He turns around to leave and just as he was about to close the door the man finally speaks.

“Don’t get yourselves killed.” And with that, Gavin closes the door and meets the boys back in the living room.

“Alright, let’s go!” They all make their way down to Gavin’s garage where they had a replica of the car the candy girls drove in the movie.  It was certainly an interesting conversation with Lindsay but she was more than happy to do it.  It was a car completely covered in Christmas lights.  How Lindsay managed to do it was beyond everyone but she did and it was fully functional and fast.  Ryan was driving, Gavin in the passenger and the other two in the back.

“LET’S DESTROY THIS TOWN!” Jeremy yells, rolling down his window and sticking his head out.  Ryan turned up the music so the bass was bumping all throughout the car and he revs up the engine.  He laughs hysterically before kicking it into gear and peeling out onto the streets of Los Santos.

“I’ve got a little something for us,” Michael chuckles darkly, pulling out a bagging of cocaine.  
“Hm, you really know how to start off the night right,” Gavin replies with a smirk sitting on his face.  The ginger sets up a line on a compact mirror Gavin had in a makeup bag he brought along just in case.  The Brit was the first to take the blow.  Jeremy was next, then Ryan who was seemed practiced of doing that while at the wheel.  Michael was polite and did a line last, allowing the drugs to overcome his senses.

“Go down that street.  It leads to the billboards I want to hit first,” Gavin says excitedly, pointing left.  Ryan takes a sharp left, making everyone in the car squeal.  They were soon at the billboard that had Ronald Rump’s face on it with a quote, claiming that he would protect everyone's equal rights.  “You boys decorate the face, I want the words,” Gavin instructs, grabbing the bag.  They climb their way up to the top of the balcony type thing where they could reach it all.  Jeremy springs his way onto Michael’s shoulders, blocking out Rump’s eyes with black paint, making it bleed down.  Ryan drew a Hitler mustache and a Nazi like uniform on his upper shoulders that were showing.  Gavin wrote beneath the quote that said “I believe in equal rights for everyone,” he crossed out everyone and put “rich white men.”  They were pretty happy with it, painting the Fake AH logo into the bottom corner before they headed to the next one.  They decorated it just as beautifully.  Next, it was time for them to hit the town buildings.  Gavin had compiled a list of all the companies that support/give money to Rump, especially during his campaign.    
“Stop here Ryan, we can walk now.  I want to put fear into this fucking town,” Gavin states before climbing out of the stopped vehicle.

“I like this version of you,” Ryan says, a smile firmly planted on his face.

“Goldie may be a criminal but I will not stand for this bigotry bullshit.  So I will do this the only way I know how: loudly,” Gavin explains, firing his gun into one of the windows near by.  It causes a bit of commotion, the glass shattering and a few people running but no alarms.  They all arm themselves with paint and their actual guns and get to work on the street.  

 

Once Jack hears the front door shut and the chatter of the excited boys leave, they push themselves up off their bed.  Fine.  Now it was time to face the music.  Jack slowly made their way to Geoff’s room and pushed open the door, finding the man in the same spot that Gavin did.  They took the chair that was right across from him and began to help put together the puzzle.  Geoff didn’t even look up or acknowledge Jack in any way, choosing to ignore the fact that they entered the room.

“That piece goes over here,” Jack finally breaks the ice, talking about the puzzle piece that the tattooed man held in his hand.  He tosses it over and Jack fits it in perfectly.

“Always were smarter than me,” Geoff mumbles, Jack rolling their blue eyes.  
“I’m sorry Geoff.  For what I said.”  The older man lets out a long, heavy sigh, finally looking up at the person in front of him.   
“Don’t be sorry.  If you meant it, you meant it,” He says solemnly, clearly not meaning the words that he is saying.

“But I didn’t mean it.  You mean more to me than just that.  I was just mad-”  
“Jack, I get it.  You don’t feel the same way about me and I understand why.  I know I’m not the best anymore or the most attractive and I don’t have the best personality-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jack tosses a hand full of puzzle pieces at Geoff’s face, “I love you, you stupid idiot.  I have ever since I was a teenager.  I just was upset that you killed him.  I can stand up for myself Geoff.  I’m not a child anymore.”

“I was just trying to protect you, Jack.  He was saying horrible things about you and I don’t know, I couldn’t handle it.  You know me, I’m a jealous fuck.  I love you, Jack, more than just friends and I always have too.  But now I’ve fucked up and I’ve put my whole crew in danger.  And they went out tonight too and know nothing about it.  Fuck, hopefully, they are going to be okay.  Ryan is with them, they should be fine.  Right?”  Sudden worry ran through Geoff’s mind.

“Yes, I think that they will be fine.  I know that you get jealous but I need you to let me fight my own battles unless I ask you too. “  
“Okay, I will.  I’m sorry.”   
“I’m sorry too,” Jack slips their hand into Geoff, intertwining their fingers.

“Be with me,” Geoff requests, looking at the younger with silvery blue eyes that seemed even more tired than usual.

“I always am with you.”  
“No, I know but I mean… be with me for real.  Like, let’s go out on shitty dates and buy each other stupid presents.  I want something like that with you,” Geoff explains, heat rising to his cheeks in a pretty blush.

“What about the others?”  They ask, referring to the rest of the crew.

“What about them?”  
“We tend to have sex with multiple people, to put it blatantly,” Jack says, making Geoff chuckle.

“Well... I want them,” Geoff replies.  
“Who?”   
“All of them.”   


 

Michael went for the restaurant first.  Some high class, boujee place that you needed a month in advance reservation.  He grabbed a can of gold paint, to match the exterior of course, and wrote ‘Oil prices are so high we can't feed ourselves so we buy into fast food and occupy the will.’

“Sir!  Or Ma'am!  Whoever you are!  What are you doing?!” The host with the overly expensive suit on comes running up to Michael who was polishing off his last letter.

“Whatever I want,” Michael laughs, swinging around his jeweled weapon.

“I’m-I’m calling the cops,” The host stutters, tripping over himself.

Michael fires off one bullet at his feet, “I don’t think so.”

“Who are you?”  The man asks.  
“The Fake AH Crew, bitch!” Michael quickly tags the window with a FAH before walking down the street to join the rest of the crew, leaving the man in shock.  Ryan had taken another building, some law firm.  ‘Handing convicts fame in HD’ he wrote in big white letters then a giant Fake logo beneath it.  He took his phone out and took a few pictures.  Maybe Gavin would want to post one.  Jeremy went for another building, painting ‘home of the free, the sick and depraved’ in red, white and blue.  He also may have lit a firework off.  Or two or three.  Gavin went to a popular news place that always seemed to side with Rump’s choices.  This time he painted ‘Even criminals are more accepting than you!’  and then on the next window ‘Jack Pattillo uses they/them pronouns’ in purple, white, and green.  Gavin snapped a picture and sent it to them, hoping that they would like it.  The four boys ran through the busiest part of town, starting fires to cars and tagging buildings.  Some paintings got more detailed where Jeremy and Michael would team up together.  They painted the Vagabond mask with ‘“God” save the human race’ below it.  They gained some attention over the course of the night, the police starting to follow them.  The four jumped back in the car and took off, sirens blaring behind them.

“We are unstoppable!” Michael screams, tossing a sticky bomb out the window.  A few seconds later it goes off, allowing them a clean getaway.

“Unstoppable baby,” Gavin grabs the top of Michael’s corset and pulls him into a searing kiss.  

“Woooooo!” Ryan yells at the wind whipped through the open windows and the music continued to play.

At that moment, all six of them certainly felt unstoppable.


	17. I wanna know if my souls worth saving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut yay!
> 
> There turned out to be quite a bit of fluff in this chapter. I also didn't reread it because I wanted to get it up as soon as I could but hopefully I can get the chance to go back and go over it and fix it up. Let me know what you think in the comments!!  
> Title is from a breaking benjamin song but I can't think of it rn sorry

Ryan's POV-- Present

 

So Jack and Geoff were together.  Like officially partners.  I didn’t have a problem with this but… I was no longer in the mix.  No longer the casual sex that we used to  have.  I don’t know, I feel too weird to ask and they haven’t either.  I feel like I would be intruding if I did.  Like I would be stepping out of line.  I knew that they were still pretty open but they haven’t made any advances towards me.  Maybe they weren’t interested anymore or I did something wrong.  I couldn’t recall anything that happened that had made either of them upset.  It’s fine, they can be together and do whatever they want.  But without the constant outlet of sex, Vagabond was pent up, to say the least.  I couldn’t go out every single night to kill and our hit list was empty right now.  Also, it was too dangerous to try to pick someone up at a bar now, with everyone going on with Marcus’s crew.  That’s also too much work and you might not even score.  I’m not even sure how I did it before I got into the crew.  I guess I murdered a lot more.  But I can’t go on another rampage like I did before, they would probably kick me out of the crew.  I don’t know what I would do if I got kicked out of the crew, to be honest.  They would kill me before that actually.   **_Okay, enough with the internal monologue.  Let’s find someone to screw._ ** _ Well, Jack and Geoff are out of the question, so who do you have in mind?   _ **_We have the whole Lads Team to pick from.  Or we could have them all.  I certainly wouldn’t mind that._ ** _ We have to think realistically here.   _ **_I am.  You can’t deny that you would gladly have them all._ ** _ I’m not going to deny it but I’m not going to agree.  Fuck, I guess I’ll see who’s home.   _ With that, I get off of my desk chair and out into the hallway.  I could hear Geoff and Jack in Jack’s room giggling away.  I wasn’t jealous.  Nope, not at all.  I also didn’t think that they should be planning on how we were going to defend ourselves when we inevitably get attacked.  I didn’t think that at allllllll.  The first person I found was Michael who was sitting on the couch, watching the tv intently.   **_Ooo, I like this choice._ ** _ You would like any choice.   _ **_Hey, I know about the thing you had for Michael when we first joined._ ** _ Yeah, and I know about the thing you have for everyone.   _ **_Okay, no need to be an asshole._ ** I sit down next to Michael with a fair amount of distance between us.

“What are you watching?” I ask, turning my attention towards the enormous television in front of me.  It was a news channel.

“It’s the news station that Gavin painted on.  They are talking about us the other night,” Michael explains, giving me a side smile.  

“...this seems to be the first time the ‘Fake AH Crew’ has taken a political stance on something and I would have to say that it is slightly worrying,” The blonde lady says, talking towards the other man on screen.

“They are a powerful force in Los Santos that the police have been trying to stop for years but they didn’t technically make any threats towards any political figure during this,” The guy says.

“They wrote some threatening things on some of the buildings, including ours.”   
“The only thing they wrote on your building was that,” he reads off from a piece of paper, “‘Even criminals are more accepting than you.’  I’m not sure how you see that as a threat.”

“Bitch should take that as a threat,” Michael mumbles, making me chuckle.

“She is a bitch,” I reply and he smiles.   
“I hate all these fuckers on here anyways.  They all are support Rump and are homophobic assholes.” 

“Where’s Jeremy and Gavin?” I ask, the quietness making me think the rest of the Lads were out and about.

“Probably off fucking in Gavin’s new car,” Michael rolls his eyes and leans his head on his hand.   
“Oh, somebody sounds jealous,” I tease and he gives me a death glare.

“Fuck off Ryan.”

“Jeez, I was gonna offer to bang but,” I go to stand up from the couch but he grabs my arm.

“Wait,” I sit back down, “Isn’t that like against the rules?”  He asks and I raise my eyebrows at him in confusion, “You know, like Gents and Lads mixing.”

I laugh a bit at his explanation, “Everyone knows about you and Geoff.  Also, Jeremy and I have gotten together.”

“You and Jeremy?” 

“Well, technically Vagabond but I was definitely there for that.  Yeah, it turns out your Jeremy likes to get tied up and used,” I smugly say.   
“Lil’ J likes being tied up?” Michael asks, shock dripping from his voice.   
“Oh hell yeah.  Don’t tell him I told you though.  I think he was a bit embarrassed about being a sub,” I smirk and Michael giggles a bit.

“I could see that.  So that means you are used to being in charge, aren’t you?” He cocks his head at me in a tempting way.   
“Hm, most of the time,” I respond, matching the tone.  He suddenly grabs my jaw and turns my head to face him.  There was a mischievous look in his eye that only come around when he’s in a mood to fuck something up.  Or someone.  

“Maybe it’s time for someone to take charge of you.” A smirk settled on his freckled face and something was already stirring inside of me.  I couldn’t help it.  Michael was an attractive person with an attractive personality.   
I chuckle, “I’d like to see you try.”  The first kiss he pressed against my lips my lips was hesitant, testing the waters.  His lips were sugar sweet and soft.  The second kiss he dove in for was hungrier and eager, grabbing my hip with his other hand.  I slip my left hand onto his thigh and give it a squeeze.  His body was radiating warmth like a fire was lit inside of his soul.  Michael always seemed to have that aura about him.  He nipped at my lower lip and slipped his tongue into my mouth.  I couldn't help but moan and dance back against him.  So I did kinda use to have a thing for Michael.  I was attracted to his energy and his life.  He is so vibrant and fearless.  But I knew that he was hopelessly in love with Gavin.  You could see it just in the way he looked at the blonde.  I didn’t want to intrude despite how much Vagabond bothered me about it.  Yet here I was making out with Michael on the couch in the penthouse.  I push him down on the couch so he was lying and I take control of the kiss.  He gasps, digging his nails into my side.  He hooks his leg around me and pulls me in closer so our bodies were pressed against each other.  I tug his shirt up to expose pale flesh that I instantly touch.  I kiss down his jaw and neck, sucking and nipping softly.  Michael whines below me, rutting up against my leg.

“My room?” I question against his skin.  He nods vigorously, already pushing himself off the couch.  I pull him close as we make our way down the hall, mouthing over his ear.  As soon as we enter my room he forcefully pushes me down onto my bed.

“Remember what I said?” He crawls on top of me, straddling my waist, “I’m in charge.”  The way his brown eyes gleamed with intent made me want to let him take control.  But there were very few people that got to do that.  It took trust and trust was a thing that didn’t happen much.  I pulled him back down for a kiss.  It was aggressive with teeth and tongue.  Michael’s hands roamed my body from my thighs all the way up to my face.  “Did Jeremy get to touch you like this?  Or did Vaga pin him down right away?”  He presses an open-mouthed kiss to my collarbone, “If he didn’t get to, he’s missing out.”  That damn playful smirk that sat on his freckled face made me want to smack it right off.  I pushed him over and rolled and top, pinning his arms to his sides.

“No, he barely got to touch me or Vaga despite how much he pulled and tugged at the ropes.” I lean in close and lick over the shell of his ear, “But he loved every minute of it.”  Michael moans loudly, pulling at his arms.

“Why do you have to make this so difficult Ryan?” He questions, grinding the bulge in his jeans against my hip.  I suppress a groan, not wanting to give him that satisfaction.

“Do you know who you’re in bed with right now?” I tease, letting go of his arms.  He was quick to slip his hands under my dark grey shirt, tracing over my abdomen.  “You could have me or Vagabond if you wanted.  Trust me, he’s itching to get out,” I smirk, sucking at his prominent jawline.

“Hm, as fun as he sounds, I think I want you,” Michael replies confidently, tugging up my shirt.   
“I can certainly do that.” Catching me off guard, he flips us over again while peeling off my shirt.  How he learned to do that at the same time was beyond me.  He laid a gentle finger on my chest and traced over my scars.

“You need to let yourself relax a little be Rye.  I can feel how tense you are,” He says, rubbing my sides and dragging his blunt nails over my abs.

“You can never let your guard down in this line of work,” I reply, fluttering my eyes closed and savor the little sensations and touches he was giving me.

“But you’re with me and you can trust me.  Let me take care of you Ryan.  Just let all your worries melt away and focus on me,” He attempts to coax, pressing warm kisses to my chest.   
“Can I trust you, Michael?” I ask with a hint of a teasing tone in my voice.

“Hm,” He replies with a smirk.  He moves his hand to cup the front of my jeans, offering some sort of friction.  I sigh contently, rolling my hips up.  He pops the button and slips his hand inside, feeling with warm fingers the front of my boxers.  “Just let go, Ryan,” Michael whispers, kissing my jawline.  “Remember how Jeremy had to let go?  You have to do the same thing.” He sucks sharply below my ear, surely leaving a mark.  I slip my hands under his white shirt and close my eyes, getting a little lost in the feeling.  The way his mouth moved against my neck and his hand giving some but not a lot of pleasure.  Making out and touching like teenagers again.  I pull his shirt up more until he pulls away and allows me to take it off.  My eyes wander over his toned body.  He really has been working out and fuck, it certainly did look good on him.   He dives back in for another steaming kiss, hot and heavy.

“Can I suck you off?” I mumble into his mouth in between kisses.  He smiles, flopping down onto the bed next to me.

“Since you asked so nicely,” He says, propping legs open as I crawl in between them.  I run my hand down his leg to the front of his jeans, giving him a quick squeeze before undoing his jeans and pulling them down.  I kiss down his abdomen, sucking on the freckled skin.  It seemed that every place I kissed had a little spot.  I found it adorable.  I mouth over the front of his boxers, him squirming under me.  He slides his hand into my into hair that was getting a lot longer now.  Michael gives me a sharp tug, signaling to get on with it.  I smile a bit, pulling down his tight boxer briefs.  His long cock springs out, hard up against his stomach.  I hum to myself, taking in the sight of the naked man in front of me.  “Like what you see?” He teases, a cocky tone in his voice.  I couldn’t help the blush that rose to my cheeks, slightly embarrassed.   
“Yeah but you don’t have to be a prick about it,” I mumble back and he chuckles, gently running his fingers through my hair.  I press a kiss from the inside of his knee to the inside of his thigh.  Everywhere he seemed to be so smooth.  He had little hair on his legs and even over his battle scars, he was perfect.  His thighs were something to be desired.  They are muscular but soft and perfect to grip.  I suck and bite on his pale flesh, getting kind of carried away with leaving marks.   
“Rye,” He pants, rocking his hips up and tugging on my hair.  I hum against his skin, giving the red mark a quick peck before finally taking his aching cock in my hand.

“Sorry,” I squeeze his thigh again, “I couldn’t resist.” His eyes were closed, hips rocking up into my hand as I leisurely jerked him off.  I wrap my lips around the head, making his groan below me.  I slowly made my way down while moving my hand in time with the bobbing of my head.  I lick him from base to tip, tongueing over his slit.

“ _ Mmm _ , so good,” He mumbles, thrusting his hips experimentally.  I pop off and press small kisses all the way down the shaft, licking my way up the ‘v’ of his hips.  There were freckles that made their way all the way down to his groin.  I go back down and take him into my mouth, relaxing my jaw and throat.  I hum around him, making Michael buck up into my mouth.  I could help but moan again, selfishly wanting him to use me.  He takes hold of the back of my head and begins to rock into my mouth with long, fluid movements.  “ _ Ryan _ ,” He moans, his cock hitting the back of my throat.  I don’t even have to suppress a gage, my reflex being gone a long time ago.  I work my tongue along the underside as he continues to fuck my mouth, quickening in pace.  I moan, grinding against the mattress in search of some sort of friction.  “I-I-ah- _ please _ -fuck,” Michael sputters out in a jumble, not being able to create coherent sentences.  I could tell by the way his thigh muscles tightened that he was getting close but I held onto his hips and continued to bob my head.  I pull nearly all the way off and flicked my tongue over the head then dived back down.  He was too delicious to not to.  “Rye, I’m-I’m gonna co-come,” He mumbles, pulling at my hair in ecstasy.  I continue my work, sucking and licking sloppily, so much that spit and precome was starting to drip down my chin.  “ _ Ah-mm-ah _ ,” He moans and right before he’s about to come I pop off, giving him a quick squeeze around the base to stop his orgasm from hitting.  He growls, flipping us over and pinning my arms to the bed.  “You asshole.” The dark look in his eyes should have made me afraid but it only turned me on more.

“Sorry,” I shrug with an innocent look on my face that he eyes up.

“No, you’re not.  You’re in for it Haywood,” He taunts, planting his knees on either side of my hips and pulling off my pants and boxers off in one go.  “Jesus,” He mumbles, looking me over.  I couldn’t help but blush.  No matter how many people I bedded, I always got embarrassed once I was naked in front of them.  I guess it was something about the open and rawness of it all.  Vaga never minded though.  He was as confident as ever.  “We are going to have to do this again because I am definitely going to have to take advantage of this,” He says and then grabs my cock, giving me a few hard strokes.  

“Mmm,” I shift my hips up into his hand more.

“I know everyone always joked about you having a big dick but I didn’t actually believe it,” Michael says, only making me blush more.  “Now look at you.  Gettin’ all blushy and bashful,” He pinches my cheek and I swat his hand away.

“Stop,” I mumble back and he chuckles.

“I think you’re beautiful.”  He starts to press kisses down my neck and chest, leaving marks here and there.  I could help but moan, grabbing his hips and pulling his body flush against mine.   He captures my lips for a searing kiss and grinding our hips together.  We sloppily make out and move our bodies together in a messy harmony.

“Please Michael,” I nearly whisper, needed more than what we were just doing.

“Please what?” He temps, grabbing both of our slick cocks in his hand.  I go to reply but the only thing I can get out is a strangled moan.  “Please what Ryan?”

“Fuck me.”  That was enough to break both of us.  Michael reaches for my bedside table to grab lube while that warm, fuzzy feeling took over my body.  The feeling of letting go and allowing him to take control.  Just slipping into that headspace that somehow he coaxed me into.  Suddenly he had a slicked finger pressed against me and I push down against his hand.  

“There he is,” He whispers, peppering kisses down my chest as he slowly pushes one finger in.

“Mmm, Michael,” I groan, already rocking my hips down against that single finger as it just wasn’t enough.  I wanted more.  To be filled and destroyed.  “More,” I command, squeezing his bicep on the arm that was supporting him.  He complies, pushing in a second digit.  

“You look so good like this,” He pecks my cheek, jaw, then my lips, “All laid out for me.”  Michael scissors his long fingers, creating a bit of a stretch and burn.  I loved it.  He barely brushes up against that bundle of nerves inside of me but it was enough for me to let out a loud moan.  “Fuck, I never thought I’d have America’s most feared man moaning under me.” The redhead smirks, pushing in another finger right up against that spot which makes me call out again.

“Michael please, fuck me, please,” I beg, not even caring that he hasn’t had the chance to properly stretch me yet.  Also not caring that I had completely fallen into a submissive headspace.

“You sure?” He asks, still working his fingers in and out of me.

“Yes, please, I need you,” I pathetically plea.  He groans himself, looking me over once before removing his fingers, making me whimper at the loss.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”  He smashes his lips to mine while uncapping the lube again. He slicked himself up, wiping the excess on the sheets.  Michael hikes my legs up higher so they were nearly under his armpits.  He lines himself up, locking eyes with me and I nod.  Michael begins to slowly push in, making me moan.  I felt like I was burning but in all good ways.  He had a firm grip on my hips, enough to leave marks.  Fuck, I wanted him to mark me up.  “God Ryan you’re so tight,” he moans, his head falling into the crook of my neck.  He finally bottoms out, both of us taking a second to adjust.  It was as if we were both sharing this spark that warmed me to the core.  The fullness and slight pain of it all was almost overwhelming.  It was so fucking amazing.

“Come on,” I say, wiggling my hips around a bit to get Michael to move.  I attach my hands to Michael’s freckled back, pushing my nails in slightly.  He starts at a leisurely pace, pulling nearly all the way out and slowly pushes back in.  Both of our moans mix together in the room.  Michael’s voice was loud and deep but warm that sent heat waves right to my core.  “Fuck, fuck,” I pant, scraping my nails down his back.  “Harder, please Michael,” I grind my hips down to match with his thrusts that were not doing enough for me.   
“I don’t know, have you been good for me?” He teases, slowing down even more so he was barely even moving.  I whine, digging my nails into his shoulders even more.

“Yes, sir I have been good.  Please, I need so you much.  Fuck me like you mean it.  Please, I don’t know how much longer I can handle it.” The words stumble out of my mouth without even having to think about it.

“Fuck,” He mumbles into my neck, biting my flesh.  Michael suddenly started thrusting into me relentlessly.  “Mmm, you feel so good Ryan,” He says in between kissing my neck and jaw.  My whole throat was going to be black and blue after this.  I grab the back of his head and pull him in for a kiss.  Our tongues danced together as he pounded into me.  He pulled my hips down more, making him hit at a different angle.  Michael directly hits my prostate, sending shock waves through my body.  I loudly cry out, falling all the way back onto the bed.  Michael also groans, moving his one of his hands so it was next to my head and he continued to fuck me.  All I could do was gasp and whimper, shockwaves of pleasure riding through my body.  Everything felt euphoric, like when a heist goes perfect and we don’t have anything to worry about for hours.  Maybe it was because I haven’t messed around with someone in a while so that everything felt extra good.  Or maybe because it was Michael himself but I never wanted this to end.  He took his other hand and ran it through my hair, taking a fist full to use it as an anchor.  Noises were slipping out of my mouth without me even noticing and I had completely lost control.  “Fuck Ryan,” He moans, tugging on my hair, making me moan louder as well.  It was all too much and not enough at the same time.  All of my senses were overwhelmed with just Michael and I loved it.  I barely opened my eyes to look at his face.  He was flushed with pink cheeks and biting his lip to suppress his sounds.  Michael grabs my ankles and puts my feet on his shoulders, pushing forward so my knees touch my chest.  “Flexible,” he mutters, pounding back into me without giving me a chance to react.  I nearly scream out with how good it felt.  He was directly on that sweet spot and the way he looks on top of me was driving me crazy.

“Michael, Michael,  _ Michael _ ,” I chant, going to reach for my own neglected cock but he swats my hand away.

“Look so good like this,” he praises, stroking me from base to tip.  I gasp and moan, my eyes rolling in the back of my head.   
“Fuck, I’m-Michael-fuck-I’m-so close,” I stammer and grip the sheets tighter in my fists.

“Me-me too,” He replies then captures my lips in his again.  My body was on fire and tingles were shooting up from my fingers and toes right to my lower abdomen.  I could barely kiss back and then suddenly I was coming white hot all over my chest and Michael’s hand.  Everything becomes white for a minute and I felt complete and utter bliss.  Michael continued to fuck into me, oversensitivity tingling throughout my body.  I pull Michael down to suck on his neck as he grabs my hip and slams me into the mattress.  He moans loudly above me, his rhythm stuttering as he got closer and closer to the edge.  

“Ryan!” Just them he was coming deep inside of me, nearly screaming out my name.  I could help but moan again at the feeling.  He collapses on top of me, both of us still panting and not caring about the sticky mess in between us.  I sigh contently, gently resting my hand on his lower back.  I felt like I could barely move, completely fucked out.  After a few minutes of settling down and coming back to ourselves, Michael pushes himself up and to the bathroom.  He comes back with a warm rag and wipes my stomach down.

“Are you going to kick me out now?” He asks, his voice low but a small smile on his face.

“Only if you want to leave,” I mumble back.  I wanted Michael to stay and relax for a bit but I wasn’t going to force him.  But he slides into bed with me, pushing me over.  I groan, soreness already overtaking my body.  With a smug look on his face, Michael cuddles up to my side and wraps his arms around my waist.

“Was it as good for you as it was for me?” He whispers into my abused neck.  I could practically feel the blush on his face.

“I can barely move right now Michael.  It was amazing,” I admit and he chuckles, pecking my neck.

“Okay good.  I was worried that I took it too far,” He replies, massaging my chest with his thumb.

“Don’t worry, I would have let you know.  Not many people get to do what you did.”

“Does Geoff?”  He questions, lifting his head up to look me in the eye.

“Not anymore.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“What happened?” Michael asks, scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion.

“He’s got Jack now.  They don’t really want anything to do with me.”

“That’s not true.  They like you, Ryan,” He attempts but I snort.

“You don’t have to Michael.  It’s okay.  It’s not like we were all together,” I shrug but regretting it instantly as even that made me wince.

“Do you want to though?” He asks, catching me off guard.  I stop, thinking about it for a second before regretting that as well.

“Let’s not talk about it.  Just enjoy right now,” I say before pulling him into one last kiss.  He looks me over one last time before laying his head back down in the crook of my neck.  Eventually, I fall into a restless sleep with Michael’s words replaying in my head.  

 

When I woke up Michael was still asleep, curled up against my side with his soft pink lips slightly ajar, letting out little snores.  I wrap my arms around him and pull him even closer.  Michael cuddles up into my chest, sighing contently but continuing to sleep.  He looked absolutely adorable.  His curly hair was a mess and his cheeks were still flushed.  Michael looked so soft and gentle like this.  It was unusual for him to have his demeanor as it was constant explosives and excitement around Michael.  But it was a good change.  I gently run my fingers through his hair, inspecting every little inch of his face.  The intricate constellations that sat upon his nose and cheeks then lightly spread out towards the rest of his face.  The dimples in his cheeks that showed then he smiled or hell, even when he talked because the indents were so deep.  Even though his eyes were closed, I could still imagine what his eyes looked like.  The swimming brown pools that would darken in an angry or frustrating situation.  The way it was like a switch, almost like me and Vaga.  He could go from Sweet, Innocent Michael to Pissed Off Michael from just someone saying something wrong.  I think that we all were kind of that way though.  Vagabond likes to take over in the bigger situation whereas I can also flip that switch inside of just me and become the psychotic Ryan.  This personality flip was prevalent in Gavin.  The Golden Boy was a brat that always got what he wanted no matter what it took.  He could go into these fits and throw tantrums like a child until he got his way.  Geoff just got silently angry.  He’ll be smiling and laughing then the next thing you know you have a bullet lodged in your brain.  Just like what happened with Marcus.  People knew not to fuck with Geoff because he was unpredictable like that and was able to pretend.  He could fake be someone's friend for as long as he needed to and then bam.  Your whole crew was wiped out.  Jack would go into protection mode.  More so for the younger ones but if anything was going wrong, Jack was the one to make sure all of their ducks were in line.  I guess it was natural for Jack, having some medical training and a natural nurturing instinct.  Not only that but Jack got deadly.  Kind of like Geoff, you mess with a member and you’re dead.  But the difference between the two was that Jack was smart about it.  Willing to make the other person pay more.  Make the suffering slow and deadly.  Geoff liked to fire a gun while Jack would fuck with someone mentally first.  Also, Jack wouldn’t kill someone we needed to stay good with.  I’m not trying to bash Geoff on it, it was his choice, but that is just something Jack wouldn’t do.  Jeremy is to be determined.  I haven’t worked with him long enough to know.  He does like his Rimmy Tim persona though.  If you base it off that, Rimmy is braver than Jeremy.  Doesn’t have anxiety like he does and is willing to take risks.  Rimmy Tim is wild and loud, not that Jeremy isn’t, and is someone that Lil’ J wants to be.  What Jeremy doesn’t understand is that he has all those qualities but for some reason chooses to use this persona to show them.  I think that Jeremy is a great person but needs to be more confident in himself.  He reminded me a lot of the cowardly lion in  _ The Wizard of Oz _ .  He's had these qualities the whole time, he just needs to realize it. 

Michael snapped me out of my thoughts when he starts to move around, slowly waked up.  I freeze, not wanting to catch me staring at him sleeping.  I close my eyes as he stirs around on my chest.

“I know you’re awake,” He groggily mumbles.

“Sorry,” I reply, not really sure what to say.

“How long over you been awake?”  He asks, pushing himself up so now we were looking at each other in the face.   
“A while.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Michael asks, scrunching his eyebrows together.

I shrug, “I didn’t mind.”  He shakes his head but he has a small smile on his face.

“You’re creepy,” He chuckles, laying his head back down on me.  I couldn’t stop the weird feeling that warmed my chest.   **_You still like him, don’t you?_ ** _ No, I don’t.  We can’t.   _ **_Look at him right now and tell me that you don’t have any feelings for him._ ** _ We can’t have feelings for anyone Vaga.  Look what happened with Jack and Geoff.   _ **_You like them all.  You’ve already fallen down the hole._ ** _ No.  No, we don’t.   _ **_Yes, we do.  I know you, Ryan.  You can’t lie to me._ **

“Stop thinking so hard,” Michael says, bringing back to reality.

“I-I’m not,” I lie.  Vagabond was basically screaming in my head.

“Do you want me to leave?” He asks again, scanning my face.

“No,” I sigh, tightening my arms around in waist, “I don’t get to do this much.  It kind of nice,” I admit.

“Geoff and Jack not cuddlers?” Michael questions, tracing shapes on my chest.

“Geoff is but he likes to be the big spoon when I prefer to be the big spoon and Jack likes to get in the shower right after.  Jack I think has only ever cuddled with me like twice,” I explain, trying to recollect the times we had spent together.

“Gavin’s a clingy mother fucker.  He monkey wraps himself around the closest person and is asleep within five minutes.  He does not care about any sort of cleanup.  He’s a selfish fuck in the bedroom.  But I can’t complain.  He always ready to go go go.  Dudes got hormones like a teenager,” Michael says and we both laugh.   
“I can tell.  It’s either you or Jeremy once a day.  Or both.  Or more than once,” I laugh, shaking my head.   
“When you’re criminals like us you either get pleasure from a bedroom or from a needle.  I choose the first,” He shrugs and the only way to describe it is an elegant smile on his face.

“Yeah, I’ve been through both,” I reply, combing my fingers through his hair, testing the waters to see how affectionate this could get.   **_LISTEN TO ME._ ** Instead of pulling away or looking at me weird, Michael leans into the touch.   
“We’ve all had our fair share of addiction.”

“What was yours?” I ask, playing with the ends of his fiery hair.

“Drugs.  Got addicted when I was a teenager.  I blame Jeremy for most of it,” He laughs, “No but I just needed a fix of something… anything to get me through the day.  Coke was my favorite but that’s no way to live.  Now it’s fun to get high from time to time since I’ve got my addictive streak under control.  What about you?”  He asks back, looking up at me with big brown eyes.   
“Murder.  Believe it or not, it’s addictive.  Having that control over someone.  Having them beg for their life.  Watching the light leave their eyes.  It’s sick but addictive.”  Michael turns over so he was looking directly at me.  He studies my face for a long time and I almost think that he’s going to freak out but he doesn’t.

“What is Vagabond saying right now?” He questions, making me cock my head in confusion.   
“Why?” I ask back.

“You’re different people, correct?” I nod, “I want to know what he’s thinking as well.”  I think for a second, debating if I wanted to tell him the truth.  

“I’m not so sure you want to know.” 

“Try me.”   
“He’s screaming at me right now and getting pissed off because I’m refusing to have that conversation with him right now,” I someone what explain.   
“What is the conversation about?”   
“Nothing that I want to talk about,” I say and his face drops a little bit.  I couldn’t help but instantly feel bad.  “It has nothing to do with you Michael, don’t worry.  Internal psychopath kinda stuff.”  He studies my face again to see if I’m lying which I was only half lying.   
“Is there anything I can do to help?” That question also throughs me kinda off.  No one has really ever asked me that before except for Jack.   
“No, but thank you.  I appreciate it,” I give him a half smile which he returns.  Michael lays back down on me and I trace patterns on the small of his back.  Just then I remembered that we were both naked.  Not that I minded but it made everything a bit more intimate.  We were quiet for a few minutes, our breathing matching up and everything seemed in sync.  Until a familiar British voice broke the peace.   
“Micoooool!” Gavin calls while it sounded like he was walking down the hallway.  “Where are you my boi?!”  Michael lets out a groan-y whine, sitting up from our cuddle.

“What?!” Michael yells back.  Suddenly Gavin pushes the door open with a goofy smile on his face.

“What are you doing in Ryan’s room, you bloke?  Lil’ J and I wanna play games and drink some more.  Come on,” Gavin giggles, clearly already have been drinking some.     
“Just give me a few minutes boi,” Michael replies, rubbing his hand over his face.

“Yay!  Lil J!  Michael’s coming!” Gavin yells while running back down the hallway in a fit of laughter.

“Did he not even see me?” I question and Michael laughs this time.   
“He’s too drunk to care.” He shakes his head but there was a smile on his face.  Michael stretches his arms and back.  I shamelessly check out his muscles while he did.  “I had a really good time Ryan and I would gladly stay in bed with you all night and maybe even go again but if I don’t Gavin will never leave us alone.  Especially now that he’s tipsy,” He says, looking back at me from his place on the bed.

“I had a really good time too.  Mind if we do this again sometime?” I offer, sitting up as well but wincing as I did so.

“Oh, we will  _ absolutely _ be doing this again.  Also sorry about that,” Michael says, tipping my chin up with his fingers.

“No, it’s not a good time unless someone's ass is sore,” I smirk and he chuckles, blushing a bit.

“I agree.” Just then Gavin starts yelling again for Michael, “Okay, before Gavin has a fucking stroke out there.” He kisses me quickly before standing up and getting dressed.  I run my hands through my tangled hair while watching him slip his clothes back on.  Dang.  He turns around and presses one more kiss to my lips, this one having something more than the ones before.  Once we pull away he crooks a smile at before silently leaving my room.  I sigh, rubbing my hands over my face.  Guess I should probably take a shower.  I strip the sheets from my bed and place them by the door to take to the laundry later.  I jump into the shower and start to wash off.   **_Are you finally going to fucking talk to me?_ ** _ Yes, fine.  What?  What do you want?   _ **_Um, maybe the fact that you had a damn Twilight moment with Michael?_ ** _ It wasn’t a “Twilight moment” Vaga.  We had sex and slept after.   _ **_Yeah, and you talk about your problems with everyone you sleep with?_ ** _ He’s my good friend 0r whatever.  Sometimes we talk about stuff.   _ **_That’s the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever heard.  Just fucking admit it, Ryan.  You like him still!_ ** _ I don’t like him.  We don’t like people like that Vagabond.  You know this.   _ **_You like Michael and you like the rest of them.  He clearly likes you.  Why don’t you do something about it finally?!_ ** _ It’s not fucking normal to like five other people like that.  I shouldn’t.  I can’t.  Michael is in love with Gavin.  He doesn’t like me.   _ **_If I had arms right now I would slap you._ ** The shower turning cold brought me out of my head.  I couldn't ever make any sort of agreement with Vagabond.  He wanted one thing while I wanted another.  Okay, that wasn’t always true.  We did have the crazy thing in common.  Michael left this weird feeling in my chest.  I never have people hang around like that after sex.  Especially not what we did.  I have never laid there and just enjoyed each other's company before.  Talking in hushed tones about personal things.  It just doesn’t happen but I can’t help but think about how much I liked it.  I liked sitting there and talking to Michael for that period of time.  That closeness was strange for me but I couldn’t help but want to lay there for hours.  To talk about anything and everything.  I found myself standing in the middle of my room in the towel, smoking a cigarette when I got a knock on my door.

“Yeah?” I crack my door open to find Geoff on the other side.   
“Gents night.  You, Jack, and I are going out to dinner to get ready and look nice,” He simply states before walking off.  I made a confused face before shutting my door and putting out my cig.  In Gavin’s words: what was Geoff on about?  Why would Geoff want me to go out with them?  I go to my closet and decide to take Vaga’s advice and wear my tight black jeans and a light blue button up.  I fix my hair and grab the essentials before heading to the living room.

“You’re looking lovely, Ryan,” Gavin comments before screaming about something with the game they were playing.

“Except for your neck.  What the hell did you do?  Get in a fight with the vacuum cleaner?” Jeremy teases and I just roll my eyes but I could see Michael blush a little bit.  Geoff comes out of his room first.  He had on his classic skater khakis and a light grey short sleeved button up.  A flashy gold watch sat on his wrist and a black pair of Vans on his feet.  No matter how much money this guy had he still insisted on wearing Vans shoes.  Jack came scampering out seconds later, dressed in dark jeans and a red-orange sweater that was tucked into the front.  Jack had pulled their hair into a half bun, leaving their bangs splayed across their forehead.  But this way we could see more of their beautiful face.   
“You both look amazing,” I compliment and they both smile.   
“Thank you.  You look wonderful as well,” Jack says, tucking a piece of their gingery hair behind their ear.   
“Stop being sappy, I’m hungry,” Geoff says but he was blushing.  We wave goodbyes to the Lads before heading to the garage.  Jack takes the driver's side while insisting I get the passenger and Geoff gets into the back.  We peel out into the busy streets of Los Santos and kick it into gear.     
“So what’s the update with the Game Fight?” I ask, referring to Marcus’s crew.   
“Matt has seen a few of the members milling around the block near our building otherwise nothing else.  We figure that they’re planning something but whatever it is, we’ll be ready.  I’m going to call a meeting tomorrow.  I just hope the Lads aren’t too hungover,” Geoff explains, both Jack and I chuckle.

“We can only pray,” Jack says.  We pull into a restaurant that had a few cars, ours a lot nicer than the rest.  

“Where are we?” I ask, taking in my surroundings as we got out of the car.  The restaurant seemed like a family owned kinda place.  A place that didn’t seem like Geoff would be at.  

“I’ve known this family for years.  They have amazing food and have been dealing with Jack and me for as long as I can remember,” Geoff explains proudly.

“It’s true.  We would come here after heists at like 4 in the morning, covered in blood and gunpowder but they would still serve us.”Jack smiles fondly at the memories.   
“They always got a damn good tip,” Geoff jokes, opening the front door for both of us.  “Antonio!”  Geoff greets loudly, pulling the guy in the front into a handshake hug.

“Geoff!  If I would have known you were coming I would have prepared you something special,” The guy with a thick accent replies.   
“Ah, don’t worry about it.  How ‘bout you show us to our favorite booth and you’ve made up for it,” Geoff brushes off easily.

“Yes, of course!  Jack, so good to see you again.  You look wonderful,” Antonio pulls Jack into a hug next.   
“It’s good to see you as well.  How is Kristina doing?” Jack asks, to which I’m assuming they’re referring to his wife.

“She’s doing great!  Pregnant again actually.” We follow Antonio into the restaurant and to a booth in the back corner.

“Tell her I said congratulations!  And congrats to you too!  That number 4 now?”  Jack asks, sliding in next to Geoff while I sat on the other side.   
“Yes, lucky number 4.  And I will tell her, thank you.  Your waitress will be with you in just a second and if you need anything, feel free to ask for me.”  Geoff and him exchange a few more words before Antonio retreats to his post at the front.  I take a second to look around now.  It was a cute little place.  Classic looking.  Very homey and cozy but clean and welcoming.  I liked it.

“That dudes wild.  Four kids?  I don’t know how he does it,” Geoff comments, opening up his menu.   
“Kristina stays at home and does the accounting for the restaurant so she can take care of them all.  He doesn’t really have to worry about much,” Jack replies, opening their menu as well.  I do the same, looking everything over.  A waitress comes up to us soon.  She was a petite brunette girl that looked horrified.

“Uh, hi, I’m Maci and I’ll be taking care of you today,” She nervously messes with her pen, “What, uh, what can I start, or, I mean get you to drink?”

Jack giggles before starting, “I’m assuming that you know who we are?”   
“Yes,” The young girl squeaks.

“We are not going to hurt you, sweetie.  We are just like everyone else.  We don’t want any trouble tonight.  Geoff and I are good friends with Antonio so don’t worry,” Jack says, allowing their mom voice to take over.  The teenager nods but still looks weary.

“So drinks?” She asks, flipping her pad open.   
“I’ll take a Diet Coke,” I say, closing my menu.  Jack and Geoff order theirs and she was out of there as soon as she could be.

“You’re lucky you don’t get noticed,” Jack grumbles but I only chuckle.

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to do all of what we do but with a mask on?  It’s a thousand times hotter and sweatier,” I state and they both laugh.

“So you and Michael today?” Geoff asks with a teasing tone in his voice.

“I-what?” I sputter, the heat rising to my face instantly.   
“Oh come on, you can’t deny it.  You two are the two loudest people in bed.  I’m pretty sure the receptionist heard you down on floor one,” Geoff teases and I blush more.   
“Yeah, we messed around,” I shrug but quirk a little smirk.

“Ooo, how was it?” Jack asks like we were back in school again.  I roll my eyes but there was a smile on my face.

“I mean good.  And I am not one of the loudest!” I defend and they both bust out laughing.

“Are you kidding me? I got a text from Treyco asking me who was getting screwed!” Geoff was in hysterics laughing.   
“Yeah yeah, ha ha.  It’s not like you two are the quietest couple either.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.  It was just too easy to not to,” Jack laughs.

“You guys are assholes,” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes yet again.  They eventually calm down and we go to a normal conversation and the girl takes our order.  We talk about this and that, about what we’re going to do with the KB crew.  Then our food came and we all started eating.  Geoff was right, it was amazing.  But the question was still persistent in my mind.

“Okay.  What’s the real reason you guys brought me out tonight?” I ask, setting my fork down and looking at the couple across from me.  They look at each other and Geoff sighs, sending the worst feelings throughout my body.  “Fuck you guys are firing me, aren’t you?”   
“No, no, no, not even close Ryan.  Don’t worry,” Geoff reassures, “You obviously know that Jack and I are together now but Rye, we want to know how you feel.”  

“What do you mean?”

“How do you feel about all this?  How do you feel about Geoff and how do you feel about me?” Jack asks now, their voice taking on a different demeanor.

“I...I…”   
“And we want you to be one hundred percent honest.  Nothing you tell us will make us think anything different of you,” Geoff gives me a smile, willing me to talk.   
I sigh, “When you told us that you two were officially together, it was a lot to take in.  I mean, I support you always but I wasn’t sure what it meant for me.  Then after that, you kinda just stopped including me in things so I figured that you didn’t want me anymore.  It didn’t feel good, that realization, but I’ve gotten over it.  And my feelings towards you guys are both very blurry, to say it simply.  I haven’t allowed myself to have feelings for anyone in a long time so this is new to me.  Why are you asking?” I look back up from my hands in my lap at the pair in front of me.

“I like you, Ryan.  More than just a crewmate or just a friend.  We like you.  And us getting into a relationship never meant leaving you out,” Jack says, their voice soft.

“It’s true.  I like you Ryan and this is new for all of us.  Jack and I have never done relationships before either,” Geoff says this time.

“But you guys are practically made for each other.  Isn’t three a crowd?”   
“It’s a lot to think about Ryan and we understand.  Don’t worry about commitment either, we are open still.  Obviously the relationship aspect of it not but the sexual part yes,” Jack continues to explain.

I sigh but nod, allow it to process, “I just, I need a minute to think.” I stand up out of the booth and head to the bathroom.  Luckily it was empty so I locked the main door and stand the sink, splashing some water over my face.  I look up at the mirror and try to sort my thoughts.   **_Why don’t you just do it?  You’ve had a stupid little childish crush on them for months now.  Make it a reality Ryan._ ** _ I-I can’t.  We can’t take that goddamn risk!   _ **_And why not?  Why do you not allow yourself to be happy?!_ **  I put my head in my hands for a second and take a few deep breaths.  My fingers were shaking horribly but I knew I had to do this.  My goddamn other personality was screaming at me to do this.  I knew I needed to.  I know that I like Geoff and I like Jack but this whole more than two people relationship was a lot.  It wasn’t normal.  But I wasn’t ever one for normal. 

I left the bathroom and sat back down at the booth where Geoff and Jack sat nervously whispering.   
“We were worried we had scared you off,” Jack says quickly.

“No, I just.  Sometimes you guys forget that there's more than one person in here,” I chuckle and they both crack a smile.   
“Ryan, we understand if you want to forget everything we sai-” I cut Geoff off.   
“No.  I want to try this out.  Whatever this is.  All I know is communication is important but I want this.”  I look back and forth at Geoff and Jack.

“Really?” Jack asks but Geoff doesn’t give me a chance to answer.  Instead, he grabs my face and smashes his lips to mine.  We sat there for a long time that night discussing thing on how this was going to work if it was going to work.  And things felt good.  Things felt right.  Almost right.


	18. Tomorrow Never Came

Ryan's Past-- Third Person

 

The Vagabond fell in love.  Yes, love.  The strongest feeling a person can have.  He was about 21 years old and in a big city like Los Santos.  He was a mercenary.  People would call, he would kill, he would get paid.  100% success rate.  If he didn’t get paid like he wanted, your whole crew would get dead within a day.  Or Ryan would ruin them in some other sick, sadistic way.  No matter what, the Vagabond got the job done.  If you wanted it done right, you got into contact with him.  The people that worked with him said that he barely spoke and they never saw his face, always wearing the mask or face paint.  Everybody knew about him yet he was like an urban legend or a myth.  People never _really_ saw him.  He never left a trace.  That’s what scared the police the most.  Ryan and Vagabond were the perfect killers.  But Ryan did kind of live a double life, you could say.  He had a second face that wasn’t covered by a mask.  He lived in a small but nice apartment downtown where he could see the busy street and all of the people walking.  If he wasn’t doing illegal acts, he was playing video games.  Or screwing around with computer parts or reading.  He never got a great education, spending most of his childhood in a mental hospital.  So he did it himself.  But his insomnia or the copious amount of other mental problems kept him up some nights when he wasn’t working.  He was used to working all night and catching a few hours in the morning, if he was lucky.

 

So let’s set the scene.  It was early November when Ryan met him.  It was 12:43 am and Ryan was in that state of dozing in and out but never falling asleep.  Vagabond was quiet tonight and he didn’t have any jobs right now.  Fuck it, he thought, standing up from his couch and grabbing his jacket.  Not the Vagabond jacket but a plain black jacket.  He remembers seeing a 24 hours sign in the coffee shop window a little bit down the road and he decides to go there.  There were only a few people out now.  Druggies and colleges students bar hopping.  The air had a bit of a chill to it but Ryan didn’t mind, fall was his favorite season.  He slips into the cafe and unsurprisingly it was empty besides the young boy behind the counter.  He was about Ryan’s age, maybe a bit younger and much more innocent.  As soon as Ryan steps in he yawns, rubbing his tired eyes.  When was the last time he has changed these contacts?  Should he make an appointment with the eye doctor?

“You look like you should be in a bed instead of a coffee shop,” the barista smirks, leaning on the counter in the dimly lit place.  It was cute here, brick walls and plants littering the place.  There were polaroids hanging on the wall and different types of furniture, nothing matching.  It was like this thing was straight out of Tumblr.

“I don’t sleep,” Ryan replies, walking up to the counter.

“Vampire?” He questions.  
“Isn’t it the number one rule not to tell anyone?” Ryan asks back.   
“I wouldn’t know.  You’re the vampire here,” The boy shrugs, a sly smile on his face.

“You have to gain my trust first.”  
“How about I make you my best drink and then you decided,” He proposes.  Ryan smiles and nods, agreeing to it.

“Deal.”  
“Name?” The guy asks, popping the cap to his Sharpie.   
“Edward Cullen,” Ryan jokes and the other laughs.   
“For real.”   
“Ryan,” He smiles.  The other looks up from the cup and smiles at him as well.

“Take a seat.  It’ll just be a second,” He instructs and Ryan complies.  He couldn’t help but watch the barista work.  He had warm olive skin and dark curly hair that sat on top of his head.  Light green eyes that were almost grey.  His features were sharp and striking yet soft and easy to the eye.  Ryan found him horribly attractive.

“Finished,” The boy says, setting down some fancy coffee thing with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle.

“Oh jeez,” Ryan mumbles, taking it in his hand.  
“Go ahead.  Taste it,” The barista urges.  Ryan cautiously puts his lips to the straw and take a sip.  His eyes widen in surprise.

“Damn that’s good,” Ryan says, making the other smile.

“Glad you like it.”  
“So what do I owe you?” Ryan asks between sips.

“Nothing.  It’s on the house,” He says, grabbing a rag and wiping down the machine.

“You gotta name, Twilight geek?” Ryan quirks an eyebrow at him.  
“Finn.”  That’s all it took.  The nights that Ryan couldn’t sleep he would go to the coffee shop and talk to Finn until his shift was over at 5 am.

 

Finn was a college student, majoring in photography and minoring in LGBT studies.  Ryan didn’t even know they offered that.  Finn was a light to Ryan.  He always seemed to have a smile on his face and made good out of every situation.  Finn was free-spirited, lively, and adventurous.  He was everything that Ryan had been looking for, he thought.  After spending hours of time together, Ryan finally made the first move.  He asked Finn out on a date.  The younger blushed and agreed for next Saturday.  Finn and Ryan had flirted casually before but he was always too afraid to make a move.  Ryan was more mature and confident but he had a hopeless crush on the blonde.  Ryan took him to one of the nicest restaurants in town, going all out with a private area and server.  Finn was head over heels for the older man by the time the date was over.  They started dating, going out and spending time together.  Ryan even met some of Finn’s friends, occasionally going out for drinks with them or getting pizza.  Ryan was getting half the college experience that he never got.  But sometimes he would disappear for a few days and come back with a new excuse and scar.  He would always say work and speak nothing more of it.  Finn didn't question it anymore either.  Finn’s favorite thing to photograph was Ryan.  Any chance he would get he would have a camera pointed at the blonde.  He didn’t mind, it made his boyfriend happy.  Besides Ryan disappearing, there were a few other warning signs about him.  When they moved in together, it got more noticeable.  Like the fact that Ryan had two or more phones at once.  Or how some nights he would leave without a word.  Or when he would lock himself in the bedroom for a few hours.  It’s not that Finn didn’t trust Ryan, he was just worried.  What had he gotten himself into?

 

They got into a fight that one fateful day.  Ryan left his “work” phone out and Finn saw it.  He had received a text from an unknown number.  It said ‘you still coming tonight?’ and a second that said, ‘motel 12, room 36B.’  Finn was furious.  He instantly thought Ryan was cheating on him.  He grabbed the phone and threw it right at the other.

“What the fuck is this?!” He asks, hands shaking he was so angry.  Ryan looks confused for a second before reading the messages.

“Finn, it’s not what you think,” Ryan claims, standing up from the couch.  
“Bullshit!  Meet me in the motel room!  What the fuck am I supposed to think?!”

“I-I-I can’t tell you!” Ryan stutters, searching his brain for an excuse.  
“And why not?  What is so bad that you couldn’t tell me?  We’re supposed to tell each other everything,” Finn’s voice trails off, angry tears brimming in his eyes.

“I promise Finn, I have never cheated on you.  You mean so much to me.  I could never do that to you.  It’s just… a side job for a few extra dollars.” Ryan reaches for Finn who takes a step back.  
“What do you mean a side job?  We were doing fine with the ones we have,” Finn says, running his fingers through his hair.   
“It isn’t just my side job, it is my job.”

“What do you mean job?  What are you doing?”

“I’m a criminal Finn.  I do illegal things for money and I’ve hidden it from you.  I’m sorry.”  
“Illegal things like what?  What have you done Ryan?”  He asks, looking at the older man with confusion.

“A lot Finn.  Stuff that I don’t want to tell you about.  Stuff that you don’t want to know,” Ryan replies, attempting to reach out for Finn again who flinches out of the way.  
“Have you killed people?”

“Finn I-”

“Have you?” He demands, eyes not breaking contact.

“Yes, I have,” Ryan admits, shoulders slumping a bit.  
“Ryan, I can’t do this-”   
“No please let me explain-”   
“How can you fucking explain this?!  This, Ryan?!  You’re a killer!  A murderer!  Oh my god, oh my god.” At that moment Finn started to freak out.  He was in love with a killer.

“Finn, Finn, calm down.  Please, can we just talk about this?”  
“Ryan, no.  I don’t think we can.  I… I can't do this.  I’m-I’m going to go stay at Kyle's house for the night.  I need to think.  I’m sorry,” Finn mumbles, nearly running to their shared bedroom.  Ryan follows him in there, his mind racing with ways to get his boyfriend to stay.

“Please don’t go.  Finn, there’s so much that I need to explain for you to understand.” Finn was tossing a few things into a bag.

“I’m not sure what you can tell me that is going to change anything,” Finn says, zipping up the backpack.

“There’s a reason why I hide away sometimes and a reason why I have to do those things.  I wish I didn’t have to because I want to be with you and live a normal life with you.  I just have to.”  
“Why?  Why do you have to?  Why the _fuck_ do you have to?” Finn sharpy asks.

“I have dissociative identity disorder!  A whole other person inside of me that’s constantly there.  You have no idea what it’s like and I’m sorry that I’ve kept it from you,” Ryan explains somewhat. He wasn’t ready to tell him the whole story.  He hasn’t told anyone the whole story ever.

“There’s help for that Ryan.  There is medication and therapy and people that want to help you,” Finn suddenly takes a more caring approach.  Ryan shakes his head, rubbing his hand over his face.  
“I’ve tried that before and it made things worse.  So much worse.  I’m sorry Finn, you deserve better.  You don’t have to leave, I will.  I have another apartment to go to.  I’ll grab a few things go.  I’ll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow when you’re at class.  Don’t worry,” Ryan started to grab some of his own stuff.  Finn looked shocked when Ryan pulled out a gun and a few other weapons.

“Ryan…” Finn nearly whispered, watching his boyfriend pack a bag.

“I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t have kept this from you.  I should have warned you right from the beginning.  Fuck, I shouldn’t have even gotten you involved.  You deserve better.”

“Ryan, is this you?  If what you’re saying is true, is this really you?” Finn asks as Ryan zips up his bag.  He stops and looks at the man before him.

“I have always been myself with you, Finn.  You would not want to meet the other person.  I’m going to stay in town for a week.  If you want to talk, I’ll keep my phone.” Ryan sighs, looking over his once lover.  He gently cups Finn’s tanned cheek, running his thumb over his cheekbone.  “I never wanted to get you into this mess.  I never meant to hurt you, Finn.  I love you.”  With that, Ryan pressed a kiss to Finn’s forehead and left.  Finn didn’t try to stop him.  He stood in the same spot in the bedroom for at least a half an hour.  Then the tears started to fall.  He was angry and confused, upset and broken.  He eventually called his best friend Kyle, asking him to come over.  He left out a lot of details, just saying that Ryan wasn’t the person he said he was.  Finn spent most of that week researching the criminal activity in their area.  The one thing that really tipped him off was the massacre that happened the night they broke up.  It was The Vagabond, they said.  This time he left a mess, blood and the bodies everywhere.  Nearly 20 people.  He slaughtered a bar full of asshole truckers and bikers.  The more Finn searched up the Vagabond, the more he was convinced it was Ryan.  The limited CCTV of him reminded Finn of the way Ryan walked and held himself.  Just a bit off.  A bit different.  His other personality.

 

Finn never did call.

 

He packed up every single picture or scrap of evidence of Ryan into a small box and pushed it into the back of his new closet.  True to his word, Ryan had gotten all of his stuff out the day after.  He did leave Finn’s favorite sweatshirt of his that he always stole.  He left all the gifts and pictures except for one.  It was one of the rare photos of the both of them.  They were laughing in each other's arms.  Ryan took that one, the Polaroid taking it its place inside of his journal.

 Ryan Haywood hates the season fall now.  He can’t stand it when the leaves change color or when it starts to cool down outside.  He no longer lets people take pictures of him.  It reminds him too much of the green eyes that used to be behind the lens.  He still thinks about how he lied.  There is one image that had darker eyes and a sly smirk.  Finn thought it was because they had just had sex when really it was Vagabond.  The one time he took over and came out.  He wanted to see what being with Finn was like first hand instead of behind someone else's eyes.  Vagabond didn’t just like him, he was in love with him and he was more than pissed at Ryan for making them leave.  He went on rampages where Ryan couldn’t take back control.  Vagabond would kill and torture just for the pleasure.  Vagabond did have some sort of morals though.  He only tortured the ones that deserved it.  Rapist and corrupt businessmen.  The ones cheating on their wives and fucked their families over.  The ones that he thought deserved it.  Ryan and Vagabond hung out in cities near where his once lover resided, wanting to keep an eye on him.  When Finn would be having a hard time paying for college and rent, he would suddenly find a stack of cash in his mailbox with no name on it.  He knew who it was really from.  He didn’t want to accept the money but he was already in debt and was going to be kicked out of his apartment in a week if he didn’t pay.  Eventually, Ryan had to move on.  He left and moved to Los Santos.  He had to leave and let Finn forget him.  

 

Finn is still to forget Ryan.  Sometimes he grabs that box in the back of his closet and shuffles through the pictures.  He will study each intricate details of Ryan’s face.  Finn doesn’t want to forget the color of Ryan’s eyes or what his smile looked like.  Ryan was Finn’s first love.  He didn’t want to forget any aspect of the man he fell in love with.  It took weeks for Finn to finally pick up a camera and want to take pictures again.  All he could see in front of the lens was those goddamn blue eyes.  But he would get nightmares of the skull mask and blood covered walls.  Of screams but Ryan’s voice telling them to shut up as he carved out their hearts.  Getting over Ryan and Vagabond was something that took years and now, to this day, he still finds himself looking at the news to see what’s going on.  Even though he was now dating Kyle and happy with him, he checks the Fake AH hashtag.  Kyle asks him why and he just says that he hopes to photograph them someday.  It’s not a lie.  He wants closure with Ryan.  Maybe to finally let him go?  To finally be free of that criminal face.

 

The Vagabond fell in love back when he was only 21 years old.  He fell out of love 2 years later.  He became more mad and angry, as well as Ryan.  But now Vaga was convinced that Ryan was in love all over again.  In love with Michael, Geoff, Jack, Gavin, and Jeremy.  Vaga was inside of Ryan’s head so he knew more than Ryan ever knew.  He knew Ryan’s feelings better than he did.  No matter how much Ryan ignored and repressed those feelings, Vagabond was there to search and evaluate them.  What else was he supposed to do when he was stuck inside of someone else's head for hours at a time?  They thought about Finn from time to time.  Looking back at that one photo.  That one simple picture that brought back so many memories.  Love was something that Ryan Haywood didn’t think he could ever feel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started my new job so that's going to affect things a little bit but I hope I can keep up one chapter a week! I'm working at a haunted house so it's only for the spooky season. Let me know what you think of this chapter! Leave me a comment or a kudos if you think this trash deserves it.  
> Title- Tomorrow Never Came by Lana Del Rey. This song is fucking amazing I definitely suggest you check it out.


	19. It's just I'm not that good of a person But I might be enough for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Enter here excuses why I didn't get this chapter up sooner* Also sorry for this chapter being absolute shit!! I had no idea where I was going with it, it was kind of a filler. Basically shit. I'm sorry. Also didn't really reread so ignore mistakes.  
> Let me know what you think and want to see happen in the future! Also thanks for sticking around with my sorry ass for this long!
> 
> Title- Serotonia by Highly Suspect

We all sat around the table in the meeting room.  The B Team sat on the left end while the rest of the main crew sat towards the front.  A laptop sat in front of me and Matt while coffee cups and guns sat in front of everyone else.  The meeting started off stressful, not even including the yelling and arguing that has already ensued.  

“I swear to god- Fuck, Matt, just show me what you have so far,” Geoff grumbles, standing up from his seat.

“There were three people from their crew that we have seen walk by the building so far.  One just walks by and glances,” Matt flips around his laptop and Geoff watches the zoomed in footage.  “The second stops and smokes in front of the building.  Then the third doesn’t even look, just answers the phone.”  He plays the footage to those videos.

“Wait, right there,” Jack stops the video, slowing it down and zooming it even more.

“She took a picture,” Geoff points out what Jack was talking about, replaying the video again where you could subtly see the girl snap a picture.

“Smegging bitch,” I mumble, watching the video.  “I can track the phone if you have the times Matt.  It doesn’t look like a burner phone, they wanted a clean photo.”

“I’ll get it to you,” Matt says, taking the laptop back and sending me some things.  I pop open a few applications and begin searching for that exact cellular signal.  It didn't take long to find but the arguing around me didn't help my focus.  As soon as the bar was about to be done loading, the door was suddenly burst open and I was ripped from my chair.

“Anyone fucking moves and I blow his head off!” The familiar voice of Miles Luna fills the room.  The cool metal of a gun was pressed to the side of my head, quickening my heartbeat.

“Let him go, Miles,” Michael growls, cocking his pistol.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, I wouldn’t do that hothead.  Wouldn’t want goldies head to go boom boom,” Miles babbles, pushing me more into the room.

“Don’t boi,” I say, barely above a whisper.  Michael growls again but doesn’t do anything and I was silently thankful.

“What do you want Luna?” Geoff asks.   
“I’m just getting revenge.  You killed my boss so someone had to set into his spot.  I mean,” Miles chuckles darkly behind me, sending chills up my spine. “We were planning on it for months.  I’m quite pissed that I didn’t get to lodge that bullet between his eyes.”

“Then why are you here?  He’s dead.  Over and done with,” Venom spits from Jack’s mouth.   
“I wish it could be like that but Jack, it can’t be.  You see, I can’t be letting people think that they can get the jump on me like that.  I’m trying to improve my crew.  You had no idea but Marcus was fucking crumbling.  Our crew… fuck, why do you think we wanted to kill him?  He wouldn’t listen to any of us about anything an-”

“We don’t want to listen to your sob story.  Let Gavin go and get the fuck out,” Geoff demands.

“No Geoff.  You took one of ours, we take one of yours.  Fair as that.”

“Fuck no!” Michael yells, going to move but Jack lays a firm hand on his chest.

“Miles, I can think of another way we could make a deal,” I offer, running my hand up his thigh with a quick squeeze.

“As tempting as that sounds,” The butt of his gun was bashed into the side of my face, making my vision swim, “no.”  The room erupts into chaos.  Yelling and arguing but I couldn’t really make out much.  The sound was quite muffled and most of my sight was black specks.   
“STOP.  Everyone drop your weapons and shut the fuck up now!  B Team, up and out except for Trevor and Lindsay.  Luna, bring in your crew.  I know there here.  We can make a fucking deal.”  Blood trickled down my cheek as people swapped places.  Adam, Kdin, Larry, Spoole, and…

“Sugar pine 7?” Jeremy asks, looking both shocked and pissed.   
“You have to be fucking kidding me,” Jack mumbles with an eye roll.  I would aswell if my head didn’t hurt so bad.

“We needed more firepower so I brought them in,” Luna shrugs.

“What’s up boys!” Cib yells, an enormous vape cloud erupting from his mouth.   
“Don’t fucking vape in my building,” Geoff snaps, his voice cracking with a comedic tone, making everyone chuckle a bit.   
“Just ignore him,” Steven mumbles, adjusting the hat on his head.

“I’ll do what I want,” Cib replies, blowing more vape into the room.   
“ **_You’re going to be Sugar Pine Dead in about 30 seconds if you don’t sit down and shut the fuck up_ ** ,” Ryan, more like Vagabond, nearly yells.  All of the SP7 members stare in fear before sitting down in a chair around the table.  Each member of the Game Fight sit around the table as well, Miles pulling me down in the chair with him.  

“Okay,” Geoff stands, fiddling with the rings on his fingers.  He only did that when he was nervous.  “We are going to do this without yelling and without violence.  We are going to be civil criminals for 20 minutes, okay?  Then you are going to give Gavin back over and get the hell out.”  He sighs heavily before turning to me and Miles.  “Miles, what do you want first off?”   
“I need back up.  No offense but they aren’t the most trained and reliable people.  They know the basics but I need them to be skilled,” Miles explains and Geoff nods, understanding what he was saying.  “We already have a part of town with our name on it but people are moving in.  I’m sure you already know about it.  We need to push them out or otherwise.  I will not stand for our territory being taken over.”  The man under me tenses with anger, thinking about it.

“We can get you back up and training.  We certainly can’t make you as good as us,” Geoff chuckles, “But better.”

“Access to the B Team for heists,” Lindsay proposes, propping her hands up on the table.   
“We want the best!” Cib suddenly pipes it, vaping even more and all of us roll our eyes.

“They are the best.  They are a Fake.  Only the best are allowed in,” Ryan states, fidgeting with the knife in his hands.

“Then why are they the B Team?” James asks, cocking his head at the older man.

“Because they have other jobs and positions.  They are just as important,” Jeremy explains.  I could see the annoyance on his face.

“As I was saying, access to the B Team.  Able to have Matt train someone in using computers and other electronics.  Andy can help with medical.  Kerry with driving.  Meg will help with getting supplies.  I can help as well.  You will stay on your turf.  Interfering with our actions with being prohibited.  Anything that pisses us off will revoke this agreement,” Lindsay offers, glancing at Miles and at Geoff who gives a slight nod.   
“We want in on drugs,” Miles says, glancing quickly at Jeremy.  Geoff sighs, rubbing his hand over his face.   
“I’ll sell to you personally but I’m not distributing.  That’s my game,” Jeremy says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“We want to deal.  We can sell them and bring the money back to you,” Adam offers, calculating everyone's face around the room.

“Let’s just see how this works out first and then we can look into that,” Geoff says, glancing at Jack to see his partner's reactions to this.

“Why don’t we do it now otherwise Gavin gets it in the head,” Miles taunts, tapping the end of the gun on my shoulder.  Nerves shoot though my body, no pun intended.  I look into Jeremy’s eyes, pleading for him not to kill me.  This wasn’t the way I wanted to go out.  After everything that I’ve been through, this can’t be the way I go out.

“God you’re such an asshole Luna,” Jeremy mumbles first, “Fine.  We can make some sort of deal where you can sell and come back to me.  We need to be able to trust you first.  You have to understand that.”  I look at Michael who was fuming at this point.  His cheeks were pink and his eyes were narrowed.  I was afraid that he was going to snap and freak out on someone.  Ryan looked stone cold.  His face was frozen and eyes cold.  There was a knife in his hand that he was fiddling around with without even looking at it.  That also wasn’t a good sign.  Jack had a similar demeanor.  There blue eyes didn’t have their usual warmth.  There were darting from Miles to Steven to Geoff to Larry and everyone else.  Examining the room and taking in everyone reactions.  Geoff was difficult to read and always has been.

“Fine,” Miles says and I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding.   
“Here,” Lindsay hands over a paper to Miles that he reads over.  Jeez, I hadn’t even noticed that Trevor and Linds were typing something up.  He reads it over then hands it to Adam who reads it over.   
“Looks good,” He says, handing it back over.  

“I like it.  I think that we can agree and comply with this contract.  Can you keep up your end of the deal?” Miles asks, dragging the gun across my chest and tapping it on my heart.  I hold my breath again, my heart skipping a few beats.  The room becomes even tenser, Ryan rapidly stabbing his knife into the wood table.

“Yes.  Sign it and get you and your stupid fucking crew out of my building,” Geoff growls, eyes narrowed into slits.

“It really is a shame I didn’t get to get my hands on your blood today Gavvy,” Miles whispers into my ear, sending chills down my spine.  He signs on the contract, sliding it over to Geoff.   
“Now give me my Brit back.’   
“Fine.” Miles suddenly pushes me from his lap and I stumble my way away from him.  Michael was at my side in a second.   
“Hey, hey, how’s your head?” He asks, voice only above a whisper.  Luna and his gang stand up to leave, causing more chaos and idiocy than we do even in just this room.   
“It hurts,” I groan, leaning my body up against his.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Michael grumbles, body tensing.

“No, stop you dope.  We just made a deal with them.  I just need some ice and some vodka,” I say and he chuckles, wiping away the blood from my cheek.  

“We can do that.” He pecks my forehead gently then quickly glancing around the room.  Finally, Lindsay got the Game Fight crew out of the room and then out of the building.  Trevor was already racing to figure out how they got in in the first place.

“Gavin let me see your face,” Jack demands, take ahold of my head.  They look over me for a second, calculating the damage.  “Your face won’t need stitches which is good.  It has less of a chance of scarring.”   
“WOT?!” I yell but instantly regret as it ricocheted inside of my head.  I groan, putting my head in my hands.   
“How badly does your head hurt?”

“Pretty damn bad.  I bloody saw dots when he hit me,” I grouch.   
“I think you might have a minor concussion, Gav.  We need to keep an eye on you.  Get up to the penthouse,” Jack insists and I roll my eyes, causing another wave of pain.

“Really?” I whine.   
“Yes, don’t make me tell you again,” Jack says, going all mom on me.  I sigh, looking at Michael for some backup but he just gives me a sympathetic smile.  Michael follows me out, wrapping his arm around my waist as we make our way to the penthouse.  Jeremy also trails along, fiddling with his phone.  The gents though stay behind, discussing something intensely which is never a good sign.

“Gavver, sit down.  I’ll get you some water and an ice pack for your head,” Jeremy says, a soft smile resting on his face.   
“Guys, I’m not broken!  My head just hurts.”

“We know but we always need everyone in tip-top shape,” Michael replies, sitting down with me on the couch.  He pops my legs up in his lap and drapes the blanket over both of us.  Jeremy comes back out of the kitchen and hands me a water bottle and ice back wrapped in a towel.   
“Thank you, love,” I say, gently resting my head against the couch cushions and setting the pack on my cut cheek.  Jeremy sits behind me, cradling me into his side.  He presses a kiss to the back of my head, not hard enough to hurt me.  Michael flips on the tv, turning it way down while rubbing my legs.  It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep.

 

A few hours later I was awoken to the sound of Jack banging around pots and pans in the kitchen.  I yawn and open my eyes.  Jeremy was still behind me, intentivly playing Xbox.

“Hey,” I mumble, rubbing my eyes.

“Hey, sleepy head.  How are you feeling?” He asks, smiling at me.

“My head hurts less,” I sigh, sitting up and stretching.

“Good to hear.”  I peck his cheek quickly before getting up and going into the kitchen to see what they were up to.

“Hey Jack,” I greet and they look up from the stove where they were brewing something up.   
“Hey Gav, how are you doing?”

“Pretty good.  What are you cooking?”  I ask, peaking over their shoulder.   
“Just a little something for dinner.  Geoff said that he wanted to talk to you once you woke up.  He’s in his room,” They reply calmly, quirking a smile.   
“Okayyy,” I skip my way out of the kitchen and down the hall towards Geoff’s room.  I knock on the door, hearing a faint ‘come in.’  “Jack said that you wanted to talk to me.”   
“Yeah, I wanted to see how you were doing,” Geoff says, running his hand through his hair.

“My head hurts just a little bit now.  Nothing too bad.” I shrug, joining Geoff where he sat on his bed.

“You really scared me in there.  That fucking asshole Luna.  I’m seriously considering killing that whole crew,” He grumbles but I roll my eyes again.

“Geoff, I’m fine.  You don’t need to do that.  That is just going to cause more problems than there already is,” I brush him off and he looks over my face.

“I could have lost you in there.”  That was a statement that took me back.  That didn’t sound like the Geoff I’ve known.  Yes, he’s always cared but… never like this?   
“You donut, I could die anytime!  Miles wouldn’t have killed me anyways.  He just wanted to strike a deal with you.  They aren’t going to bother you anymore.”

“I know but… I don’t wanna lose you guys.  As much as I hate all of you, I still care about you.” I could see the honesty in his face and the compassion.  I move a bit closer to the older man, a small smile resting on my face.  Both Geoff and Jack were always my protectors, to all of us really.

“Really Geoff, I’m okay.  We’re all okay,” I whisper, our faces mere inches apart now.  He runs his thumb across the cut on my cheek that had stopped bleeding a long time ago.  His blue eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips.  I press our foreheads together, our breaths occupying the space.   
“Can I…?” He asks, a nervous edge to his voice.  I nod slightly; I don’t know what involuntarily made me do it.  Maybe the sentiment of it all or the fact that I’ve basically had a stupid crush on Geoff since I first met him.  I flutter my eyes closed and he presses his soft lips to mine.  I was surprised at how gentle he was being.  His left hand cupped my cheek and his right rested on my knee.  I slip my hand in his tousled hair and around his waist, allowing him to have control of the kiss.  It was fluid, our mouths moving in harmony.  His thumb kept running over my injury as if he was trying to heal it.  Eventually we have to pull away to breath, still pressing our foreheads together.

“Was that okay?” He asks.

“God yes,” I reply and he chuckles, diving back in for another kiss.  Geoff slips his tongue into my mouth, exploring every inch.  I couldn’t help but moan.  I hike my leg up higher on his so his hand moves up onto my thigh.  He squeezes my thigh but the kiss stays relatively innocent.  Accept for the way he was moving his tongue against mine and he was driving me mad.  I climb into his lap, Geoff pulls me closer.  I felt like a teenager again.  Getting all working up over a makeout.  He lays me onto my back, slipping his hands under my shirt.  I sigh, arching my back into the touch.  The slow pace of all of this was riling me up and I want nothing more for him to mark me up and tear off my clothes.  But he kept the pace slow.  He kisses down my jaw and neck, gently sucking and biting.     
“Geoff,” I whine, grabbing at his shoulders and shirt.   
“Shh.  Let me take care of you,” He nearly whispers, connecting our lips again.  Geoff pulls up my shirt and then off of my body.  He pecks kisses down my chest and stomach, nipping at my hips.  Chills zap through my body, electrifying every nerve ending.  Geoff kisses all down my left arm to my fingertips then back up.  Across my collarbones but stopping to bite and suck a hickey.  I moan, grinding my hips up into his.  Geoff hums again my skin, squeezing my thighs.  He rubs slow circles on my hip bones and kisses his way down my right arm.  I whine even more, pleasure coursing through my body.  The slow drag of his lips sent my brain spiraling into a clouded mess.

“So beautiful,” He mumbles, pressing open mouth kisses on my ribs.  The slight tickle of his scruff and gentle movement of his hands had me gasping pathetically.  Then suddenly my body tenses up and I feel nothing but bliss.  I moan loudly, closing my eyes tightly.  Geoff pulls away from my body and I slowly open my eyes, the heat already rising to my face.

“Did you just…?” He asks, cocking his head at me.   
“Um, yes?” I reply, the embarrassment bringing more heat to my face.  He begins to giggle and I cover my face with my hands.  “Stop it.”

“I’m not laughing at you.  You’re just cute,” He compliments, removing the hands from my face.

“I’m just used to things rough and fast, not this sweet shit,” I mumble with a pout but he pecks my lips.

“You need to switch things up a bit more.  Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”  Geoff climbs off the top of me and stretches.

“Don’t you want me to get you off?” I ask, looking at him in confusion.

“I’m good, don’t you worry about me,” He says, heading towards his bathroom.   
“But,” I roll off the bed and cringe at the mess in my jeans, “I want to.”

“I wanted it to be about you.  Come on, strip,” He orders, turning on the shower.

“You’re allowing me to use your bathroom?” I question, starting to take the rest of my clothes off.

“Eh, this time you can.” He winks, eyes raking up and down my body.  I smirk, raising an eyebrow at him.   
“Are you sure about that statement before?”   
“Yes, I’m sure Gav.  Get in the shower,” Geoff says with a chuckle, shaking his head.

“Well the offer still stands,” I flirt before stepping into the steaming shower.

 

A few days later the six of us had returned home from the bar.  We were relaxing after a job and we decided to get some drinks.  We weren’t completely sloshed, just a little tipsy.  We were having fun, giggling our way up to the penthouse.  

“Oh my god, we should play truth or dare!” I say excitedly, running into the living room and jumping onto the couch.

“We’re not 12 Gavin,” Geoff says, rolling his eyes.  I was proud of him for staying sober tonight.  I know that this process was difficult but he was doing an exceptional job.

“It could be fun!  Come on, don’t you wanna play Micool?” I ask, looking up at him with big doe eyes.

“Whatever you dumbass, I’ll play,” He flops on top of me, making me yelp.

“I’ll play too!” Jeremy yells, flinging himself over the back of the couch and landing in a pile of pillows.   
“Lil’ J, you would do anything without a dare,” Jack points out, crossing their arms over their chest.  I’d have to admit, Jack did look amazing tonight.  They had on their spandex and leather pants that made their legs look phenomenal.  Then oddly a tight black crop top and an embroidered jean jacket.  Really, whatever Jack wore they looked great.

“You are not wrong.”

“Let’s play, let’s play, let’s play,” I chant, clapping my hands over and over again.   
“Fine, fine, we can play your kid game,” Geoff gives in finally.   
“Yay,” Both Michael and I say.

“I’ll go first.  Lil’ J, truth or dare?” I ask, looking at the smaller man.

“Dare, duh,” He rolls his eyes with a smile on his face.

“I dare you to down a beer in one go.”   
“Easy,” He huffs, running to the kitchen and coming back with a can of beer.  He pops a hole in the side and chugs the whole thing, all of us cheering him on.  “Gav, you gotta give me harder ones than that.”

“I’m just warming you up,” I reply with a sly smile.

“Ryan, truth or dare?” Jeremy asks, looking at the blonde.

“Truth,” Ryan says, Michael booing from my lap.   
“Who do you think would give the best blowjob: me or Gavin?” Jeremy asks.   
“Uhh, probably you because Gavin has a horrible gag reflex,” Ryan answers.

“Hey!  That’s different!” I defend, my voice cracking.

“How is it different Gavin?” Ryan temps, raising an eyebrow at me.

“You know what?  Move over boi, I’ll do it right here,” I say, pushing Michael off my lap and moving over to Ryan.  Everyone busts out laughing, as so I.

“Okay, okay, I believe you but I might have to take you up on that offer later,” Rye winks at me and I giggle, finding a seat on the floor now.

“Geoff, truth or dare?”

“Ugh, dare I guess,” The eldest groans.

“I dare you to go shirtless for the rest of the night,” Ryan spits off the first thing that comes to mind.

“This is just your plot to get me naked, isn’t it Rye?” Geoff teases, taking off his shirt and tossing it on the floor.

“Nip.” Jack flicks Geoff’s nipple, making him yip.

“No touching the nips,” He covers them both with his fingers, “Michael, truth or dare?”   
“DARE.”

“You gotta kiss Jack,” Geoff smirks, looking from Jack to Michael.   
“Psh, aren’t these supposed to be punishments?” He asks leaning down, cupping Jack’s cheek and pecking their lips.

“Boo, we need something better than that,” Jeremy says, throwing his empty beer can at Michael.  He laughs and looks at Jack who shrugs, grabbing Michael face and smashing their lips together.  This time there was tongue and smacking lips.  They rest of us whoop and holler, enjoying the show.  The pair pull away, cheeks flushed and smiles on their faces.   
“Truth or dare?” Michael winks at Jack.  We play a couple more rounds, goofing off and making each do stupid shit.

“We should all sleep down here tonight.  Crew sleepover!” I say, flipping on Netflix.

“I’m old Gavver.  I can’t sleep on the floor,” Geoff says and I giggle.

“We’ll put a whole bunch of blankets on the floor.  Come on, we can all cuddle,” I beg, sticking my bottom lip out.

“You are a spoiled brat,” Geoff gives in and I cheer.  We all grab our bedding from our rooms and make a giant bed on the floor.  It went Ryan, Michael, me, Jack, Jeremy, then Geoff on the floor.  We turned on some comedy and laid down for the night as it was already pretty damn late.   
“Michael, if you move your arm it’s going to go straight into my dick and I’m not down for that,” Ryan says and everyone laughs.   
“Sorry dude,” Michael moves his arm the other way.   
“Oh fuck I kinda have to pee,” Jack says not even a few minutes later, making everyone groan.   
“Really Jack?” Jeremy asks.   
“Yes, I gotta go.” They climb out of the tangle of limbs and to the bathroom down the hall.  I curl up into Michael’s chest more and he wraps his arms around me.  Jack comes back soon enough, joining in on the group cuddle.  I fell asleep to the thought of this happening every night.

 

“No, no, no,” I wake up to movement next to me.  I rub my eyes and see Michael thrashing around.  Oh no.  Instantly wake up, removing myself from Jack’s embrace.  “My fault, it’s my fault,” Michael mumbles, tears starting to tumble down his pink cheeks.

“Michael, hey, Michael,” I whisper, running my fingers through his hair.

“No,” He cries, sobbing harder which wakes up more people in the room.

“What’s going on?” Jack asks, rubbing the sleep from their eyes.

“It’s nothing, just go back to sleep,” I stay, gently trying to wake Michael.

“He’s gone, he’s gone,” Michael keeps repeating, another sob raking through his body.

“Michael, you gotta wake up,” I say more firmly.

“Is he okay?” Jeremy asks, concern dripping from his voice.   
“Yes, it happens.  I just need to wake him up.”   
“It’s my fault.  It’s all my fault,” Michael’s nails dig into my arms in anguish.

“Michael, Michael, wake up!” Finally, he opens his eyes, pulling me in and crying into my shoulder.  “You’re okay love.” 

“Gavvy,” He whimpers.  Michael jumps when Ryan rests a hand on his back.  He takes his head off my shoulder and looks around the room at the other concerned faces.  

“Michael?” Jack questions and Michael’s eyes widen.  He pushes out of my arms, wiping off his face from tears.  

“I’m fine,” He states before getting up and locking himself in the bathroom.  I sigh and sit up, looking at everyone.

“Is he really okay?” Ryan asks, glancing back at the bathroom door.

“I don’t know.  I haven’t seen him that bad in a while.”   
“How long have these been going on?”  Geoff questions.

“A long time.  Ever since he moved in.  But those ones… he doesn’t talk about,” I run my hand through my hair.   
“I think I actually might know what he’s talking about.  He had this boyfri-”   
“Shut the fuck up,” Michael reenters the room with a pissed look on his face, “You don’t know shit, Jeremy.  Keep your fucking mouth shut otherwise I’ll keep it shut for you.”  With that, he stomped up to his room and slammed the door shut.  We all look at each other before I move closer to Ryan.  Michael wouldn’t come out of his room for days.


	20. For when he died, he took a part of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Talk of suicide and selfharm  
> I really like how this chapter turned out even though it's a shorter than I wanted it to be but goddamn it, I was getting another chapter up this week if it killed me. Lots of myan in this because I am myan trash. Comment what you think! Also, how often would you guys like smut in the story? I feel like I might do it too much so feel free to let me know! Thanks  
> Title- Suicide Season by Bring Me The Horizon. I feel like this some perfectly imbodies Michael's problems on dealing with Calan's death.

Third Person-- Present

 

“ _ **Cig?**_ ” Vaga asks, making Michael break his trance from staring out at the buildings and the falling sky.

“Yeah, thanks,” He accepts the offer, taking the cigarette and lighter.  Vagabond sits in the other chair on the balcony, lighting his own cancer stick, putting it to his lips.

“ _ **We haven’t seen you in a few days,**_ ” The blonde comments, blowing smoke from his lungs.

“Needed to clear my head,” Michael replies, still looking out at the sunset.  They stay quiet for a while, enjoying the silence, “Is this Ryan?”   
“ _ **No**_.”

“Haven’t seen you in a while either,” Michael says back, making Vaga chuckle.

“ _ **Yeah, Ryan likes to keep me inside.**_ ” Silence falls over them again except for the smoking.  Vagabond speaks up again when he goes for another cigarette, “ _ **You know, I was in love once too**_.”  This makes Michael bust out laughing, tossing the butt on the ground.

“You?  In love?  I doubt that.”   
“ _ **Yeah, I doubted it too for a long time but Ryan couldn’t stay away.  We were young but damn, were we in love**_ ,” Vagabond smiles at the memories.

“Who was it?” Michael asks, kind of interested now.

“ _ **He was a college student.  Photography actually.  Goddamn kid always had a camera in his hand.  He was good at what he did.  Top of the class.  You remind me a lot of him actually.  Energetic and full of life.  He was always searching for an adventure  I mean he was a lot less angry than you but,” Michael laughs lightly, shaking his head, “He was normal though.  Not a criminal.  And fuck, it was kind of nice to have that for just a few hours.  But it was hard to sneak around sometimes.  We moved in together and he found some stuff.**_ ”

“Oh god, was it a body?” Michael asks, intrigued with the story.

“ _ **No, just my phone.  Of course, Ryan spilled some details, talking about being a criminal and having me.  He kinda freaked.  So we left.  We left for him to have a normal life.  As normal as it can get after all that**_ ,” Vaga explains.

“There’s no way you just left.”   
“ _ **No, I hung around the city to keep an eye on him.  I made sure no one was going after him or that he had enough money.  I still cared**_.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Michael looks down at his shaking hands that were holding yet another cig.  How many was that now?  3?  4?

“ _ **I want you to know that it’s okay to talk about it.  You might feel better if you do.**_ ” Vaga goes to walk back into the house but Michael grabs his arm.

“How?” He asks, looking up at the older man with his big brown eyes.

“ _ **Just let it spill.  Anything you want.  Look who you’re talking to**_.” Vaga sits back down, facing the redhead.  Michael runs his fingers through his hair with a sigh.

“Can you block Ryan out?”

“ _ **Yeah but he’s not going to be happy**_ ,” Vaga laughs, lighting yet another cigarette.  Michael cracks a smile before sighing, rubbing his tired eyes.

“I still have nightmares about the day my boyfriend was murdered.  I met the kid when I was living on the streets.  He got kicked out for being gay and didn’t have a place to go.  Same story as me.  He was going to get eaten up out there if I didn’t take him in.  We survived on the streets but had fun together.  We fell in love.  Fuck, I loved him.  Calan was like that bright light in my shitty life.  But, um, we had to move from our safer place to a different area of town that wasn’t so safe.  We got into a fight with some older, bigger guys and they got the jump on us.  Calan wasn’t much of a fighter.  He was skinnier and weaker and only knew some basic things.  Of course, they went to him first.  It was four against two, already an unfair fight.  They got him down and pummeled him.  I killed three of them and one ran off.  I held him while he died.  I couldn’t fucking do anything to save him.  I tried, I tried everything.  I can’t forget the way he called my name when they were hitting him.  The pure fear in his voice.  It echoes in my head in though it was years ago.

“You like watching the light leave people eyes.  But when I saw that last glimmer of what I had left escape his, it fucked me up.  I think that worst part of it is, is the forgetting.  It’s been years and I can love other people now but I still feel so guilty.  I barely remember what he looks like now.  Kind of like Trevor but even scrawnier of that’s possible.  Dark hair and a strong jaw.  But I can’t remember the color of his eyes.  I just remember the dark of the night and shadows and the fading and then he was gone.  But I know that they were bright.  Blue?  Maybe green?  I want to remember so fucking bad but he’s all rotted away now and I’ll never know.  The memories all melt together, you know?  All meshed and muddled into a puddle in my head that I can’t decipher through.  I don’t want to forget him.  How am I supposed to remember someone that’s gone?”  The look on Michael’s face made Vaga and Ryan’s heart break.  Ryan was clawing to get out, breaking down the wall Vagabond had put up.

“ _ **Take what you have left and make it solid.  Something you can hold.  Write it all down.  As lame as it is I keep a journal.  I write everything down because there are things I don’t want to forget.  Michael, what happened wasn’t your fault.  You did everything that you could to save him.  He knows that.  You have to let this guilt go in order to fully move on.  To love someone else again,**_ ” Vagabond says, looking at the young boy.  Michael looks out at the twilight sky.

“I love Gavin,” Michael states, not taking his eyes off the buildings.  “And I think I love you too,” He sighs, standing up.  Vaga’s heart flutters, watching the ginger go up to the railing.  Michael hops up so his legs were swinging over the edge.  Vagabond joins him, standing next to Michael and putting a protective arm around his waist.  Michael gives him a questioning look, raising an eyebrow.

“ _ **You have this look in your eye that says you might jump**_.”  
Michael sighs, “You’re not wrong.”  
“ _ **He loves you.  Ryan is screaming inside, trying to get out.  He cares about you**_.”

“What about you?” Michael asks, the wind rustling his hair.

“ _ **I care about you too**_.” Vaga presses a kiss to the back of Michael’s arm.

“You have a strange way of showing it,” Both men chuckle.

“ _ **I mean, look who you’re talking about.**_ ” They both smile, sitting in silence for a while as the city around them ignites with nightlife.

“I left New Jersey after he died.  That’s when I came to Los Santos.  After that, I guess you could say I was suicidal but subtly?  I didn’t actively chase death but I didn’t watch myself.  I drank a little more than I knew I should or did a little more coke than I could usually handle.  I wouldn’t check everything before a job just because I was okay with dying.  I wouldn’t always ice all the bruises after a fight because I wanted to feel that ache and pain.  I came close a few times but it was never enough.  The thing is Vaga, even if there is a heaven or a hell, I’m never going to see Calan again.  He went to heaven and I’m going to hell so it doesn’t even matter anymore.  It doesn’t even fucking matter anymore.” Michael’s voice grows stronger and Vagabond tightens his grip on his hip.  The redhead kicks his feet on the fencing around the balcony, looking at the street below him.  Vaga presses warm kisses to the side of Michael’s neck, pressing his chest against the others back.

“ _ **Why do you think that?**_ ”

“The six of us are the most wanted people in America.  I’ve killed people for no reason.  They had families and lives and I ripped that away from them for my gain.  Yet I don’t feel guilty about it.  Fuck, I’m gay.  My parents engraved it into my goddamn brain that I was going to hell because I'm gay!  And I’m fine.  I’m okay with dying.  I… Vaga… the same the thing that happened with Calan is going to happen to the five of you and I don’t want to be around to see that.”  Those words struck deep inside of both men, Ryan as well.  The blonde pulled Michael even closer, burying his face his the crook of his neck.  Ryan had thought about those impending days as well.  They were all going to die brutal and horrible deaths sooner or later.  It was just what happens in this life.  Michael’s fingers were twitching in his lap, a nervous habit when his mind was going too fast.  “Have you ever tried to, you know, kill yourself?  I mean, nevermind, you don’t have to answer that.”

“ _ **I haven’t, no.  But Ryan has.   A few times actually.  Not recently, it was when we were in the mental hospital then after when we were off alone.  Having me inside your head inside always fun.  I’ll leave out the gruesome details but a nurse found us the first time.  Second time was somewhere in the midwest with a bottle too many pills.  Shit, I think we threw up for 6 hours straight**_ ,” Vagabond chuckles sadly, remember those painful days that followed.

“How did you feel about that?”

“ _ **Not happy but I could understand.  Then a lot of arguing and more mental breakdowns but we got through it**_.”  The older sighs deeply, resting his chin on Michael’s shoulder.

 

They were quiet for a while, thinking while looking at the night sky.  Tonight there was actually stars out and the city was twinkling.  Slowly Vaga pulled Michael off of the railing and set him back on to his feet so he was facing him.  He gently ran his fingers through Michael’s curly hair, running his thumb across his prominent cheekbone and then plump pink lips.  

“ _ **Calan was not your fault Michael**_ ,” He whispers, “ _ **and I know that I don’t come around a lot but I care.  It sounds stupid and cheesy and unlike me but I do**_.” He presses more soft kisses to Michael jaw and cheek.  “ _ **I want you to let go and be free of this.  You deserve to be able to love again Michael**_.”  Vagabond cups his cheek and captures Michael’s lips.  The shorter man grabs the front of Vaga’s black shirt and pulls him closer, try to force as much feeling and passion into the kiss as he could.

“Thank you,” Michael whispers, kissing the other again.  Vagabond slips his hand around Michael’s waist again so their bodies were flush against each other.

“ _ **Ryan is going to come back now.  He’s been trying this whole time**_ ,” He smiles with a small laugh.

“Okay.  Thank you again,” Michael murmurs and Vagabond wraps him in for a tight hug, burying his face into his shoulder.  It was strange.  Michael could feel the way his breathing changed and how his posture was slightly different.  It was different from seeing the change than from feeling it.

“Michael,” Ryan speaks ever so softly, slowly lifting his head from Michael’s body.

“Hey,” Michael replies in the same low tone.  Instead of saying anything else, Ryan pulls him into a searing kiss.  

“I need you to stay off the railing for me,” Ryan states, pressing his forehead against the smaller mans.  Those words twisted and turned inside of Michael’s head, making his heart flutter and flip.

“Then I need you to stay off of the railing for me.”  Confidence was in his voice.  Not only did he want Ryan here but he wanted him here for him.  

“I didn’t hear everything but I heard some.  Vagabond wasn’t wrong, I do care about you.  You mean a lot to me.” Ryan gently cards his fingers through Michael’s fiery hair.  A blush rises to his cheeks, making Michael look down at his feet.

“I think that’s going to be the downfall of us,” The younger chuckles sadly.  Ryan cracks a smile as well, knowing that Michael is exactly right.

“I’ll allow it this time.”  Michael instantly smashes his lips to Ryan’s, wanting for transfer all the feelings that he couldn’t express.  The vulnerability and pure emotion through that one kiss made both men hold on until they pulled away, gasping for breath.  “We should probably go inside.  It’s getting quite cold,” Ryan points out, noticing the goosebumps on Michael’s arms.

“Rye, Vagabond told me something while you were still out.” Michael grabs the other man’s arms, feeling over the patterned scars on the inside of his wrists with his thumbs.  Ryan’s breath gets caught in his throat, a shiver running through his body.  “I get that we’re criminals but scars like this aren’t normal.  Please Rye, please.  You come to me the next time you feel like doing this, okay?  Promise,” Michael pleas, looking deeply into Ryan’s blue eyes.

“Okay,” He shakily sighs, “I promise.”  Michael runs his fingers through Ryan’s hair, pecking his forehead quickly.

“Let’s go inside.”

 

To: The Crew Chat

From: Scary Butt

Meeting in the meeting room in 20.

 

Gavin looked at the text then at Jack who they were sitting next to.  Jack just shrugs, going back to whatever they were doing.  A confused crew trails into the meeting room roughly 20 minutes later, obeying Geoff’s commands.  Geoff stood at the front of the room with a coffee cup in hand, drumming his fingers against the table.

“I didn’t know that you planned a meeting today,” Jack says, taking their usual seat next to their partner.

“Yeah, it’s an improv meeting.” Geoff runs a hand through his already messy hair.

“What are we talking about today Geoff?” Michael asks, stealing glances at Ryan who looked more tired than usual.

“Some important stuff.” Was all he offered.   
“Lovely Ryan, are you feeling alright?” Gavin asks, noticing the same thing as the other Lad.

“Yeah, I was just sleeping and didn’t have a chance to pretty myself up for all of you,” Ryan replies sarcastically, followed by a yawn.  

“Sorry Rye, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Geoff apologizes, looking genuine as everybody knew about Ryan’s sleeping troubles.   
“It’s okay,” Ryan gives him a small smile to let him know that he wasn’t really upset.   
“Alright, so I guess we better start this.  Um, well, there are a lot of things that we need to really discuss but, I, um, well.  I’m not really sure how to start with this,” Geoff admits, stopping his pacing and looking at the other five people in the room.

“How about we start with where’s the rest of the crew?” Jack asks and they all look towards the other half of the room that is usually full of people.

“This meeting is just regarding the six of us really.  It’s more personal rather than business but I wanted us to pay attention and get everything out on the table,” Geoff explains, taking his seat.  “Obviously everyone knows about us Gents being together and you Lads are pretty much together.  We can’t deny the fact that we’ve all fooled around with each other and enjoy it.  The idea and the thought of all six of us together and in a relationship is something that has been stirring in my mind for a long time.  It makes sense with all the feelings that I have and it’s something that I don’t want to let slip through my fingers.  You guys can’t tell me that there isn’t some sort of feelings here.  More than just sex that’s going on.  Hell, Michael and Ryan were out on the balcony for hours last night.  There is no way that there are no feelings there.  Jeremy, I know that I haven’t known you for that long but you fit in so well with us and I feel like you were the last puzzle piece to our fucked up picture.  I care a lot about each of you and we don’t stick around for very long in this life so I don’t want to let this go.”  Geoff finally looks up from the table once he finishes talking, trying to read everyone’s face.  Jeremy was the first person to speak up.

“A relationship with six people sounds a bit overwhelming… but not bad?  I don’t know,” Jeremy smiles with a blush dancing across his cheeks, “Geoff is right.  It has always been more than just sex for me but I’ve never really talked about it.  Briefly with Michael but I didn’t want to fuck things up with you guys.  It means too much.”  He runs a nervous hand through his hair but a cheeky smile still sat on his face.

“It could be kind of overwhelming but aren’t we all doing it now basically?” Jack points out, “I think we’re a lot damn closer than most crews out there.”

“I feel the same way as Geoff.  There’s like this empty piece of me but with all of you, it makes sense.  I bloody care and love all of you,” Gavin admits, capturing the eyes of each person in the room.

“I feel the same way as Gavin,” Ryan states.

“Really?” Geoff asks, looking at the tired blonde.

“Why do you sound so surprised?” Ryan chuckles, lightening the serious mood.

“I don’t know!  I’m still getting used to you having feelings in general!” Geoff voice cracks in a comedic way that makes everyone laugh.

“Yes I have feelings and they are all for you idiots.  I can’t believe it,” Ryan grumbles, making everyone laugh again.

“I feel the same way,” Jack agrees, rolling their eyes with a smile on their face.   
“Michael?” Geoff asks, looking at the younger boy.

“It’s a lot to take in, you know?  I know that we aren’t a normal crew and I know that I like you all a bit more than I probably should.  But I don’t want to ruin what we have now.  Maybe we need a trial run before we go full force into this?” Michael offers, blushing madly.

“He’s right.  Being with all of you sounds amazing but I don’t want to mess up the crew thing.  If feelings get involved, that can easily get messy and I don’t want to fall because of that,” Jeremy says and everyone nods in understanding.

“Yes, there’s a lot that we would have to talk about and discuss.  Rules that we would need to set and everyone always being in agreeance.  There’s a lot to it.  Michael, I agree with your idea.  Maybe we should all go out on a proper Fake AH Crew date.  If things go over smoothly, we can discuss things further.  How does that sound?” Geoff offers.   
“It sounds good to me,” Jeremy smiles, eyes bright and shining.

“Me too.  And Vaga,” Ryan was the next person.

“I as well,” Jack says.

“And me,” Michael agrees.

“Hell yeah!” Gavin yells, getting up out of his chair and running over to Ryan.  He plants himself right in Ryan’s lap and locks lips with him, taking Ryan by surprise.  He then realizes what’s going on and settles into the liplock, slipping his arms around Gavin’s slim waist. 

“Well if we’re all kissing,” Geoff stands up and cups Jeremy’s cheek, smashing his lips to the others.  Jeremy excitedly kisses Geoff back, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him closer.

“Guess that leaves you and me,” Michael says, standing up from his seat.   
“Eh, been thinking about since we kissed last anyways,” Jack winks before pulling Michael into a kiss as well.  “I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have you assholes.”


	21. The wall that I have built to keep you out has crumbled to dust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH BITCHES I'M HERE AND I'M QUEER AND READY TO GET BACK INTO THE STORY. I want to apologize for taking like a month off. I was busy with work and school and personal problems. I couldn't find myself able to write for a long time but now I am and hopefully we can do this again. This chapter is kinda short but has some important info in it. Let me know what you think! Leave me a comment or whatever, it's greatly appreciated!
> 
> Title- Sinematic by Motionless In White

eJack's POV-- Present

 

I stood in front of my closet, scanning the various articles of clothing.  We were supposed to dress nice.  We were going to a fancy restaurant and we need to look like we fit in.  Who am I kidding?  We’re going to stick out like a sore thumb anyways.  I could go more feminine and maybe wear a dress?  When was the last time I actually wore a dress?  Years maybe?  But I do like to wear them occasionally.  It’s not like I’ve completely blocked out all feminine clothing, I just have to be in a certain mood to wear it.  I start to dig through my stuff on the left side of the walk-in closet.  It’s not like I had an abundance of clothes, that was Gavin.  The stuff on the left was the nicer things.  The middle was every day, then right was heist/work clothes.  Easy enough.  I grab a few things out: a tight black dress, a white shirt with a black blazer and black dress pants, then a red velvet top and tight black pants.  I set them all out on the ottoman the center and take a long look at all of them.  

“Gavin!” I yell, giving up at this whole 'getting dressed up' process.  I used to love it but now it was too much damn work.

“What’s up love?” He asks, bouncing into the room with a large smile on his face.

“I don’t know what to wear tonight,” I sigh, flopping my hands down at my sides.  

“Well, you’ve got some good stuff started.  What are you feeling more tonight?  Masculine, feminine, neutral?” Gav asks, looking over the outfits then at the clothes hanging up.

“I’m good with anything.  I just want to look nice.”

“Jack, you always look nice.  You could show up tonight in a bin bag and I would think that you looked stunning,” Gavin claims, picking up my hands in his and kissing my knuckles.

“Oh shut it.” I roll my eyes with a smile on my face.  This Brit was too much.   
“I’m not lying!  Okay, I’ve got some ideas but you have to be willing to work with me here.”

“Oh great.”

“Just hear me out.  Try on this dress first and we’ll go from there, got it?” Gavin hands me over a dress that I haven’t worn in ages.

“I guess…” I reply unsurely.   
“Just trust me on this one.”   
“Gav, the last time you said that you ended up blowing up my cargobob because you got distracted by a bird that flew by.”

“Well I didn’t want to hit it!” He defends.

“Yeah yeah, I know the story.  Now let me see if I even still fit into this.”  The dress was tight to say the least.  A dark purple, velvety fabric that clung to my hips and chest.  It didn’t look bad but was not my favorite.

“Give me a spin there Jack,” Gavin says, looking me up and down.  I do as I’m told by the fashion master before resting a hand on my hip.  “We could do better.  You have a nice butt that we should definitely show off if you’re comfortable with it.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Now this one.”   
“Gavin, I swear to god.”   
“You will look great!”

“Yeah, a great hooker maybe?”

“Put it on.  I’m getting ideas of your body type.”  I sigh, changing out of the purple dress and into this plasticy red skirt that was skin tight with the zipper down the front and a tight white crop top that barely covered my boobs.  I mean, my body looked good but I wouldn’t leave the house like this.

“I’m gonna smack you across your British face,” I say, walking out so Gavin could see me.  He freezes for a second, taking this ridiculous outfit in.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at a loss for words there Gavvers,” I jokes and he finally pulls himself together.

“I’m sorry, you just look… wow.  You have such an incredible body,” He sputters and I blush.

“Well thank you.  It’s from taking care of all you idiots.  But there’s no way in hell I’m wearing this out.  We definitely should see if we can get Michael into it though.  I saw those hips he had when you guys dressed up,” I wink and his face turns devious, clearly agreeing with what I said.

“I like the way you think.  Try this on,” He throws a little forest green dress at me.  It was still tight, about mid thigh length.  Long sleeves that turned into green lace and the whole back was lace.  I remember when Geoff bought it for me.  It was a week or two before I came out so I never wore it.  The neck line went pretty high and tight.  I felt good.  I step out to show Gavin and he jaw drops.

“Jack, this is the one.  You look incredible.  How do you feel?” He asks, walking up to me and smoothing out a few wrinkles.

“I love it,” I smile, checking myself out in the mirror.  I looked classy as fuck.

“A cute pair of earrings and put your hair up.  Then if you’re up for it, a pair of heels?” Gavin asks, playing with my hair.

“I don’t wanna lose me in all of this “girly” stuff,” I say, putting quotes around girly.

“I’m sure there is a perfect pair of shoes about the penthouse for you.  We don’t have to do heels,” Gavin smiles kindly, resting his hands on my hips.  He looks up at me, his green eyes twinkling with delight.  “May I kiss you Jack?”

“Of course, you knob,” I say, pulling him in for a warm kiss.  It was surprisingly gentle, compared to what I’ve seen Gavin do before.  I smile into the kiss, raking my fingers through his hair.  We both pull away with large smiles on our faces.

“I’ll go tell everyone else that our accent color tonight is forest green and I’ll let you get ready.  I still need to pick out my outfit.  And do my makeup and ugh,” He groans dramatically, “I’ll leave you to it Jack.  You look amazing.” His hand grazes my the curse of my hip again before he pecks my forehead and swiftly exits my closet.  I never knew that Gavin could leave me so flustered.  I shake my head and rub my eyes, trying to pull it together.  Save those thoughts for later.  I sit down in front of the mirror and start playing with my curly hair.  Gavvers said to put it up.  Hum, I agree.  I get the mess up into an updo with a few pieces down around my face.  Makeup tonight?  I kinda wanted some for once.  I used to wear more when I was younger and had more time.  Also when I wouldn’t sweat it all off.  It wasn’t a gender thing, I didn’t feel as if makeup was for anyone in particular.  Gavin looked amazing in makeup.  I dug through a few of my vanity drawers, coming up with nothing.  Guess I’m going to have to bother the Brit again.  I sneak up to his bedroom and knock on his door, his music cranked up loudly.  The door pops open and his head peeks out.

“Hey Jackie, what’s up?”

“Uh, well, I know you’re like the makeup artist of the house and I don’t have shit for makeup anymore so would you maybe-” I was cut off by him grabbing my arm and pulling me in.

“Hell yes!  Sit, I need to finish getting getting dressed and then we can start.  Feel free to look through some stuff,” He says excitedly, running into his closet.  I look at his vanity, it a lot more full than mine.  All different brands of eyeshadows, blushes, and mascaras.  It looked like he robbed a makeup store.  Well, he probably had.  He comes out a few minutes later in tight black pants that were high on his ankles.  How did Gavin have good looking _ankles_?  A silky white button up top with a green trim around all of the edges.  He had the top buttons undone and the shirt pulled open so it was nearly hanging off his shoulders and part of his chest was exposed.  Hot damn did he look good.

“Going a bit Golden Boy tonight?” I ask, eyeing him up and down.

“What?  Do I not look good?” He asks, a bit of insecurity in his voice.  Ever since Michael had his nightterror in front of all of us and hid away, Gavin had been a bit unsure of himself.  It was different for him, to see that insecurity come through.

“You look incredible Gav, don’t worry.” I bite my lip, looking at his prominent collarbones.

“Save that for later Jack,” Gavin teases with a giggle.

“I’ve never seen you for one with much self control,” I fire back.

“I don’t wanna mess up your hair and we still have so much to do!  Geoff would be mad too.”   
“Like you wouldn’t want Geoff to punish you,” I tease back and his cheeks light up like a christmas tree.

“Stop!  These pants are already tight,” He giggles and I laugh along with him.  “So what are you feeling makeup wise, love?”

“Something very light.  Maybe a little on the eyes and lips?” I shrug and he nods.

“I know exactly what to do.  Sit back and relax.” He gets to work, doing something on my eyes then painting something on my lips.  After a while he finally tells me that I can open my eyes.  “What do you think?” He asks with a big smile on his face.  I look at myself in the mirror and gasp.  He put eyeliner around the edge of my eyes and smudged it out, making my eyes pop.  Lots of mascara and a bright shining eyeshadow in my inner corner.  He added a bit of blush to my freckled cheeks and a sparkly gloss on my lips.  

“I love it Gavin, thank you,” I say, pulling him into a hug.

“No problem.  You look phenomenal Jack.  The rest of the boys are going to be drooling over you,” Gavin giggles, pushing one of the pieces of hair out of my face.

“Oh please, with your shirt like that I think you’ll have the whole restaurant at your knees.”

“Eh, I plan on being on  _ my  _ knees instead,” He says and I laugh, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Okay, I’ll let you finish getting ready.  I need to find shoes and some earrings anyways.  Thank you again.”  We part after that again, me going back to my own room.  I pick out all my accessories and aquipt the usual weapons.  I walk to the living room around 6:30, our agreed meeting time, to find all of my boys ready.  My jaw dropped at how amazing they looked.  Clean cut yet their personalities shown through.  Geoff was dressed in a sharp, pristine suit.  It was fitted, showing off his body as he had lost weight with quitting alcohol and working out more.  I was the only one that knew that Geoff worked out now but damn did he look fine.  He had a green little cloth thing in his pocket and a matching bow tie.  A gold watch and gold earrings in for once.  He hair was styled a bit more than usual and just a bit of facial hair.  Completely ravishing.  Gavin had on the same as earlier, accept now he finished his ensemble.  His makeup was perfectly done with gold and long lashes.  He had lots of highlighter on his collarbones and on his cheeks.  His hair was messy per usual but somehow still looked perfectly styled.  And his gold accessories here and there.  Gavin was the perfect encompassment of sex.  Jeremy was wearing a forest green v-neck t-shirt that pulled tightly at his muscles and a black jacket over that.  Tight dress pants and swift shoes to finish off the main outfit.  Jeremy had his hair slicked back like the 50s and a classy gold necklace hung around his neck.  His eyes were shining so bright, it was lighting up the whole room.  The other Lad looked extremely elegant in just a white long sleeve shirt that was a bit loose on him and the front of it was tucked into his black pants.  He had them pulled up so they were a bit high waisted.  He looked very high fashion, like Gavin.  A few necklaces and a watch for accessories.  His hair was it’s usual curly self and no glasses tonight.  I quite liked this style of Michael.  Last but certainly not least of Ryan.  A green button up and dress pants.  He looked classic and clean.  His hair was perfect and every inch of him seemed to be in order.  A matte black watch was around his wrist and a smirk on his face.  His body looked great in the clinging materials.  I had to keep asking myself how I ever got so lucky.

“You better close your mouth Jack, you’re going to catch flies,” Michael snaps me out of my trance.

“Well I can’t help when everyone looks so good,” I reply, a blush creeping to my cheeks.

“You look incredible Jack.” Geoff kisses my temple, wrapping his arm around my waist, “Is everyone ready to go?”   
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jeremy says with a smile on his face.

“We have Kerry driving us tonight.  Come on,” Geoff says, and we follow him down the elevator to the front of our building.  Kerry pulls up in a sleek limo and Ryan opens up the door.  We all climb inside, taking in the nice interior.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date.  I’m not really sure what to do anymore,” Michael admits, lightening the nervousness in the room.  We all chuckle, agreeing with his statement.

“Let’s just not try to think about it too hard other wise I’m going to start sweating and I would prefer not to,” Ryan jokes, making everyone laugh again.

“Just a normal Fake AH dinner but we can do this,” Geoff says then pinches Gavin’s ass.  He squeals, making usual Gavin noises.  He blushes, kisses Geoff’s cheek after.

“Geoff would handsy bastard,” Gavin giggles.

“Like you don’t love it,” He teases back.

“Yeah yeah.”

“You guys are so immature,” I roll my eyes with a smile on my face.

“Yeah, you won’t be saying that later.” Geoff nips at my ear and my breathing hitches for a second.

“Oh fuck off,” I giggle, pushing him away.  The limo slows down to a stop and the separating window comes down.

“We’re here,” Kerry says, all dressed up as a limo driver.  Damn I love that kid.

“Thank you Kerry!” We all say before getting out of the car.  Geoff goes up to the host that was outside to even be able to get in.  Michael loops his arm in mine with a cheeky smile on his face.

“You excited?” I ask and he nods.

“Yeah, I’ve never really been on a date like this.  Do I look alright?” He asks nervously.

“Yes darling, you look stunning,” I say before kissing his cheek.  He blushes, looking down at his shiny shoes.

“Gav helped me pick out the outfit.  I had no idea what to wear but now I have sweater paws,” he explains, holding up his free hand that was cutely covered with his sleeve.

“I think it’s adorable,” I smile.  We are taken to our table and given menus.  The place was extremely nice.  I couldn’t help but instantly want to destroy.  No, this is our date tonight.  The table went the Lads on one side and the Gents on the other side.  I sat across from Lil’ J, Geoff with Michael and Ryan across from Gavin.  Soon a pretty waitress comes up to our table with a big smile.

“Hello everyone, how are we doing tonight?”

“Good.”

“Date night?”  She asks, looking at everyone.  All of our eyes meet with a little laugh.

“You could say that,” Geoff replies with a smirk.  She then rattles off the specials and collects our drink orders before leaving.  I look Gavin who was the farthest away from me.  I wanted to hold his hand while also holding everyone else's.  Just to be with everyone at once.  We couldn’t though, not in public.  We would look like a big prayer circle.  The Lads slip into easy conversation, poking fun at each other.  

“Gav you have so much chest hair, I can’t get over it,” Michael says, pulling some of Gavin’s exposed hair.

“Oi!” Gavin squeals, pushing the other boy away.  “You weren’t bloody complaining about it when I was bumming you from behind yesterday.” He pouts, making Michael’s cheeks turn pink.  All of us bust out laughing, causing a few tables to look at us.   
“Damn Gav, going in for the fucking kill,” Jeremy comments, looking at rest of Lads with glimmer in his eyes.     
“You’re such an asshole,” Michael smiles, pushing Gavin back.

“You were taking it in th-”

“Alright, alright, you kids knock it off.  We all know that you like it up the butt Michael.  We’ve all been there,” Geoff says, making everyone bust out again.  

“The fact that you’re not wrong.” Michael covers his face with his sleeves.

“Hey, I haven’t, you slut.” I wink at the blushing boy.

“I’m into that Jack, don’t start calling me names now.” I suddenly feel a hand on my leg, making me jump.  Michael bites his lip and raises his eyebrows.

“Is this just going to be a sexually charged dinner or?” Ryan asks.

“You’re at dinner with us Ryebread, what do you think?” Michael gives him the ‘really?’ look.  

“I guess I can’t complain.” Ryan rolls his eyes with a smile.  The waitress soon returns with our drink orders and takes our meal requests then.  Everything was extremely fancy and over the top.  I actually felt like a million bucks despite having that kind of money for a long time.  

“How much do you want to bet I could get the waitresses number?” Jeremy asks with a wondering look in his eyes.

“Oh please, I could get it way faster than you,” Michael taunts back.

“Have you not seen what I look like tonight?  I’m pretty sure I could get anyone in the restaurant,” Jeremy claims with a playful smile on his face.

“I’m not going to disagree but did you not see her?  She would clearly be up for more of this,” I tease, squeezing my breast, making all the boys’ eyes go wide.  “It’s like you guys forget that I have boobs sometimes.” I laugh to myself, making them crack up as well.

“I hate to break it to all of you but she was touching my shoulder and giving me the bedroom eyes so I think I have the best chance here,” Ryan states with a proud smirk on his face.  

“Rye, do you even know what ‘bedroom eyes’ are?” Gavin asks in the world's most sassiest tone.

“OOOOOHHHHH!” The whole table explodes, making Ryan’s face turn red.

“Well I certainly know what your face looks like when I’ve got you pinned under me,” He fires back, making everyone holler again.

“I don’t remember anyone ordering a roast up in here!” Michael says, all six of us still laughing.

“Oh please Ryan, you wish you could have me under you!” 

“I’m not going to deny that one.” Ryan winks and Gavin kicks him under the table.   
“You guys are such children.  You’re going to get us kicked out,” Geoff says, looking between the playfully arguing boys.

“Sorry Geoff,” Gavin attempts to look innocent in which the eldest Gent just rolls his eyes.  Then we notice the waitress coming back up to our table with a bit of a nervous look on her face.   
“I’m sorry to interrupt here but we have been getting noise complaints about your table,” She says awkwardly, scratching the back of her arm.   
“Oh sorry love, we’ll quiet down.  We’re just happy to finally have a night about,” Geoff flirts, switching from protective Geoff to romance Geoff.  The young girl blushes, quirking a smile.

“Oh, uh, it’s okay.  We just want everyone to have a good time here.  Is there anything I can get for you?” She asks.   
“No hun, we’re good here for now,” He rests he head on his hand with a small smirk.  She nods before walking away.   
“Geoff!” I giggle, hitting his shoulder.

“What?  You think I couldn’t get her number too?” He teases, nudging my shoulder with his.

“Psh, if she’s into old men.” I roll my eyes.

“Why are you so mean to me?” He asks, a pout on his face.

“Because I like you,” I mumble before pecking his lips, making him crack a smile.

“You two are so adorable,” Jeremy comments, watching us with adoration.     
“Oh quit it Lil’ J,” I say, leaning over the table and kissing him quickly.  I couldn’t help but scan the room after that, trying to see if anyone else had noticed.  It seemed that no one had.  I shouldn’t care.  I really shouldn’t but I couldn’t help it.  There will always be that part of me that insecure about who I am and I hate it.  I’m a goddamn crime lord, I should not be worried about what the people at this restaurant think of me.  We talk for a while, trying not to be too loud but I mean, it’s us.  And the Lads were drinking so what can you expect.  Michael is the loudest person in the world so there was no way we could get him to be quiet for one evening.  

 

Our food came not that much longer later and everything look phenomenal.  It was perfect and pristine, nothing like we make at home or order from a dingy takeout place.  The flirting with the waitress never stopped and she was confused yet enjoying the attention.  Most people that come here are assholes so I think she liked the change up of us idiots.

“Okay, so I think that we need to talk about what is really going on,” Geoff says, looking at each of us at the table.  We all nod and I slip my hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze.  “How are you all feeling so far?”

“This is the most fun I’ve had in a long time,” Gavin admits, a blush rising to his already rosey cheeks.

“Me too.  And not just me,” Ryan readjust himself so was more so facing us, “Vagabond is as well.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but yes, I’m having a good time.” Michael smiles fondly, locking eyes with Geoff.

“Jeremy?”   
“Hell yes I’m having a good time!  This is the best date I’ve ever been on.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so comfortable around other people, you know?  I don’t have to worry about what I’m going say or if I’m going to mess up.  I can trust you guys.”

“Jeremy damn near explained it perfectly,” I agree with a smile on my face.  “I hate to admit it but I love you guys and you mean a lot to me.  It’s dangerous, you have to understand.  All of us… being together.  It makes what we do a lot harder.  We can’t let it get in the way of jobs and anything else.  We have to be able to separate work feelings from home feelings.”

“Feelings are shit to work around but if we really want to do this, we can.  It will be all six… well, seven of us.  Vaga has to be included.  He is apart of you, Ryan.  If we decide to do this, it will be like a “normal” relationship.  It will stay between us, so no sleeping with other people outside of the six.  We can go on dates and have a stupid anniversary or whatever couples do.  But it will just be all of us.  We have to communicate with each other what we do and don’t like.  Be honest with each other.  I know you certainly don’t have a problem with it any other time to don’t hold back about this.  It’s going to be new to all of us and we don’t know what the fuck we’re going.  Another thing to address.  Sex.  I know all of you are thinking about it, you sluts.  It can be all of us or separate or whoever wants to go at it.  Just as long as it’s consensual, obviously.  Keep the communication going inside the bedroom as well.  I know a few of us have already been together,” Geoff looks at Ryan who puts his hands up in defence, “so pairs might be more comfortable.  Just no man left out.  I mean, you’ll have five partners now, I’m sure someone will be in the mood.  Just, let’s not keep things from each other.  That always ends up badly.  Now discuss,” Geoff offers it up to the rest of us.

“It’s sounds like a goddamn dream to me,” Ryan smiles, his cheeks pink.

“Sounds too good to be true,” Gavin bashfully says.

“I couldn’t think to add more.  I just want to kiss you all,” Michael states.   
“I agree with Michael,” Jeremy adds with a chuckle.

“Jack?” Geoff asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“Well of course I want to be with you all.  Someone has to keep you alive,” I say, making them all laugh.

“Oh come on Jack, you love us,” Michael teases.

“Yeah, sad to say I do.”  Ryan grabs Gavin’s chin, mashing his lips to his.  Michael and Jeremy were next to kiss, then Geoff and I.  It seemed as if everything was in line.  That somehow all of our worlds had collided perfectly for this moment.  That we were all meant to be here together, creating this fucked up relationship of the six of us.  The strength of the feelings around that table vibrated through me, electrifying every nerve.  It felt like just after a heist when everything when perfect and we had everything we wanted.  It felt like after a big shopping trip where we might have stolen a few too many things and we were shaking with energy.  Everything felt so perfect.

 

We finish our dinner, eating and talking happily.  Smiles wouldn’t leave anyone's faces the whole time.  It was winding down and the mood had shifted a bit.  From happy and having fun to clearly sexual.  Gavin kept giving me side glances and I could see Geoff’s hand on Ryan’s thigh.  I could only imagine what was going on on the Lad’s side of the table.  The waitress came back up to the table after removing some of our plates.

“Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?” She asks sweetly.   
“Just the check and I think we’ll be good,” Geoff replies.

“Separate checks?” She asks.   
“All on one,” Geoff smiles and her face turns into confusion.  

“Oh...kay…” She says before scampering off and returning within a minute with the pricey check.  Geoff looks it over quickly before opening his wallet and pulling out a few hundreds.

“Here's this for you sweetheart.  And keep the change,” He winks before standing up, taking Ryan’s hand with him.  We all follow in suit, the waitress being astonished at the tip she received.  “Kerry says he’s here.  Let’s go,” Geoff says and we make our way to the limo.  As soon as we got inside Gavin was pulled right into Ryan’s lap, lips locked on passion.  Michael slid in next to me, dancing his fingers up my leg.  Jeremy and Geoff were occupying each other as well, the older kissing Jeremy’s neck.

“Oh, so you think you get me tonight?” I tease, nipping at the boys ear.

“Hmm, at least in the car.  I think Gavin might steal you away once we get home,” He giggles, pressing a hot, opened mouth kiss against my neck.  I giggle as well, tipping his chin up to kiss him.  It was eager and hot, everything I wanted.  I felt bad for Kerry in the front who had to drive us around.  Jeremy was whining in his seat, shamelessly grinding against Geoff’s leg from what I could see.  It only turned me on more to see and hear the rest of the crew enjoying each other.  The limo eventually slowed to a stop and Kerry called on the phone in the back instead of putting the window down.  I grab the phone, a bit out of breath.

“Hey Kerry,” I answer, Michael still gently feeling up my sides.

“Uh, we’re here.  I was too scared to put down the window.”

“It was a good choice.  Thank you dear,” I hang up, pushing Michael off and opening the door.  We all tumble out, me taking over the role of having to unlock the door.  Someone was grabbing my ass and biting my shoulder.  I could barely focus on the task at hand.  I finally get the door open and we stumble inside.  Barb sat at the front desk, typing away at her computer.  She only glances up to laugh at us as we nearly run into the elevator.  It turns out that it was Ryan that was groping me as he pressed me against the glass, finally kissing my lips.     
“Rye,” I whine, grinding my hips against his.  He shutters, sqeezing my hips tighter.   
“Jack, you look so fucking irresistible tonight.  You don’t know how badly I wanted to just fuck you on that table,” He growls, biting at my ear.  Before I could reply the elevator doors open and we make our way into the penthouse.  It was going to be a fun night.


	22. We can't control who we hurt so we f-ck the pain away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS WHOLE CHAPTER IS SMUT. Like for real, this whole thing is. It kinda jumps around in the timeline of that night but it makes sense (I think) when you read it.  
> I'm so proud of our fandom for Extra Life! Everyone that supported and watched the stream, I was so happy when I found out how much money that we had raised.  
> Let me know what you think even though there's not much plot to this lol, it's just finishing up date night. I'm getting used to writing more than two people smut which is harder than it seems but I kinda like how it turned out? Like, they all don't know how they are really going to do it or be together so they're still kinda separate but working on it. Leave me a comment or something idk   
> Title- Sinematic by Motionless In White

Third Person-- Present

 

The penthouse was hot and heavy as soon as everyone entered.  Geoff grabs Jeremy by his waist, turning him around to connect their lips.  It was rough and needy with biting and sucking on each other's mouths.  Jeremy was in a trance at the skill and accuracy Geoff had, seemingly knowing right where to touch him.

“You’re such a tease, Lil’ J.  Wearing a shirt like that.  Showing off all your muscles,” Geoff says, feeling down the front of his shirt.  Jeremy’s breathing hitches for a second, reconnecting their mouths.  All that was going through the younger man’s mind was to get their clothes off as fast as they could.  Jeremy was already riled up from the action in the car.

“Mmm, Geoff,” Jeremy moans, pulling off the other man’s jacket.  Geoff also does the same, both coats being tossed onto the couch.

“I’ve heard about you.  Acting like you’re in control but actually a complete bottom in the bedroom.  I want to see that… I want  _ you, _ Jeremy,” Geoff mumbles against his neck, nipping at his soft skin and making him moan shamelessly at the words.  Jeremy couldn't help but start to slip into that submissive headspace with Geoff.  He was olderr and bigger, his boss.  It was so easy.

“Please Geoff,” He pants, grinding his growing problem against Geoff’s hip.  Geoff’s head swims with arousal, wanting to fuck him right up against the couch.  Ryan chuckles deeply, looking over at the pair and catching their attention.  Michael was in the same state, practically putty in his arms.  Geoff winks, pulling the smaller man from where he was leaning against the back of the couch.

“Should we all take this to my room?  I mean, it has the biggest bed.”

 

Ryan decided that Michael was his prey for the night.  Yes, Jack looked good enough to eat and the rest of the boys looked divine but Gavin wanted Jack.  You could tell by the way he looked at them that they were his for the night. Ryan understood the want and need for Jack.  Those soft curves and daring eyes.  Especially in what they were dressed in tonight.  A dress.  Ryan couldn’t think of a time that they had seen Jack in a dress and it made his jaw drop.  Not that what they usually wore didn’t make Ryan stare, it did, but this really did.  Not only that but Gav really had a nic for fashion, dressing Michael up in those pants and that shirt.  He looked straight off a runway.  It showed off his hips and ass, his softer side.  You could tell what kind of mood Michael was in, a complete sub.  Once they had entered their home, Ryan grabbed the younger boy and pushes him up against a wall, Michael happy to be pulled around.

“As good as you look in those clothes, I really want you out of them,” Ryan growls, nipping at Michael’s exposed collarbone.

“You’re more than welcome to have me,” Michael replies, hands going to work at the buttons on Ryan’s shirt.  

“Turns out you’re the biggest slut out of all of us.  We always pegged it on Gavin when really it was you,” Ryan drags his teeth along Michael’s sharp jawline, “Everyone but Jack has gotten a piece of you.  Maybe after Gavin is done with them we can get Jack to blow you while I fuck you hard, hum?  How does that sound?” All Michael could respond with was a pathetic whine, grinding his hips into Ryan’s hand to gain some sort of friction.  He couldn't help but already get hard from the words and the kissing in the car.  “You would love all that attention, wouldn’t you?  Mmm, maybe we can get all five of us on you at once.  I bet you would love that, such a dirty slut.  You would love to get fucked by all of us.”  Ryan sucks hard on the other’s neck, making him moan loudly.  Jeremy does the same, capturing their attention.  Ryan chuckles, Geoff looking over and winking at the Gent.  Then Geoff offers that they all move it towards the other room and Michael was practically pulling Ryan towards it.

 

Gavin’s approach towards Jack was a lot more gentle than the rest of the crew.  Gavin closed the door, slipping his hand onto Jack’s hip.  Jack turned around into the boy’s grasp with a sly smile on their face.

“Looks like it’s just us left,” Jack says, looking up at the Brit.   
“Not happy with that choice?” Gavin asks, suddenly becoming aware that maybe Jack didn’t want him.

“I’m more than happy.” They lean in, catching Gavin’s lips for a warm kiss.  It was slow and fluid, getting used to each other.  Gavin’s hands stayed on Jack’s hips while one of Jack’s hands was cupping his cheek and the other was on his chest.

“May I touch you, Jack?” Gavin nearly whispers, looking quite bashful with a blush on his cheeks.

“We’re dating now Gav, of course you can touch me.”

“I know but I’m not sure with what you’re comfortable with and I want to be respectful of that,” He replies, gently squeezing their side.   
“Thank you, Gavin, that really means a lot to me.  I want you to touch me, anywhere you want.  I trust you.” Jack gently cards their fingers through Gavin’s hair, looking deeply into his green eyes.  Gavin pulls Jack into another kiss, this one hotter and full of emotion.  Gav pushes Jack up against the wall, slowly letting his hands drift down the curves of their body.  Jack begins to unbutton the other’s shirt, kissing down his neck.  The Brit tugs up Jack’s dress, slipping one of his hands underneath.  He squeezes their thigh, his hand going up until he reached the hem of their underwear.  Jack hums, encouraging the other by hiking their knee up onto Gavin’s hip.  Jack reconnects their lips, slipping their tongue into his mouth.  Gavin keeps his hand there, massaging their hip.

“Come on Gav, you don’t have to be gentle with me.  Look at the people I’ve been with for the last month,” Jack states, glancing at Geoff and Ryan before grabbing his hand, “So as much as I thank you for being respectful.  Why don’t you put that hand where it’s useful.” They drag his hand so it was pressed against the front of their panties, able to feel the growing wetness and arousal.

“Mmm, god Jack,” Gavin huffs, a bit surprised by their forwardness but he loved it.  He presses openmouthed kisses to their neck, sucking here and there while moving his hand against them.  Jack moans quietly, their head falling back against the wall.  

“Should we all take this to my room?  I mean, it has the biggest bed,” Geoff offers, getting the attention of the pair.

“Want to?” Gavin asks, looking Jack over.

“God yes, do you?” They ask as well.  Gavin didn’t even reply, just grabbed the other’s hand and started their way down the hall to Geoff’s room.  Michael and Ryan had taken a spot on the bed while Geoff had backed Jeremy up against the wall and was on his knees within a second.     
“What would you like to do?” Gavin whisper, slowly unzipping Jack’s dress.

“You,” They reply, allowing the fabric to fall the floor.  They were left standing in a simple black bra and black lace panties.  

“You are so gorgeous Jack,” Gavin mumbles, allowing his fingertips to brush down the front of and the side of their body.   Jack pulls off Gavin’s shirt, telling it fall to the floor where their dress lay.  

“Do you want me to take charge, Gav?” Jack asks, seeing the hesitation and nervousness in the other boy.  They take the other’s hand in their's, pulling him closer.

“No, I want to.  I just don’t know what’s okay,” He says nervously.

“Anything is okay.  I trust you and if you are doing anything I don’t like, I’ll tell you.  I would hope you would do the same,” Jack pulls him back in for another kiss, placing Gavin’s hands on their own hips.  Jack nipped at his lower lip, undoing the buckle of Gavin’s belt.  His hands slowly trail up Jack’s body to the back of their bra, popping the hooks.  Jack pulls it off without disconnecting from Gavin’s lips.  He pulls away and looks them over, biting his lip.  

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” Geoff suddenly says from behind from Jack.  He slips one hand on their hip and one up to squeeze their breast.  Jack gasps, leaning into Geoff’s body.  

“Yes,” Gavin states, eyes still roaming.

“Don’t be nervous Gav.  Jack isn’t too hard to please.  Just keep it away from their butt and there won’t be a problem,” Geoff says and Jack snorts, rolling their eyes.  They grab the back of Geoff’s head and pull him into a kiss as he continues to play with their chest.  Gavin took this opportunity to attach his lips to their neck, sucking and biting harshly.  Jack moans softly, enjoying the attention from both boys.  Geoff slips his hand down the front of Jack’s panties, rubbing their clit and feeling the wetness increase even more.  Jack’s hips rock forward involuntarily, searching again for that friction.  Geoff chuckles against their mouth, trailing his lips down their neck.  Gavin takes this opportunity to kiss Jack again, his hands growing more confident as he finally squeezes Jack’s other breast.

“Mmm, Gav” Jack hums, trying to encourage him.  Geoff pushes one finger into Jack, making them gasp audibly.  Gavin leaves their lips and instead kisses around Jack’s chest, licking over their nipples.  Geoff moves his other hand to let the younger boy do that as he focused on thrusting his finger in and out of Jack and sucking hickeys on their shoulder.  “Geoff,” Jack whines, rocking their hips along with his movements, wanting more.  He adds another finger, pushing right up against that spot inside of Jack.  They moan loudly, overwhelmed with the sensation of Geoff going faster and Gavin playing with their nipples.  Gavin thought the sound of Jack there was enough to make him come in his pants, their silky voice piercing the air.  He was pretty sure that the other three had even stopped fooling around for a second to watch.  Gavin stood back up fully and treated his fingers in Geoff’s hair, angling him up for a searing kiss.  Jack was instant to attach their lips to Gavin’s collarbone, biting down hard.  Another moan rippled through the room but this time it wasn’t from Jack, it was the familiar voice of Jeremy.  Geoff looks over Gavin's shoulder to see what was going down on the bed, seeing the state the boy was in.

“As much as I would love to stay, I think it’s my turn with Jeremy,” Geoff pulls his hand out of Jack’s ruined panties, popping his two fingers into his mouth and sucking on them, “Have fun.” He winks before untangling himself from the pair.  Gavin pulls the other’s body flush with his, kissing them hard.  Jack starts them towards the bed until they were sitting down, pulling Gavin on top.

“Have you ever been with a girl before Gav?” They ask, trying to push his pants down.

“Yes, I have but you’re not a girl Ja-”   
“Okay, no need to be technical.  Someone with a vagina, happy?” Jack asks, a smile on their face.

“Yes.  And yes I have.  I’m not all gay,” He giggles, kicking his pants off onto the floor where various of articles of clothing were.

“Hard to believe there Gavvy.  You’ll have to prove that one to me,” Jack teases as the man crawls on top of them.  His eyes narrow and a smirk grows on his face.   
“You better watch that mouth Pattillo otherwise I’m going to have to find a better use for it,” Gavin halfheartedly threatens, making Jack raise an eyebrow.

“Oh really?  I’d like to see you try.”   
  


Geoff pushes Jeremy up against the wall once they enter the bedroom, tugging at the rest of his clothing.  Jeremy pulls the older man back into a kiss, undoing Geoff’s bowtie and buttons on his shirt.  Before he could get his shirt off, Geoff was on his knees in front of him.  This took Jeremy by surprise, a small gasp leaving his mouth.  Geoff’s tattooed fingers roamed his abdomen as he pressed kisses to his hips, biting down a bit.  Jeremy ran his fingers through Geoff’s messy hair, tugging on it lightly to test the waters.  He just hummed in response, hands going to work on his belt and pants.  Geoff pulls his pants and boxers down while his mouth stayed connected to his hips, sucking a hickey to mark that he was there.  Jeremy was almost completely hard, panting with anticipation.  Geoff gives Jeremy a firm few strokes, making him sigh, finally having some sort of friction.  Geoff wraps his lips around the tip, slowly sinking down.  Jeremy moans, doing he best to not buck his hips up into the other man’s mouth.  

“Oh fuck Geoff,” Jeremy mumbles, gently tugging on his hair.  Geoff bobs his head up and down, sucking in the most delicious ways.  He runs one hand down Jeremy’s thigh, squeezing and dragging his nails lightly.  He pinches his ass quickly as he continues to swallow around him.  He wraps his hand around what he can’t reach with his mouth, jerking off in time with his mouth.  Jeremy continues to moan relentlessly, not able to control the sounds he was making.  Geoff tongues at his slit, collecting the precome from the tip.  He sinks back down onto Jeremy, relaxing his throat and humming.  Jeremy gasps and rocks his hips forward, shoving his cock down Geoff’s throat.  Geoff moans, encouraging him to repeat the action.  Jeremy does so, tightening his grip on the older man’s hair and fucking his mouth.  “Geoff,  _ fuck _ ,  _ mmm,  _ your mouth is so,” He couldn’t even finish his statement.  He was too lost in the feeling of Geoff’s mouth and tongue working around him as he continues thrusting his hips and held onto Geoff’s hair for dear life.  Jeremy could feel the heat starting to build in his lower abdomen and he knew that he was nearing.  “I-I-I’m close,” He mumbles, loosening his grip a little bit to allow Geoff to take charge of what they were doing.  Geoff pops off with an obscene noise, giving Jeremy a few more licks before standing up.  He kisses the younger man roughly, forcing his tongue inside of his mouth.  Jeremy moans again, allowing Geoff to manhandle him.  They could hear a light conversation between Gavin and Jack, as well as loud moans from Michael on the bed.

“Get prepped for me,” Geoff commands, his voice deep and gruff as he ran his thumb across Jeremy’s bottom lip.  Jeremy flicks his tongue over it quick before Geoff removes himself from the smaller man.  Geoff makes his way to Jack and Gavin, attaching himself to the back of the smaller person.  Jeremy, however, made his way to the bed where his other two boyfriends were fooling around.  

 

Michael pulled Ryan down onto the large bed once they reached Geoff’s room.  Ryan was instant to toss his shirt off and pull off Michael’s as they were lip locked.

“ _ Rye _ ,” Michael whines, grinding his hips against the other men.  Ryan bites his lip, going to work on getting Michael out of his pants.

“Nothing but a needy whore, Michael.  Always needing someone to take care of you.  Get these pants off and on your knees.” Michael was quick to scramble to get his pants off and sitting back on his calves, facing Ryan.  Ryan stripped down completely naked before the younger boy.  Michael’s mouth waters at the slight, reaching out to touch him.  The outline of his faint abs and the scars that littered his pale skin.  Michael attached his lips to his abs, sucking gently and running his tongue across the smooth planes of his skin.  Ryan runs his fingers through Michael’s hair, tugging sharply so he was looking up at him.  “Such a good boy for me.  But that’s not what you should be sucking on,” Ryan says, tracing his thumb around the outside of the younger man’s face.  Michael hums, giving a slight nod and presses more kisses down his abdomen to where Ryan really wanted him.  Michael mimics what Geoff has been doing to Jeremy but Ryan being more rough with pulling his hair.  Michael was moaning, loving the feeling of being controlled in this type of situation.  Ryan was on the opposite side of this, loving the feeling of being in control of Michael.  “So perfect Michael,” Ryan moans, watching as Michael sucked on his cock like it was the last thing he was ever going to receive in his life.  He shut his eyes in bliss as Michael deepthroated him with ease.  They felt the bed sink down next to them and another set of lips against Ryan’s shoulder.  He instantly knew that it was Jeremy without even opening his eyes.  Ryan kissed the third man with vigor, letting one hand go of Michael’s hair and tangling in Jeremy’s.  Michael whines, scowling at the other Lad as he wanted both hands yanking on his hair.  

“What are you doing over here Jeremy?  Couldn’t stay away?” Ryan asks in a taunting voice, holding composure as was Michael still blowing him.

“I want all of you.  Geoff is just a little busy,” just as Jeremy finishes his statement Jack’s moan breaks the room.  All three boys glance over at the action, smirking before returning to their own.  Ryan pulls Michael off of him, the younger boy whining and pouting.

“ _ Rye _ ,” His voice was gravely and deeper than usual from all the work he had done.  Michael plush pink bottom lip stuck out as he pouts, looking up at Ryan with big eyes.

“Jeremy wants some attention too, love.  Don’t be greedy,” Ryan says, pecking Michael’s forehead before pushing Jeremy down onto the bed.  The taller man crawls on top of Jeremy, capturing his lips with his own.  Michael joins the pair, kissing Jeremy’s neck and grinding shamelessly against his side.  In the midst of their makeout, Jeremy nudges a bottle of lube into Ryan’s hand.  He smirks, taking the bottle from him.  “Want me to prep you for Geoff?  Think my fingers are better than your own?” Jeremy nods, propping his legs open to encourage him.  Ryan lubes up his fingers, pressing one against the waiting man.  Jeremy bites his lip, wiggling his hips to get Ryan to push his fingers in.  Michael chuckles against his neck, trailing his fingers up and down Jeremy’s abs.  Ryan pushes one finger in with no resistance, making a smirk grow on his face and his eyebrow raise.

“Have a little fun earlier?” Ryan asks.

“Michael and I may have been a bit bored this morning,” Jeremy blushes, pulling Michael up for a kiss.  Ryan instantly pushes in another finger, searching for that bundle of nerves inside of him.  Jeremy moans, rocking his hips in time with the thrusts of Ryan’s long fingers.

“All of you Lads are nothing but sluts,” Ryan mumbles into Jeremy's neck, nipping gently at a mark that was already there.  Michael continues to kiss the youngest Lad, licking inside of his mouth and delicately touching his body.  It was raising goosebumps on his skin in an almost ticklish manner.  “Michael,” Ryan says in a commanding voice.  He threads his fingers into his curly hair and pulls him off Jeremy, “Prep yourself.  I want you to put your pretty ass on display for all of us.” He puts the lube into Michael’s hand, a bit of an evil look in his eye.  Michael’s cheeks turn pink, obeying what he has been told.  Jeremy whines as Ryan had stopped the movement of his fingers.  He removes his fingers completely, leaving Jeremy squirming for more.  Ryan kisses along his jaw, turning his face so he was looking at Michael who was lubing up a few fingers.  Michael was sitting back on his calves, boxer briefs discarded on the floor somewhere.  He thrusts in two fingers right away, reveling in the stretch and burn of it.  Michael moans, throwing his head back in pure pleasure.  “Look at that… he’s all ours,” Ryan whispers to Jeremy, pushing his fingers back into the needy boy.  Jeremy moans in time with Michael, creating a beautiful harmony.  Michael buries his face into Jeremy’s neck, arching his back and having his ass on full display.  Ryan slips another finger into Jeremy, pushing it right up against his prostate.

“ _ Ryan _ ,” He cries out, clawing at Michael’s back with one hand and squeezing Ryan’s bicep with the other.  Ryan kisses Jeremy's lips then Michael’s shoulders, watching as he worked his fingers in and out of himself.

“Good boy,” He mumbles into his ear, earning a small moan.  He scissors his fingers in and out of Jeremy who was moaning lowly.  Michael bit down on Jeremy’s shoulder, concealing his own noises.  Michael pushes in another finger in, nearly screaming as he brushes against his own sweet spot.  Ryan smiles, loving to watch his boys get completely wrecked.  Being able to call them  _ his  _ boys.   _ Their boys _ .  He fucked his fingers harder and harder into Jeremy, him babbling incoherently.

“Ryan, fuck, I’m close,” Jeremy manages to get out in between breaths, nearing the edge for the second time.  He goes to reach for his aching cock but Michael’s other hand beats him there.  Suddenly Geoff was by his head, attaching his lips to Jeremy’s.  The feeling of Ryan thrusting his fingers up against his prostate every single time and Michael lazily jacking him off while still pleasuring himself made it even better.  Michael was still moaning into his neck while Ryan kissed his chest.  All of the attention sent Jeremy over the edge, making him come all over his chest and Michael’s hand.  Everyone pulls away from him, Michael licking the mess off of his hand without breaking eye contact with Geoff.  

“All ready for you Geoff,” Ryan says, wiping his fingers off on the sheets.

“Thank you, Ryan.  Always taking care of them for me,” He says, leaning forward and pressing a warm kiss to Ryan’s lips.  Ryan then crawls over to Michael, grabbing his hand that was still working in and out of himself but at a slower pace now.

“And what do you think you’re doing over here?” Ryan asks Michael who looks at him with hooded eyes, mouth ajar and panting lightly.

“I need you Rye,” He whines, leaning his back up against the bigger man's chest.

“Hm? I think I’m going to need better than that,” Ryan taunts, licking the shell of Michael’s ear.

“Please Ryan, I need you so much.  I need you to fuck me so hard that I can’t walk tomorrow.  Please,” Michael begs, grinding his ass up against Ryan’s hard on, making him bite his lip.  Ryan pushes him forward so he was resting on his elbows and his ass was back up in the air.  

“Just beautiful.” Ryan give Michael’s ass a quick slap, making him moan into the pillow.  

“Please Rye,” Michael begs yet again, wiggling his butt to temp the other man, only earning another smack.  Ryan grabs the bottle of lube that was floating around the bed and coats himself, not knowing how stretched Michael was but he also knew that Michael liked a little bit of pain.  Ryan grabs his hips and lines himself up with the man below him.

“You ready?” He asks, making sure to be somewhat polite about this.

“Oh my god, if you don’t fuck me right now I’m going to scream.”   
“Oh I think you’ll be screaming anyways,” Ryan chuckles before thrusting all the way into Michael.  Being correct, Michael screams into the pillow as Ryan groans.  “Fuck, you’re so tight,” Ryan mumbles, leaning down and kissing Michael’s neck as he gives him a second to adjust.  

“Mmmm, you can move,” Michael says, picking his head up off the pillow.  Ryan runs his hand down Michael’s chest to his thigh, squeezing it.  He slowly pulls out so just the head of his cock was still barely inside of Michael, making him whimper.  Ryan snaps his hips forward quickly, burying himself deep inside the other boy.  Michael screams, everyone else in the room taking a moment to admire the beautiful boy below Ryan.

 

Gavin kisses Jack hard, tugging down their panties at the same time.  Their tongues danced together, Jack messing around with the gold piercing in his mouth.  Gavin tosses the soiled article of clothing somewhere in the room before running his fingers across Jack’s wetness.  They moan, rocking their hips up into Gavin’s hand.  He rubs against their clitoris, moving down to brush over their entrance.  Jack gasps with a whine, grabbing Gavin’s arm and pulling him closer.

“Come on Gav,” They say, digging their nails into his back lightly.  He smirks, pecking their lips quick before kissing he way down their body.  Gavin continues to play with their clit until he makes his way there with his mouth.  Jack jumps when the surprisingly cool metal ball replaces his fingers.  Jack moans, running their fingers through Gavin’s hair and tugging lightly.  He swirls his tongue down lower, flicking it across their entrance.  “Gavin,” They moan and complain at the same time.  

“Sorry Jack,” He mumbles with a smirk on his face before licking them all the way down then slipping his tongue inside of them.  Jack moans again, push Gavin’s head deeper.

“Oh god Gav,” They groan, tugging on his hair.  Gavin fucks his tongue in and out of the person below him, using his other hand to pleasure the bundle of nerves.  Low whimpers and moans escaped Jack’s mouth, eyes screwed shut tightly.  With his left hand busy, Gavin slipped the index finger of his right hand alongside his working mouth.  Jack grips onto the bed sheets with one hand, the other still tangled in the blonde’s hair.  Gavin searches around for that other sweet spot inside of Jack, wanting to make them louder as they have kept their noises relatively quiet.  He pushes in another finger, licking and nipping in every perfect way.  Gavin moans, vibrating throughout Jack as well.  He pushes right up against that spot inside of them, making Jack call out.  Gavin continues those motions, pumping his fingers in and out and licking Jack’s velvety walls.  Jack moans louder, grinding their clit into Gavin’s hand.  “Oh fuck,” They tighten their grip in his hair and in the silk sheets.  Geoff was going to have a hell of a time cleaning these.  “I’m-I’m getting close,” Jack stammer which only encourages the boy more.  He moves his mouth from their entrance to the sensitive bundle of nerves, using just enough teeth and tongue.  Jack was panting, their breath quickening as they were nearing the edge.  They open their eyes for just a moment to see Gavin looking up at them.  Those green eyes filled with lust and hunger.  Jack moans loudly as one particular thrust of Gavin’s fingers hit so perfectly, making them come in a strain of curses.  Euphoria erupts within their body, making their toes curl and eyes close tightly.  Gavin’s name was somewhere along those swear words and moans.  Gavin helps Jack ride out their orgasm, thrusting his fingers and sucking on their clit.  Eventually, he pops off, giving one last lick across their entire slit, making Jack shiver with overstimulation.  The blonde crawls back up and smashes his lips to the others, they moan and lick inside of his mouth.  

“How was that?” Gavin asks, sitting back and wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. 

“Mmm, amazing,” Jack says in a daze, pulling him back in for a kiss.  They drag their nails down his chest to the front his boxers, rubbing him through the thin, silky material.  Gavin gasps, finally receiving some sort of stimulation.  

“Jack, please,” It was his turn to beg now, rock his hips into their hand.  Jack pulls at the waistband, tugging off the last bit of clothing between them.  Jack bites their lip, checking out the man in front of them.  Just gorgeous.  They could see the scars and few bruises littering his skin.  The small ink imprinted here and there.  Little things that Jack has never really noticed.  

“Like what you see?” Gavin teases, a bit of a smirk on his face.   
“Hell yeah,” They reply breathlessly, pulling the other along with them as they scooted up onto the bed more.  Jack laid next to Michael and Ryan who were grinding against each other, Michael in Ryan’s lap as he whispered dirty things in his ear before he fucked his pretty Lad.  Jack loved the sight, licking their lips as he watched Ryan push Michael down into the bed.  Gavin found himself back on top of Jack, kissing their neck gently as they watch Ryan begin to fuck Michael hard into the bed.  They reach back down towards Gavin’s aching cock.  The Brit can’t help but moan when Jack wraps a firm hand around him, slowly beginning to stroke him.  

“Jack, Jack,” He pants into their neck as they begin to speed up, thumbing over the head.  “I want to fuck you,” mumbles come from his mouth.

“Do it, please.” They spread their legs more, careful not to get in the way of the action on both sides of them.  Gavin reaches down to their sex that was already wet and aching again.  He moans to himself, feeling the slickness then grabbing Jack’s legs.  He bends their knees, pushing their legs up higher so they were all spread out for him.  A faint blush rises to Jack’s cheeks from being so exposed to someone new.  Gavin just smiles, tracing his fingers over the inside of their thighs.  “Come on Gav,” They say, pulling his body closer to their own.

“You sure about this?” He asks, resting both hands on either side of Jack’s head.  They smile softly, cresting Gavin’s cheek.

“Yes, I am sure if you are.”  Gavin presses his lips to Jack’s pouty pink ones, trying to send him emotions that way instead of speaking them.  Jack threads their fingers through his messy hair, pushing forth just as much emotion.

“Ready?” He asks one more time, pushing some red-brown hair out of Jack’s face.

“Yes, Gavin.  I want you, I need you,” Jack was practically begging at this point, rocking their hips up so Gavin’s cock brushed all along their slit.  Gav fights back a moan, kissing Jack one more time before positioning himself perfectly above them.  He glances to the action to the left side of him where Michael and Ryan then to right where Geoff and Jeremy were before slowly entering Jack.  Both of them moan, Jack’s nails digging into his back.

“Bloody hell Jack,” Gavin pants, leaning his face in the crook of their neck.  Gavin was overwhelmed with the tightness and warmth of Jack.  Jack was panting, eyes closed tight.

“Oh god Gav,” Jack’s voice was up a few octaves, so overwhelmed with pleasure.  The change in Jack’s voice captures the attention of Geoff and Jeremy.  

 

As soon as Ryan goes back to Michael, Geoff grabs Jeremy, pulling him into his lap.

“Did you enjoy your time with Ryan and Michael?” Geoff asks, rocking his hips into Jeremy’s.  

“God yes,” He replies quickly, kissing Geoff’s neck.  Jeremy pulls his unbuttoned shirt off and goes for Geoff’s straining pants.  As soon his pants and underwear were on the floor, Jeremy had his hand wrapped around Geoff’s leaking cock.  

“ _Mmm_ ,” Geoff moans, his head falling onto Jeremy’s shoulder as he plays with the piercing on the underside.     
“Sorry I couldn’t wait for you Geoff,” He nips at the tattooed skin of Geoff’s neck, “Ryan is just so amazing with his fingers.”  Geoff squeezes Jeremy’s thighs, bucking up into his hand.  He chuckles lowly, catching the smaller man’s lips with his.

“It’s okay, I know how good he is.  You better be able to go back at it,” Geoff teases, pulling Jeremy closer, rolling his hips against the other.  Jeremy bites his lip, already getting worked up again.  Geoff starts to mouth over the marks littering his neck as Jeremy slowly jerks him off.  The younger man looks over at the full bed, studying everyone's face of pure bliss.

“They’re all so perfect,” Jeremy mumbles, letting go of Geoff’s cock to take hold of his head, angling him up so he could kiss him.  

“Fuck, I know,” He huffs, grinding hips with Jeremy, exciting him more and more.  Jeremy whines highly, nails digging into Geoff’s scalp.  He tugs on his hair, turning his head so he could suck hickeys behind his ear.  Geoff watches the other four with heavy eyes, glad to finally have some attention on himself.  Jeremy nips at his pierced ear, tugging and nudging his nose across the scruff of his jaw.  Geoff takes one of his hands from the younger man’s thigh to behind him, squeezing his ass before slipping two fingers inside of him.  Jeremy gasps, rolling back against his hand even with the oversensitivity.  

“Oh fuck Geoff,” He whines, kisses Geoff’s neck again.  Jack’s voice fills both of their ears, making them look at the couple next to them.  Geoff smiles sheepishly, loving the way Jack looked being pleasured by someone else.  It was always his favorite part about being together with Jack and Ryan.  Maybe he had a thing for voyeurism but he could easily get off by watching Ryan and Jack together.  He flips Jeremy over so now he was on top, smashing his lips to the other man.  He breaks away only for a minute to search the bed for the bottle of lube.  It was near the end of the bed so he untangles himself from Jeremy to grab it.  Upon returning he finds Jeremy and Jack sloppily making out while Gavin still thrust into Jack relentlessly.  Geoff crawls over Jeremy, kissing his shoulder which brings his attention back to Geoff.  

“Come on Geoff, fuck me,” Jeremy nearly begs, pulling him down for a kiss.  Geoff moans in response, uncapping the lube to coat himself.  Jeremy turns back to kissing Jack while Geoff preps himself, spreading Jeremy’s legs and pressing his cock against his entrance.  Jeremy moans into Jack’s mouth, reaching out for Geoff’s hand.  He gladly takes it, pinning it next to Jeremy’s head and slowing pushing in.  Geoff groans, fingertips pressing bruises into Jeremy’s left hip.  On the other side of the bed, Michael was getting pounded into the mattress, whimpers escaping from his lips.  Ryan had a death hold on his hips, creating deep bruises to add to the collection of art all across Michael’s body.  Michael was clutching the sheets hard with his eyes shut tight, not being able to control his body's reactions.  He cracks his eyes open when he feels a warm hand enclose his.  The hand turns out to be Gavin’s, squeezing Michael’s fist while he continues with Jack.  Gavin pressed kisses to Jack’s exposed neck, nipping and sucking.

“So perfect,” Gavin mumbles, rocking his hips into Jack’s who was matching his pace.  Gavin was rubbing up against Jack’s spot with every single thrust.  “Fuck Jack, I’m so close,” He huffs, words slurring together as he holds Michael’s hand and squeezes their thigh.

“Me-me too,” Jack mumbles, reaching down with their free hand to rub their clitoris to send them over their edge.  Jack gasps, moaning and reconnecting their lips with Gavin’s.  Jack came hard for the second time, muscles tightening around Gavin.  Only gasps and short moans escaped from Jack, euphoric pleasure coursing through their body.  It only took Gavin a few more thrust before he was coming deep inside of them, moaning lowly into their neck.  Gavin rests on top of Jack for a bit, breathing in each others space.  

 

Ryan slows his movements, pulling Michael back so he was seated on his lap.  Michael rests his head back on Ryan’s shoulder, whimpering pathetically.

“Rye,” Michael whines, grabbing onto Ryan’s arm.

“Mmm, I love watching you beg and squirm for it, Michael.  How much do you want it?  Want me to keep going?” Ryan rolls his hips, brushing right against his prostate.

“Ryan please, I need you, please.  I’m so close, please,” Michael please, trying to grind back against the other man but Ryan stops him.

“Have you been good?  Should I see if Jack wants to join in?”  Ryan whispers into his ear, earning another whine.

“Yes Rye, I’ve been so good for you.  I want you and I want Jack.  I need you,” Ryan loosens his restraint on Michael’s hip so he could continue small thrusts up into him.  

“What do you say, Jack?” Ryan says, catching their attention, “Wanna blow precious Michael here while I finish him off?”  Jack smirks lazily, untangling themselves from a sleepy Gavin.  They crawl over in front of Michael, kissing his lips roughly while Ryan continues small movements.  Eventually Jack lays down, slipping their legs between both men.  Ryan momentarily pulls out of Michael, pushing him forward so he was hovering over Jack.  Jack takes this opportunity to wrap their lips around Michael’s hard, aching cock.  He immediately moans, rocking his hips forward into Jack’s mouth.  Ryan pinches Michael’s ass before slowly pushing back in.  Michael screams, piercing everyone's ears in the room.  It was high pitched but warm, enough to even get Gavin thinking about going back at it again even though he was completely fucked out.  With Ryan fucking him from the back, it was making Michael’s hips rock forward into Jack’s mouth.  Jack was quick to relax their throat, taking everything Michael was giving them.  Michael was babbling gibberish, overwhelmed with the attention from both people.  

“Ryan, Jack, oh my god, fuck, I-fuck-I’m-” Michael came hard down Jack’s throat, them licking up all that he’s got.  Jack was quickly pulled out from under Michael before he collapsed into a pillow as Ryan continued to ruin his ass.  He didn’t last much longer, finishing inside and all over Michael’s butt.  Michael moans again, almost wishing that he had finished all over his face.  Ryan flops down next to Michael, tracing patterns on Michael’s freckled back.

Before Michael had even finished Jeremy and Geoff were nearing.  Geoff had the younger man basically bent in half, giving Jeremy everything he had.  Over and over again, abusing the bundle of nerves inside his body that was making him see stars.  

“ _ Geoff _ ,” Jeremy pants, doing his best from this position to rock his hips back in pace with Geoff.  It was all too much and not enough.   
“So perfect,” Geoff mumbles, wrapping his hand around Jeremy’s leaking cock and stroking him in time with his movements.  Jeremy moans loudly, comparable to the sound of Michael.  Geoff knew he wasn't going to last much longer, neither was Jeremy.

“Fuck-I-Geoff-I just-I’m gonna-please just-” Then he was coming all over Geoff’s hand and his chest with another loud moan.  Geoff moans as well just from the way Jeremy looked.  Jeremy grabs Geoff hand, bringing it up to his mouth and sucking the mess off of his fingers.  That sent Geoff off the edge, spilling deep inside of him.  Jeremy pulls him into a messy kiss with sloppy tongue and tired hands.  Geoff notices the action going on beside him with Jack, Michael, and Ryan.  He watches as Michael orgasms, Jack not even phased and happily licking up Michael.  Geoff could see how Michael had lost all of his strength so he quickly grabbed Jack before he collapsed on top of them.  Geoff smiles, kissing Jack’s shoulder and up their neck.  Everyone was settling around them, cuddling up lazily.  Michael was completely dead to the world on the bed, tucked into Gavin’s shoulder with Ryan behind him, tracing delicate fingers across both lads.  Jeremy was laying facefirst into a pillow, barely awake after all the action.  Jack hums approvingly, rubbing Geoff’s tattooed arm.

“You know, I never got to finish that I started earlier,” Geoff dances his fingers across Jack’s lower abdomen.  Jack sucks in a sharp breath, pressing their back against Geoff’s.  He brushes his fingers down further, testing the waters to see if Jack was up for it.  They bite their lip, subtly encouraging Geoff by spreading their legs.   Geoff takes the hint, slipping two fingers in and immediately pressing up against  Jack’s spot inside of them.  They whine, not knowing how to react with the overstimulation.  It was so good but so much.  Geoff continues his motions, knowing Jack’s body better than everyone else’s in the room.  They were whimpering and letting out small moans, their orgasm already building inside of their body.  Geoff spread around their wetness and Gavin’s mess that was still inside of Jack.  Pushing every button that Geoff knew, Jack was coming before they could even warn Geoff.  Geoff presses small kisses from Jack’s ear all down their cheek to their lips.  After a few minutes, Jack sighs, sitting up from the bed with a stretch and climbing out.  Everyone gives them a confused look with a chorus of whines.

“Where are you going?” Ryan asks, feeling a bit hurt that Jack would get up and leave after all of that.

“Don’t worry, I’m just going to the bathroom.  I actually have to worry about infections unlike you guys,” Jack points out, making the awake ones chuckle.  “I’ll bring back clean up stuff,” They mumble before disappearing into the bathroom.  Soon they reemerge with a few damp towels to clean up the Lads.  Michael and Gavin were both already asleep while Jeremy was barely coherent.  Somehow everyone manages to squeeze into the bed, all cuddled up.  Soon, all six of them were fast asleep.


	23. We could change the world forever and never come back again, let's leave it all in the rear view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mention of suicide in this chapter. Nothing heavy but it's there. 
> 
> Some emo Michael in this chapter which I'm kind of living for. Jack is just the sweetest at the end, I love their character so much. I also love Jack irl but that's different. Leave me a comment of what you think or something because it makes me feel better. Thanks!
> 
> Title: Aquarium by Mac Miller. His Watching Movies With The Sound Off album is good as fuck, especially the slower songs.

Michael's POV-- Present

 

Warm.  Hot.  Too hot.  Roll over, I don’t want to get up yet.  Get this fucking blanket off me.  I go to move but something holds me down.  I slowly open my eyes, the bright light blinding me.  It turns out that it wasn’t a blanket at all, but a Gavin Free half on top of me and Geoff.  I look to my left and see that it’s Ryan holding me tight, his head buried in my back.  I couldn’t help but smile at the sleeping bodies around me.  I’m pretty sure Jack was on the floor and Jeremy was half hanging off the mattress of the too small bed for all six of us.  Hmmm, how am I going to get out of this one?  I didn’t want to wake anyone, hell, I rarely ever see Ryan sleep.  Gavin shifts a bit so he was more on top of Geoff, removing some of his body heat.  Last night played over and over in my head.  The dinner, the car ride, the sex,  I never thought that being with all of them would be so good.  So natural.  It felt like something I’ve known forever.  Something I could come home to every day.  The rose tattoo on my back begins to burn, reminding me of Calan.  I let out a shaky breath, squeezing my eyes shut.  I didn’t want to think about it.  My ex (?) boyfriend that was dead, his body out there somewhere.  Who knows if he was ever found.  Police don’t go looking for homeless kids bodies.

“ **_You’re thinking too much_ ** ,” Vagabond suddenly whispers, making me jump.

“Go back to sleep Vaga, Ryan needs it,” I whisper back, running my thumb over his knuckles.  He hums, pulling me even closer.

“ **_He’s just fine.  Are you?_ ** ” The question strikes me hard like a punch to the gut.  It swims in my head like a shark looking for its prey.

“Like you said, thinking too hard,” I try to sound confident but I know he doesn’t buy it.

“ **_Talk to me_ ** ,” Vagabond insists, pressing light kisses to my shoulder.

“Don’t want to wake the rest up,” I say, looking at the people next to me.

“ **_Come on then_ ** ,” he rolls out of bed, stretching a bit.  I couldn’t help but look him over a bit in this light.  The marks on his naked body looking brighter in the sunrays.  So perfect.  He smirks, looking around the room for his pair of boxers.  I sigh, sitting up as well.  He tosses me my pair and I slip them on, standing up.  I stretch out my sore body, last night taking a toll.  Vaga picks up Jack’s limp body off the floor and sets them on the bed where we once were.  They instantly cuddle up to Geoff’s side.  I follow Vagabond into the kitchen, him lighting a cigarette absently.  He opens up the fridge and starts to pull out stuff to make breakfast.  He pats a spot on the counter, signaling for me to hop.  I do so and he hands me the lit cig.

“ **_So what’s on your mind?_ ** ” He asks, starting to mix together a few things.

“I liked last night… a lot.”

“ **_As did I._ ** ”

“It felt normal.  Like… I don’t know.  It was too good to be true.  We don’t get to have date night.  We’re criminals.  I shouldn’t feel like this.  I shouldn’t feel anything,” I state, putting the cigarette out in the sink.

“ **_Yeah, then you’d turn out like me.  And even I feel.  I didn’t for a long time and it’s made me cold.  It’s made Ryan cold.  It has made the scars on my wrists Michael.  Sometimes it’s better to feel,_ ** ” Vagabond explains, turning on the stove and pulling out some pans out quietly.

“I miss Calan,” I say barely above a whisper.  He stops what he’s doing, turning around to face me.

“ **_We all miss someone, Michael.  It’s okay,_ ** ” His voice was so calm that I almost thought it was Ryan but his eyes told me it was Vagabond.  He puts his hands on either side of my legs, getting closer to me, “ **_If you’re not ready for this, it’s okay.  They will understand._ ** ”

Those words made my chest jump, “No, no, I want to be with you guys.  It’s something I’ve never been so sure of.  I just… almost feel like I’m cheating, you know?  Calan and I never technically broke up and… I just sound stupid, I know.  He’s dead.” I shake my head, ashamed of my rambling.

“ **_No Michael, it makes sense.  It’s okay to feel like that_ ** ,” He brushes his thumb across my cheekbone comfortingly.  “ **_You’re not cheating.  In this life you have to take every opportunity that you want because you never know what day is your last_ ** ,” He explains, his hand still cupping my cheek and his forehead pressed against mine.  It felt good to have Vagabond this close to me.  It was something new instead of just Ryan.

“I know.”

“ **_You know what they say, find that you’re willing to die for and live for it_ ** ,” Vagabond whispers against my lips, sending chills up my spine.  Those words bounced around in my head, echoing like a perfect song.   

“Are you willing to die for us, Vaga?” I whisper, truly wanting to know the answer.

“ **_Every last one of you_ ** .”  That makes my heart do flips and explode in my chest, sending tingles throughout my body.  He stated that answer.  It was set and stone.  “ **_Would you die for me?_ ** ” He asks back and I nod, not being able to create words at that moment.  He smiles before pressing a kiss to my lips.  Vaga pulls away from me completely, going back to his cooking, leaving me feeling a bit cold and empty.

“ **_There’s something else going on in your head_ ** ,” He says knowingly.  I sigh, reaching for the carton of cigarettes and light another one.  I’m going to need it if I was going to explain this.

“I get called self-destructive a lot.”

He nods, “ **_I could see that.  You like fast cars, drugs, and explosions.  You’re not really one to check before going in guns blazing_ ** ,” Vagabond state and I give him a ‘really’ look.  “ **_I’ve been on jobs with you for like 2 years now Michael.  You don’t care about personal safety_ ** .”

“I guess I’ve never seen the point of it.  Live fast, die young.  If it wasn’t for the crew, I would absolutely be dead.  You guys are always checking for safety.” I chuckle to myself, taking another drag from the cig.  “For a long time, I was planning on killing myself, have I told you that?” I could see him fumble a bit with the spoon he was holding but he quickly regains composure.

“ **_Do explain._ ** ”

“The street fucks you up but I’m sure you know that.  When I first joined that crew, before you were here, I had some bad habits.  I would leave in the night to go out to a bar and fool around with older men.  It… it made things worse probably.  They weren’t always gentle or would listen when I said stop or no,” I put out the cig in the sink again, ignoring the way the other man was looking at me, “I wasn’t going to go out by the hands of someone else.  I wanted it to be spectacular.  Out in public where they would have to scrape my brain matter off the brick wall that I had just graffitied.  I’m not scared to die but I have a little bit more to live for now.  I still refuse to let anyone else determine when I die.  When I go out, I’m in control of it.”

“ **_I think we all want to do that.  It’s okay to want that, but we all want you here Michael.  Your life matters just as much as the rest of us_ ** ,” He says, voice calm and steady.

“Make sure Ryan knows that too.” Just then we hear a shuffle of feet and a disheveled Jeremy enters the kitchen.

“Mornin’ Lil’ J,” I greet him.

“Hjklsdf,” He mumbles incoherently.

“ **_I understood none of that_ ** ,” Vaga says as Jeremy pours himself a cup of coffee.  After taking a sip, the youngest rubs his eyes.

“My ass hurts,” Jeremy finally says, making both of us crack up.  He stretches and sits down on a barstool with a wince.

“Yeah tell me about it,” I giggle, making him break into a sleepy smile.

“ **_Psh, do you not see the marks on my body_ ** ?” Vagabond says, giving a little spin to showcase his marks.

“Do you not see my neck?  Ryan was a fucking vampire,” I say, running my hand over the bruises on my neck and shoulder. 

“ **_Can’t help that you have pretty skin_ ** ,” Vaga teases, poking my side.

“Vaga, were you there last night?” Jeremy asks, stealing a strip of bacon that Vaga had taken off the stove.

“ **_Hey_ ** !” He smacks at the shorter man’s hand with his spatula, “ **_Yes, I was most definitely there_ ** .”

“How does that work between you and Rye?” Jeremy asks, munching on his stolen snack.

“ **_Depends on who we’re with and who they want.  But last night I knew how important it was to him so I didn’t want to interfere too much.  He didn’t completely block me out so I got to see everything that he saw.  And you guys sure were… hmmm, yummy_ ** ,” He explains with a chuckle.  Both Jeremy and my cheeks turn a bit pink.

“Did you get a chance to see Gav and Jack?  I never thought that pair would be so hot,” Jeremy comments, taking another sip of his coffee.   
“I only got to look for a second.  Ryan had my face smashed into a pillow most of the time,” I reply while lighting another cigarette and they both laugh.

“ **_No, I certainly got to watch.  I’ve only ever seen Gavin as a bottom to me so it was a very nice surprise to see him in a different role_ ** .” Vagabond continues to cook breakfast with a dag hanging loosely from his lips.

“Geoff’s gonna be pissed you guys are smoking in the house,” Jeremy points out and I only shrug.   
“Geoff’s going to be pissing about what?” Geoff enters the kitchen, hair a mess and sleep still in his eyes.

“Nothing!” I smile then blowing smoke from my lungs.   
“How many times do I tell you not to smoke in the house?  At least open a window.  We’re not hotboxing the place,” He grumbles with a smile hidden underneath the false anger.

“That’s not a bad idea actually,” Jeremy mumbles and I raise an eyebrow at him with a smirk.  Geoff opens a few windows in the kitchen before grabbing some coffee.

“ **_Sorry Geoff, I’m a bad influence_ ** ,” Vaga wink, finishing his cig.   
“Just horrible Vagabond.  Are you making breakfast?” Geoff asks, taking a seat next to Lil’ J and pressing a kiss to the side of his head.

“ **_Yes, sir.  I figured Jack might need a break after last night_ ** ,” He chuckles.

“Yeah, Jack won for the most orgasms,” Geoff says.   
“How many did they have?” I ask, quite interested.

“3”

“Damnit!  There was no way I could go again after 2.  I was dead to the world,” Jeremy exclaims, making us all laugh.  It brightened my mood a bit to see them all interacting with each other like this.  I was falling in love with a bunch of idiots.

“ **_It’s not a competition Jeremy_ ** ,” Vaga says, giving him a look.   
“I know, but vaginas are just superior in every way!”

“You’re not wrong,” Jack appears in the doorway, wearing only what I assume are Geoff’s boxers.  I’m pretty sure that everyone was staring at a mostly naked Jack.  They have pretty bruises and bites on their pale skin, contrasting with the few patches of freckles.  I wasn’t the only one with freckles in the group, I just had a lot more than Jack, “Jeez, way to be subtle about staring, you assholes,” They laugh, opening the fridge and getting out some orange juice.

“Sorry Jack, you just look good like that,” I compliment with a wink.

“Well thank you.  And quit it with these,” They take the half-burnt cig out of my fingers and toss it into the sink, turning on the water to put it out.

“Hey!” I whine, giving them a ‘what the fuck?’ look.

“I’ve already got one that’s addicted, I don’t need another one.” They brush me off, going straight to help out Vaga with breakfast.  He brushes them off, telling them to just sit down and let him do that work.  I sigh, knowing that Jack is right.  Cigarettes weren’t the best for you but do I really care?  No.  Vagabond finishes with breakfast within the next few minutes, sending us all to the table.  It was the whole nine-yards of anything you could dream of for breakfast foods.  Gavin eventually crawled out of the bedroom and up into Geoff’s lap, wrapping his limbs around him.  We make easy conversation like usual.  I was afraid that it was going to be awkward after everything that happened yesterday but it wasn’t.  It was perfect.  Too perfect.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” I say abruptly, pushing my chair out and taking my plate to the sink.

“But Micool, I want to play Mario Kart,” Gavin whines, making grabby hands towards me.  Usually, I would give in and play with him for a while but today I couldn’t bring myself to.   
“Not right now Gav, later.” I leave the room before anyone else could say anything to me.  I knew that if I stayed that I would give in and I can’t.  I need some alone time to sort these stupid feelings out.

 

I go up to my room and take a shower, washing all the grime from last night off.  I didn’t really care what I looked like; throwing on black jeans, a white t-shirt, and a maroon hoodie.  From what I could see outside it was cloudy, possibly rain.  Perfect.  I pray that I’m not going to run into anyone on my way out, but of course Jack is there to stop me right by the front door.   
“Where are you going, Michael?” They ask, concern and confusion in their eyes.

“Just for a drive.  I need some time to think.” No point in lying, Jack could always see right through me.

“To where?”   
“Does it matter?  I’ll be back in a few hours in one piece, okay?” I give them a weak smile and they hesitantly nod.   
“Okay, be safe.”

“Always am,” I flash them my gun before leaving my interrogation.  I was glad to leave the penthouse.  It felt like I was suffocating in there.  I went down to the garage and got into my chrome Adder.  I don’t care that people might recognize the car, it’s the classic Mogar ride.  If it wasn’t that fact that it was chrome, it’s the fact that my license plate says ‘SCREW U.’  I take off down the street, heading towards the airport.  We owned both main ones, more specifically Trevor did.  That was one big factor on why we got him on our team.  To have control of what goes in and out of the airports.  I just wanted to drive.  Get as fast as I could and not feel anything.  It didn’t take that long to get there, speeding down the roads and trying not to get the cops on me.  As soon as I get on the straight of the airport I step on the gas.  My tires squeal on the pavement, my speed going from 40 to 100 in seconds.  My speed continues to climb as I race down the runway.  It wasn’t enough.  More, I need more.  The limited memories of Calan flashed in front of my eyes.  The good times that we had together.  Not all of it was bad.  We would laugh, fuck we would laugh together.  Tell stories about our pathetic lives.  We would hold each other when we couldn’t sleep and whisper tales of perfect lives.  Flashes of his dark hair and his piercing eyes flooded my mind.  They were bright, so fucking bright but I can’t remember the color.  _ What color were his eyes _ ?  I snapped out of it when I neared the end of the runway again and if I didn’t stop now I was going to go into a wall.  I hate to admit that the idea of not stopping ran through my mind.  I quickly slam on the brakes, shifting gears so I slid into a j-hook.  I was breathing heavy; suffocating.  Fuck, I was hyperventilating.  I put the car in park and open the door, falling onto the pavement.  Tears were budding in my eyes and some started to fall down my cheeks as I tried to breath on my hands and knees.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” I yell, hitting the ground with my fist.  I sit back on my legs and put my arms behind my head, trying to open up my chest to be able to breathe.  At this point, I couldn’t tell if I was having a panic attack or an asthma attack.  My phone started ringing in the car and I knew that if I didn’t answer it that there would be a search party for me.  I still couldn’t breathe and tears were still falling down my face pathetically.  “Come on Michael!” I scold myself, climbing back into the car and searching through the glove box.  I find my inhaler, placing it up to my lips and taking a few puffs.  I feel my lungs expand and the panic that came along with the attack started to calm down.  “Fuck,” I mumbled, grabbing my phone off of the passenger seat.  “Hello?” I answer it without even checking who it was.   
“Michael?  Boi, where are you?” Gavin asks on the other line.   
“I’m at the airport driving boi,” I breathe out, my voice a bit raw.

“Why do you sound like that?  Are you okay?” He suddenly gets concerned and I sniffle, wiping my eyes.

“Yeah I’m fine Gav, don’t worry,” I say, trying my hardest to stop the silent tears but they seemingly never stopped.

“No, you’re not.  I’m coming to get yo-”

“No!  Please Gav, I just need some alone time.  I had an asthma attack, that’s why I sound weird,” I insist, not wanting anyone to see me like this.  So weak and pathetic.   
“An asthma attack?  You haven’t had one of those in ages.  If there was something wrong, you would tell me, right Michael?” He asks so innocently, tugging at my heartstrings.  

“Of course I would,” I somewhat lie.  I go to Gav for certain things but this… Vagabond was the only one that knows everything and Ryan knows a lot of it too.  Jeremy knew some stuff about Calan but nobody really knew it all.  They’ll never know.  They’ll never understand.  I search through my car for something, anything to dull the pain.  The goddamn thing was empty.  How could one of my cars not have something in it?  I clean off my face against and put it back into drive, heading back into the streets.  The first place I passed was a liquor store.  I pull right in front of the shop and get out, making sure to lock it.  I head inside, probably looking like a mess.  Did I have my wallet?  I pat my pockets, yes, there’s money.  Usually, I would just hold the place up but I wasn’t in the mood.  I didn’t want to deal with the cops right now.  I grab a few bottles and a pack of cigs, slamming them on the counter.  The cashier gives me a sympathetic look, making me want to punch him in the face.  I didn’t want sympathy right now.  He rings me up and I hand him a few bills, not even caring enough for my change.  I get back into my Adder that luckily wasn’t stolen and try to think of a place to go.  I don’t want anyone to bother me.  I drive around until I find a safe place to put my car.  If it was obvious by the chrome and license plate, then the crew symbol on it should give it away not to fuck with my car.

 

I take to the rooftops, finding one that was empty and could see the city.  The sky was still cloudy, the wind stronger this high up so also a bit chillier.  I open up a bottle of whiskey, take a few huge gulps.  I sit down, swinging my legs off the edge and look at the people walking by.  I think I’m still crying… I can’t tell.  It’s so pathetic, I shouldn’t be crying over this.  I’m actually crying over nothing.  Hmm, maybe I should jump.  Just push myself off and hit the concrete.  Splat.  I lay back on the rooftop, drinking and lighting one cigarette after another.  I wish had some weed or blow or something but that means I would have to go home and I’m not drunk enough for that.  Thoughts of my parents start to slip into my mind.  I wonder what my mom and dad are doing right now?  I haven’t seen them since the night before I left years ago.  It really was all their fucking fault.  I want to see where I left him.  The last place I saw Calan alive.  I want to see my “parents” and put a bullet between their eyes.  Over the course of two hours, I get drunker and finish half a carton of cigarettes.  I was at the point of not feeling anything at all anymore, just staring up at the sky.  The grays and blue, mixing and twirling together to create a beautiful melancholy mood.  My phone rings again and I pull it out of my pocket, attempting to read the name but the letters were blurry so I just answer it again.

“Mmm, hello?”

“Michael, where the hell are you?” Jack.  No matter how drunk I was I could tell when Jack went into ‘Mother Jack’ mode.

“I’m not too sure,” I giggle, sitting up and swaying a bit.  Jump?

“Are you drunk?” They ask and the sound of other voices in the background.   
“Yeah, just a bit,” I reply, hiccuping and lighting yet another cig.  God, I probably smell horrible.

“You’re fucking wasted.  Where are you?” They demand and the sound of doors shutting and keys.

“Pf, I’m fine Jack, don’t worry.  I’ve only had like… most of the bottle?” My voice raises a few octaves as I look at the drink next to me.

“Fine, if you’re not going to tell me where I’ll just get Gavin to find you.  Gavin!”  I just laugh, flicking the ashes off the side of the building.

“Whatever Jack!  I’m on top of some building.  I’m gonna keep getting drunk!” I hang up, taking another drink of liquor.  It didn’t take them very long to find me, Gavin was a magician with a computer.

“Boi!  What the hell are you going?!” Gavin asks, running up to me with Jack and then Jeremy behind them.

I giggle, raising my arms to him, “I’m drunk boi!”

“Yeah, I can tell.” He shakes his head with a smile, grabbing my arms and pulling me to my feet.  I fall into his arms, giggling like an idiot.

“You had me worried,” Jack scolds but I just brush them off.   
“What are you doing getting loaded alone?” Jeremy asks, taking in the state of all the cigarette butts and the bottles.

“I don’t even fucking know, to be honest,” I laugh again, rubbing my tired, red eyes.

“Have you been crying?” Gavin asks, tilting my chin up to look at my face.

“Oh yeah!” 

“Why Michael?” Jack asks, being more concerned.   
“Pf, tons of reasons.  Do I smell like a smokers lounge?” 

“Michael, stay on track.  Why were you crying and getting drunk on a rooftop?” Jack tries to pull me together.   
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” I slur, all the words connecting together as if it was a song.

Jack just sighs, “Come on, let’s get you home.  Jeremy, you take his car back to the house.” They slip the keys out from my pocket. “Where is your Adder?”

“In that-um-that parking garage or something,” I wave my hand in the general direction.  Gavin grabs the liquor bottles and we head down to Jack’s car.

“You’d tell me if you’re going to toss right?” Gavin asks, a worried expression on his face.

“Don’t worry boi! I can hold it down!” I pat his back and climb into the car and laying down.  “Mmm, I need a nap or something.”

“Yeah you need something,” I hear Jack mumble before heading towards home.

“Gav,” I mumble, my face pressed against the leather of the back seat.   
“Yes, love?”   
“Hm, will you find Mark and Karen Jones?” Before Gavin could reply I pass out, not remembering the last few moments of our conversation.

 

I groan out loud, stretching my arms and rubbing my eyes.  What the fuck time is it?  How did I get in my bed?  The last thing I remember was drinking on a roof?  I rub my eyes that were burning, goddamn contacts.  I blearily look at the clock on my end table: 3:48 am.  Fuck.  Oh god, I smell like a chimney and my head is pounding.  Was it worth it?  Eh, yes.  I climb out of bed and pull off all my clothes.  They just reeked of nicotine.  I slipped on some sweatpants and shuffle into the bathroom to take out my contacts.  I push my glasses onto my face and make my way downstairs.  I get a tall glass of water, downing majority of it before I even make it back to the stairs.  Lil’ J’s door was shut tight, obviously, he was asleep, but there was light coming from Gavin’s room.  What was he still doing up?  I push his door open, peaking my head in.  He sat at his computer, face glued to his monitors.

“Gav, what are you still doing up?” I ask, making him jump back and knock over a can of Red Bull.

“Oh!  I’m just doing what you asked,” Gavin says way too excitedly for this early in the morning/this late at night.  He pulls some papers from the printer and slides them into a manilla folder.  “These are for you.” He hands me two folders and I look at him confused.  “You asked me in the car to find Mark Jones and Karen Jones.  In those folders are everything that I could find.  I left out some of the information about you because I figured that you knew that,” He chuckles with a loopy smile on his face.

“Oh, you didn’t need to do this Gav.  I was drunk.”

“I know, but you must have wanted it for some reason.”  I look down at the two folders, it twisting badly inside of my stomach.  

“Uh-okay.  Thank you.” My voice was shaky, the paper feeling like fire in my hands.

“Are you okay Michael?” Gavin asks, placing a hand on my bare shoulder and looking at me deeply in the eyes.

“Yeah, I’m just feeling like shit after getting drunk on top of a building you know?” I try to make him laugh but I know that he doesn’t buy it.   
“If you need anything you know that I’m here.  You’re my boi, right?” His green eyes were shining with what could be tears or too much caffeine.  

“Of course.” He kisses my forehead, the tip of my nose, then my lips.  “Sorry if I scared you today, I was being an idiot.”   
“Yes, you were being a bloody idiot but it’s okay.  We all need to escape sometimes and I think that it just freaked us all out that it was right after our date.  Rye had said that it was your past that was bothering you and wouldn’t say any more about it.  We were just worried about you Michael.  We care about you,” Gavin sincerely says, making my heart twist and turn.  I wasn’t so sure on how I felt by those words that poured into my ears.  I gave him a weak smile with a nod.

“Get some sleep, Gav.  No more Red Bull,” I said before leaving his room.  I was tempted to open up one of the folders but I knew that if I even saw one picture that I might fall apart.  I set them down on my desk, leaving them closed for the night.  I couldn’t, not after the day I had.

 

I left them closed for 3 more days, even Gavin not asking me about them.  I came up with some shitty excuse for why I went and got drunk, Ryan giving me a knowing look but understanding that I wasn’t ready to talk about it with the rest.  Those two stacks of papers sat there staring at me, boring holes into me every single time I walk by it.  It got to a point that I avoided being in my room just so I didn’t have to think about the information about my parents in there.  It was on that fourth day that I finally gave in.  Everyone else was occupied, it was fairly late.  They were either sleeping or cleaning guns.  I let out a slow breath, grabbing the top folder first.  I couldn’t help the way my hands shook as I flipped the top open.  There was a picture of my father, it must be current.  He didn’t look much different, just a few years older.  The same glasses, brown hair and blue eyes.  In a second I was in the bathroom, ridding my body of everything that I had eaten that day.  Those eyes, I could remember what they looked like when he was beating me.  The rage that filled him, plumbing me until I couldn’t move.  The memories flooded my mind, igniting everything that I had tried so hard to repress.  I slumped back against the wall, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Fuck,” I groan, trying to calm down the shaking of my body.  My hands were so bad that I was scared to put them down on the ground to push myself up, that they might buckle under me.  I take a few minutes to calm down and breathe, trying to think of something else besides the way my father looked at me.  Finally, I’m able to push myself up off the floor and clean up a bit in the sink.  I take some more deep breaths before going back out into my bedroom.  My hands were still shaking profusely and I felt so fucking stupid.  It was just a picture.  A picture can’t hurt me.  He can’t hurt me here.  I sit back down on my bed and reopen the folder.  I barely look at the photo, grabbing it and taking it out of the way to the next document.  It was his birth certificate then a copy of his passport.  His high school diploma and transcripts.  His high school photos and copies of drivers licenses over the years.  There was so much information that I was overwhelmed with it all.  I didn’t know what I was really looking for.  Maybe a sign of where they might live.  The marriage license to my mom showed up and the urge to puke came up again.  Both of their names written out made me sick.  Then the deed to our family home was next.  The address I memorized as I kid made me remember exactly what my bedroom looked like.  What my sheets felt like and what posters were on my wall.  I could even recall the sent of the candles my mother would always burn.  That sickening vanilla syrupy smell that would cause me to have a panic attack every single time I smelt anything close to that.  They ruined so many things for me.  It took me so many years to just be okay with making pancakes and not have that panic rise.  Then his last tax report, how Gavin got a hold of them always shocked me, proved that he still lived in the same house.  I kept that piece of paper out.  I decided that after all of that I needed a break.  The penthouse was seemingly silent.  Gavin’s door was cracked open where I could see him cuddled up with Jeremy.  It warmed my heart a bit to see them together.  It always did.  I assumed that the Gents then were asleep in Geoff’s room.  I sigh and stumble down the stairs, rubbing my eyes.  I stretch my arms behind my head and go into the kitchen.  No one else was up which I was happy about.  I think that if anyone tried to talk to me right I would knock them out cold.  I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and lean against the counter, slowly drinking some and breathing slowly.  I noticed a carton of cigarettes sitting on the counter.  It wasn’t just a normal box, it was gold and decorated with black sad faces.  I couldn’t help but reach for them, popping it open but instead of finding tobacco, I find perfectly rolled joints.  Oh, fuck yes, even better.  I knew that it was Gavin’s weed, he liked to keep them in a carton for easy carrying.  I take one and find a lighter in one of the drawers in the kitchen.  I light it, inhaling deeply.  Yes, this was definitely some of Lil’ J’s new stuff.  Geoff was going to kick my ass if I was smoking weed in the house too so I escape to the balcony.  My body was trembling with all the emotions I was feeling.  As much as I wanted it all to end I didn’t want it right now.  I sit down on the ground and stick my legs through the slots of the fencing around the balcony.  The memories from my past and living with my family danced in my head.  The way my father beat me and how my mother hated me.  She hated me with such a fucking passion.  I could still remember the night that I came out to my parents.

 

It was the day that I had kissed my first boy.  My first kiss.  I was so excited and I felt more comfortable after that with my sexuality.  I felt that there was a possibility that my parents might accept me or at least hear me out.  So I sat down with them at dinner and decided that fuck it, I need to tell them.  I felt that being gay was a part of me that I needed to share in order to be happy.  For them to fully know who I was.  I had come to terms with myself, I had always known that I was gay since I had my first crush on a boy in kindergarten.  I didn’t know what that meant until I was taught that it was bad to love another man like you would a woman.  To be preached about it every Sunday and sometimes Wednesdays and even at home from time to time.  But that damned day I simply said, as I can recall it perfectly, “ _ Mom, Dad, I want to tell you something _ .”  And my mother said, “ _ Of course Michael, you can tell us anything _ .”  “ _ I’m gay _ .”  And time seemed to freeze.  My father just blinked at me, “ _ What? _ ”  “ _ I said I’m gay _ .” This time it came out weaker as I had lost some confidence by the way they were looking at me.  Then all hell broke loose.  My father was screaming and my mother was crying.  He started to hit me and my mother got on her knees and pathetically prayed.  I could laugh about it now, the way that she looked there on the floor, hands clasped so tight as she prayed that I would be saved.  Oh if she only knew.  She’s going to know.

 

I flick the burned out joint of the edge of the balcony and rub my face again.  The weed certainly helped, making everything looser and easier to take in.  When I went back inside it was still silent.  I go back up to my room and debate on going through my mother’s folder.  I don’t know what else I could find in there that I couldn’t kind in my father’s.  I should just get it all over now.  I was high and I would be easier.  I push my father’s information out of the way and open my mother’s, that wicked smile instantly there with a picture of her.  Fuck.  I push that image aside and start to dig through her stuff.  It was nearly the same as my father’s, stuff that I didn’t really want to know about or care to know.  But her information proved that she was still with my father and in the same house.  There was some stuff I skipped and skimmed, I didn’t care.  The numbness in my mind made so I couldn’t cry.  As much as it felt like I should, I couldn’t.  I was all cried out from the other day where I babbled on that fucking rooftop.  Then the very last thing in the folder was an image that I had no idea how Gavin got a hold of.  It shook me right to the core.  It was of me when I was about three or four in my father’s arms, my mother next to him with a huge smile on her face.  I was laughing wholeheartedly, my father chuckling as well.  My hands start to shake all over again and I feel another panic attack starting to come on.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mumble, setting the picture down on my bed.  I groan and rub my eyes, tugging on my hair.  I didn’t want to have another panic attack.  It was weak of me.  I should be stronger.  “No, no, no.  Stop,” I wanted that picture to be gone.  Those times never happened.  There was nothing ever good in that family.  I start digging around in my room for a lighter in a panic, wanting to destroy it as quickly as possible.  I was probably making all sorts of noise but I didn’t care.  Suddenly my door cracks open and Jack steps inside, a confused look on their face.

“Michael, what are you doing?” Jack asks, stepping inside.

“I need- I need a lighter.  I need to get rid of the picture,” I mumble, shuffling through drawers.

“You need to calm down Michael, please,” Jack grabs my arms, turning me around so I can look into their warm eyes.  “What are you talking about?”

“The picture of my family.  I-I can’t have that Jack.  They- no!” I stutter out, shaking in their arms.

“Okay, okay baby.  I’ll get rid of it.” Jack kisses my forehead before grabbing the stuff that was on my bed.  They look at the picture quickly before understanding why I was freaking out.

“Jack,” I whimper pathetically, reaching out to them.  

“Just a second Michael.  I’m going to put this in Gavin’s room and I’ll be right back, okay?”  All I could do was nod back.  They leave the room for only a second then come back in.  “Come on, let’s lay down.  Tell me what happened,” They push back my covers and we crawl under.  I go instantly into their arms, cuddling into their chest.

“I-I was looking at the stuff Gavin gave me about my parents and it was too much,” I shutter and Jack rubs my back soothingly. 

“You have to take it piece by piece.  It can be overwhelming if you do it all at once.”

“It was.  The picture of when I was young… I don’t want to remember the good. They are not good people Jack,” I say also as if I was trying to persuade Jack into believing me.

“I believe you.  The good can be just as painful as the bad,” they whisper, pressing kisses into my hair.  I try to stop shaking but I couldn’t.  Jack pulls me closer, wrapping me in as much comfort as they could.  We were quiet for awhile, just listening to Jack’s heartbeat.  “Are you high?”  They ask with a bit of a laugh in their voice.  I giggle myself, closing my eyes.  Jack could probably smell it on me.

“Yeah.  Gavin had weed sitting out on the counter and I couldn’t resist,” I explain and they laugh.

Jack sighs, “You idiot.  What am I going to do with you guys?  All of you like to get high and smoke and drink…” they sigh heavily again.   
“We’re okay Jack, we know what we’re doing.”

“Oh yeah, you totally know what you’re doing.  Drinking yourself blackout drunk on top of a building downtown.”

“I needed some time alone.  I needed to think about what happened on the date and everything.  I went down to the airport and drove.  I had a panic attack which caused an asthma attack.  After that, I was pissed at myself so I went and bought as much alcohol that I could carry.  I parked my car and went up to the rooftop to look at the sky.  I got drunk and smoked a fuck ton.  I was just trying to forget stuff from my past that it brought up.  I’m sorry if it scared you,” I sum up the story to Jack.  They kiss my head again, rubbing my back.   
“It’s okay.  I wish that you didn’t do dangerous things like that.  We already live a dangerous life.  I don’t want you to get hurt or fuck, die because you were doing something stupid.  I care a lot about you.  Please, just talk to me next time.  I’m not going to judge you for anything, you know that.  I love all of you assholes so much.  I can’t bear to lose one of you.”

“I’m sorry.”  We were quiet again for a few minutes, listening to each other breathe and the sounds of the nightlife below us.  “Jack?” I whisper, afraid that they had fallen asleep.

“Yes?”   
“I want to go see them.”   
“Who baby?”   
“I want to go see my parents.  To finally close that chapter or… I don’t know.  To fucking get over that place in my life.  They are still alive and there… I think I should take advantage of that.  Some of you guys can’t and I have so many fucking problems that I think I need to narrow them down,” I chuckle sadly and Jack hums.

“I think it’s a good idea, Michael.  You can go whenever you want.  I support you.”   
“I want you guys to come with…”   
“All of us?”   
“Yes.  My parents kicked me out because I was gay.  I can’t imagine how they will react when they find out I’m dating five other people,” I laugh and Jack does as well.

“I definitely want to be there for that.  Think about it for a while there love, don’t rush into it.  We can talk about it with the rest when you’re ready.”

“Okay Jack, thank you.”  My eyes grow heavy with exhaustion, the drugs helping.

“Of course.  Go to sleep now Michael, you must be worn out,” They say, combing their fingers through my hair.

“I would kiss you but I threw up earlier and I don’t think you want that.” Jack giggles at my statement.   
“You’re not wrong.  It’s okay, I’ll kiss you tomorrow after you brush your teeth.”   
“Will you stay with me?” My voice was weak and pathetic.

“I’ll never leave you, Michael.  Don’t worry, I’ll stay until you tell me to go.”  With that, I slowly fall asleep listening to Jack’s heart thump against their chest.  A perfect rhythm for the perfect person.  I didn’t want them to ever let go of me.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS FUCKING HEAVY, TALK OF CHILD KIDNAP AND MURDER  
> Sorry for taking so long! I've been busy and having a hard time writing. Blah blah, more excuses. Leave me a comment of what you think! Thanks!

Past-- Third POV

 

There was a reason that Gavin had an infatuation with gold.  Why when he got cut, his veins were filled with that metallic liquid instead of blood.  Gavin grew up in a small town in England, no more than 5,000 people.  He was number four out of six children.  Growing up they didn’t have much, being one of the poorest in the town.  It was just his mother taking care of them as his father left shortly after the youngest child was born.  His mom and dad never got along, Gavin can only remember the constant fighting and arguing.  He remembers when it got physical right before his father left.  His dad hit his mom until she was knocked out on the floor.  He was only 6 years or so years old but he could remember the way her body lay limp on the floor, blood trickling from her nose and bruises blossoming across her cheeks.  Two weeks later another argument broke out and he packed his stuff and left.  It was always interesting living with five other kids.  The oldest was Nicole who was 14, Jason was 12 at the time, Peter was 10.  Then there was more of an age jump.  Gavin was 6, Chrissy was 5 and Sam was 4.  Things were never great but after his father left, it got worse.  Money was even tighter, meaning that most nights that kids went to bed hungry.  They got made fun of at school because their clothes were always a bit dirty or torn.  Gavin was always picked on the worst for his appearance.  He was lanky and people liked to poke fun at his nose.  They managed for a few months until that fateful Saturday that changed their whole family.

 

Gavin was the oldest of the "young group".  Meaning that the younger 3 always hung out and the old 3 would always hang out.  That’s just how it worked.  Mostly because his mother was constantly working to pay for her family and so she put Gav in charge of the youngest.  On this day the three were playing hide and go seek outside.  The elder three were doing homework or playing inside, no babies allowed.  His mother was stressing about bills and other sorts at the dining room table.  They knew not to bother her when she was doing this.  It never turned out well.  It was Gavin’s turn to seek while Chrissy and Sam ran to go hide.  After patiently waiting for 60 seconds, Gavin was off looking for his siblings.  This was their favorite game, living by a wooded area created good hiding spots.  The kids knew their boundaries though, not to go too far away from the house, especially when the older kids weren’t playing.  After 5 minutes of looking and already finding Sam, Gavin started to get worried.  He yelled Chrissy’s name, saying that she won, he couldn’t find her.  But nothing.  Silence in the already quiet neighborhood.  Gavin ran inside to his older siblings and asked them to help.  They rolled their eyes at their idiotic brother, agreeing to help them find their sister.  They didn’t want to disturb their mother yet, she was yelling on the phone right now about their late electricity bill.  They looked everywhere.  All throughout the neighborhood, the woods behind the house, even Chrissy’s favorite hiding spot.  She had seemingly disappeared.  They checked the house, maybe she had ran inside but no, that was empty of her too.  That’s when Nicole, the eldest, told their mother.  As calmly as the teenager could, she said to her mom that they couldn’t find Chrissy.  Their mom, Angie, of course, freaked like any mother would.  First, she yelled at them, how could you lose each other?  Then they went looking again.  When they came up with nothing she called the police.  An instant missing persons case.  A child.  A sweet little 5-year-old girl was missing.  Taken right from her house it seemed to be.  No one wanted to believe it, they lived in a boring small town.  Stuff like this didn’t happen and the police had no leads.  No evidence left behind.  It was like she vanished into thin air.  Like she never even existed.

 

It was after two years that Angie started to blame Gavin.  It was his fault.  He was supposed to be watching his sister!  All he had to do was keep an eye on here for 10 fucking minutes while she was on the phone that day.  Angie had turned to alcohol to cope with the loss of her daughter and abusing her children.  Gavin was the one that got the worse of it all.  It was continuous abuse from his mother every single day.  If it wasn’t direct, it was the fact that she didn’t say goodnight or I love you.  She wouldn’t give him dinner or make sure that he had his homework done.  He would get dirty looks from behind the bottle she pressed her lips to.  It became more aggressive, yelling at him and throwing empty bottles.  The other kids would stay out of it after the time Nicole tried to intervene and got slapped.  They were a bit afraid of her after that.  It progressively got worse like things do without being intervened.  Gavin was just a small child, getting pushed around by his adult mother.  He grew up believing that it was all his fault and that he wasn't loved.  Isolated, he was.  Always showing up to school with some form of bruises or scratches and kids tended to ignore him.  The words became physical for the already fragile boy.  He was scarily thin, long limbs just skin and bone.  They went to a small school so teachers really didn’t pay attention to that.

 

As Gavin grew up, he became interested in computers.  Going into High School he took all the classes he could on the topic before doing his own research.  He knew that he had a nic for technology right away and his teachers did too.  Luckily Gavin’s local library had a few computers that he could use.  He started with small hacks.  Getting into bank accounts and businesses that didn’t have good security.  But Gavin had a talent, he was able to gain some attention and jobs from hacking forms on the dark web.  No one else knew how to get to it and Gavin was good at covering his tracks.  Then he acquired a job to find someone.  It took him awhile to figure out how to do it.  He spent hours in the library, either researching online or in the stacks of books.  But he got the right software and was able to track that person down with all the information the person wanted.  Handing that information over was the most satisfying thing Gavin had ever felt in his life.  The person told him that no one else had been able to find the target and he had been going through hackers for nearly two years.  That stack of cash he received was enough to buy his own laptop to do more heavy stuff.  He would still have to go to the library as they didn’t have the internet at home but he wasn’t complaining, he’d rather not be home.  Gavin was good at finding people.  He thought in different ways.  More abstract than other people.  Where at school Gavin would get teased about asking strange questions, in this world he was praised for looking in different places.  Things at home still were not good.  His mom was a drunken mess, barely making it to work in the morning.  He would give her most of the money he made.  With shaking hands, giving her the bills that would pay for the things that she couldn't.  At first, she was surprised, wondering where he got the money.  Gav just said that he got a job, that’s why he was gone a lot of the time.  His mother was unsure at first but accepted the money, they needed it.  But Gavin had a mission then.  He had something that he was going to do before he graduated and left.  He was going to find his sister.

 

It had been years, so many years since his little sister Chrissy had been taken from them.  The police had presumed her dead.  The first few days are the most important of finding someone and it had been years.  Fucking years and they gave up on her.  After the practice that Gavin had, he was sure that he was going to be able to find her.  Or at least what happened to her.  Hours of staring at a screen, crying angry tears, and finding very little.  Gavin struggled, oh god, did he.  Having to look through so many cases of missing children and images, the fucking images that haunted his mind.  Not to mention how school was taking a toll on him and his mental health.  But he was getting closer, so much closer.  He had to find her and find out what happened.  Who took her.  Most of his siblings were already moved out of the house, leaving him and Sam.  Then it happened, he finally cracked the case open.  His name was Richard.  He was 48 years old when he stole Chrissy and lived quite a few cities away.  The reason that Gavin found him was that he lost his daughter that oldly looked exactly like how Chrissy looked when he took her.  He lost his daughter to cancer, which was a horrible thing to happen, but that didn’t give him a good reason to rip that child away from their life.  Gavin decided that he was going to go to where he was last seen.  He needed more answers.  To build his cases rather than just theories.  So on a Saturday he left, took a train through the cities to find him.  Armed with a knife, Gavin was ready to find whatever he needed.  Back at home, Gavin had a bag packed and a plane ticket to get the fuck out of this godforsaken place.  He had plans for his youngest brother to get away from his mother.  To be able to live a better life.  He had found some close family, his father’s sister that was willing to take him in.  Gavin talked extensively to make sure that she would be a good fit for him and she was a perfect fit.  Had two other children and didn’t even know that her brother had kids.  She was married and had a good job as a teacher for middle school and her husband was a businessman for the corporation in town.  Stable.  That’s all Gavin wanted.  

 

A shack on the outskirts of the town.  It looked deserted and upon entering, Gavin found that it was.  It looked like the person had just gotten up and left in a hurry.  He searched everywhere, high and low to find any reminisce of his sister but came upon nothing.  Until he stepped on a rug and it was… hollow?  Gavin quickly ripped back the rug to reveal a small door that would lead to a cellar.  He took a big breath in before opening it up.  It was dark, pitch black except for the light that was coming from the window on this floor.  Gavin dug around for his flashlight before flicking it on.  He climbed down the rickety ladder with shaky limbs, flashlight in his mouth.  Once he was down the ladder, he found that there was a light switch down there.  He hesitantly flipped it on, igniting the musty lightbulbs that led down the hallway.  The silence was ringing in Gavin’s ears as he walked on the dirt.  Even his footsteps were silenced.  At the end of the hall, there was an archway to a big room and that room made Gavin want to run.  A ripped up couch was pushed against one wall with a blanket tossed over it.  A shitty coffee table that was covered in papers and a few books.  Pushed into one corner was a small twin size mattress, covered in stains and rips.  A blanket and pillow but it was pink.  A pale pink that was seemingly meant for a girl.  Dusty toys and a dollhouse is when Gavin started hyperventilating.  She was here, she was here.  Someone has to have been here with a little girl.  He slowly crept more into the room, not really wanting to know but Gavin knew that he had to find more, to figure it all out.  There was a desk as well, a pinboard above it.  Gavin headed towards that, it would probably hold the most information.  On the pinboard, there were polaroids of a little girl, the man’s daughter, then Chrissy.  It was her, really her.  Playing with toys and smiling.  It twisted inside of his gut, making him want to throw up.  But then the pictures got more sickening, stuff the Gavin wished he could unsee.  The police had already closed the case but this was more than enough to reopen it.  Especially because there were images of his face in it.  He took the one that looked the most recent so Gavin could use facial recognition to find him.  The more he looked at the pictures the angrier he got.  The Brit shuffled through the papers on the desk and through the drawers until he came across an image that he regretted finding.  A body.  Gavin never talked about that picture, just left it on top of the desk and backed away slowly.  He was breathing heavily and wanted to get out of there.  He ran back down the hallway and up the ladder, slamming the door shut before running right out of the shack.  Gavin was shaking as he walked back to the main town.  People didn’t give the odd teen a second look.  He got back on the train and was back home in the wee hours of the morning.  His mother didn’t even notice that he was gone for the whole night.  Gavin made sure to check on his brother before going to bed.  When he woke up a couple hours later, he got ready and left for the library.  With the image and laptop in hand, he made the trek down the couple streets.  He scanned the polaroid on the printer so it was on his laptop then he entered into a facial recognition software.  Not many people can get ahold of a nice one like this.  It scans through police databases to see if their name or faces have shown up.  It also goes through social media, looking through images in the background.  It as one of the best things you could get on the deep web but only a handful of people had it.  Gavin was gifted it after doing a job for someone.  After allowing the computer to do its work and Gavin sitting in a corner staring at a wall for a few hours, it had found something.  His face popped up in a few places around Bristol.  Gavin then got to his work, searching to see if he could find his address.  He found that there were more missing girls in that area, making his case even stronger.  He narrowed it down to where he could be.  There was no way that he could find exactly where that bastard was, Gavin’s skills hadn’t progressed that much, neither had technology.  He would also need more time and he just wanted to leave this place forever.  After writing everything down that he was going to say, he left the library, making sure to delete any trace of him.  Gavin made his way down the street to the pay phone, dialing the police stations number.  A tired and annoyed woman answered the phone, barely giving an answer.

“Uh, I have some information on the Christine Free case,” Gavin’s voice was shaky, unsure.  He was trying his best to conceal his voice just in case they were recording the call.

“That is a closed case sir,” She says and he hears some rustling around.

“Well, you need to reopen it.  Get out a pen and paper and write everything down now.”  Gavin tells her about the shack and the basement.  Where they will find the pictures and then the vicinity where they will find him.  How there were other missing girls and how they all looked like his daughter who he had lost to cancer.  She just replied with an ‘uh huh’ at the appropriate times and when she asked for Gavin’s name, he hung up.  He ran home after that, literally sprinting.  He had his backpack that was already packed and the plane ticket.  His Aunt was supposed to pick up his brother from school tomorrow, his mother wouldn’t even notice for a few days that they were gone.  He had messaged Nicole to tell her that he was leaving, not telling her where, and where Sam would be.  She understood and thanked him.  Gavin then was back on a bus, heading towards the airport.  Upon arrival, it was 11 pm at night and Gavin was tired and hungry.  He got some food from the vending machine, not wanting to spend a lot of money.  He already didn’t have much and he had to survive once he made it to the US.  Sleeping in an airport was scary in itself, especially when a few older men were giving him some testing glances.  Gavin would have to admit, he thought about it.  It would be money but he was already so worn out.  His plane boarded early in the morning and was a straight shot to get to Los Santos.  It cost a lot for this ticket but Gavin wanted to get as far away as he could.  

 

Gavin didn’t grow up with much.  They were poor, went to school with dirty clothes, and greasy hair.  Gavin’s sister was snatched from them at such a young age and they weren’t able to get to know the beautiful little girl.  They weren’t able to see the little one grow up.  What his mother did to him still affects him today.  Sometimes he will hear a voice that sounds like his Mother’s that will make him flinch, waiting for a slap or an insult.  The police ended up finding the man and convicting him of 10 consecutive life sentences because it turned out that there was more than just Chrissy.  It was Chrissy and Mary and Nyla and Karly and a few more bodies that they couldn't identify.  There were more girls that could have been saved if the cops had just paid attention if they had looked a little deeper.  Gavin knew that he wasn’t made to do good.  He wasn’t made to be a detective and catch the criminals.  He was the criminal.  Gavin would have dreams about his adorable blonde sister smiling, beckoning him into the forest.  He would follow her until that dream turned into a nightmare where they would end up in that cellar.  Gavin would wake up crying, just as Michael would sometimes.  Gavin loved gold because it reminded him of his little sister's hair, her soft blonde locks always long and beautiful.  He always wanted to have the most expensive things around because he was never able to get them while growing up.  To this day Gavin still checks up on his other siblings and even his mother.  He hasn’t seen them since the day he left but he wants to make sure that they are okay.  Gavin knows that his mother is terminally ill and has some nurse always living with her.  His siblings would receive checks of large sums, thousands of dollars, from someone under the name of Vav Anderson.  It was obvious who it was yet they couldn’t ever truly know.  Gavin’s brothers and sister were able to go through college and onto even higher education.  It was all crime money, Gavin never saw an honest penny in his life.  He paid back his Aunt that took care of Sam under the same pen name and she tried to contact Gavin multiple times but he defected any attempts.  He didn’t want his family to know that he was a criminal, to know that the money they were given wasn’t earned in the best way.  He didn’t want them to know that he’s killed people in cold blood.  Has looked someone right in the eye and lodged a bullet into their brain without thinking twice.  He has sold his body for a quick buck when he first moved to the US.  The gold that Gavin adored meant more to him than just how much it cost.  It meant more to him because, at one point, Gavin didn’t have  _ anything _ .  And now because he can, Gavin wants  _ everything _ .


	25. Kill Our Way To Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOA! HOLY SHIT! WHAT'S GOOD?! So I finally uploaded a chapter after about 12 years. I haven't had a lot of passion for this story in a while but recently I've been back into it so hopefully we can see this baby out! Let me know what you think!

First Person-- Jeremy's POV

Present

 

“What the fuck?  Is that Treyco?!” Michael yells as we race down the road, sirens blaring behind us.  I look out the window and indeed it looked like Trevor walking down the sidewalk amongst the other people.   
“What the hell is Trevor doing out walking?!  We’re in the middle of a fucking heist!” Geoff yells, firing his machine gun out the window.

“I don’t know, coms are out!  I’m trying to fix them!” Gav replies, a computer in his lap as Vagabond was hovering over him while firing out the back window at the cops.   
“ **_Fuck there’s a chopper_ ** ,” Vaga says, digging around in the back for his rocket launcher.   
“Jack pull over, we have to grab him,” I say as we were getting closer and closer to the suspect that looked like Trevor.  

“You have 20 seconds to do it, Jeremy.  Michael, throw a sticky bomb,” Jack commands and I nod, firing my own gun at some tires to get the heat off of us.  Michael tosses a bomb out the window, making the cars behind up explode. I’d have to admit, that was pretty cool. We pull off to the side of the road and Michael and I jump out.

“Trevor!  Get in the car!” I yell, grabbing one of his shoulders and Michael grabs his other.  We throw him into the car, taking off within a second. But then we all really get a look at who we just tossed in the vehicle with us. It wasn’t Trevor Collins at all. He was tanner and had this look like he was going to puke all over the back seat.   
“You’re not Trevor!” Michael yells, pointing out the obvious.   
“No, I’m not!” He yells back, looking even more horrified at the fact Ryan had just shot off a rocket at a chopper out the back of the car.

“Who are you and why do you look like Treyco?!” I yell back, pointing my gun at him.

“I’m Alfredo, please don’t shoot me!” He puts his arms up pathetically as he sat on the floor of the car.   
“ **_Alfredo, welcome do the Fake AH Crew.  You know how to shoot a gun?_ ** ” Vagabond turns around with an extra gun in his hand, giving it over to the shaken up boy.

“Uh yeah?” He replies unsurely, grabbing it and testing the sniper rifle out for size.   
“ **_Get back here and shoot the tires of the cop cars.  We need to get them off our backs since no one else in the car has the patience to shoot them out, you can do it._ ** ” 

“Sorry Vaga,” I smirk, going back to shooting out the window.  Alfredo looks through the scope and starts to shoot. He was surprisingly good, getting tires of cars.  

“I got Matt back online!” Gavin says excitedly then suddenly Matt’s voice was back in our ears.   
“Holy shit!  You guys are almost clear if you’re heading towards the safehouse in the North!  Who is shooting out the tires?” Matt asks with loud noises in the background of flustered work.

“Some guy we picked up on the street by accident!” I reply back, sitting down in my seat with a exhale, finally being able to breathe.

“WHAT?!” Geoff, Trevor, Matt, and it seemed like Lindsay all yell at the same time, making all of us in the back of the car jump.

“Uh, hi,” Alfredo says awkwardly, looking at all of us in the car.

“Jesus fucking Christ, I’m partners with children!” Jack exclaims, taking a sharp right down the street.  We pull up to a planted SUV for us to get inside. We quickly climb in, dragging Alfredo along with us despite his confused yells.

“Who the fuck are you?” Geoff asks, pointing a gun at the kid.  Alfredo jumps back in between Gavin and me, eyes wide and lip quivering.   
“I-I-I’m Alfredo Diaz.  I’m tw-twenty years old and I’m in college.  Please don’t kill me. I don’t know anything.  I don’t even know who you are,” Alfredo sputters out, 

“Wait, you don’t know who we are?” I ask, surprised that anyone living in Los Santos didn’t know who we were.   
“No, I just moved here 2 weeks ago.  I’ve been stuck in my apartment unpacking and looking for a job.”

“Well congratulations kid, you’ve got one where you’ll never have to worry about money ever again.  You’ve got quite the eye on you and I doubt that you’re not in the polices now so looks like you’re stuck with us kid,” Geoff exclaims, sitting back down normally in his seat.   
“Wa-what?” Alfredo looks utterly confused.   
“Gavin Free, nice to meet you, love,” Gavin introduces himself, leaning on his elbow and batting his eyelashes.  Really Gav? Already flirting with the new guy?

“Gav, don’t scare him already,” Michael says, batting the back of Gavin’s head.   
“Michael!  My hair!” Gavin yells, hitting back at Michael’s hand.

“Oh stop, you look nice.” Michael pecks Gavin’s cheek quick before falling back onto the seat.   
“I am so confused,” Alfredo says, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head.   
“Don’t worry about it.  We’ll explain more once we reach the safe house,” Jack says, giving him a soft smile through the rearview mirror.  Jack always had a way of making people feel more comfortable and safe.

 

We arrive at the safehouse within twenty minutes.  Most of it was filled with Geoff on the phone Trevor and Gavin and Michael arguing so really nothing new.  We pull up to a house that was sat in a middle of a suburb, seemingly a family house. Luckily no one was outside so we could get in the house without any questions.  As soon as we were in the house Michael and Gavin fall onto the couch, making out like no tomorrow. I kinda felt bad for Alfredo, he was getting tossed into a post-heist high.  Also immediately the Vagabond and not Ryan. Jack and Geoff go into the kitchen of the large home to talk while the kid awkwardly stands there, looking back and forth from the kissing pair and Vaga who had the bags of cash out and had started counting it.  I walk over to him with my buddy-buddy smile on my face, taking off my cowboy hat. 

“Hey, you don’t have to be intimidated by us.  We’re basically normal people… kind of. I’m Jeremy Dooley, nice to meet you,” I say, sticking my hand out for him to shake.  He hesitantly does, glancing at the archway that leads to the kitchen.   
“Are they going to kill me?” Alfredo asks, twiddling his fingers.  I laugh and shake my head.   
“No, they are not going to kill you.  Come sit down, you want something to drink?  Michael, Gavin, we have a guest. If you’re going to do that, at least take it to the bedroom,” I say and grab the back of Gavin’s shirt to pull him off of Michael.

“Awe, come on Jeremy.  If you wanted to join in all you had to do was ask,” Gavin smirks, puckering his lips dramatically.  I roll my eyes but give him a quick kiss. “Come on Micool!”

“What?  No kiss for me?” Michael gasps, placing a hand on his chest as Gavin pulls him off the couch.  I squint my eyes at him but go in for a peck on the lips. Of course, Michael has other ideas. He grabs the back of my head and slips his tongue into my mouth.  That sneaky bastard. Oh, how I would love to join them upstairs in the bedroom. But a few seconds later, with Gavin tugging on his arm, Michael pulls away. “Later Lil’ J.”  And they disappear upstairs.

“I-I think I’m even more confused than before,” Alfredo mumbles, making me bust out laughing.

“Oh sorry, yeah we’re kind of all together,” I explain as easy as I can.

“All six of you?”

“Yeah, six or seven, depending on if you consider Vagabond and Ryan a different person.” I shrug, opening up the liquor cabinet.  Alfredo falls onto the couch, shaking his head with confusion. I just chuckle, pouring us both a drink. “Here, this will make things a bit easier.”  he grabs the drink and downs it in a second. I set the bottle on the coffee table in case he wants more. I take a seat on one of the chairs and sip my own drink.  “I can tell you’re dying to ask questions, you can.”   
“So who are you guys?” He asks, leaning forward on his elbows and filling up his glass again.

“We are the Fake AH Crew.  Our leader is Geoff, the one with all the tattoos.  Second in command is Jack, they were the one driving.  And yes, they go by they/them pronouns. I would respect that because the last person that didn’t, he ended up with a bullet between the eyes and he was another crew leader that we were partners with.  Sitting over there is the Vagabond but you’ll probably meet Ryan later. He has dissociative identity disorder, creating another psychotic person in his head. You met Gavin, the flirty British one in the gold.  The angry ginger is Michael and I’m Jeremy. We have a whole other B Team back at the building that I’m sure you’ll meet. Their leader is Trevor who looks exactly like you, except that he’s white,” I explain and for the first time he laughs.

“And you’re all together?  Like dating?”   
“Yeah, that’s a more recent thing.  It’s a big ol’ polyamorous gay thing,” I shrug, “not many people know about it yet so keep it on the down low.  You’re kind of forced to know about it because you’re alone with us.”   
“No, it’s okay.  That’s actually kind of cool that all of you are together.  What do you think they are going to do with me?” He asks, going back to fiddling with his fingers.

“You’re a really good shot so they’re not going to kill you.  Have you been in a crew before this?”

“No.  I shot a few guns back where I used to live but usually, I played video games.  I don’t know, I lived a pretty lame life. That’s why I moved.”

“Well, your life is about to get a hell of a lot more exciting.  You smoke?” But before he could answer Geoff and Jack come back into the room.

“Vagabond, how much you up to?” Geoff asks, checking on him where he was counting cash.

“Shut up Geoff, I’m counting,” Vaga brushes him off, going back to sorting the hundreds.  Geoff just chuckles, sitting down on the couch on the opposite side of Alfredo.

“So kid, we have a little proposition for you.  We’re not going to hold you hostage, as you haven’t done anything wrong.  If anything, you’ve helped us. So, we’re offering you a spot on our B Team.  We think you have a lot of potential as a sniper and don’t want you to get taken by some other crew.  You’d be useful for us. You would live in a full paid apartment in our Fake AH building. You would be put out on assignments that I would expect you to do and then you would get paid.  What you do with that money is up to you as long as you are loyal to the crew. If not… well, hopefully, we won’t have to deal with that. If you’re not interested, we can clear your name and send you back to your boring apartment for your boring life and hope that no other crew comes after you because you got picked up by the Fakes.  We’ll give you a few thousand to help with those student loans other than that, you’re on your own,” Geoff explains, giving Alfredo hard eye contact the whole time.

“Other criminals would be after me?” Alfredo asks nervously, rubbing his hands on his jeans.

“Most likely.  If I were you, I would get out of the city.  We might be at the top but people will try to get information out of you.  You already saw where one of our safehouses is, some would kill for that information,” Jack replies this time, sitting down in my lap after I make grabby hands at them.   
“Kill?"

“You’re dealing with criminals here Alfredo, yes kill.  You probably killed a few people yourself today. It’s part of the job,” Geoff says, folding his hands in his lap.

“Could… could I have some time to think about this?” Alfredo asks, looking wearily at Geoff.

“Of course,” Jack interjects, “there is a bedroom down that hall that you can stay in.  You just need to leave your cell phone out here.”

“Okay.” He trades his phone for the bottle of alcohol and disappears down the hall.

“Is that the room with the windows nailed shut?” I ask Jack who laughs and nods. 

“We can’t have him escaping,” They shrug.  All of the sudden Michael’s head pops around the corner from up the stairs.

“Hey Vaga, you done counting the money?” Michael asks, catching the other man’s attention.

“ **_Yeah, why?_ ** ” Vaga asks back, flipping through a few of the dollars.   
“Gavin wants to get fucked on a few thousand, you in?” Even I raise an eyebrow.  Vagabond looks at Geoff then at Michael, at the pile of cash before grabbing some and standing up.

“ **_Hell yeah, I’m in_ ** ,” He says, joining Michael up the stairs.

“Damn, I’m kind of jealous,” I mumble, making Jack laugh.   
“Send pictures!” Jack calls after the two boys and gets confirming calls back.  “Well in the meantime Lil’ J, you wanna help me cook something for dinner?”

“Uh, I’m not all that good at cooking but I can certainly help,” I offer and they chuckle, getting off of my lap.

“Geoff, what are you going to do?” Jack asks the older man who was still sitting on the couch.   
“Probably deal with the money and a few phone calls.  Also, I should probably deal with this,” Geoff rolls up his sleeve, exposing some pretty brutal cuts on his upper left arm.   
“Shit Geoff do you need help with that?” Jack was instantly by his side, checking out his arm.

“Nah, it’s not that bad.  I just need to clean it and wrap it up.  I’ll be fine,” Geoff shrugs, brushing Jack off.  They give him a calculated look, to see if he was really fine. Geoff had a tendency to lie about his injuries, as well as Ryan, whereas Gavin would play them up and want to be babied.  

“Let me just see if there is anything in it then I’ll leave you alone, okay?” Jack offers, wanting so badly to make sure that he’s okay.  I admired Jack for how loving they were, even after everything that they have been through. No matter what, Jack was always at our sides to make sure that we were okay and safe.  Every day they checked that we had eaten and were drinking water. They deeply cared and after all that time of having to disconnect yourself from people, they still saw the humanity even in the criminals like us.  Geoff let Jack check his injury out before pushing them off, mumbling something about how he was a big boy now. “Okay, looks like Geoff is going to live. Ready to cook?” Jack asks, reaching their hand out for me.  I take their hand and trail behind them into the kitchen and hopping up onto the counter.

“Is there any food here?” I ask, watching as Jack looks through the refrigerator.  

“Yeah, I had Andy come stock this house a few days ago.  While they were worried about things like having enough ammo, I was worried about us having food for a few days,” They explain, turning around with a few things in their arms.  

“Always the smart one, aren’t you Jack.”

“A lot smarter than some of y’all sometimes.” They wink before setting stuff down on the counter.   
“Not going to argue with that.  So what are we making?”

“Well a certain someone gave me some inspiration so here,” they hand me different spices and raw chicken, “pinch of this, dash of that.  You’ll do great.” I groan, turning to face the ingredients that they had laid out for me.

“No promises there Jack,” I sigh, opening the meat and laying them out on the cookie sheet.  They just snort and shake their head. Jack had started something with vegetables and boiling some water on the stove.  I try to do what Jack instructs and season the meat but I couldn’t help but watch the way they moved around the kitchen.  They were humming along to a song while dancing swiftly, seeming to almost move like the wind across the floor. I smile softly, taking in the appearance of Jack.  They still had on their heist outfit, tight black leather pants and a sleeveless high neck velvet black crop top that hugged their body perfectly. Jack looked so elegant and perfect, I couldn’t keep my mind on the task in front of me.

“Lil’ J, you good there?” Jack suddenly asks, bringing me out of my trance of watching their hips swing.   
“Hm?” My head shoots up to meet their eyes and all they could do was laugh.

“I asked you if you were finished with the chicken and you were staring at my ass,” Jack laughs and I blush, bowing my head in shame.

“Hey, you can’t blame me.  You’ve got a fine ass,” I defend, giving them a wink.

“Pf, now you just sound like Geoff.  But I’m not going to deny that statement.”  I chuckle, shaking my head. I always admired Jack’s confidence.  When they were like this it was my favorite. That glint of happiness in their eyes, seeming to almost radiant warmth and comfort.  

“Would you tell me about how you and Geoff met?  I’ve only heard bits and pieces but no one has told me the story.  You don’t have to if it’s too much,” I say, watching as they place something out that was like a grill for your stove top.

“Oh no, I can tell you.  It was a long time ago, it doesn’t hurt anymore.  I’ll tell you but you have to keep up the cooking there J.  You know how to grill?” They ask after setting a few more pans out on the second stove.  This kitchen was insanely big and elaborate.

“That’s one thing I do know how to do Jack,” I smile, hopping down from the counter and taking a spot in front of the stove.  I start grilling chicken while they do more complicated things.

“My mom OD'd when I was young and it was well known around my town that she was a druggie so when she died, the kids at school gave me shit about it.  Geoff saw one day when the kids were ganging up on me and came to back me up. After that, we stayed friends. He took care of me as I had been really young at the time. Geoff, he… he always looked out for me.  Tried to put food on the table and kept me in school even when I wanted to drop out. He kept me out of the crime world as long as he could and I don’t think I could ever thank him enough for that.  I think we already had to get into it at a too young of an age, especially Geoff. But he did those things for me, to keep us alive,” Jack was smiling fondly, “I was the one that initiated us being more than friends.  Geoff is a couple years older than me and he didn’t want to take advantage of me but I knew what I wanted. And I still want him. Geoff and I had a lot of adventures when we were younger. I’m not sure what I would have done if I had never had met him.  That big dumb idiot,” They laugh lightly, shaking their head with an undeniable smile on their face. Their cheeks were lit up pink on the tops and it seemed like there were sparkles in their eyes. Jack didn’t have just have sparkles, they always seemed to have galaxies in their eyes.  That striking blue with swirls of darker blues, grays, and greens. I swear I could sometimes see purple in their eyes near the irises. Fuck, Jack was so beautiful. 

“Wow, I never knew Geoff was such a good guy,” I reply with a smile on my face as well.

“Hey!  I can still hear you!” Geoff yells from the other room.  Jack and I both laugh, shaking my head.

“Love you, Geoff!”   
“Yeah yeah,” He grumbles from the living room.

“Yeah, Geoff is actually a good guy underneath all that bitterness.  Especially back then, he was,” Jack says, cooking away like a professional.   
“You really have known him for a long time.  I thought it was always an exaggeration,” I shrug, attempting to cook as well.   
“Nope.  It’s been over 15 years.  I know, I am also surprised we haven’t killed each other yet.  Geoff has always been special to me. Someone that brought me out of the fire and without him, I wouldn’t be around anymore.  Geoff… he’s different from what everyone always sees, you know?” They look over at me and I nod, “I think we’re all like that to a degree and I’m sure that you’ve seen him in his softer state.  Usually, after sex or a long day, he’s kinda like that. He’s sweet and gentle. People always just assume that he’s some big asshole crime boss. But he isn’t that… Geoff is much more than that. He runs this criminal empire but still takes care of all of us even though you guys might not notice it.  He worries about each one of you Lads a lot. Worried that you guys will get into trouble or something worse. But I don’t want you to think that I love him more than I love the rest of you guys. I love you all equally just in different ways. Like I love Geoff differently than you and I love you differently than I love Gavin,” they explain and I nod.

“I get it, Jack.  I think we are all like that and that’s the way things should be.  Geoff is more than what always shows. He’s a mysterious man but I think that what makes him all the better.  I didn’t know you were so philosophical,” I tease, poking their side and they giggle.

“Psh, I’m not the English nerd.  That’s Geoff.”

“Can I ask another question?”

“Of course Jeremy.”

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way or anything but does Geoff say ‘I love you’ to you?” I ask, glancing back up at Jack quickly before looking back down to what I was doing.  Jack was quiet for a minute, sending a bit of fear into my heart but then they spoke.   
“He did more when I was younger.  He would go through bursts of saying it and then not say it for years.  It’s just the way he’s always been and I know that it’s difficult for him.  He has… childhood problems. I mean we all do, but its effects him still to this day.  He’ll say it from time to time now when something really scary happens. Most of the time you will hear us say-”

“See you on the other side,” I finish for them.  Jack smiles, nodding their head.

“We’ve always said it to each other.  I guess it comes easier than I love you.  There’s less pressure or thought to it. You might have seen my tattoo or Geoff’s that we got for each other.  We never know if we are going to make it through the next day and I think that what we say is more of a promise than just I love you.”

“Damn… I really like that Jack.  What you two have I really admire,” I admit, a blush spreading across my cheeks.

“Like I said before, I don’t like Geoff anymore than I love you.  Because I do love you, Jeremy. I think I knew that I loved you from the first time you stepped into the room.  The whole place lit up with your presence. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the feeling. I treat you all different because you are different people, not because I pick favorites.  I mean, there are sometimes where I want to strangle each one of your necks but it’s out of love,” they explain making me laugh.

“God damn it, Jack,” I say after a minute of silence, “you better not make me fucking cry.”

“Aww Jeremy, can’t handle all the feels?”

“Not really,” I laugh and they laugh along as well.  We were quiet again, finishing up our cooking. “I love you too Jack.”  They look up at me, a soft smile on their face. Jack leans over and cups the back of my neck, pulling me into a kiss.  It was tender but full of meaning. Jack’s kisses always left me breathless like this. Oh god was I in love with this person.  These people.

 

A little over an hour later Alfredo emerges from the backroom as we were sitting around the dining room table.  Well most of us were. Geoff and Gavin were passed out on the couch, Gav monkey clinging to him like usual. I swear Gavin is the most obnoxious cuddler.  Michael was sitting shirtless, hair still damp from his shower. Ryan was next to him, legs in his lap. Ryan was shirtless as well, only sitting in low riding sweatpants.  Both were matching with hickeys and I could help but be a bit jealous, especially after receiving the short video that Ryan took of Michael and Gavin. Somehow that asshole managed to get a perfect Boomerang of the two together in bed.  Ryan had filmed it over Michael’s shoulder, only getting a bit of the profile of his face. He had a tight hold on Gavin’s hips, enough to leave deep purple bruises in the shape of fingerprints. Gavin had grabbed handfuls of cash, splaying it all over his chest while he was moaning in pleasure.  Thrusts were rocking through his body, sending the bed banging against the wall. All of our phones had rung at the same time, a notification from the group chat we had where all six of us were in it. Geoff had stumbled his coffee cup in between his hands before dropping it onto the floor. Jack dropped the spoon that they were holding in their hand back into the bowl, grabbing their phone with both of their hands with wide eyes.  I had basically choked on air and aggressively tapped on my phone trying to save the video. The looping video made an uncomfortable shift in my pants, knowing that they were right upstairs and I could hear the muffled noises of them. Fuck, Gavin surrounded by all the money and the faint red light casting over his body from the window by the bed made me almost drool all over myself. All so fucking gorgeous. Anyways, Alfredo came out of his room with a generous amount of alcohol gone and slammed it down on the counter.

“Okay, I’ll do it but I have a few things I want for my side of the deal,” He states, glancing at everyone’s faces before settling on Jack’s.

“Of course.  Grab some food and take a seat.  Also some water to sober up a bit there kid,” Jack instructs and Alfredo nods, going over to where all the food was out.

“Did you seriously make chicken alfredo?” He asks and all of us at the table bust out laughing.

“Just for you!” Jack calls to him and now he was even laughing.  It felt like the tension in the room was finally broken. Alfredo sits down in between Jack and me with a bowl of food and a large glass of water.  He begins eating, barely looking up at us for a while. It wasn’t silent though, Jack and Ryan were having a conversation about how much destruction was done in today’s heist.  After taking a big drink he slammed his glass down and looked up at us, scanning the room again.

“Okay, I want to do this but I don’t want to be in on this sex cult thing you have going on,” Alfredo says, his face turning bright red.  All of us laugh hard, me doubling over in my seat.

“Alfredo no, we’re not in some cult.  It’s just the six of us that are in a relationship,” Jack laughs, “The rest of our crew are not in a relationship with us or having sex with us.”

“Ohhhhhh,” he exclaims, “Okay good.  Not that I don’t find you guys attractive, I’m just not into that.”

“We get it,” Michael replies with a chuckle.

“I want all my guns to be dark green and I want to be out of my shitty apartment.  I want to get paid good money. Like, enough to pay for a new PC.”

“Like a computer?” Ryan asks, a slight smirk on his face.   
“Yes, mine is a piece of shit.  I also want to find my friend that went missing a few years ago.  The police in my town were a piece of shit and could never find her or give any explanations,” Alfredo states, a strange mix of emotions crossing his face.

“That will be easy.  Gavin can find anyone no matter what happened to them,” Jack replies confidently and I smile, knowing that it was true.

“Gavin? The blonde one?” Alfredo raises his eyebrow in surprise and we all laugh a bit.

“I know, it’s surprising that idiot can do anything but he’s actually quite talented when it comes to computers,” Michael says, a bit of a proud smile creeping up onto his face.

“Oh, I would have never of guessed.” 

“He actually gets that a lot,” Ryan sighs, making the rest of us laugh even harder.   
“You guys are not actually that bad, are you?” A small smile cracks on Alfredo’s face.   
“What we do is considered bad but we’re not bad people.  We’re very happy to have you joining the team Fredo.”

 

After about two weeks we were able to go back to the penthouse as the search for us had calmed down.  The LSPD give up after a certain point, knowing that we had fled the area after such a big stunt. Things settled back in easily once Alfredo was introduced to everyone.  He was pushed into training and preparing for heists. Everything between the six of us was good except Michael. He was a bit colder and more distant. He had been sleeping in his own bedroom instead of with us Lads or all six.  I get wanting some space every once and a while but weeks? Something was up. The others had noticed it as well. Jack always had a concerned look on their face when they saw Michael. I heard Ryan and Vagabond talking to each other, arguing really, about Michael.  If they should talk to him about it or not. Gavin and I usually sleep together every night if we’re not all six in the same bed. He’ll whisper to me, asking if I think Michael is going to come to bed tonight. I was never sure, trying to reassure the other Lad that Michael was okay.  Geoff was more of a silent worrier. You could tell by the looks and talks he would have with Jack. It was concerning and we all deeply cared for Michael and didn’t want him to think that he couldn’t talk to us. 

 

It was was Tuesday night where we were all relaxing together.  Well, most of us. Gavin was cuddled up to Jack’s side. Ryan had Geoff in his arms while I leaned against Rye’s shoulder.  Michael was “napping” in his room but I had heard noises in there when I had run upstairs to grab some blankets for us. We were watching some movie that Geoff flipped on.  Some silly comedy that was keeping our attention for the time being. It was nice to have this time to ourselves without the craze of the rest of the crew. After a little while, we hear footsteps from the stairs, all of our heads turning that way.  Michael walks down the stairs slowly, heavy footfalls echoing in now the quiet penthouse. He looks horrible if I’m being honest. His curls are in disarray, not having been trimmed up in a while. Dark blue and purple bags hung under his eyes and he wore a T-shirt that was way too big for him.  Maybe it was Ryan’s or Geoff’s at some point but Michael had taken hold of it. Loose joggers were around his waist and mix-matched socks. He still looked stunning to me but I wanted to hug the life out of him. 

“Hey Micool,” Gavin says, giving him a warm smile.

“Hey Gavvy,” He gives him a small smile back.  He walks over to us and takes a seat on the corner of the couch, not nearly close enough for all the cuddling going on.

“Come cuddle Michael,” I invite but he shakes his head.   
“I… I think I need to talk to you guys about everything.”  Ryan instantly mutes the tv and everyone sits up.   
“I think that would be a good idea, Michael.  We’re all here for you,” Jack says softly, touching his upper arm gently as if not to scare him off.

“I just… I know I’ve been an asshole the past couple of weeks but I’ve had a lot going on,” He starts.  Geoff moves over and motions him to move in close which Michael does. Geoff rests a hand on Michael’s lower back and rubs affectionately.

“Whatever it is, you know that we would never judge you for it,” Geoff says, all of us nodding in agreement.   
“I know, I know.  It’s just difficult for me to talk about.  Some of you know bits and pieces of my story but I feel as if I might be able to deal with this if you guys know everything.  I grew up in New Jersey with my,” He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his tired eyes, “with my mom and dad. I had a fairly good childhood.  We were mostly a normal family expect that my parents were extremely religious. We would go to church every weekend and sometimes during the week so you can see where this became a problem.  I realized I was gay when I was pretty young, sometime in middle school.” Michael was looking down at his hands in his lap that were fidgeting. “It got bad when I came out to them. My mother was crying and praying on the floor while my dad was screaming at me.  Then he started beating me. They were both abusive. My dad so much physical while my mom it was mental. It fucked me up. I gave up on my friends and school. Well, my friends gave up on me first. They didn’t want to hang around me anymore as I was covered in bruises and cuts.  So I ran away when I was 16.” Michael finally looks up, scanning each one of our faces. His eyes were glossy as if he was close to tears. “I was in the bigger city and being a homeless kid out on the street isn’t easy. That was until I met someone. His name was Calan. He was… he… he got kicked out too for being gay so I decided to help him.  He was going to get eaten up out there, you know? But we clicked instantly. Somehow we survived. My parents had stopped looking for me after a while so it didn’t matter. Calan and I, he was the only thing that I had in life. Then he was ripped away from me. We were jumped by some bigger guys and the two of us couldn’t take them. I got most of them down and had to kill them but Calan was already hurt so bad.  You all remember the first time you saw the light leave someone’s eyes?” We all nod our head as the first tears drip from his eyes, “that was my first time. My goddamn boyfriend. The only person that I loved I watched die in my arms and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it. I was supposed to protect him and be there for him but I couldn’t. I let him die and it was all my fault. He was such a pure and innocent soul.  It should have been me that was killed that day, not him. He didn’t deserve it. He should have had a normal fucking life with husband and beautiful children. Not the shit he was put through and then getting murdered for no fucking reason.” The anger dripped from Michael’s voice was something different then what I was used to hearing. “So then I left New Jersey. I drained my bank account that my parents were saving for me and came to Los Santos.  Again I was living on the streets but having to do much worse than back there. I met Jeremy and he got me into fighting and drug running but I didn’t make enough money for that. I would go into bars and flirt with older men. I would-“ he let out a soft sob, aggressively wiping the tears from his eyes. Geoff moved in closer to wrap his arm all the way around him, pressing comforting kisses to the side of his head. Everything inside of me hurt to see Michael so broken like this.  

“Michael, you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to,” Jack interjects, putting their hand on his knee.

“No, I need to.  I would do sexual favors for money.  I would have rules but sometimes they wouldn’t listen.  I would stay stop or tell them no but most of the time they wouldn’t listen.  I hope- god I hope none of you have had to experience that. Being held down and wanting to scream to stop.  I couldn’t though. I needed money. I had to in order to survive. Even when you guys brought me in I would sneak out and pick up guys.  I would rob them blind if they took me back to their place and not some sleazy motel room. It was addicting. The numbing feeling of dissociation.  The feeling of leaving your body like that… it’s nothing like any drug. It’s not like I enjoyed but I couldn’t let it go. It got to a point where it felt as if I deserved it.  I told the men that we were only going to do this but it was my fault and I deserved it when they took it further. When they got off on me saying no or stop. It was my punishment for letting Calan die.”  Michael sobbed and I noticed that I had started crying myself. Everyone had tears in their eyes, seeing Michael so hurt, so vulnerable. “That was until Gavin was worried about me that one night. I never wanted to worry him like that again.  Or any of you. You don’t deserve it. I stopped going out so often. It would only be on bad nights that I would go out. I would go searching for that reassurance that I deserved to be abused and punished for what I had done. I was going to kill myself.  I was fucking going to splatter my brain all over the pavement. Until I met all of you. Until I knew that I… that I was in love with Gavin. Then it was Geoff. Then it was the rest of you all at once. I couldn’t… I didn’t want to after all that. There will be bouts of time where I wish that I had done it.  Times where I don’t want to be here or wake up the next day. Where I didn’t want to get out of bed or maybe even… maybe even do it. But I couldn’t do it to all of you. I knew that it would break apart what you all have here. I want to be here with all of you it’s just sometimes I have bad days. I want to go see my parents.  I want to finally have some closure there. I’m sorry if any of this upsets you or makes you mad but felt as if I needed to tell you to begin to finally move on. I realize that I can’t do this all on my own and that sometimes I need some support. You five are the only people I have and care about in life and I can’t lose you. I’m sorry for being such a burden to this crew and relationship.”

“Michael, don’t you ever think that you are a burden.  We all care about you and want to be here for you and help you,” Geoff says with force in his voice, tightening his grip around Michael.   
“Boi, I’m sorry that all of this happened to you,” Gavin climbs over everyone to sit directly in Michael’s laps, taking his head in his hands so Gavin could look him right in the eyes, “We’ve all been through horrible, horrible things and we all want to be here for you, no matter what it is.  I love you. I love you, you stupid bloke. You know that I would do anything for you. We are going to be here for you no matter what got it? Got it?” Michael gave a small nod.

“We will do whatever you need and want regarding your parents.  You know that we have connections and have the ability to do about just about anything.  You know that we will do it,” Ryan says with a bit of force behind but just to get his point across.  Michael sniffles and nods.

“Please don’t ever think we would do anything less for you.  Michael, we all love and care about you and nothing you tell us will change that fact.  We’re the fucking Fake AH Crew and we won’t let our pasts hold us down. We’ll work through it together, okay?” I say, reaching out and putting a hand on his leg.   
“All of us have your back.  Anything you will ever need, you know that.  I love you, Michael. Please, whenever you’re feeling bad again, come to one of us.  You know that you will have our unconditional support.” Jack leans forward and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“Thank you guys so much,” Michael whispers, looking at all of us with watery eyes.  “I could never ask for better partners,” He chuckles sadly, finally giving us all a small smile.

“Awe Micool!” Gavin wraps his arms around him tightly.  One by one we all start a group hug around him, squeezing Michael tight and giving him kisses.  

“Okay, okay, as much as I appreciate all the loving, I need to breathe,” Michael says, pushing Gavin off his lap.   
“Whenever you’re ready we can make arrangements to go to New Jersey.  No matter what is planned or going on, okay?” Geoff makes sure that Michael was paying close attention to what he was saying.

“Okay Geoff, thank you,” He replies, looking him directly in the eyes.  With that, we went back to cuddling and watching movies with Michael in the middle of all of us.

  
  



End file.
